Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact?

Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (Full Version)

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straightwtakink -> Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/25/2013 9:20:32 PM)
This question is for helping all of us, Dommes and submissives... Ladies, how would you like a potential new submissive to approach you and make first contact, either online or in a play party situation? What suggestions would you have to make the approach move along smoothly for both parties?

MadamAsianDom -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/25/2013 9:34:42 PM)
Be polite. Good manners go a long way. If the approach is online, proofread what your message before hitting the key to send it. Correct any grammar or spelling errors. Again, if the approach is online, ensure you have taken the time to read her profile, start to finish, prior to drafting your message. Ensure your message will read as being addressed to her, not a message that reads like a form letter that you've sent to 20 people already. This is best accomplished by referring to things within her profile, and ensuring that if you ask her questions, you're not asking something that is already plainly stated on her profile. For example, if you ask her where she lives (i.e. city) and that is already on her profile, she is going to know that you didn't read her profile, and instead (if you show on her list of people who have viewed her profile) just looked at her pictures. Also for online, take the time to mention what it is you feel you can offer to a Dominant that you serve, what the advantage would be to her, if she were to take the time to get to know you. If your note reads as "me, me, me, me, it's all about my kinks and what I want you to do to me", you're unlikely to be successful. In a play party situation, assuming you mean approaching a Dominant you wish to scene with, if you know someone who already knows her, have that person introduce you to her. Again, be polite, remember that it's real life, not a fantasy or a porn. Do not treat her as if her sole purpose on earth is to cater to you and your kinky desires. I think the above suggestions should all be obvious, and you would, I hope, already be aware of them. But they are some of the things that people fail to do, time after time, so I figured it doesn't hurt to say it.

MadamAsianDom -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/25/2013 9:36:42 PM)
Oh! And one I forgot. Don't (online or in person) refer to her as "Mistress" or any other title automatically. Different dominants have different preferences. You're better off asking her how she would prefer to be addressed.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/25/2013 10:49:11 PM)
This ^^^ All excellent advice, thanks for saving me the typing MadamA. OP, there is a wealth of great information about this topic in the Ask A Mistress FAQ. Many of the ladies here would be happy to give you constructive critique if you would like to run something by us, such as a potential intro letter. Welcome to the boards! Great first post, though I see it took nearly 10 years to speak up. Better late than never. [8D] Hop on over to the 'Introduce Yourself' forum and say hello to the gang!

RumpusParable -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/25/2013 11:51:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: straightwtakink This question is for helping all of us, Dommes and submissives... Ladies, how would you like a potential new submissive to approach you and make first contact, either online or in a play party situation? What suggestions would you have to make the approach move along smoothly for both parties? Same as I want other dominants or vanilla folks to approach me: friendly and respectful. Say "hi", keep out of my personal space, give off a friendly vibe, and know how to open and hold a conversation.

LadyPact -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 1:07:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: straightwtakink This question is for helping all of us, Dommes and submissives... Ladies, how would you like a potential new submissive to approach you and make first contact, either online or in a play party situation? What suggestions would you have to make the approach move along smoothly for both parties? I'll have to correct you a little bit. Frankly, when people contact Dominant women and don't know the answer to this question, it's an excellent disqualification tool. Anybody who approaches Me in real life or online and addresses Me as "Mistress" without a qualifying name automatically shows Me that they don't know shit and that I probably don't want anything to do with them. Online, this ought to be a real easy premise. Every person comes with a screen name. Only somebody with the common sense of a rock wouldn't understand that they should probably use it. In person, I don't think it should be difficult, either. If you are just talking about a kinky gathering, what is wrong with, "Hello, My name is ______. I'm sorry, but I do not know yours. What would you prefer to be called?"

straightwtakink -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 2:11:59 AM)
Some very good insight... Thank you Ladies for your responses.

DarkSteven -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 4:09:48 AM)
I was at a couple of parties once and approached two women there. At the first, I noticed a woman sitting by herself quietly on a couch, where most around her were couples. I walked over and introduced myself and stated that I hadn't noticed her before at the Scarlet Moons parties (held regularly) and she gave me her name (Sofia) and replied that it was her first time at them. I then introduced her to the others sitting close by. Once I found that she was new to the community, I started telling her of other venues in the area. I also found that she was fifth generation Coloradoan, descended from Spaniards, but was not up to letting me practice my Spanish on her. Once I found out she was Dominant, I suggested that, if she wanted to play at the party, I could suggest some male bottoms for her. Another male Dom joined the conversation and told her of his experience in the local scene. Had I been a male sub, I would have asked her to play, and I figure my chances of her saying yes would have been above 50%. Afterward, I sent her a message on Fet (she has no cm account), saying that I had enjoyed talking with her, and she replied similarly. At the second, I noticed a woman standing by herself and walked over and said hello. I forget all the topics of conversation, but it touched on Greek mythology and the movie Black Orpheus and the book The Centaur by John Updike, both of which moved a Greek myth into an everyday setting. After about fifteen minutes of conversation, I asked her if she felt underspanked (this was a spanking party). Ten minutes later, she was over my lap. Juts walk over and say hello to someone, male or female. If it's a potential play partner, keep assessing: Do I like how she talks? Could I see this developing into a play scene? Etc. Whether it's a potential or not, make sure that both of you enjoy the conversation.

LeatherBentOne51 -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 8:21:38 AM)
Nothing makes me hit the "delete message" faster than "hello Ma'am," and nothing else. Same goes for "how are You?"

Subano -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 8:50:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom ]ensuring that if you ask her questions, you're not asking something that is already plainly stated on her profile. I have not been all that successful approaching Mistresses online, but one thing more than a few have told me is that I am not allowed to ask them a question. It's hard to carry on a conversation without asking a question - so how should we properly handle that?

LadyPact -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 8:58:21 AM)
That's a new one on Me, unless all you are doing is sending an email asking if you can ask a question. Then again, I'm a smart ass. When people write and say "May I ask you a question," I tell them that they just did so they used their question up.

Baroana -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 9:36:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51 Nothing makes me hit the "delete message" faster than "hello Ma'am," and nothing else. Same goes for "how are You?" A close third place is "May this humble servant please have the honor of addressing you? "

RedMagic1 -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 9:44:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom Ensure your message will read as being addressed to her, not a message that reads like a form letter that you've sent to 20 people already. This is best accomplished by referring to things within her profile, While I think this post is great, I would like to improve on the part I quoted. The best way I have found to get a response is to refer to a woman's journal entries, not to her profile. She might have written the profile text months or years ago. Also, many more guys read the profile than the journal. So you stand out right away, and you begin a conversation about something she's recently been thinking about, and considered important enough to express.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 10:40:50 AM)
~FRing it~ A simple hello including a polite introduction goes very far. What irritates me personally is third person speak (may this lowly slave approach you?), capitalized references to me/lowercase references to them (online communications), and the stranger who approaches and starts addressing me (another stranger) as Mistress/Goddess/<fill in the blank title> right away. Ma'am is okay, but it's kinda the limit. No offense to anyone who digs the capitalization, third person speak, or honorifics from strangers. It's just not personally my thing

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 12:23:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51 Nothing makes me hit the "delete message" faster than "hello Ma'am." Hello Ma'am. [:D]

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 12:31:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: straightwtakink What suggestions would you have to make the approach move along smoothly for both parties? I'd suggest two different approaches, one for on-line, and one for real life. If you're approaching her on-line, it's probably best to simply send her a picture of your cock. No introductions or words of any type are necessary. Once she sees your magnificent cock, she'll be hopelessly smitten by your awesomeness. If you're meeting her in real life, then the same principle holds true. Don't say a word to her. Don't waste time with introductions or pleasantries. Just whip it out, and let her behold your love stick. These may sound like overly bold approaches, but they've been proven to work. Trust me on this. If you use my method, you'll see results faster than you can say "restraining order". [:D]

LadyPact -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 12:42:39 PM)
Roch, are you entirely sure that you don't have just a touch of SAM in you? [:-]

MadamAsianDom -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 3:27:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Subano quote: ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom ]ensuring that if you ask her questions, you're not asking something that is already plainly stated on her profile. I have not been all that successful approaching Mistresses online, but one thing more than a few have told me is that I am not allowed to ask them a question. It's hard to carry on a conversation without asking a question - so how should we properly handle that? I agree with LadyPact, in that is something I haven't run across before with any of the other Dominants, Masters, or Mistresses I know. My personal opinion, and I am stressing that this is just my personal opinion - if the person states that you can't ask any questions, I would move on to someone else. Communication is a cornerstone of any relationship. So is the ability to learn and grow within a relationship, especially when you are trying to learn about that other person. Saying you aren't allowed to ask questions is going to make it difficult to do either of those two things. Now, I could understand if the person stated that, because they didn't know you, there may be certain questions they wouldn't answer, as they feel they are too personal to share with a stranger. That would be understandable. But to say no questions at all? To me that comes across as someone who is full of shit and feels that if you ask questions, you may realize that. Or it could be someone who just really does not have a friggin clue as to what they are doing and have all sorts of misconceptions as to what being a Dominant is. But, that's just my opinion. Others may have a different take on it.

MadamAsianDom -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 3:31:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom Ensure your message will read as being addressed to her, not a message that reads like a form letter that you've sent to 20 people already. This is best accomplished by referring to things within her profile, While I think this post is great, I would like to improve on the part I quoted. The best way I have found to get a response is to refer to a woman's journal entries, not to her profile. She might have written the profile text months or years ago. Also, many more guys read the profile than the journal. So you stand out right away, and you begin a conversation about something she's recently been thinking about, and considered important enough to express. That's true, as long as a)she has any journal entries and b) the journal entries themselves are not more outdated than the profile itself. So that approach can be as hit or miss as commenting on the profile if, as you pointed out, the person hasn't updated their profile in forever and a day. Either one may or may not work, but both are still better than just a form letter that could have been addressed to any random person instead of her personally.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Mistresses... How would you like to be approached when a new sub is making first contact? (3/26/2013 3:48:30 PM)
Well, in your case in particular, I'd suggest writing you about something you posted on the forum. The general principle is: try to connect with the woman as a thinking human being (as opposed to a fetish object), using as a springboard her most recently published thoughts.

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