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crazyml -> RE: 10 things a Dominant needs from a submissive (7/26/2012 7:27:42 AM)
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Oh fuck me with a pitchfork I am soooo glad I found this.
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ORIGINAL: warlock1935
Excellent post, @Maxmillean. As it happens, I train submissives in all of those points,
I'm biting... how many subs have you trained?
Is this a training program?
Do they get a certificate?
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but that's because while the women I've been in relationships with were eager to learn, few of them really understood that they needed to practice submissive Principles like Trust, Transparency (Communication), Loyalty (Discretion), Patience, and Dedication (Honest Effort and Understanding). I meet a lot of submissives who have a wonderfully deep desire to be trained, especially once they fully understand what it is to be an excellent submissive. But it's a lot to learn, even more work to practice, and it's out of their comfort zone and thus can be a strain.
You actually meet a lot of subs? How many is a lot?
How the fucking-fuck do you interpret Trust, Transparency (Communication), Loyalty (Discretion), Patience, and Dedication as "Submissive principles". Do you not apply these principles to yourself?
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The hard part about it is that Suburban Sue attitudes (the PaleoFeminist doctrines that men are inferior and have to learn to be just like women) is deeply ingrained in popular culture.
Now, I'm saying this out of love, you understand?
On what fucking planet did you get the impression that PaleoFeminist doctrines imply that men are inferior? And on which planet is the doctrine deeply ingrsined in popular culture?
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It's so pervasive that submissive women have to change attitudes that they don't even notice they have. The anti-submissive nature of our entire culture is so universal that for most people it's presence is as natural and unnoticed as air.
Oh fuck me... this sounds like some serious stuff. Don't we need to save all wimmins from this shit? What about the women that aren't submissive... do we leave them to their meaningless, masterless existence or do we save them too?
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For example, a lot of submissives have told me stories of submissive support groups turning into what they referred to as "Subbie Bitch Sessions". That's a Loyalty issue. It's something that submissives can get sucked into easily unless they're forewarned and watching out for it; our whole culture celebrates the Suburban Sue scenario of women snarking on their men, and it's so ingrained it's a hard attitude to overcome.
I am quite sure that plenty of Doms provide subs with oodles of snark fodder.
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Similarly, Doms often have to work hard to "Man Up" and learn to be - not just act - like a Man. Every single day of our lives our present culture has told them, in a hundred small and large ways, that it was bad to be a Man.
Do you feel oppressed? Do you need a hug? Are all those scary wimmins making you afeared? Because I certainly don't feel fucking oppressed.
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Now, submissive women want Men instinctively, not just in their fantasies. And Dominant men want their women to be submissive. But the cultural pressure tends to cause Doms to unconsciously slip into Vanilla relationship mode, and that of course makes the submissive unhappy. And then the Suburban Sue attitudes of disrespect come back out.
I just don't have this problem.... never seen it. I meet the odd asshole, the odd wacko, but you know... I just don't get the disrespect you're alluding to here.
Can it be that I'm just very very fortunate?
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I've found that for me, a consistent program of training helps keep us both on track. It's easier to change attitudes force-fed to us our whole lives if you work at them every day. It's also easier for the Dom to discipline her, and to live a principled life, when it's a daily activity.
Oh please, please, for the love of all things awesome, share more with us about this program of yours.
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Personally, my methods of discipline lean heavily on paying attention to what submissives do right; my punishments for mistakes or carelessness, etc, thus can be pretty light. What I do punish harshly is any hint of Suburban Sue attitudes, and I do it instantly - that works better than anything else I know of.
Wait... that's dog training? You know we're talking about human females here don't you.
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