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Never thought I could, but here I am

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Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/20/2012 9:37:34 PM

shylilbear

Posts: 125
Joined: 11/25/2011
Status: online

Up to this point I never thought I could be in a poly relationship. A couple of other Doms I've had wanted to be, but I could not handle even the idea, let along the reality. Of course, those relationships weren't exactly stable at the time it was brought up, so it's no real surprise either. With my Daddy though, it just feels so right, so natural. We talk about everything, he's so open and honest, and he's been wonderful about reassuring me that I'm his no matter what happens with anyone else. He has made it so much easier for me to not only be totally comfortable, but happy and content as well. I am learning that being polyamorous truly is a wonderful thing for me, and now I don't think I could ever go back to being mono.

I guess my question is, is there anyone else that had a similar change in how they viewed poly relationships? What was it that changed your mind? Was it a gradual change, or did it just feel so right that it didn't take long to adjust? If you had a tough time at first, what helped you get through the lumps and bumps? If it was easy for you to adjust, what made it that way?

Ok, so I had more than one question, but once I got started they just kept tumbling out lol. This is all just so new to me, and I'd like to hear other people's stories too. My inquiring mind wants to know.

_____________________________

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
To err is human, to really fuck things up takes a computer.

Post #: 1

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 8:17:39 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 1537
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: New Brunswick, NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear
I guess my question is, is there anyone else that had a similar change in how they viewed poly relationships?

I was raised in a couple of cultures that looked down on anything that wasn't monogamous, good, ol'-fashioned, man-on-top-get-it-over-with-quick. I was raised in Italian and Irish Catholic families.

On the Italian side of the family, there was always this un-spoken double standard that the men had girlfriends, outside of the marriage but they weren't talked about and everyone pretended that it wasn't happening. The double standard was that if any of their wives even looked at another man, there was hell to pay. I always thought that part of it was a little odd.

As I was growing up, I always just assumed I was going to meet some nice, old-country, girl and get married and settle down and have half a dozen children or so. Until ...

In the early 1980s, I moved out of my parents' house (I was 17) and I was in a band that was starting to get some notice. We played on the weekends, mostly. As ugly as I was/am, I was getting a lot of notice from different girls and none of them seemed to mind that I was with them one week and with one of their friends, the next.

At this point, I want to say that I wasn't very open about what was going on but I wasn't dishonest ie; if a girl I knew asked me: "What are you doing on Friday?", I figured: "I have plans" was close enough to being honest. I no longer feel that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear
What was it that changed your mind? Was it a gradual change, or did it just feel so right that it didn't take long to adjust?

What changed my mind was meeting a terrific young lady, that showed me a new way after my marriage ended. I was no longer in a band and hadn't been in over a decade.

(I need to add that I was completely monogamous, through my marriage. I bought into the old idea(l)s about "settling down" and such and I never felt right during that time. I felt stiffled and ensnared. I got to a point where I would actually get resentful because of what I was missing out on by remaining faithful. It didn't help that my ex wife fucked anything she could wrap her labia around, at the same time.)

She showed me that there were other people that weren't uptight about sexual things; there were others that were similar to me. This still wasn't polyamory. It was more like swinging with good friends. There were relationships forged but not really of the romantic type.

As time went on, I realized that some of my early learning about sexual relationships had crept into my belief system. It didn't feel right to just lay down with anyone that happened to live nearby and had a slamming body.

I needed to have some kind of emotional attraction to people with whom I chose to share a bed. As time went on, I heard this (horribly constructed) word: "polyamory" and did some investigation.

I finally felt like I had found my "place". No longer did I need to be ashamed of having a huge emotional connection to someone who was not yet my partner. No longer did I feel like I would be breaking my partner's heart if I admitted to having feelings for someone else.

I also learned that openness; not just honesty, was required. When I met a lady in whom I was interested, she needed to know that she would not be the only lady in my life; that I just wasn't capable of monogamy. There are still many who shudder, when they find that out about me and they walk away, shaking their heads but, that's okay. I'd rather they do that than feel deceived, later on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear
If you had a tough time at first, what helped you get through the lumps and bumps?

I have to admit: I had a tough time, the first time a lady of mine wanted to have a relationship other than me. I threw a five-minute "nutty". It seems some of my early "education" had again crept in and it was okay for me to do as I wished but now my lady wanted to exercise her human rights as well. It didn't take me too long to realize I was being an ass (five minutes is almost literal).

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear
If it was easy for you to adjust, what made it that way?

What made it easy was that at some level, from the time I was about 14, I just knew (for myself) that people were not made to be monogamous (for the most part). There was something inside of me that just screamed in pain, when I lived as a monogamous person. It wasn't real. It wasn't me. Obviously, the alternative (once I knew what it was) was easy to accept because I didn't have much choice. I was either polyamorous or (as some people still believe) little more than an animal that didn't have the ability for self-control. I proved for eight years (marriage) that I had that ability but that exercising it made me a very sad panda.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear
Ok, so I had more than one question, but once I got started they just kept tumbling out lol. This is all just so new to me, and I'd like to hear other people's stories too. My inquiring mind wants to know.

Your journey is just beginning and the wonders that are about to unfold are uncountable. Wait until the first time your daddy is in tears because some other wench just broke his heart and you feel comfortable not only being his shoulder to cry on physically but emotionally as well; you feel that it is your place to help him through that time. It's something that monogamous people just can't get a handle on.

Wait until you tell him that you think you're falling in love with someone else and he grabs you and hugs you, tightly and asks what he can do to make the situation easier for you and the other person.

The world has just become a bigger place for you.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 1/21/2012 8:22:01 AM >

_____________________________

25 years ago, we had: Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Today, we have Barrack Obama, No cash, and no hope.

http://www.youtube.com/user/LibertarianMichael 10 APR 12 - Life (Pt.2)

(in reply to shylilbear)

Post #: 2

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 10:08:02 AM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1249
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

She showed me that there were other people that weren't uptight about sexual things; there were others that were similar to me.

quote:

It's something that monogamous people just can't get a handle on.

Michael I dont mean to be catty, however I find the above Very offensive.
Im not uptight sexually, I just for mental and emotional reasons cannot handle my partner being sexual with someone else.

Im a member of a Poly house currently, where I serve both the Dom and the Switch of the relationship in a non sexual manner, We go to parties we play, we enjoy each other. Im a monogamous person in a sexual manner. I do not have sex with either party because I know mentally it will put me in the psyche ward. This does not make me uptight, this makes me someone who works on controlling and enduring with a mental illness.

Also I comfort each of them when one of their relationships doesnt work out... I work with each of them and love them more then i do most people in my life. Still Im a monogamous person...

Im obviously an exception to your rule, and perhaps there would be a less fighting and less dislike and hatred between those who are and are not poly, if statements such as yours were not made. I also know many monogamous people make the same cruel statements and call them on it as well.

To the OP. I Was once someone who could only be monogamous, only play within a monogamous relationship, and only play with someone i was fluid bonded with.

This changed when I met Max and Set, they helped me when they didnt have to, they kept me safe, when it wasnt their responsibility, they gave me the ability to drink and quench my thirst when i needed to serve. All when we were just friends... and just people who enjoyed each others company...

Still while i am able to enjoy non sexual casual play and service, im monogamous when it comes to fluid bonding with a partner...

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 3

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 1:50:55 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 1537
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: New Brunswick, NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

quote:

She showed me that there were other people that weren't uptight about sexual things; there were others that were similar to me.

quote:

It's something that monogamous people just can't get a handle on.

Michael I dont mean to be catty, however I find the above Very offensive.
Im not uptight sexually, I just for mental and emotional reasons cannot handle my partner being sexual with someone else.

I don't know why you chose to put both of these quotes together but, I will handle the second one, later.

First off; I apologize for using a colloquialism regarding a more free-spirited kind of lifestyle as opposed to one that puts restrictions on peoples' sexuality. That's how I see the two choices. I won't apologize for my opinion but, I will apologize for how I phrased it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
Im a member of a Poly house currently, where I serve both the Dom and the Switch of the relationship in a non sexual manner, We go to parties we play, we enjoy each other. Im a monogamous person in a sexual manner. I do not have sex with either party because I know mentally it will put me in the psyche ward. This does not make me uptight, this makes me someone who works on controlling and enduring with a mental illness.

I'm not sure where having sex would trigger any kind of mental illness but, obviously, you know yourself better than I could claim to.

You're a member of a poly house. That's terrific! That means that you can relate to the portions of my post about emotions which is why I'm confuzzled here ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
Also I comfort each of them when one of their relationships doesnt work out... I work with each of them and love them more then i do most people in my life. Still Im a monogamous person...

Im obviously an exception to your rule, and perhaps there would be a less fighting and less dislike and hatred between those who are and are not poly, if statements such as yours were not made. I also know many monogamous people make the same cruel statements and call them on it as well.

You are involved in a (I'm assuming) loving relationship with more than one person, whether there is sexual activity or not. That is a polyamorous endeavor. Be that as it may ...

I never put forth any of my opinions as rules but the second snippet of my post that you quoted spoke directly to your, comforting them. Let's look at that sentence in context ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
Your journey is just beginning and the wonders that are about to unfold are uncountable. Wait until the first time your daddy is in tears because some other wench just broke his heart and you feel comfortable not only being his shoulder to cry on physically but emotionally as well; you feel that it is your place to help him through that time. It's something that monogamous people just can't get a handle on.

Now, I will tell you that what I meant was that monogamous people can't get a handle on my girl, comforting me because some other lady broke my heart. That is where that sentence belongs. I don't think that can be argued because that would seem a pretty foreign concept to most monogamy-minded folks.

Perhaps, in the future, if you used my quotes as they are written instead of taking one sentence from one paragraph and then, the last sentence from a paragraph that occurs seven paragraphs later, it might help lessen confusion.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 1/21/2012 1:53:06 PM >

_____________________________

25 years ago, we had: Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Today, we have Barrack Obama, No cash, and no hope.

http://www.youtube.com/user/LibertarianMichael 10 APR 12 - Life (Pt.2)

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 4

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 2:32:48 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1249
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

I took the two parts of your post that i had an issue with and quoted them..
[bitch]
Your wrong, Im sorry theres no other way to say it, but your wrong. There is nothing more sexually freeing about being poly, nor are their said restrictions on being monogamous.

YOU personally might feel this way but it doesnt make it the truth or fact, its your opinion.. Personally I know the people ive been with have not felt the need to be with other partners. Several of them actually wanted me to have more then one male because their dicks needed some nap time.

Poly is not equal to sex, HOWEVER... Poly is usually used in a sexual context, its why i do not consider myself poly wired, simply because while I can love more then one person, i cannot for my own health and sanity and those of who im sexually involved with, be sexual with more then one person.

It doesnt mean im some how lacking (which is what your implying..) Or that I am some how less sexually free( Which again is what your implying) Or that im not a free spirit (AGAIN what your implying)

Again Just because im monogamous, which seems like its a nasty dirty word to you... doesnt mean i cant understand or offer comfort to anyone when there heart is broken.

Honestly you should step back and reread your post... this is what i read from both of them

Im poly, i know everything, and im always right, and anyone who wont fuck multiple people is beneath me and doesnt know anything and just cant comprehend the level im on in any way shape or form.. because ya know.. Im poly..

[/bitch]

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 5

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 2:55:46 PM

MariaB

Posts: 453
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
Your journey is just beginning and the wonders that are about to unfold are uncountable. Wait until the first time your daddy is in tears because some other wench just broke his heart and you feel comfortable not only being his shoulder to cry on physically but emotionally as well; you feel that it is your place to help him through that time. It's something that monogamous people just can't get a handle on.

SR it was offensive in the way you quoted it but what DaddySatyr actually said wasn't in the least bit offensive.

I for example am going off to spend time with my family in the next few weeks and I planned to come back on a particular day but hubby and Chloe have some romantic plans going on that day. Its not a problem in fact it makes it easier for me because instead of one long drive home, I will book into a motel overnight. It breaks my journey and allows them to continue with their romantic plans. THAT is something that monogamous people couldn't handle either. If I told my family or friends why I had a change of plans they would think our marriage was either on the rocks, or that we were swingers or wife swappers.

I have been poly for 8 years more or less and had some great relationships and some not so great ones.
Like Satyr, I never felt complete when I was in a long monogamous relationship. I was brought up to be a good catholic girl but truth be told, I was having bi relationships before I left convent school!! Monogamy was all I knew apart from the deceitful people who went behind their partners backs. My aunty and uncle split up after 15 years of happy bliss because my uncle had, had a brief affair. I remember the shocked reaction from my mum when I said, 'why is it such a big deal? why can't they just talk about this instead of breaking up the entire family?
I think some people are made to be monogamous whilst others, including myself are much more geared to being poly. Tradition tells us that monogamy is good and poly is immoral and unfortunately most of society still feel that way. Its ok for hubby to have a relationship with the golf course every weekend or with all his mates down the pub every night and its ok for the wife to have a relationship with the gym five nights a week but its not ok for them to have a loving relationship with someone else.
I often ask myself, why am I so happy for my husband to have such a strong relationship with another woman. I mean, I love that guy so much and I fancy the pants off him and I absolutely know he feels the same way about me. Truth is, being poly makes me more trustful. Its all out in the open, all talked about and shared.
Now if he was at the golf course every weekend I wouldn't be happy. I would probably be checking his phone and his pockets!!

< Message edited by MariaB -- 1/21/2012 2:57:12 PM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 6

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 2:58:55 PM

Shininglight23

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/28/2011
Status: offline

I don't post often, but I'm going to make an attempt at this one.

I don't know how to "quote" pieces of a post...so please bear with me...I will answer each question individually.

What was it that changed your mind? I am unsure of the exact "thing" that changed my mind. I would say that it was a combination of love and honesty--openness... with all the people involved. The feeling of security knowing that not only did you have someone who loves you, but you had the blessing of the person who loves him.

Was it a gradual change, or did it just feel so right that it didn't take long to adjust? For me..it was a rapid change. I thought one way for x amount of years and then the next thing I knew...I threw all my "rules" out the window. I'm not a believer in the statement.."Rules are meant to be broken." In this particular instance..I chose not to stand on ceremony and went with what my heart was telling me.

If you had a tough time at first, what helped you get through the lumps and bumps? I know that I felt a twinge of envy at times because the other woman was able to spend more time with our Daddy. That was a bit difficult. One thing that helped me overcome that feeling was knowing that he was spending time with someone he loved and so was she. It wasn't that I was meant to be "left out"..it simply was a matter of timing. I know that if I couldn't be spending time with him..I couldn't think of a better person for him to be sharing his time with.

Please keep in mind..I'm a work in progress..that's the best answer I have for this particular question.

If it was easy for you to adjust, what made it that way? I know it may sound a little looney, but it was both for me. It was difficult in some aspects and easy in others. Extremely easy to fall in line with both new people in my life. It was wonderful to spend time with them both... there was a lot of laughter and love and friendship shared. I think that the openness and honesty is what made it easy. The communication. I would say that affection that our Daddy showed us BOTH was something that made it extremely easy. There was no "1st" relationship..I wasn't intruding on their relationship...it was natural.

That's all I have for now. What little experience I have..I know that this is something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. Love is meant to be multiplied..not divided. <----I stole that from the show Sister Wives... it's too good not to repeat. :)

Allie

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 7

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 3:02:55 PM

kj25

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/15/2010
Status: offline

I went through something similar.
I had a few unstable relationships (very short relationships) where the Dom's seemed bent on poly house holds. I was very new to the wide world of bdsm and was just getting used to everything it entails. The idea of poly (or their idea of poly) scared the snot out of me. At the time it felt like they wanted to just accumulate as many people as possible in a short amount of time regardless of how others felt.

When I finally met my now husband he told me he was poly. But he also made it very clear that he would never ever force it on me. If and when I was ready just to let him know. After that I very slowly did my own readings on it. I read forums, to blogs and listened to podcasts. I wanted to know the good the bad and the ugly. Along the way I also made sure to stop and ask myself all the hard yet important questions. It did a lot for my self awareness.
The more interested I became the more questions I began to ask my Husband. Until I came to the point that it just felt right for me and for us.

The process took me several years before I came to that point. It was definately not something I took lightly. But now that I'm here I'm glad. I'd rather take the slow road and cherish the outcome than speed through it and cause everything to wreck all around me.

_____________________________

Shhhhhh...I'm attempting to lurk...

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 8

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 3:05:15 PM

SubvsSlave

Posts: 105
Joined: 4/6/2011
Status: offline

SpiritedRadiance...I feel like you've gone and twisted the thread from what it started out as. I consider myself mono as you do but I didn't take Michael's post as anything negative about being mono. I felt that his reply was exactly what shylilbear wanted. People's experience with poly, their reason behind it, etc. I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire. I just felt that the thread started out really nice and became something else entirely thus compelling me to post.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 9

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 3:13:17 PM

MariaB

Posts: 453
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

theres no other way to say it, but your wrong. There is nothing more sexually freeing about being poly, nor are their said restrictions on being monogamous.

There is something more sexually freeing if you are that way minded and there are restrictions on a monogamous relationship if one of the partners is poly minded. If both partners are mono minded then being mono gives them freedom but only if they both feel the same way.

quote:

Poly is not equal to sex, HOWEVER... Poly is usually used in a sexual context, its why i do not consider myself poly wired, simply because while I can love more then one person, i cannot for my own health and sanity and those of who im sexually involved with, be sexual with more then one person.

I don't think you need to be sexual to be poly. The relationship I have with Chloe is that of a friend. We don't have sex. I don't need to have sex with her to be in a poly relationship with her.

quote:

It doesnt mean im some how lacking (which is what your implying..) Or that I am some how less sexually free( Which again is what your implying) Or that im not a free spirit (AGAIN what your implying)

Strange but I didn't read any of his post like that. I'm the same as you (at least for the moment) and nothing I read in his post made me feel frigid or less sexually free. I don't think poly needs to be about sex at all, in fact sex can be a very small part of poly. For us, sex happens when we fall in love. Its not just a bonk in the boat yard, its making love with someone you deeply care about.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 10

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 5:13:35 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1249
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

Fr from my phone...

Anyone implying any group sect or type minded person... Is more anything then any other group sect or type minded person is OFFENSIVE to me...

Saying because I'm monogamous that I can't have empathy or compassion for another person going through heartache.. is OFFENSIVE

In any other section on this board it be completely acceptable to call someone on their obvious bullshit....

The only two parts I had. Issue with were the two I quoted... It wasn't out of context...

Don't like it that's super... But my opinion stands I.won't keep my mouth shut when I find bullshit only because I happen to be monogamous

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 11

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/21/2012 7:57:24 PM

shylilbear

Posts: 125
Joined: 11/25/2011
Status: online

My post was geared towards those that were mono and changed to poly. SR, while I respect your views, you're the only one calling bullshit on Daddy's posts, you're the only one that's taking offense to what he said. If you have something to contribute that's directly related to my post, then please do, but I would appreciate it if you ended this little pissing contest you started. There was no need to come into this thread, which was directed at POLY people, and try to pick a fight.

Now, can we please get back on topic?
I enjoyed reading the other experiences people had, thank you.

_____________________________

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
To err is human, to really fuck things up takes a computer.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 12

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/22/2012 12:35:14 AM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1249
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

This is on topic.

I have been in poly relationship, I have a lot of poly minded friends, just because i dont subscribe to the fuck aspect of it, doesnt mean my views are some how less.

If i said all people who are poly are just whores and sluts who cant control themselves that would be offensive.

Saying that people who are not poly are sexually uptight, is offensive. Saying someone whos monogamous cant possibly understand... is offensive.

The last i checked, I was free to post where i wished, if you think my posts are out of line please feel free to report them and have a mod look them over. However i will not simply shut up because you dislike my point of view.... I will not simply be silent and allow others who read this forum think they are somehow wrong because they arent poly, or they are somehow less. Thats what I felt Michael was implying within his post....

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to shylilbear)

Post #: 13

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/22/2012 3:21:41 AM

MariaB

Posts: 453
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear

I guess my question is, is there anyone else that had a similar change in how they viewed poly relationships? What was it that changed your mind? Was it a gradual change, or did it just feel so right that it didn't take long to adjust? If you had a tough time at first, what helped you get through the lumps and bumps? If it was easy for you to adjust, what made it that way?

Sorry shylilbear, I got drawn off topic by someone who very obviously has deeper issues with a person than what was said on his post. Back to business!!

I had no idea what poly entailed but the door for me opened when I found my dominant feet and came out onto the scene. I'm a sadist and I had a lot to learn. The first guy I was with was a masochist with no submission which was great because he guided me. The problem was, I couldn't help but grab him by the ear on occasion and whisper, 'know your fucking place bitch'!! and of course he didn't like it. He wanted to continue with me but suggested I found a submissive as well.
Keep in mind that this was a fairly regular occurrence among the people around me. It never felt unnatural, I just needed two people to fit two needs. When I found myself in a deep and meaningful relationship it was me that had two partners and it wasn't until I got with Steve (another dominant) that things changed.
It was then that I saw the other side of the coin and yes, I did have jealousy issues that I had to deal with. Steve had never been in a poly dynamic, though he openly admits that he fucked around when he was in supposed mono relationships. He had a lot to learn but being the open minded man that he is, he took to it like a duck to water.
I think the biggest problem we initially had was him showing his feelings in front of me to his other woman and it took a lot of encouragement from me to show him it was very okay to do this. I hate the idea of 'primary partners' or 'the third' and within our household that doesn't exist but he had difficulty understanding how I could celebrate his love for another woman. Did I really love him? was I trying to wean him away from me? He is now very settled in our poly dynamic and he's not afraid to whisper sweet nothings in Chloe's ear when I'm around or say to me, 'I have something romantic planned for Chloe and me, what do you think?'.
There have been times when he gets a little carried away and he has been known to defend himself by saying 'sometimes there isn't enough of me to go round' which he knows is unacceptable bollocks. When this happens we deal with it, all of us together.
There will always be little hurdles in both mono and poly relationships. Its just being able to overcome those hurdles but then that's the key to any type of relationship.

(in reply to shylilbear)

Post #: 14

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/22/2012 12:20:48 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 8134
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: online

quote:

With my Daddy though, it just feels so right, so natural. We talk about everything, he's so open and honest, and he's been wonderful about reassuring me that I'm his no matter what happens with anyone else. He has made it so much easier for me to not only be totally comfortable, but happy and content as well. I am learning that being polyamorous truly is a wonderful thing for me, and now I don't think I could ever go back to being mono.

Are you guys actively practicing poly or is it just theoretical at the moment?

(in reply to shylilbear)

Post #: 15

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/22/2012 8:19:49 PM

shylilbear

Posts: 125
Joined: 11/25/2011
Status: online

I guess it depends on what you mean by actively practicing. The three of us spend quite a lot of time together on phone and Skype. When they meet, they make sure that I'm included, again either by phone or Skype. So when I think of how much interaction we've had with each other, then yes, I consider us to be actively practicing. I do realize that when we're all together in person there will be differences, but the connection we feel with each other isn't any less real because we're long distance at the moment.

< Message edited by shylilbear -- 1/22/2012 8:28:32 PM >

_____________________________

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
To err is human, to really fuck things up takes a computer.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 16

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/22/2012 8:32:30 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 1537
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: New Brunswick, NJ
Status: offline

I would say that since I love both ladies and they, in turn, have (at least) a "sisterly" love for each other and also since we are all planning a life together, I would think we qualify.

Also, I want to share this because it is soooo sweet:

One of my ladies and I were talking and we were talking about our age difference and how I will probably not out-live either of them and she said to me: "Daddy, what's going to happen to _ _ _ _ _ _ _ and me, when you're gone? I don't want us to be split up"

That statement, right there, said a whole lot to me.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 1/22/2012 8:33:37 PM >

_____________________________

25 years ago, we had: Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Today, we have Barrack Obama, No cash, and no hope.

http://www.youtube.com/user/LibertarianMichael 10 APR 12 - Life (Pt.2)

(in reply to shylilbear)

Post #: 17

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/22/2012 9:03:11 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1249
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear

I guess it depends on what you mean by actively practicing. The three of us spend quite a lot of time together on phone and Skype. When they meet, they make sure that I'm included, again either by phone or Skype. So when I think of how much interaction we've had with each other, then yes, I consider us to be actively practicing. I do realize that when we're all together in person there will be differences, but the connection we feel with each other isn't any less real because we're long distance at the moment.

So you havent had a real life face to face poly encounter and yet... You seem to feel those who have... dont have any actual experience...I think Im going to channel Greedytop and leave it at

*Snorts*

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to shylilbear)

Post #: 18

RE: Never thought I could, but here I am - 1/23/2012 10:30:55 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 8134
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: online

I had a glorious LD relationship that feel apart when I moved in with him. I hope you have better luck than I did.

(in reply to shylilbear)

Post #: 19

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