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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 11:18:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

To be honest, LP, I don't explain myself to anyone but if you want to talk the mods into making a sticky about findomming I'm sure me and a few of the other ladies could get together and write something up for them.

There would of course, be the issue that finndomming is not the same for everyone just like everything else in bdsm varie from person to person.

I actually gave that a shot. The truth of the matter is that I agreed with Admin's decision that doing such would be interpreted as a 'preferential' treatment, of sorts to fin kink. I must say that I don't have a good debate point against it.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/5/2013 11:37:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

*snort* Okay, I tried to be nice about this but now Collarme is a findom problem too? < That is funny. At best by saying that you have pointed out that some finsubs do actually read the forums and might not take to well to some fin "doms" bitching about how hard things are. I understand that you are new(ish) to this but complaining about websites isn't very "dominant" and such things might explain why a few others in the community might take issue with you.

I see it more as this site being a problem because everyone didn't jump in to compliment her on her being able to pinpoint all the problems with being an FD in her approximately 3 months trying to figure out how to do it.

Just another way of "flouncing." Who has that Flounce Bingo Card?

Hilly I think.

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/6/2013 3:00:35 AM

Posts: 2340
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From: Middle River, MD
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Don't you kind of get sick of explaining yourselves over and over and over?

Yes although I'm not always explaining myself but sharing my experiences, my truth, my reality.

Have any of you considered making a word document of some of the standard answers about this kink to save yourself a few keystrokes?

Yes, this was actually why in my personal blog I wrote about my practices regarding financial domination but when I go to copy and paste it seems impersonal and it is personal.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 6/6/2013 3:03:12 AM >

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/6/2013 8:20:18 AM

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quote:

Ok, I'm responding as I read, so if one of our respected FDs' have answered this already, I apologize.

Allison said that money EXCHANGING HANDS is a small part of being an FD. Do you not understand that there are many ways to financially dominate someone that don't involve them giving their money to you? This makes them giving you money or gifts a small part of FD.

The rancor this causes is due to the blurred lines between controlling someone's financing, and having material gain being a condition of the relationship. If it takes gifts or money for me to be involved with him, then he's a customer. That doesn't make me a bad person, but putting out on the table like that makes me honest about it. If I were to expect cash or goods to come my way for the mere pleasure of my time and attention, then I am being paid for services rendered.

Have I ever said "C'mon slaveboy, you're buying dinner tonight and we're dressing up for it too". You bet. And I wouldn't consider myself an FD in a million years. Why? Because I would buy too.. it's just that I decide who pays when but you better believe it's fair.

I don't think folks take issue with someone being an FD so much as long as the customer element wasn't presented as being minor or a small piece of the relationship.

Yes LL, I get it theoretically, but in practice it would be a rare event to not find "money talks and bullshit walks", or rather, if he doesn't pay or buy her something, then she won't have a relationship with him.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/6/2013 8:44:44 AM

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quote:

Are you talking about findommes that only work online? You do know many of us know our subs in the real world don't you? You do know some of us even refuse to do online domming....don't you?

Does that matter?

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What you permit, you promote.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/6/2013 10:31:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

In regards to this statement, I have a question for all the findommes out there: How many of you actually do get sexually aroused by the act of requiring and accepting "tribute" in the form of money and/or gifts from submissives?

I do.

But it's not the money or gift itself that does it. It's the fact that I controlled a submitting of their effort to me.

I like online domination, mostly because of my life circumstances not allowing me to play much in person these days. I get sexually aroused making a man "suffer" or expend his effort for me.

Offline, that often take the form of pain play, or even more so, hard manual label. (The sight of a man shirtless working himself into a sweat and exhaustion digging a flowerbed in the backyard because I said so is just YUM.)

However, online there are few ways to accomplish a genuine sacrifice of time, effort, or work. Financial domination is one of the ways it can be accomplished though, because the money spend is a sacrifice that represents him giving up his time, effort and resources at my command. It's why I don't really care about the amounts involved. Nor do I accept cash tributes that I use for paying my living expenses and so on. When I make financial demands, they exclusively involve luxuries. Things I want, but don't need, and probably wouldn't have bought for myself anyways.

I like the idea of making him submit the resources he's worked so hard to gather for the mere purpose of me enjoying an excessive luxury. It's why the amount is of trivial importance, it's the sacrifice that counts.

Ideally I'd like to end up in a situation where I control all aspects of his life, including finances, in such a way that he couldn't even buy a stick of gum without permission, because standing in the grocery store contemplating it, he'd know I would know he did, and the idea of me controlling him to that extend would make him flustered, embarrassed and hard. And like somebody said above, it may very well be -depending on the guy's situation- that I wouldn't at all spend a lot of his cash on me. If he's in debt I'd make controlling him paying that off a far higher priority than buying me another pair of stilettos I don't really need.

But yes, getting presents and controlling finances definitely turns me on. Just ask my husband... he loves it when UPS pulls up to deliver such gifts... it means he's guaranteed to be jumped by me later.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/6/2013 7:46:00 PM

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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden

quote:

Ok, I'm responding as I read, so if one of our respected FDs' have answered this already, I apologize.

Allison said that money EXCHANGING HANDS is a small part of being an FD. Do you not understand that there are many ways to financially dominate someone that don't involve them giving their money to you? This makes them giving you money or gifts a small part of FD.

The rancor this causes is due to the blurred lines between controlling someone's financing, and having material gain being a condition of the relationship. If it takes gifts or money for me to be involved with him, then he's a customer. That doesn't make me a bad person, but putting out on the table like that makes me honest about it. If I were to expect cash or goods to come my way for the mere pleasure of my time and attention, then I am being paid for services rendered.

Have I ever said "C'mon slaveboy, you're buying dinner tonight and we're dressing up for it too". You bet. And I wouldn't consider myself an FD in a million years. Why? Because I would buy too.. it's just that I decide who pays when but you better believe it's fair.

I don't think folks take issue with someone being an FD so much as long as the customer element wasn't presented as being minor or a small piece of the relationship.

Yes LL, I get it theoretically, but in practice it would be a rare event to not find "money talks and bullshit walks", or rather, if he doesn't pay or buy her something, then she won't have a relationship with him.

It seems as though you are really confusing the "ducklips" FDs' with the respectable ones. Re-read LS, MIP and K's explanatory posts again and see if you can't figure out the difference.

I'm not sure how I feel about FD from their perspectives, although I can see the control aspect being very appealing. But since I'm certainly not a finsub, or interested at this time at trying out FD, I don't give it a lot of thought, other than I do see a huge difference between them and the ducklip chicks.

The ducklip chicks are all about "money talks and bullshit walks," and "if I think you have spent enough money on me, I might grace you with my calling you a pathetic loser." That is NOT financial domination. I don't even call it a scam per se. Rather I see it girls (I don't consider them women) who believe this is a way to get money for nothing.

(in reply to evesgrden)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/7/2013 5:15:27 AM

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True Financial domination & the 'ducklips' variation are mutually exclusive concepts, however, if you want to give all your money to some little girl who's just left school & can't get a job, there's no law anywhere that can stop you. Just a bit daft that's all. 'A fool & his money is soon parted'.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/7/2013 7:30:09 AM

MissImmortalPain

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In my personal opinion, yes, it does matter. I can not speak for anyone but myself but I find online only domination distasteful (at best) I have seen how many women work online domming and it is about as far away from domming as you can get. Domination happens on a very personal level. Like pain every person feels it in a different way. Deals with it in a different way. For myself, and the men I work with, it would not work if I never got to look at them face to face. If they never got to see me look at their books, at their homes, at how they spend their free time, it wouldn't be real. I know it is very hard for some people to understand but for me fd is not just about money. Money is a control factor, the same way some people into pet play will use food as a control factor. The same way some sadists use pain as a control factor with a sub that is afraid of pain.

I know it is hard to understand but try for a moment to wrap your thoughts around it. Examples might help.....

Sam sees money as something that makes the world spin. He believes there is nothing that can not be had with the right about of cash. There is a lady he likes but she seems not to like him very much. He offers her money for her time and he finds that he gets it. He will feel either good that he gained his prize or bad that the only way he could gain it was to pay for it (depends on the guy as to which will happen)

David is a shy and timid boy that hates pain. There is little in the world he fears more than being harmed. There is a lady he likes though who giggles when she sees him trip and fall. One whose eyes once lit up when she saw him break a glass and cut himself. She has a lot of toys that all look painful but he knows if he lets her hurt him it will make her happy...and she will like him more. So he does. Later he will either feel good that his pain made her happy or he will feel bad that his blood was the only thing she was attracted too (again depends on the guy as to which will happen)

Do you see how they are actually very much alike? I know I just said a lot more than just the answer to the question you asked but the whole question of Findomming seems to be getting beat into the ground and I think part of the reason for it is no one just flat out asks the questions that they want real answers to.

Why do men this? If I were to hazard a guess it is always about humiliation and/or power.

Why do women do this? Humiliation and power (from the other side) trinkets and cash.

*oh* and as for that if he doesn't pay she won't have a relationship with him thing....I won't be in a relationship (real relationship) with someone that won't let me hurt him. What is the difference between the two other than that some people get their panties in a knot about money?

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/7/2013 7:58:47 AM

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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: garyFLR

True Financial domination & the 'ducklips' variation are mutually exclusive concepts, however, if you want to give all your money to some little girl who's just left school & can't get a job, there's no law anywhere that can stop you. Just a bit daft that's all. 'A fool & his money is soon parted'.

It's nice that you agree with me. I use the term financial dominant with the duck lipped ones for continuity. I thought I was pretty clear about that.

(in reply to garyFLR)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/7/2013 3:12:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Poppy cock. If he takes me to dinner he is spending time with me......is that tangible? If I go toe to toe with him and get in his face to tell him that lottery tickets are, at best, a poor use of his money....is that tangible? If I stay up for six hours talking to him the night his dog dies...is that a tangible object? Shaking your tits in someones face is not tangible and if it is then, oh my, every net whore online needs to start getting paid. Or is that your really issue? Are you talking about findommes that only work online? You do know many of us know our subs in the real world don't you? You do know some of us even refuse to do online domming....don't you?

Re-phrase/clarification: Online.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/8/2013 1:05:41 PM

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quote:

*oh* and as for that if he doesn't pay she won't have a relationship with him thing....I won't be in a relationship (real relationship) with someone that won't let me hurt him. What is the difference between the two other than that some people get their panties in a knot about money?

I have no problem with you doing what you do. My only point was that money makes it a business relationship, and you've already owned that yes it's a job.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/8/2013 4:30:58 PM

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Because I build relationships with people and not their wallets, I hesitate to call FD a job, but I guess calling it a working relationship would be an accurate fit. Semantics, huh? It might not seem different to someone on the outside, but it's vastly different to me, the person in the relationship.

I have real relationships with real people. People that I've mostly met online but have then met (all but a few) in real-time. People that I know inside and out. They are not my clients or customers, they are people that I am either currently in relationships with or have been in the past.

Also, I can honestly say that I wouldn't dismiss someone strictly because the money stopped. There are some instances where I would end everything, for example, if the money stopped and neither party was interested in letting our dynamic evolve into something else. Then it would be pretty much finished because there would be nowhere else to go from there. I'm perfectly capable of letting a relationship change and grow into something that works best for everyone involved, though.

(in reply to evesgrden)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/8/2013 6:36:22 PM

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quote:

Because I build relationships with people and not their wallets, I hesitate to call FD a job,

That's what most successful people do. That's how they get referrals and repeat business and long term customers.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/8/2013 8:27:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden

quote:

Because I build relationships with people and not their wallets, I hesitate to call FD a job,

That's what most successful people do. That's how they get referrals and repeat business and long term customers.

I'm not sure why you're trying so hard to argue that this is a job for all findommes. I'm sure it is for some (and they're probably wildly successful because of all the time they put into it to make it a job), but I'm saying that it's not a job for me. I do not earn my living from FD.

(in reply to evesgrden)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/9/2013 1:51:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden

quote:

Because I build relationships with people and not their wallets, I hesitate to call FD a job,

That's what most successful people do. That's how they get referrals and repeat business and long term customers.

I'm not sure why you're trying so hard to argue that this is a job for all findommes. I'm sure it is for some (and they're probably wildly successful because of all the time they put into it to make it a job), but I'm saying that it's not a job for me. I do not earn my living from FD.

You don't have to call it a job.

But the relationship would not exist for you if there were no personal gain of a material nature. You may label that however you like.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/9/2013 3:27:13 AM

MissKittyDeVine

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I wonder about the feasibility of a Fin/Pro Domme sub-forum, although it would probably attract a lot of hostility.

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RE: Findom Problems - 6/9/2013 5:54:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden

You don't have to call it a job.

But the relationship would not exist for you if there were no personal gain of a material nature. You may label that however you like.

Two posts up I said this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

Also, I can honestly say that I wouldn't dismiss someone strictly because the money stopped. There are some instances where I would end everything, for example, if the money stopped and neither party was interested in letting our dynamic evolve into something else. Then it would be pretty much finished because there would be nowhere else to go from there. I'm perfectly capable of letting a relationship change and grow into something that works best for everyone involved, though.

You don't know me, evesgrden, and frankly, you're way off base. All you're doing is assuming that the relationship would not exist without personal gain, when I've specifically said that it can evolve if both parties want it to. If you don't want to believe me, that's cool, but please stop generalizing what you've seen/know about findommes because we aren't all the same, just like other BDSMers are not the same.

A label is just a label. I don't understand why people are so hung up on them. I can call myself 'Queen of all things that glitter' if I so desire (I don't want to, by the way) and that's the end. It's just a label.

(in reply to evesgrden)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/9/2013 5:55:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

I wonder about the feasibility of a Fin/Pro Domme sub-forum, although it would probably attract a lot of hostility.

I enjoy interacting with all types of people on the CM discussion boards so I'd hate having a fin/pro sub-forum where I'd feel like that's where I had to stay.

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)

RE: Findom Problems - 6/9/2013 6:00:33 AM

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

I wonder about the feasibility of a Fin/Pro Domme sub-forum, although it would probably attract a lot of hostility.

I enjoy interacting with all types of people on the CM discussion boards so I'd hate having a fin/pro sub-forum where I'd feel like that's where I had to stay.

I would think it would be treated like any of the other forums here.
Where anyone could chime in or post.
And someone wasn't confined to just that forum.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 6/9/2013 6:01:08 AM >

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(in reply to AllisonWilder)

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