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RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/15/2012 10:38:11 AM   
BootyBoy


Posts: 108
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, I agree, very well put, Frosty!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Courting a male submissive - 1/15/2012 9:28:23 PM   
leatherlaceglove


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline 		My philosophy is that, like the wide and varied spectrum between totally straight and totally NOT (with all the shades of grey in between) and relationships, which are pretty much the same, who does the chasing would depend on the people.

I think to generalize and "label" is a very dangerous thing. I would say it should be as natural as breathing, and how it is played out as well---- and that is always going to be incredibly different from one D/s to the next.

A D who love to be courted and adored is going to naturally gravitate to s's who spoil, cherish and adore a D. And the same applies the other way around.


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 9:01:59 AM   
newno666


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/23/2012
Status: offline 		Male submissives courted? That's some unicorn hunting right there. Given the ratio of kinky men to kinky women and available dominant women to available dominant men, which we can just call ridiculously terrifyingly, hope dashingly against the men in the situation, male submissives are pretty much left to get whatever they can. Begging or tablescraps or paying for the meal, so to speak. So, I strongly doubt that the idea of courting a male submissive ever occurs to a female dominant.


Would men like being persued and treated kindly by a woman in the interest of gaining his trust and affection? Kind of a no brainer. Never going to happen, though.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 10:11:27 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newno666
So, I strongly doubt that the idea of courting a male submissive ever occurs to a female dominant.
'
Sometimes I wonder if male subs are just so masochistic that they love spiking their own chances at a relationship.

For the record, the original poster on this thread, Lockit, is a female dominant... and a fairly credible one from what I've seen here on CM. So obviously it HAS occurred to at least one female dominant. I'm gonna go out on a wild limb here and assume it's occurred to a few more of them here and there over the ages.

quote:

Would men like being persued and treated kindly by a woman in the interest of gaining his trust and affection? Kind of a no brainer. Never going to happen, though.

Well now that you've broadened it to just men and women I absolutely can step in. Trust me on this. No woman who ever had any chance of anything with me didn't, to some extent pursue me, and abso-fucking-lutely treated me "kindly" in the interests of gaining my trust and affection. I'm not really aware of ay other way to get my trust and affection. Bewbage is not going to do it. Honestly, some woman who didn't fit that profile never even would've been at a dinner table with me to start with.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to newno666)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 10:15:09 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Females most certainly pursue the things they want. The key there is "want;" are females, or female Dominants, going to pursue ANYONE just for the heck of it? Probably not. So yeah, there are females, and FemDoms who do pursue -- it just may not be you they're pursuing.
Treating someone with kindness seems like a given to me.

newno666, your post sounds like you want people to flock to your profile and they aren't doing that, so you're upset about it. Unfortunately, that's life, and that happens to a lot of people, on either side of the slash, of any gender.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 10:25:19 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What perfect sense!

And I've learned that a surprising number of men do like flowers and chocolate, just as some of us women are thrilled by Dremel accessories and flashlights. it's all part of the process, learning the new person.

I absolutely LOVE power tools!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: newno666
Would men like being persued and treated kindly by a woman in the interest of gaining his trust and affection? Kind of a no brainer. Never going to happen, though.

Of course it happens. I do it. If I see someone I know I want in my life, I court him. Will I court just any sub? Of course not. But a sub that I most definitely want? You betcha!!

NBMG

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 12:23:55 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newno666

Male submissives courted? That's some unicorn hunting right there. Given the ratio of kinky men to kinky women and available dominant women to available dominant men, which we can just call ridiculously terrifyingly, hope dashingly against the men in the situation, male submissives are pretty much left to get whatever they can. Begging or tablescraps or paying for the meal, so to speak. So, I strongly doubt that the idea of courting a male submissive ever occurs to a female dominant.


Would men like being persued and treated kindly by a woman in the interest of gaining his trust and affection? Kind of a no brainer. Never going to happen, though.

I was courted... It's not a matter of just getting lucky, or numbers. Because for it to be solely a numbers game all those women would have to be the same which they clearly aren't. It's about making yourself appealing to the kind of person you're looking for. Let them know subtly in your profile or messages that you would be a fun person to hang out with, and they might pursue you!

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to newno666)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 1:13:06 PM   
SilverMegan


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		I like to seduce someone into offering me their submission. Is that the same as courting? I recently took a man to a broadway show and we continue to chat and flirt via email and phone. I think courting is happening in both directions.

Ms Megan

(in reply to hangemhigh1953)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 1:25:45 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newno666

Male submissives courted? That's some unicorn hunting right there. Given the ratio of kinky men to kinky women and available dominant women to available dominant men, which we can just call ridiculously terrifyingly, hope dashingly against the men in the situation, male submissives are pretty much left to get whatever they can. Begging or tablescraps or paying for the meal, so to speak. So, I strongly doubt that the idea of courting a male submissive ever occurs to a female dominant.


Would men like being persued and treated kindly by a woman in the interest of gaining his trust and affection? Kind of a no brainer. Never going to happen, though.



Happens all the time. At least in MY world it does. The crawlers nipping at my ankles get kicked aside, absolutely but the worthwhile ones? Absolutely get courted. And they are hard sells, let me tell you! Which they should be.

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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to newno666)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 2:38:22 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newno666

Male submissives courted? That's some unicorn hunting right there. Given the ratio of kinky men to kinky women and available dominant women to available dominant men, which we can just call ridiculously terrifyingly, hope dashingly against the men in the situation, male submissives are pretty much left to get whatever they can. Begging or tablescraps or paying for the meal, so to speak. So, I strongly doubt that the idea of courting a male submissive ever occurs to a female dominant.


That would assume that a woman is fine saying to herself, "I want to get together with a type of man who isn't worth much'. Nup. I don't see that. Usually, people will think that if their partners aren't worth much, then they themselves aren't worth much either.




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http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to newno666)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 3:21:11 PM   
YSG


Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/6/2010
Status: offline 		I beleive all relationships go through some courtship, and this courtship goes both ways. Personally, there is a right way and a wrong way to "court" me, so to speak. Showing intelligence, flirting, sweet talking me, etc, these are good ways to get me. However, there is a wrong way as well. I remember I had one lady, beautiful gal, really, who started offering me gifts, cars, trips around the world, etc. This really turned me off very quickly. I cant help but feel like someone offering me things like that is trying to take advantage of me in some fashion.

_____________________________

Our duty is to hold ourselves responsible to the people. Every word, every act and every policy must conform to the people's interests, and if mistakes occur, they must be corrected - that is what being responsible to the people means- Mao Zedong

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 5:06:23 PM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		i believe we all want to courted in some way. while most think of it as need for a Dom/Domme so subs will beg for a position with them, subs react equally as well to being courted bya Dom/Domme. everyone wants to feel needed even if the need is just to be used by another.

(in reply to YSG)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 5:14:20 PM   
summersub


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/7/2004
Status: offline 		I have a pretty thick head as far as women go and when I think they were trying to send me a message I just never got it.  But without feeling some kind of desire on the woman's part who ever started courting it doesn't go farther.

(in reply to experiment2)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 5:27:45 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		In my humble opinion, and speaking in generalities only, I find that differences between the male mind and the female mind make courting a man tricky if not impossible.

Men seem to instinctively retreat whenever something makes them uncomfortable in their interpersonal dealings. Honestly, I'm even tempted to say that they spook easily, especially when it's very early in the relationship. Nothing seems to make them more uncomfortable than when they feel as though a woman is encroaching on their "space." Men seem to be so very concerned about their "space."

I've come to treat men similarly to the cute little wild critters in the park. I don't chase them. I wait patiently and let them come to me. That is why, when I am getting to know a guy I am interested in, I tend to back off and let him initiate contact. Then if he starts to feel too "crowded," "smothered," or whatever, he can retreat and take all the damn space he needs.

Then, once a foundation for a relationship is established, the domination can begin :)

This is just my own way. If there's a better one out there, please clue me in.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 5:43:35 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I've been known to say that men need to be told what they want... but doesn't that sound like something a femdom would say? If I sat around waiting for a man to make up his mind, nothing would happen. There would be lots of wistful staring, and shuffling of feet. I am just too impatient. I have to be direct, or at least as direct as my fear of rejection will allow me to be.

I understand that need for "space", too. I need that time alone, mentally if not physically. Not into crowding.

There is absolutely no surefire method. Since there's not a lot of available...targets? prey? perhaps the point is moot. Keep trying to see what works. Jumping up and down so you bounce is popular. (at least I enjoy doing it, so it's popular with *me*. Men also like sandwiches and beer.)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 8:56:25 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

We have often heard that a woman wishes to be courted. My question would be, do submissive males wish to be courted and if so, how or how have they been courted? Another question would be to the dominants and if they have or would court a submissive and how or at what point would that start?  

I was going to elaborate but found myself saying things that might influence the direction of things, so I will leave it at this and maybe elaborate later.





Yes.

Best date I ever had....chic I met online.....met only through photos, conversation.....great conversations....

(Long before that whole texting thing)......

She met me at the restaurant.....handed me 3 red roses.

Awesome date!



< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 2/24/2012 8:57:20 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 10:31:24 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline 		EDIT: Nevermind, misread your post

< Message edited by hangemhigh1953 -- 2/24/2012 10:33:31 PM >

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/24/2012 11:05:46 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		I absolutely love the idea of being courted and romanticized as a sex toy..... I mean... object of desire.

It does not need to be a fancy present but the fact that I am being listened to and appreciated for hard-service rendered after cooking a lovely dinner, masseur duty, cleaning and other domestic duties as well as working at a job, finding opportunities or making connections, or establishing a career.

Even Atlas needs a back rub while holding the world on his shoulders.

Anything to do with frogs and their iconic image of cuteness and I am yours. Practically speaking I am a sucker for them.

A rose is nice too... as is a nice article of clothing or hat that makes me look better for the sake of being better eye candy. More soap and scrub brushes, office supplies.

It isn't the material object per say though but the meaning and context of the item.

If I had said I would follow you forever if I was gifted fancy chocolate and I was given two... well that is the sweetest sentiment ever. You noticed that I had a weird obsession with lenses and magnets and I was brought junk electronics...

it brings quite the fuzzy logic feeling in me ripping apart those things in zealous fashions just so I can turn around and build wonderful items from them.






_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/25/2012 9:54:22 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't see courting someone as hunting for someone.  However we meet, no matter who contacts first, if I see someone I want that seems to be interested, that is when the courting for me starts. We may be into months of talking before courting by either takes place. I do see it as both are courting one another, but some are more comfortable with courting than others. I saw a lack of courting coming from domina's or women and wondered about this. With a great deal of domina's, I have seen the... 'I'm the one that matters, they have to prove themselves worthy from the start' and they give no indication other than seduction or simply being there, that they would do anything to enhance, court or pursue a man. I am so not there. lol

I believe in balance and I won't rush in with goodies to impress in some misguided notion that a person could be bought in a sense. I wish to reach his heart, to show him I value or appreciate him and wanted to do whatever it is I do... for him. If I need to dispel some hard core... this is a man's place or this is a woman's place... men do this and women do that.. okay, but you can be assured, I will help dispel that or I will be walking. I have never stood or fixated on my place as a woman, nor have I ever fit the box. (I guess you could say the same in ways, of my dominance.) Saying one gender is the only gender that can do this or that effectively without stirring shit up makes me want to stir some shit up and if he can't hang... well, he can hang alone or with someone else.

If I have the whatever it takes to be a dominant woman in a world where that was unacceptable at one time... then by god or any powers that be or me... I have the will, the right, the need to take on other new roles of self, relationship or within society and to hell with the norm. Some people just need to get over it or they are not for me.

If you can accept that it is all about her as many do and for which I don't agree... then why can't some agree that she is going to do her own thing and will expect you to accept it? Its not like she is harming you unless you have some pretty hard core ways of looking at gender roles and if you do... what the fuck are you looking for a dominant woman for? lol It is going to be different.

I also will not cater to a man. Men are this... men are that... they feel this, need that and well... you just have to do it their way. No. That may have been partly why it has taken me so long to find someone, but hey, had I found someone sooner that couldn't accept that I am calling the shots and I will court them in some manner... he wouldn't have worked with me. I will try or do understand men in general... but that doesn't mean if I see something I want my way or that needs a change, that I am going to ignore it because men are just that way. lol Knyt and I had a situation where I was considering him. He kept saying he didn't need a change and didn't need my consideration in something. Um... excuse me... who is in charge here? I will determine what I wish to concern myself with and if that is you and your needs as well as my own... wtf do you really have to say about it and why would you? Shut up and let me love you up. hehehe


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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Courting a male submissive - 2/25/2012 2:06:00 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

In my humble opinion, and speaking in generalities only, I find that differences between the male mind and the female mind make courting a man tricky if not impossible.


Hmm. There could be truth in that. I know that certain things can feel damned awkward. Or, more to the point, that I've handled them awkwardly.


_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 120
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