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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 9:48:09 AM

LadyPact

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Let Me assure you that no anger is involved. It's the very fact that people participate here for free which is why I'm opposed to data collecting here to use on sites where people pay. The same reaction comes when we have those "how do I make money as a fin domme" threads. It's not that people are opposed to someone attempting to enter the field. It's that if they want to make the money, they need to do the work and not have us do the work for them by telling them how to do it.

While CM is absolutely a for profit enterprise, we accept that when we sign up. What we don't sign up for is to have what we write on this site be used on another for profit site. Money that is made by this site is from business advertising. That's why we get to come here and talk for free. I'm the first to say that I admire Aakasha for the portions of her site that are available to the general public and I commend her for doing so. I would just be opposed to having contributions made here used for the part of her site that is not.

With that, I'm going to apologize to the OP for taking the discussion off topic and contribute elsewhere.

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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 10:06:29 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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Questions of data mining for future paid content aside, am I the only person who thinks the OP should be doing something really radical like, oh I dunno...actually talking about the issue with the person with whom she's having it instead of asking a message board full of strangers to figure it out for her? Or did I miss the memo that states we have a double standard for responses to questions like this from forum regulars?

Maybe I just need more coffee.

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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 10:48:42 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Questions of data mining for future paid content aside, am I the only person who thinks the OP should be doing something really radical like, oh I dunno...actually talking about the issue with the person with whom she's having it instead of asking a message board full of strangers to figure it out for her? Or did I miss the memo that states we have a double standard for responses to questions like this from forum regulars?

Maybe I just need more coffee.

When you meet someone who is new to their feelings of kinkiness or bdsm, especially ones that are as complex and complicated as cuckolding and exploitation, sometimes these feelings are incredibly hard to talk about, identify, or understand.

I'm the first to admit that we (as a community) often have the knee-jerk reaction here, "Go talk to your partner about it! Communication is key!"

Can't anyone remember what it is like to be a total newbie, when you feel something for the first time, and actually are having a hard time knowing what you are feeling, and have a harder time talking to a living, breathing person (who you care about and are deathly afraid of being JUDGED by) about what you are feeling?

I was able to kind of sort this all out in my late teens and 20s, but I do remember sitting with boyfriends and half the time not really being able to pinpoint why something was arousing me so much, and being afraid to kind of confess exactly why, when asked, even though all he wanted to do was make it better for me.

I know a lot about cuckolding, but I don't profess to be inside the head of a submissive man or a bottom. And I do know that a newly confessed novice just won't open up about it, especially to someone he's afraid of offending (yeah right!) or having him judged.

And when dealing with something that is also laced with "mindfuck" -- like cuckolding - when the theme of this question is "how can you cuckold a man without actually going ALL THE Way (like you would - with a novice - but still press the right buttons) - by grilling the "victim" with the possibilities, you let the cat out of the bag. I can't explain a mind fuck to a potential mate in such detail that he knows the mindfuck is coming. That essentially ruins the concept.

And if anyone has ever tried to have one of those very in depth heart to heart BDSM "let's really talk about how this feels in our core" talks with someone who is just discovering and feeling it for the first time - whether the man is 20 or 40 - you will know that often the feelings are a jumbled mess of "I can barely identify what I am feeling" and "please don't judge me" and all this person needs is reassurance. They aren't quite ready to start self exploration.

It took me 3-4 years to figure it all out and a long time before I could comfortably talk to a partner about this or that, depending on the kink, and there are still things I hold close to the vest.

LP no worries about the side track, this has turned into an interesting discussion anyway!

Akasha

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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 11:16:32 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I do know that a newly confessed novice just won't open up about it, especially to someone he's afraid of offending (yeah right!) or having him judged.

Sorry, I have to call bullshit on this. Within the past two weeks, one of my coworkers came out to me as a trans woman, confessed her attraction for me, and admitted she's a virgin. She's never even seen a kink video or read kinky erotica, yet she still managed to discuss her curiosity with me. If she can open up and talk about such a huge number of sensitive issues with someone she's known less than three months, then your guy friend can manage.

As far as the mindfuck goes, I generally approach subjects with the attitude of a writer playing the "what if" game. "Oh, you like cuckolding, cool. What do you like about it? Here's how I've done it in the past, how does it work for you? Well, what if X? One guy I know likes Y, but another doesn't - what do you think about Y? Does Z make a difference or not?"

This sort of give-and-take speculation tends to be non-threatening and won't necessarily give away how you're planning to use the info later. It also demonstrates that you're curious about and interested in hearing his perspectives which, in turn, indicates he's a valued partner in the exchange and encourages him to be open with you. Everybody wins.

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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 11:27:53 AM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

The closest I've ever gotten to cuckolding was having an online penpal who I'd describe my escapades to and he'd get off on imagining these other men having sex with the woman he wanted but couldn't have. But my "cuckolding" fantasies are a bit different than the "inadequate loser with a small, caged dick" that seems to be the norm.

I don't think I'd agree that's the norm.

It might be the one most publicized, the one getting press....I don't think it's the one that fits most cuckolds.

By "norm" I meant the most visible expression of the fetish that's out there. And I'm not just basing my views off of porn and such, but actual conversations with men who have wanted to include cuckolding in the D/s relationship. An overwhelming percentage said that they want humiliation, long term chastity and to be made to feel "useless" to their partner. To each their own and all, but that doesn't seem like too much fun to me.

Cuckolding to a man is a varying thing, to some it means one thing, to others it means another.

In my (own) personal opinion, it's a fabulous thing, not because of lack but because of joy and love....and desire to see her in the throes.

And frankly, any man that doesn't want to see his woman in orgiastic exceptionalism, is....missing a bet.

Now if that ain't her gig then, as a man, it's your job to find out what is but....with that said, as a woman....it's your job to find out what sends him into the outer loop of the known galaxy as well.

That (in my opinion) is why we're here....to make (not "allow"...but actually cause) our mates (to) experience every known endorphin rush we can provide.

(Kinda seems like a decent plan to me anyway).

Oh, of course it means different things to different people. I've just happened to run into a lot of guys who enjoy the same general "theme" that doesn't tickle my fancy. Admittedly I've often wondered if a large percentage of them see that sort of cuckolding in porn and are trying to fit that mold.
And your description is great, much closer to my own feelings on it :)

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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 12:07:03 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
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As a baby, to get your needs met, you cry. As a child with words, you learn to use them to get your needs met. If an adult cannot learn to speak about what they need well into their adult years, I am not coddling them and making it easy for them. I won't handicap a child by not teaching them to communicate and making it easy for them.

For example... and this is my brain damaged son. He doesn't talk. He does these weird little sounds and hand signs that you get to figure out. I am not always good at that and his needs don't get met because I don't get what he is grunting about. Even with brain damage, it doesn't do him any good if I cater to his refusal to communicate on some level that others can understand. He will use this as a way to get mad at me or blame me, until he gets the message that he must communicate even if he refuses to speak. He must write it out or use letters on the fridge... he must manage to express himself to get his needs met. If I coddle him he will never learn or communicate with anyone and will be an angry man-child.

Should we expect less from a full grown adult?

So the helpless kinky person that doesn't get anything about their kink... well, that suggests they are pulling a manipulation off. If they are so unable to express themselves or their desires... they need more than a kinky dominant coddling them. Can they struggle with some aspect of it or not understand all of it? Sure... but to be unable to discuss it and a domina unable to use what she knows about it and all things in life... can't figure out how to resolve the situation... there are bigger issues at hand and one could simply be that the helpless submissive is working the domina or... out on a limb here... the domina doesn't know shit.

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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 6:14:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I do know that a newly confessed novice just won't open up about it, especially to someone he's afraid of offending (yeah right!) or having him judged.

Sorry, I have to call bullshit on this. Within the past two weeks, one of my coworkers came out to me as a trans woman, confessed her attraction for me, and admitted she's a virgin. She's never even seen a kink video or read kinky erotica, yet she still managed to discuss her curiosity with me. If she can open up and talk about such a huge number of sensitive issues with someone she's known less than three months, then your guy friend can manage.

As far as the mindfuck goes, I generally approach subjects with the attitude of a writer playing the "what if" game. "Oh, you like cuckolding, cool. What do you like about it? Here's how I've done it in the past, how does it work for you? Well, what if X? One guy I know likes Y, but another doesn't - what do you think about Y? Does Z make a difference or not?"

This sort of give-and-take speculation tends to be non-threatening and won't necessarily give away how you're planning to use the info later. It also demonstrates that you're curious about and interested in hearing his perspectives which, in turn, indicates he's a valued partner in the exchange and encourages him to be open with you. Everybody wins.

Excuse the expression, but if I was attempting to get over like this, My other half would throw the bullshit penalty flag and call it for ten yards.

I'm still not trying to offend you, Aakasha, but for years (decades?) you've been writing material about converting vanilla guys, drawing the kink (your kink) out of them. All of a sudden, with this one guy, you don't have that ability? How many men over the years, since your college days, have you gotten them to do exactly what you wanted them to do? This isn't exactly an area that you need to tread lightly because you don't have experience in it.

I noticed that you, Aakasha, made a comment on another thread that's on the board about the same subject. On *that* thread, there's a link to a very good thread that RochSub started on the matter some time ago. It might be worth a read.

Like I said earlier, I've only owned one cuck, but you're sitting in the very position that I was when I did. Married, not doing the whole 'having sex with bunches of guys' to turn the cuck on thing. For Me though, it's completely about owning My own sexuality. Not about worrying about his turn ons first.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Cuckold humiliation arousal thoughts and musings - 10/26/2012 7:41:22 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Question....

How many folks have that nice disclaimer about not being used ( and the word is USED) for independent studies on their profile?

quote:

They go out into the community of interest and ask questions without promising any recompense. And then use the data collected to publish a work for profit.

And yet, some people go out into the community, and for no other reason than to benefit the community, do the same thing. Ask the folks who are submitting articles to leatheratti.com if they are making money from it.

I have to ask you. Why is this different than anything else? How many times do we get "dommes" here who want other people to do their homework so they can suck money out of people? Asking us to teach them so they can put it up on some fucking site so people will pay them? No different than if I would do a demo for charity purposes and somebody coming along to record it and sell it off for $19.95 so they can pocket the cash.

It's not that I don't wish Aakasha the best in her endeavors. It's just that I object to adding input on data she may be collecting on a for-profit site. If that site was a non-profit, I'd write pages and pages for her and do everything that I could to further education in the kink community. As a for profit, I will abstain.

Call Me a cynic, but certain folks only 'pop up' when it benefits their bottom line. Since Aakasha has been a femdom since the eighties, I highly doubt she needs input from the likes of Me. She's got a huge readership on her site. I'm sure there are tons of folks who can help in this area.

Aakasha (sp?) is someone I accused of being a man probably 2 years ago or so (for somewhat similar, slightly unrelated issues as you've posed), and I found out later, she wasn't.

I'm not really all that confident if she's here for real discussion or not, her access to this forum does appear to be timed but, I suspect her interest is real.

Whether it's prurient, economic, or in fact concerned, (and real) isn't really my concern, I'll give her the benefit. The fact that any man or woman could (and no likely does) write for profit on many sites is really of no concern to me....my comment above was based on the question asked and I commented that it (her posit) wasn't what I felt was indeed the true cuckold experience...but hey...that's my interpretation.

No one else's.

I write for me, and respond accordingly.

I'm going to assume her post was intended as written....and I answered in accord.

She ain't buying a ticket so....I'll let it go as it was posted.

(But....I too am wary).

In the end....I think her questions were valid to those who have this kink.

(They didn't fit within my scope....but I "get it").

It's a topic I (personally) wish got more coverage.

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 10/26/2012 8:23:44 PM >

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