RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ?

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 11:09:59 AM

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Joined: 10/24/2012
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I'm sure in certain circles, financial domination as an element of a complex power relationship is legitimate. But financial domination itself is not subtle nor nuanced, and skirts the definition of kink.

Take the list of BDSM interests you can list on your profile for instance. Every interest is contentious; that is, there are significant contingents of society that finds crossdressing, blindfolds, what have you, to be deviant, asexual, alternative, etc. My point is that you have to go out of your way to find others interested in this, which makes a site like this purposeful.

But financial domination centers itself around accepting money from someone simply because they want to give it. There is nothing unconventional about this. You would have trouble finding anyone, dom, sub, or random vanilla person on the street, who would turn down an invitation to participate in the receiving end of this "dynamic."

In any other kink, the sub and the domme are turned on by a mutually beneficial experience. That is, when a sub gives up power through bondage, or receiving pain, there is a feedback of enjoyment that stems from both parties enjoying purely the exchange of power and who is forfeiting what.

In financial domination however, the pleasure she experiences comes in whole or in part from the use of that money for material goods and services, which is a pleasure we all enjoy in our normal lives outside the D/s dynamic. You don't have to be kinky to enjoy spending someone else's money, just selfish.

This is the skepticism us subs sometimes feel when a woman says she wants money. We don't need an alt lifestyle website to find people like that.

< Message edited by Numb3rlocked -- 11/23/2013 11:19:20 AM >

(in reply to TigressLily)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 5:52:23 PM

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Why does a subject like this need to go on for 15 pages? Financial "dominants" are all women who simply want money for nothing. One wouldn't think that there are many men gullible enough to give away hard earned cash for absolutely no service in return, but the world is a strange and baffling place in some ways. It seems that there are a lot of submissive men who are so desperate that they are willing to grasp at straws to live out any part of their fantasy. Perhaps they would be better off if they valued themselves a little bit more. It would make the life of fast-multiplying extortionists just a little bit more difficult.

(in reply to Numb3rlocked)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 6:32:10 PM

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To be perfectly honest, I do not like financial domination. I understand the idea exists and I'm willing to accept it exists. But I think a lot of the hate towards it comes from the idea that the sub has been scammed or not even bothered with. From my knowledge (which may not be the best so please forgive me) subs crave attention (This may not be a case for all but it is a case for some) and when you don't give them any they feel left out. If you demand money and then just ignore them then they will feel scammed and cheated.

I don't claim (hopefully anyway. Sometimes people see things in my response that I don't) to understand how an actual financial dominant works, but if it is basically the whole asking for money and not giving attention afterwards? Then how can you claim to be a dominant to a submissive if you don't have any interaction besides taking money? OK there is the basis interaction on that, but so what?

I believe there are a lot of scammers in the online community, and because of financial domination it is very easy to pull off. As such it gives financial domination a bad name, to the point where how it was suppose to work is no longer in the minds of others to learn upon. I have seen many profiles that say they are findoms and to be honest I don't think a lot of them actually understand how the lifestyle works and just use it for their own benefit, they find it weird but use it to help themselves, maybe even having a evil laugh or two when thinking about all the people they screw over.

Again, personally I don't like it, though I understand that it exists. But you have to admit that it's the perfect cover for scammers to use to make an easy buck, and that doesn't help it's reputation.

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 6:57:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Numb3rlocked
You don't have to be kinky to enjoy spending someone else's money, just selfish.

WTF. How about, "appreciative?" Or maybe my sister is a selfish bitch because she was grateful that I recently sent her a check?

Hell, I hate these fkn threads, but I'll tell you a story, because you clearly put intelligence and emotion into your first post.

My favorite fetish model also has a career as a vanilla model under a slightly different name. She tries to keep the two careers completely separate, and I had no idea her vanilla Facebook page has over a million likes. Anyway, she and I got to talking because I sent her a quick note saying "great kink vid" or something like that. Then, instead of paying money to subscribe to her site, I bought her a new set of knives for her kitchen. High quality and on sale at Amazon. Long time no speak. Just a couple days ago, she emailed me and asked if I could come over and give her a massage. She lives 1400 miles away from me, so I said no. But this is a woman who literally gets propositioned a hundred times a day on Facebook alone, and she was inviting me into her life because I had bought her some frikkin kitchen knives.

So again. A professional model, makes her money through male sexuality, and she was *appreciative* that I bought her something in a way that treated her like a human being, instead of a piece of ass.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Numb3rlocked)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 7:13:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ralanr6
I believe there are a lot of scammers in the online community,

Haha, you can say that again. Not only they are out there, but they are out in the open and CM moderators actively refuse to do anything about it. I remember making a thread with a few sample profiles that contain obviously stolen pictures. Most of them contain half-drunk, half-naked white chicks living it up at some frat party. A google search on the image yields dozens or hundreds of direct hits. Yet my post was deleted because, supposedly, somebody innocent could be implicated. As if it was a matter of destroying someone's reputation or putting them in prison for many years because they got banned on a kinky dating site. At the worst, the "innocent" can sign up again in about 3 minutes with a different email address. With a little bit of effort, this place could be much cleaner and user friendly. "Financial domination" is one of the things that has to go in order to make that happen.

(in reply to Ralanr6)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 8:13:46 PM

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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ralanr6
I believe there are a lot of scammers in the online community,

Haha, you can say that again. Not only they are out there, but they are out in the open and CM moderators actively refuse to do anything about it. I remember making a thread with a few sample profiles that contain obviously stolen pictures. Most of them contain half-drunk, half-naked white chicks living it up at some frat party. A google search on the image yields dozens or hundreds of direct hits. Yet my post was deleted because, supposedly, somebody innocent could be implicated. As if it was a matter of destroying someone's reputation or putting them in prison for many years because they got banned on a kinky dating site. At the worst, the "innocent" can sign up again in about 3 minutes with a different email address. With a little bit of effort, this place could be much cleaner and user friendly. "Financial domination" is one of the things that has to go in order to make that happen.

Blacklisting is against the ToS of this site. Which you agreed to abide by when you signed up at this site. Now you're ticked that you're actually expected to follow the rules to which you agreed.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 8:20:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24
Financial "dominants" are all women who simply want money for nothing. One wouldn't think that there are many men gullible enough to give away hard earned cash for absolutely no service in return, but the world is a strange and baffling place in some ways. It seems that there are a lot of submissive men who are so desperate that they are willing to grasp at straws to live out any part of their fantasy. Perhaps they would be better off if they valued themselves a little bit more. It would make the life of fast-multiplying extortionists just a little bit more difficult.

Findommes want money for something that you don't want to pay for. That's all. The reason they're here is that there are men who are willing to pay. Online fetish fulfillment.

And it's not extortion, it's a transaction. Extortion involves an abuse of power, and the customer is the one with the real power.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 8:41:59 PM

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Joined: 10/14/2013
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There's nothing wrong with Financial Domination. Just because you don't enjoy doesn't mean no one else enjoys it, either. I think what I'm hearing is you don't like findommes because when you go to search for dommes you're finding both findommes and non-findommes, and it bothers you that you have to sort through the findommes to get to the dommes you want to find. Likewise, when I'm searching for subs, a lot of unattractive subs come up, but you don't hear me complaining that all the unattractive subs are ruining the site for the rest of us. Tolerance is a two-way street.

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 8:45:55 PM

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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

There's nothing wrong with Financial Domination. Just because you don't enjoy doesn't mean no one else enjoys it, either. I think what I'm hearing is you don't like findommes because when you go to search for dommes you're finding both findommes and non-findommes, and it bothers you that you have to sort through the findommes to get to the dommes you want to find. Likewise, when I'm searching for subs, a lot of unattractive subs come up, but you don't hear me complaining that all the unattractive subs are ruining the site for the rest of us. Tolerance is a two-way street.

Actually, FinDommes are upfront about what they want. I'd like to wipe out all the "married and cheating because the kink community will make it easier to lie" people off the site.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Anuser)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 8:47:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Blacklisting is against the ToS of this site. Which you agreed to abide by when you signed up at this site. Now you're ticked that you're actually expected to follow the rules to which you agreed.

When rules are stupid, they should be changed. Otherwise we'd still be living in the dark ages. I don't DEMAND that rules should be changed, but I think it would be the best for this community - at least the genuine members of it.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 8:52:12 PM

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Joined: 4/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

There's nothing wrong with Financial Domination. Just because you don't enjoy doesn't mean no one else enjoys it, either. I think what I'm hearing is you don't like findommes because when you go to search for dommes you're finding both findommes and non-findommes, and it bothers you that you have to sort through the findommes to get to the dommes you want to find. Likewise, when I'm searching for subs, a lot of unattractive subs come up, but you don't hear me complaining that all the unattractive subs are ruining the site for the rest of us. Tolerance is a two-way street.

I don't search for female doms, but it's an effect that is difficult not to notice. I question the integrity of women who are "financial doms". It's an 800 pound gorilla in the room that they are just extortionists. Not my problem really, but questioning obvious aspects of reality always ruffles my feathers.

(in reply to Anuser)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 9:12:44 PM

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From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

There's nothing wrong with Financial Domination. Just because you don't enjoy doesn't mean no one else enjoys it, either. I think what I'm hearing is you don't like findommes because when you go to search for dommes you're finding both findommes and non-findommes, and it bothers you that you have to sort through the findommes to get to the dommes you want to find. Likewise, when I'm searching for subs, a lot of unattractive subs come up, but you don't hear me complaining that all the unattractive subs are ruining the site for the rest of us. Tolerance is a two-way street.

I don't search for female doms, but it's an effect that is difficult not to notice. I question the integrity of women who are "financial doms". It's an 800 pound gorilla in the room that they are just extortionists. Not my problem really, but questioning obvious aspects of reality always ruffles my feathers.

Perhaps you should do some findomming, then you can come back and tell us how all you had to do was sit back and eat bonbons all day.

OR you could get into the minds, hearts and souls of your clients, you could come up with new and interesting scenarios for each individual client, you could spend long hours talking to said clients, writing stories, making recordings, and leading your clients in the direction you think would benefit both them and you, attempt to help those who really are making detrimental choices for themselves rather than using it as entertainment and a fetish release, oh yeah, and then, eventually, I guess, you could still eat those bonbons I mentioned above.

Because I guarantee a successful findom is not just lazing around waiting for someone to give them money for nothing.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 9:20:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24
I don't search for female doms, but it's an effect that is difficult not to notice. I question the integrity of women who are "financial doms". It's an 800 pound gorilla in the room that they are just extortionists. Not my problem really, but questioning obvious aspects of reality always ruffles my feathers.

I don't know how it's obvious that a findomme is an extortionist. They offer a service and people can choose or not choose to use their services. Nobody is forcing anyone to hand over their wallet. Life is full of choices, and we have to take ownership for those choices that we make. If you're not even searching for dommes, I really fail to see how findommes concern you. I generally keep my opinion about that which does not concern me to myself. *hint hint*

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 9:32:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

I don't know how it's obvious that a findomme is an extortionist. They offer a service and people can choose or not choose to use their services. Nobody is forcing anyone to hand over their wallet. Life is full of choices, and we have to take ownership for those choices that we make. If you're not even searching for dommes, I really fail to see how findommes concern you. I generally keep my opinion about that which does not concern me to myself. *hint hint*

So, you see a bully pounding the brains out of a weaker and smaller person right next to you. Do you do nothing because it doesn't concern you?

People are getting taken advantage of - it's as simple as that. I think we can do a little bit better than that.

(in reply to Anuser)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/23/2013 11:14:24 PM

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I think we need to draw a line between what a findomme actually is and a what doesn't fit the category. The examples you've point out sound like an appropiate description of what a findomme may do (I mean the stories and recordings. I am trying very hard to not flame anyone). But it's just that many people who claim to be findom's do not do that, they basically take money and offer nothing, not even attention.

While a smart person can figure this out and tell them to leave, a new person is often very naive to these things and tends to get screwed over.

And at the very least you have to admit that findom's are essentially the perfect cover for many scammers. This where most of the rage comes from.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/24/2013 1:11:53 AM

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We're all adults here and I don't assume anyone has power over anyone on the internet. You're all created equal by virtue of the fact that appearance and social status don't translate. The only edge you have over anyone is intelligence. Not all are created equal, and some are going to get fucked. That being said, who made you the judge, jury, and executioner for internet relationships? Also, a fool and his money are soon parted ways. It's of little consequence how their ways are parted.

Your example of someone beating up on a physically weaker person is incongruous because because it takes place in a physical realm. Online, anyone has the power to walk away from their computer at any point in time. If someone can't tear themselves away from a findomme they have some larger psychological issues at play which you aren't qualified to intervene in. As altruistic as it may seem to intervene on someone's behalf, you have to ask under whose authority are you operating? Nobody made you the moral police so I believe it's best to mind your own business. Otherwise, you get into this position of being an omnipotent authority figure and that doesn't work. Just ask the United States how the world-police business is going in the Middle East. Hint: not well.

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/24/2013 2:24:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

I don't know how it's obvious that a findomme is an extortionist. They offer a service and people can choose or not choose to use their services. Nobody is forcing anyone to hand over their wallet. Life is full of choices, and we have to take ownership for those choices that we make. If you're not even searching for dommes, I really fail to see how findommes concern you. I generally keep my opinion about that which does not concern me to myself. *hint hint*

So, you see a bully pounding the brains out of a weaker and smaller person right next to you. Do you do nothing because it doesn't concern you?

People are getting taken advantage of - it's as simple as that. I think we can do a little bit better than that.

I think its actually a little more complicated than that. The weak person in your analogy is being beaten against his will, he can do nothing about it. When I pay a visit to the other side its always obvious who the findommes are - most of the time its stated in huge letters at the top of their profile. You seem to be suggesting that the subs themselves have no role to play, whereas I would bet all of the money in my pockets that 9 times out of 10 (at least) it was the sub that instigated the relationship. The subs aren't innocent lambs standing around waiting for the big bad findommes to come along, turn them upside down and shake them until all the money falls out. The subs are actively pursuing these kind of relationships, and who are you to tell them they are wrong to do so?

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/24/2013 3:52:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24

People are getting taken advantage of - it's as simple as that. I think we can do a little bit better than that.

Oh those poor men. At the mercy of their urges to the point that they cannot control themselves and can't help but pull out their credit cards and send cash or money to those wicked findommes.

Wait.. wasn't being at the mercy of their physical urges the reason men said women were to blame for being raped? Because women dressed too provocatively or were asking for it in some sense that a mere mortal man could not help himself? How noble of you to defend these victims. If only they were legally competent to decide whether they want to pay for a service or not. Wait again.. they are.

Your moral indignation is nothing more than thinly veiled sour grapes.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/24/2013 5:00:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anuser

I don't know how it's obvious that a findomme is an extortionist. They offer a service and people can choose or not choose to use their services. Nobody is forcing anyone to hand over their wallet. Life is full of choices, and we have to take ownership for those choices that we make. If you're not even searching for dommes, I really fail to see how findommes concern you. I generally keep my opinion about that which does not concern me to myself. *hint hint*

So, you see a bully pounding the brains out of a weaker and smaller person right next to you. Do you do nothing because it doesn't concern you?

People are getting taken advantage of - it's as simple as that. I think we can do a little bit better than that.

The problem with this stance, is that those subs that get a genuine rush out of fd and who feel perfectly able to make their own choices could well respond by saying "you patronising little wad of jizz, how dare you wade in with your arrogant presumption and seek to fuck with my kink. Why don't you tell me what you're into so I can make pompous judgements sbout your preferences?"

Do you think thay would be unreasonable?

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to darkmatter24)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/24/2013 5:27:04 AM

lizi

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And there are the male submissives that seek out women to give money to unprompted. When my profile was visible, I got offers from men where they would offer to give me money or gifts. One man wanted to come clean my house, buy me groceries, and leave without any interaction on my part. My profile said I was submissive, it had no pictures, and was pretty generic in content. Other female submissives/slaves have said that men seeking to give their money away have approached them too.

There ARE men out there that want financial domination. Why should anyone interfere with what 2 adults agree to do? We may find it distasteful, I know I feel that way about the human toilets that seek out donors, but they want what they want.

(in reply to crazyml)

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