MemphisDsCouple
Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
All of the answers have been great...Thank you..In reading all of your posts I am believing now that it is a gradual thing of giving yourself over to him, slowly becoming "His"....instead of one marked moment....and the the collar being the ultimate degree of ownership once that metamorphosis takes place.
As I have said, I am very new in the lifestyle and very new in a relationship, but since the initial post I felt a very brief moment of what most of you were talking about. I was sitting naked at His feet, as he was sharing something intimate with me and this firm handed Dom was lightly stroking my back, at that moment I felt like "His". An awesome feeling...I would love to know from the Doms and Masters, what is a moment when she felt like "Yours".
What is "being His"? It depends on who is saying those words. For a lot of people, "being His" is fulfilled by an hour or two, a night of passion. Others last a weekend, some a couple weeks or a month. For some, an apparently small percentage, "being His" is something that lasts a lifetime. Have you searched your soul to find where you fall on this spectrum of what "being His" means?
What is a collar? Nothing really, outside the life of its symbolism. What is a wedding ring? The same. I've watched both men and women remove their wedding rings to facilitate a night of denying the commitment represented by their rings. As the concepts of "no fault divorce" based on "irreconcilable differences" have pervaded our society we have come to treat being "separated" as though the couple were already divorced. How much more simple is it to remove a collar of leather or steel?
When do I feel a woman is mine? My old granny used to say: "Pretty is as pretty does." I give a woman time to show me her mettle before I put a great deal of reliance in any words she may say that she has submitted fully to my will. Life will test us. These things become clear over time. Can you rely on a person? On his/her commitment? LOL! I will wager that every person who reads this would answer "Yes! You can rely on my commitment." But! Tomorrow, next week, next month we will read about how 90% of their relationships went wrong, about how they "had to" break their commitment for good reason after good reason after good reason. I, personally, do not rely on a collar, a ring or a spoken promise overly much. Here is how far a promise takes a woman with me:
If I feel a woman is worth owning, if I feel her character is strong enough to stand the test of time and if I feel a connection to her psychologically, emotionally, philosophically and physically, when she promises to be mine - I take her at her word. Completely. Unquestioningly. With full faith. If she tells me it is raining I grab an umbrella on my way out the door. But then, when I go out the door I'm looking around. Is the sun shining and the grass dry?
If she tells me she has put all prior relationships in her life behind her (for example) again, I take her at her word. But what does she do when someone who was in her life contacts her? Not long after my woman and I started living together (we've been together many, many years now) she got a call from a bf of several years. It was a short conversation. She said hi, how are you, I hope you're fine, I'm with someone else. And that was the end of that. We never heard from him again. She was as good as her commitment. The moral of that story is: Life will test us.
No one will like or agree with all my commands and instructions. That should be obvious. I watch: How does she conduct herself when she does not agree with me? Does she become untrustworthy? Obstructionist? Life will test us. Much more has been written in d/s philosophy about submissives developing trust for dominants than has been written about dominants developing trust for submissives, but I say to you: there are two identical sides to that "trust" coin.
For my part, I expect the same kind of observation of me to be going on in her mind. Life will test us. If I tell her something, is it so? Do I make commitments I do not keep? Do I show wisdom? Am I consistent? And so on.
In watching others' relationships come and go, I think the people in our society (in general) have lost sight of how to have a successful relationship that will stand the test of time. And, I think many of the people who practice (or attempt to practice) d/s in their relationships bring a lot of that baggage with them to their d/s relationships. In terms of the potential to be a lasting relationship, it seems to me that d/s relationships should have a huge advantage over vanilla relationships. In vanilla relationships, what do the people in the relationship do when they (inevitably) disagree? Try to talk it out. But what if that brings no resolution? Try to compromise. But what if both feel strongly about the disagreement? In d/s this problem should already settled by definition of what d/s is. It seems to me this is an enormous advantage for d/s relationships to better achieve the goal of lasting over time. But does the submissive live up to her/his part of this pre-agreed power structure and problem resolution? Does she, in the end, embrace her master's decree? I think in many relationships the submissive does not. It can be a heavy burden for the dominant to bear this degree of responsibility and accountability. Likewise, it can be an exceedingly difficult thing for the submissive to embrace her commitment to submission. But for my part, I think bearing the burden of dominance and embracing submission even when it is difficult are better than breaking relationships.
Remember: "Pretty is as pretty does." Words are cheap. Actions are dear. Life will test us.
When do I feel a woman is really mine? When I see her pass the tests life will throw at us and then kneel and kiss my boots.
_____________________________
B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)
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RE: "His" - 
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