MistrixMsE
Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Excellent observation, Darling. Obsession does not allow for equilibrium.
That's true... which is why at first sign of obsessive behaviour in a pro client, I sit them down and have a conversation (off the clock of course) and explain that it isnt appropriate, and discuss why. If they appear to understand and accept the reality of the relationship ---and it is a relationship btw, I talk to my boys by email, twitter, and etc far more than I actually see them in person.. I know what happens in their lives, other relationships etc)-- I usually give them a cool down break.. a month or month and a half before accepting another session. If their behaviour goes awry again, they then need to move on to another dominant (pro or personal) because I cant/wont be party to that. Its also a safety concern for those of us who scene RT. Obsession can be dangerous.
There may be RT dominants that do prey on obsessive personalities and tendencies though... and if so.. I feel it is both dangerous and unhealthy... possibly for all involved. For all I know, I could be an aberration in not seeking that from my submissives. I own vanilla businesses & have outside income.. so my experience & take might be more unique than I realize... but I base it on my attitude & that of the other ladies I associate with on the pro side. I wager its entirely the opposite for online only d types.. in those cases the obsession is necessary to keep the game in play... if it werent for the obsession, they probably wouldnt keep spending. Its in their best interests to hook them & keep them on the hook.
To the previous question of "do they really enjoy it"... in my case.. hell yes. I get to play with some of the best people on a level that is satisfying to both of us all over the world.. I meet people I might never otherwise meet, and many of them i socialize with on a vanilla level now. Personally I want my boys to be healthy, happy, and have satisfying relationships outside our kink play. When/if they feel uncomfortable playing because of a love interest, I celebrate it with them, and if they 'come out' to a new partner, they are always welcome to book a couples session where I can show her a few tricks to use at home. Some have happily taken me up on that. It makes me feel good that they trust me enough to do so.
There are a good lot of my boys whom I consider friends. One of whom often takes both my personal boy & and I out when I am in town, after our session, and treats us to dinner and drinks on a grand ($300 bottle of wine) level. We've been talking via email all day.. because of a sad situation on my side.. my relationship is ending. We didnt discuss this via a dozen emails because said client has any interest in a relationship with me. Far from it. He ASKED how things were on that front, because when he asked why my personal wasnt with me the last time I visited his city, I told him the truth.. That things had changed.. and it was time to end it.. sadly. He showed concern for me, on a human level... and it was very kind. I appreciate his friendship.. and i never would have him as a friend if he hadn't been a client first.
My personal & I have been in a 7 yr 24/7 ds relationship... by no means am I not fully responsible for him. He lives in my home, and does not work outside of it. In fact, though we are transitioning out of this relationship, he has been in my care for some time.. so I've given him a year to fully separate from me, to make plans and work out his future life. He is getting several thousand dollars to walk away with, along with everything he came into the relationship with, and everything i have bought him since we've been together. Since deciding its time to end it, I've still bought him new shoes, cologne, etc as he needs them.. my commitment has been for the long term, and yes, its still very emotional, for both of us. Its just the right thing to do.. and truly is in his best interests as well as my own. We don't play together anymore.. nor much else... its just too raw of a space for either of us right now. If I didnt take pro sessions, I would have no outlet for my kinks at all. Even when we did play, his interests did not run as extreme as mine, and he isnt into impact play. So if it weren't for pro-sessions, our DS relationship may not have been as satisfying as it was until this point... and some of my needs wouldnt have been met.
Yes, I am saying that indeed, I do get needs met in pro-sessions.. they aren't sexual needs... but they most certainly are personal & psychological needs. It may not be that way for all pros... some may indeed be in it entirely for the $ and have no interest in it on a personal level. I'll wager that a many of the 19 year old commercial domination house girls come into it that way.. because they look cute in the outfit and it seems more in control than say stripping... but I am sure some of them too either find a personal interest, or had one to begin with.
To paint an entire occupation with one broad stroke is silly... thats like saying all lawyers are money hungry scum. Many are indeed, but I've known a good lot who work at legal aid and work for shit $ to help people because they DO care.. and its not about the $... its about what they can give back. I think most of those who issue angry anti anything missives in such extreme tones have either a personal axe to grind, serious flaws in their critical thinking skills, mental issues or a combination of the three. Or maybe they are all just tea-baggers.. same difference... 
(edited two words for clarity)
< Message edited by MistrixMsE -- 2/1/2012 3:50:28 PM >
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