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2. You're correct.  A Master sets the pace.  He is doing so with no regard whatsoever for your emotional state.  You have clearly communicated to him that you are scared and that you feel he's moving too fast.  His response is to punish you for, essentially, safewording.  He is moving too fast

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ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

I read through part of the replies and I sort of understand why people are downing the Dom in this situation BUT IMO people should be in a healthy state of mind prior to engaging in a relationship. I did not have sex for 6 years and I was in no way afraid of it when I entered into my relationship.

OP get your life and mental state in order then embark on a relationship.

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If you were in the military and had a mission to accomplish, you'd make sure you packed the right equipment and supplies to take with that you'd need for the mission in order to be successful. You'd get any training you needed. You would put all the pieces in place and then go out on the mission and hopefully make it a success.

How would it work if you just jumped off a plane into the mountains in a foreign country with no supplies, no equipment, and no training? What do you think the success rate of the unprepared mission would be?

This guy is taking and throwing you into new territory and old, without doing anything to prepare, and he's not providing you with any support. The success of his mission is bound to fail. Punishing you for the failure of his fantasy while doing nothing to prepare for it is complete crap.

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ORIGINAL: DoesAsIAmTold

FR


Do any of us know if she has actually spoken to her Dom about this? She has said she has and what his reaction was. we only have her word for it.

Her profile and journal don't say the same as she is saying here. I get the feeling she feels she "should" be able to do what he wants, is trying to force it, and feels like a failure for it. If she is saying the same to him as she says in her journal then is he really at fault? Or is it just a lack of communication?

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ORIGINAL: lizi

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ORIGINAL: DoesAsIAmTold

FR


Do any of us know if she has actually spoken to her Dom about this? She has said she has and what his reaction was. we only have her word for it.

Her profile and journal don't say the same as she is saying here. I get the feeling she feels she "should" be able to do what he wants, is trying to force it, and feels like a failure for it. If she is saying the same to him as she says in her journal then is he really at fault? Or is it just a lack of communication?

This is kind of.....odd. We're all on an online message board, not many of us know each other well enough to know anything beyond what is written in someone's post. The words written in here pretty much stand for themselves, unless the OP has been shown to be backtracking or that what they are saying isn't holding water - but that's on what they've written already.

She said she talked to him and what his reaction was, we do only have her word for it. Since it's not likely that he'll pop in here or that anyone posting knows the two of them in RL, then this is all we get. After looking at her profile it didn't seem to be at odds with her thread here. Problems between two people can almost always be lack of communication, although it does seem here that she's communicated her unease, her fear, and her desire to slow down. He supposedly has heard her and decided to do things  his way and ignore her input. In fact she's expecting to be punished for her reaction to his pushing.

I can definitely understand wanting both sides of the story- doesn't look like we'll get it. The information here seems to point towards the guy as doing damaging things to her, although I generally take a less firm view on things where there's only one side, what she put here is enough for me to feel fairly confident in calling the guy a dickhead without hearing from him. I'll also stick my neck out here and call what he's doing as being closer to potential abuse than consensual BDSM play. If it were me, I'd go over there today and dump his ass, then after some resting time go out and find myself a man who knows how to hear, and cares about my part in things.

The guy sounds like a total loser. If that's judgmental, I'm ok with it. I'll also completely admit that I'm wrong if new things come up about how wonderful and caring he is. She seems fragile, she should be with someone who understands that and would help her through the tough spots.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's not uncommon for subs in such situations to be told to write only positive things, especially as her journal makes it apparent that he wants her to get another woman. She claims she's bisexual but has never had a relationship with another woman and will only do so if she's being told to by this dude. He may well have been standing over her telling her what to write, assuming he doesn't have her password and isn't writing it himself.

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ORIGINAL: lizi

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ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

I read through part of the replies and I sort of understand why people are downing the Dom in this situation BUT IMO people should be in a healthy state of mind prior to engaging in a relationship. I did not have sex for 6 years and I was in no way afraid of it when I entered into my relationship.

OP get your life and mental state in order then embark on a relationship.

While this is excellent advice, people should definitely get their act together before entering a relationship, the OP is already in the relationship in question, and is wondering where to go with it. People are expressing the opinion that the Dom isn't living up to his job as Dominant because that's what he's done in repeated instances- they have some past history together. I had to mention that because no one is ganging up on the Dom in question unnecessarily (of course that's my own opinion). It seems as though over the course of their interactions he's persisting with things that don't just make the OP uncomfortable but could cross the line over into damaging her. He's downplaying her reactions by calling it 'drama'.

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Right. Add to that the fact that he seems to be annoyed with her for her reactions, rather than being empathetic and, I'm just not feeling the love.

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First of all I want to apologize to my Sir for all the harrassment he has had to put up with since I made this post...Sir and I have discussed it privately and he has set a pace that I am comfortable with.

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ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

While I think it is typical to feel a mixture of fear and excitement whenever embarking on something new, I also strongly believe in trusting your instincts. And something about the whole situation makes me think you need to call a time out and take the time to assess whether this is the right situation for you.

I do not think it is relevant how his other slaves "fell in line". So what. You are your own person and are entitled to your own path and speed on this journey. And if he is so impatient, and unable to put the brakes on a little bit for you, one has to wonder why? Why the impatience on his part?

You mention early on that he is wonderful in bed. Is this clouding your judgment. Because outside of that, the way he is treating you doesn't sound mature. Maybe it is taking you longer than others. Maybe you are more scared than others. Maybe it will take you longer to get to certain places. And maybe you won't ever feel ready to explore some of the things he wants. But you are you. And you are entitled to your limits and boundaries. And you are entitled to have someone in your life who respects you enough to not rush things unnecessarily. Any mature Dominant would understand the push-back you have given and change tactics and strategy. The journey is supposed to be enjoyable and fun. I really believe that. And if it's not, if it has turned drama-full, too fast-paced and almost terrifying, then this doesn't seem to me to be a worthwhile path to be going down.

But only you know yourself and him and what the true dynamic is. My heartfelt advice is to listen to your gut. I think our instincts are always communicating something important. You have to take the time to sort out your feelings and concerns. And anyone who is not patient enough to give you the time to do that is probably not the right match for you - even if he is wonderful in bed.