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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 11:10:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

<snippage>
It feels nice to be wanted and desired, and I don't think gender should be an issue when it comes to that. - Kye

Thank you for saying that out loud. I noticed a long time ago that I give out the treatment that I would like when it comes to these situations...no one has ever felt romantically about me, but it seems like a good idea, and I know what things please me, so I follow that path.

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 11:38:15 AM

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I'm horrible with my profile, and keeping up a journal. And my journal entries have just been random thoughts that I have on random days.
But a while back I actually brought this up in one, and got a lot of totally mixed responces.

I don't mind striking up a conversation, if there's one there that I see can be started.
I'll comment on a journal entry, or something from a profile.
But as for being the aggressor in starting a relationship? I feel weird.
In my limited experience in this lifestyle, any talk of starting a relationship has come from casual conversation/D/s flirting.
I have never come out and asked to submit to someone.
In the vanilla world it's easier, when a girl says "one thing led to another" I assume it means she wanted to and he made the first move.

But once the relationship has started, buying her things, and doing nice things, can still be done in a submissive way.

Maybe I'm crazy though, and hopefully I made a little sense without rambling too much.
I just feel weird being an aggressive submissive.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 11:40:46 AM

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Your profile is okay--you're not one of the hundreds I have hidden :)

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 11:47:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Your profile is okay--you're not one of the hundreds I have hidden :)

Whew. I've made the first cut!

I'd rather get to know people through conversations.
But, I guess a good profile would lead to more conversations.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 12:46:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

We have often heard that a woman wishes to be courted. My question would be, do submissive males wish to be courted and if so, how or how have they been courted? Another question would be to the dominants and if they have or would court a submissive and how or at what point would that start?

I was going to elaborate but found myself saying things that might influence the direction of things, so I will leave it at this and maybe elaborate later.

Hi Lockit. I had to think this one through, I don't think it's a case of wishing to be courted it's more a case of I bloody well deserve to be. I'm not being conceited believe it or not but I think that (wankers & wannabee's aside) submissives irrespective of gender are giving one hell of a gift to one D in a monogamous scenario. That gift deserves respect & nurturing.

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 12:55:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

On the one hand, I enjoy doing nice things for someone I'm interested in but, on the other hand, I don't want to seem pushy and frighten him off either.

I think many (most?) submissive men look for pushiness in a Dominant female. In fact, if they don't see any, they're likely to assume that she's "too nice", and simply move on.

I wouldn't be too worried about frightening them off if I were you. ;-)

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 1:38:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

I think many (most?) submissive men look for pushiness in a Dominant female. In fact, if they don't see any, they're likely to assume that she's "too nice", and simply move on.

I'll announce myself as an exception on that, Roch. From your earlier post on this thread and other, similar of your comments, I know this goes to an important matter for you. 'Too nice' doesn't exist for me. On the other hand I've come across 'too pushy' before and been repelled by it. It all too often feels too cold for me.

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 2:54:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

But don't you think that with the first shock... some discussion and working it in, you might find some comfort in it? What is the difference in you serving... doing really well and getting a reward? Or in the dating process she takes you out for a special date for your birthday? Could you see where maybe, you could feel more comfortable with it and maybe even enjoy it?

Lockit,

I'm not going to argue with your reasoning because I can't see any holes in it. On the other hand I don't greatly like the idea of discussions about the matter between Domme and her (target) sub because I think this might kill the whole vibe. Courting is supposed to be an art - a fun, exciting and electric thing not to be dissected by means of flattening, ponderous talking. Nup. I go back to my earlier statement that, for me, I'd just have to learn an unfamiliar role as quickly and as best as I could.

I wouldn't assume, with someone I knew to be a femdom, that she was acting out of insecurity, or in any way I'd consider to be 'un-dommely'. But I know that I *would* be thinking, 'Oh hell, what do I say or do here?'. For her part, I'd hope she'd understand that I'd not always be 'elegant' about it. Expect to see crassness occasionally.

I know that I have some bloody awful blind spots with regard to some things to do with women and partnerships. I quite often don't notice when a woman is flirting with me. I don't notice when they're joking with me, either. All this is despite the fact that I do it continually with them. It's odd. I don't know why I should be so thick in such matters.

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 4:34:55 PM

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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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There's nothing better in the world than knowing that a woman is interested in you and willing to take those extra steps to let you know that you're special. That said, unless a woman all but slaps me in the face with her intent (not the word I was going to use, you can imagine), I'm a total idiot. I never know when a woman is actually interested in me or is just being friendly or flirty.

True story: After a lovely evening at a bar; a woman I met asks me to walk her home (she only lived a couple of blocks away). So I let her use my jacket and walked her home, chatting and flirting the whole way.

We get to her door, and she unlocks it. So I stand on her porch and take my jacket back. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and went on my way. So, I go back to the bar a couple of weeks later only to find that she has been absolutely pissed off at me for apparently leading her on and leaving her hanging.

The thing is, I'm blind to signals and hints. I honestly believed she only wanted to get home safely. She could have pulled me in, invited me in for coffee or a drink, grabbed me in some kind of more obvious manner during the hug or just tried to make the kiss into something more passionate. But no, without an obvious invitation; I'm just going to act the gentleman. Anything more and I feel that a woman will think I only have one thing on the mind, or that I'm too pushy or something else. With all that can go wrong, I learned to err on the side of caution.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 1/5/2012 4:38:28 PM >

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 4:38:06 PM

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seriously. Y'all are THAT dim.

Much is made clear now.

So, what's a lady to do?

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 4:43:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

seriously. Y'all are THAT dim.

Much is made clear now.

So, what's a lady to do?

I don't know, be dominant maybe? Make your intent clear and take what you want. I'm certain that any guy who isn't interested will have plenty of chances to say so before certain lines are crossed.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 4:47:04 PM

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And there's the thing, Darch,it's hard to court someone too daft to notice what you're doing. And the direct approach isn't terribly romantic. Is there some kind of com/promise position?

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 4:56:40 PM

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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

And there's the thing, Darch,it's hard to court someone too daft to notice what you're doing. And the direct approach isn't terribly romantic. Is there some kind of com/promise position?

In my experience, friendship tends to lead to more if it's meant to and both parties are honestly interested. I'd say spend time with him, be yourself. The situation will inevitably arise. A stray lock of hair over his eye needs to be pushed out of the way or maybe a chance to snuggle under the same blanket while watching a movie. Take a walk to a neighborhood cafe and back and ask him to rub your feet after. Perhaps he might even see an opportunity.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 5:10:00 PM

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I think that it's a delicate tightrope to walk across. Especially when the sub you're courting is new to the lifestyle or just 'discovering' himself. [I'm only familiar with m/f courtship/relationships, so what I'm hypothesising refers only to that type of dynamic]. As a man, he's probably been used to making the first move, firing the first salvo to attract the attention of the desired female. Then he's probably had to work hard at keeping her attention, courting her. At least, that's the more common scenario I've seen played out. So you introduce a new submissive man into this arena where you are in the dominant role, making the first move, wooing him, courting him, making sure that he knows you're interested. If on a site like this where men are trying to get at least one dominant female to respond to them, it could become a strange and overwhelming experience for him if he finally gets a bite. Again, especially if he's new to the lifestyle. I'm not sure if I can speak for all new submissive men, but that's been my experience with some of them.

I think the trick is to find the right balance between both being gentle with him and also leading the way in the courtship process.

< Message edited by MsGypsey -- 1/5/2012 5:11:46 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 5:19:40 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I think many (most?) submissive men look for pushiness in a Dominant female. In fact, if they don't see any, they're likely to assume that she's "too nice", and simply move on.

I'll announce myself as an exception on that, Roch. From your earlier post on this thread and other, similar of your comments, I know this goes to an important matter for you. 'Too nice' doesn't exist for me. On the other hand I've come across 'too pushy' before and been repelled by it. It all too often feels too cold for me.

I wish I had ESP!

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/5/2012 7:41:24 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

I wish I had ESP!

I will second THIS!

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/6/2012 8:23:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsGypsey

I think that it's a delicate tightrope to walk across. Especially when the sub you're courting is new to the lifestyle or just 'discovering' himself. [I'm only familiar with m/f courtship/relationships, so what I'm hypothesising refers only to that type of dynamic]. As a man, he's probably been used to making the first move, firing the first salvo to attract the attention of the desired female. Then he's probably had to work hard at keeping her attention, courting her. At least, that's the more common scenario I've seen played out. So you introduce a new submissive man into this arena where you are in the dominant role, making the first move, wooing him, courting him, making sure that he knows you're interested. If on a site like this where men are trying to get at least one dominant female to respond to them, it could become a strange and overwhelming experience for him if he finally gets a bite. Again, especially if he's new to the lifestyle. I'm not sure if I can speak for all new submissive men, but that's been my experience with some of them.

I think the trick is to find the right balance between both being gentle with him and also leading the way in the courtship process.

I totally agree with this. I think what does help a lot with someone who is new to it is if they actually have some idea of what they're looking for, and what they definitely don't want. I don't think it means that they will end up topping from the bottom, it just means that they will be more certain of how they see a relationship in their mind. I don't think I could have gone into my relationship if he hadn't had a good idea of what he wanted. He was always wary of coming across as topping from the bottom, but if you're going into a relationship with someone, you should really know what they like the idea of, at least.

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/6/2012 9:08:00 AM

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There are certain things in life where we are in our comfort zone and should stay there. Then there are times when we must leave our comfort zone or what we know and try something new… something that might open a few doors or enhance our life. Isn’t that something that a dominant will try to do? Open some doors into things that one hasn’t experienced and bring you through to something that could be amazing whether that be sexual, kinky, emotional, mental or anything else or in-between?

In my view of things… I look at it like this… What kind of dominant would I be if I left things just as they were? I am not just providing kinky sex and all those wonderful things. I am there to enhance, to ask for growth in many areas and that is what I expect. If you cannot grow, mature, advance, be enhanced and learn that comfort zones may be all well and fine… but sometimes need a new definition and change… then how stagnant would we be?

I get that people have things that they respond to and get off to. They see the world as they have experienced it and according to their personality, however, do we all wish to stay there? Do we see no need for changes even if things work well as we have them… don’t we want to grow and experience more? Don’t we or can we not see that social acceptance of the way it has been or is, might need some refinement for some of us?

Are women to be catered to… bought… pampered and are only allowed this one position in life? I see this position as very wonderful in ways as I think everyone should be pampered, nurtured and pleased, but I also see that a woman strong in herself will not fit that box women have been placed in, have placed themselves in and have accepted because it is easy to be there. For me it isn’t easy to be there. I never fit that box and I don’t want to. Do I like being pampered and taken care of? Sure I do! Yet, I love pampering and taking care of others as well. I am not here to be on some pedestal, the weak, the pampered princess, served in all her lack of ways. I am here to expand, to grow, to challenge, to change, to be all I want to be and if I want to be something that doesn’t typically fit the box… Oh yeah… that’s for me!

So if my man or a man that could be my man is used to certain things… he is going to have to grow with me and learn and experience new things. That’s what makes being mine what it is. That’s what makes me, me, and what makes us, a different thing than maybe either of us have known before.

Do I allow a man to give and serve and pamper, buy me dinner and all sorts of nice things, so that I respond only or do I make things my own so that we can see things differently and explore those things too? So that I am not just a pampered queen served and am far more. I’m greedy… I want more and I will make it happen. Care to walk with me(?) is all I ask those that fit. Care to experience and explore and grow with me? I don’t want a box we will fit in… but to keep a box for when it is needed and escape it because that is needed too.

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/6/2012 9:16:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Hi Lockit. I had to think this one through, I don't think it's a case of wishing to be courted it's more a case of I bloody well deserve to be. I'm not being conceited believe it or not but I think that (wankers & wannabee's aside) submissives irrespective of gender are giving one hell of a gift to one D in a monogamous scenario. That gift deserves respect & nurturing.

I get what you're saying and agree... BUT... watch your tone mister! hehehehe

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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/6/2012 9:58:05 AM

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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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Just bring me flowers and candy. Sterling roses and some variety of Reese's and I'll put out. A Gamestop gift card (or one to a fantastic salon) and play with my hair and I'm yours.

Mystery solved.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Lockit)

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