sexually abused subs (Full Version)

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deansgirl -> sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 3:27:45 PM)

Was just wondering if other Domms have noticed that a lot of subs were sexually abused either as a child or AAT some point before becoming a sub. Just wondering about your thoughts on this matter.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 3:31:50 PM)

It's my sad experience that a lot of PEOPLE have been sexually abused or assaulted at some point. Doms, subs, vanilla folks, straight, gay, bi, asexual, promiscuous or virginal.

In some cases it certainly affects the way their sexuality manifests itself. I don't know of any studies that have shown a higher correlation between sexual abuse and identifying as a submissive, though it would be interesting to see. (Maybe I should contact that pesky Sydney University that everyone seems to think is so interested in their kinks)



deansgirl -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 3:51:43 PM)

Unfortunately it happens to far to many people I was just wondering if others have noticed how it affects them in here adult sex lives as in turning females more sub and driving males to be more domm or vice a versa



ResidentSadist -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 3:54:53 PM)

The stereotype extends through subs, dancers, escorts, porn actors and many other performers seeking self worth in the eyes of an other. Yup, having the pressure of society condemn you for what happened as a child causes a bit of a twist in the super-ego.



David92506 -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 4:11:15 PM)

I believe that many people play out their childhood experiences (sexually abused) in BDSM; both dominants and submissives.



ExiledTyrant -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 4:12:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: David92506

I believe that many people play out their childhood experiences (sexually abused) in BDSM; both dominants and submissives.


Then there are people like me.... Born a kink freak.

Jus sayin

Exiled



RedMagic1 -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 4:27:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deansgirl
Was just wondering if other Domms have noticed that a lot of subs were sexually abused either as a child or AAT some point before becoming a sub. Just wondering about your thoughts on this matter.

A lot of people say this, but it doesn't appear to be true. One example:

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x/abstract;jsessionid=E7D28833607CEDBB6456A16D0E2D24B7.f02t02?deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=&userIsAuthenticated=false

When looked at statistically, instead of anecdotally, there doesn't appear to be any more childhood sexual abuse in this population.



kalikshama -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 8:15:50 PM)

I think the conclusion is worth some pixels:

Conclusion.  Our findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with “normal” sex.



David92506 -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 8:56:48 PM)

I wonder if those sadists, who derive pleasure from sexually abusing people, are more common in the BDSM realm.



OsideGirl -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 9:53:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I think the conclusion is worth some pixels:

Conclusion.  Our findings support the idea that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, and for most participants not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with “normal” sex.


Exactly.

D/s BDSM is a slice of society, so the same ratios apply within as without.

Signed, someone who has never been sexually abused or raped.



ResidentSadist -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 10:13:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: David92506
I wonder if those sadists, who derive pleasure from sexually abusing people, are more common in the BDSM realm.

That seems like a righteous question but, I gotta' get your definition of "abuse" and "BDSM realm".

Does "abuse" mean "consensual torture?" Like I was abusing the hell out her tits with those nipple clamps and she loved it. If torture exceeds the realm of sexual sadism, or consent, then it isn't BDSM. So I will presume consensual torture is your meaning.

Does "BDSM realm" mean it falls under the realm of "BDSM practices" or "the leather community?"

If your question is "I wonder if those sadists, who derive pleasure from consensual sexually torture, are more common in the Leather Community than the vanilla community?"
I think the answer is a simple yes. If sadomasochism (sexual sadism & masochism) is your interest, it would be hard to overlook the Leather Community and you would think, birds of feather flock together. About 10% of the vanilla community say they experience BDSM. The vast majority of the leather community experience BDSM in one form or another.

If your question is "I wonder if those sadists, who derive pleasure from consensual sexually torture, more commonly use BDSM practices?"
I would think the answer is a mandatory yes. I can see where a vanilla sexual sadist might think they don't practice BDSM per se if they don't use the typical BDSM regalia. There are a million ways to inflict pain without BDSM regalia. However practicing bondage, discipline and/or sadomasochism is still BDSM even if the practitioner doesn't know what it is called or identify with it. You just can't practice sexual sadism without participating in the sadomasochism aspect of the BDSM acronym. Many vanillas bite nipples, scratch and inflict pain for sexual stimulation . . . but that is more like primal rough sex and stimulation, not sexual tortures. Their endorphin levels make them perceive what would normally be painful as sexual stimulation, not raw pain. Bite their nipple out of context and you will get a painful and unpleasant reaction. Bite my masochistic slave on the nipple out of context and she will get turned on and have a sexual reaction. So the same acts, depending on the participants, can be BDSM or not.

As is often said, "BDSM is what we do. Leather lifestyle is who we are". You can indulge BDSM acts and sadomasochistic desires without being part of the Leather Lifestyle. You can inflict rough sexual stimulation, parallel to a BDSM style act like nipple biting, but not be practicing BDSM or sexual sadism.

Forgive me for rephrasing your question and please correct me if I was wrong. I hope this explains my perspectives on the topic.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/28/2013 10:25:35 PM)

~FRing it~

Being a survivor of sexual abuse/assault is no more or less prevalent in the BDSM segment of the population compared to any other population. It cuts across all lines, genders, orientations, socioeconomic classes, ages, and any other categorical way you can classify people.

For the record, I too am a person who has not been sexually abused in any way my entire life...yet has been drawn to BDSM for as long as I remember



Greta75 -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 4:41:33 AM)

FAst Reply

While I have been very mildly sexually abuse, at 10 and then at 12, but I already had leanings since I was 7 or 8. So I know it has nothing to do with that. I have to say my "sexual abuse" at 10, just made bdsm from a fantasy to how it feels like for real. And I was turned on by it.

So I know it's like homosexuality, I was born with it.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 4:46:25 AM)

As much as I agree with other posters that an abusive past is not more prevalent in the kink community, I also feel like we are missing the elephant in the room.

I'm thinking that this question is personal to the OP and perhaps she is asking about effects because she has been curious about her own or her partner's behaviour and wondering if it may be something to do with an abusive experience?

I am fortunate not to have experienced abuse but from what I have heard, BDSM can be both a way of working through issues from abuse, but also it can be an unfortunate, sometimes unexpected and sometimes overwhelming trigger for reliving or flashbacks of past abuse.

I think the best advice is to be honest and open with partners, particularly in regard to things that may be upsetting or scary for you and so that they know what to stay away from, or to explore only very gently and carefully and with full and informed consent.

Good luck

od xxx



angelikaJ -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 4:51:54 AM)

If the rate of abuse is something like 1 in 5 (or 20%), then I think where ever you go you will encounter women who suffered through that.



kalikshama -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 5:20:22 AM)

quote:

I wonder if those sadists, who derive pleasure from sexually abusing people, are more common in the BDSM realm.


Do you mean criminals like Ariel Castro, the man who kidnapped those three women in Ohio?



Arturas -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 6:59:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: deansgirl

Was just wondering if other Domms have noticed that a lot of subs were sexually abused either as a child or AAT some point before becoming a sub. Just wondering about your thoughts on this matter.


None I personally know were abused including Star. They do however share some characteristics none of which are abuse scars. One the other hand I know women who were abused as little girls who are just the opposite of submissive, not that this means anything perhaps. The population of submissive women is ginormous and I suspect some were abused, some adored their fathers and never were abused by anyone and some simply enjoy being as feminine as possible. Star is as feminine as possible and outwardly shows this in her exotic jewelry, her makeup and her clothing and in her walk and talk which attracts attention I noticed early on from male onlookers wherever we went. Early on in my "Dom life" I realized submissive women were not looking for abuse and by extension the continuation of some abusive treatment in an earlier life stage and that includes the SM submissive woman.

Arturas



Kana -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 7:24:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: deansgirl

Was just wondering if other Doms have noticed that a lot of humans were sexually abused either as a child or AT some point. Just wondering about your thoughts on this matter.

FTFY



lovethyself -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 7:30:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deansgirl

Was just wondering if other Domms have noticed that a lot of subs were sexually abused either as a child or AAT some point before becoming a sub. Just wondering about your thoughts on this matter.


While I highly doubt that the proportion of people that have been abused isn't all that different from the rest of society, I do wonder if it seems more prevelent because the BDSM community/scene/lifestyle has a much higher emphasis on open and honest communication than the vanilla world. I think it's much more likely that you hear about abuse more here because it's possible to talk about it more openly here. On average I've noticed that there are more people that are or have looked at themselves to understand better what drives them. That would include looking at past abuses (if there are any) instead of burying them.

For the record, I wasn't abused either, but I know from looking at my own past that some of my fascination with certain kinks comes from really not happy times where life kicked me to the ground. Understanding me included facing my past.



Greta75 -> RE: sexually abused subs (12/29/2013 7:57:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: David92506

I wonder if those sadists, who derive pleasure from sexually abusing people, are more common in the BDSM realm.


Yes, I would imagine yes, they would be lurking here. I met one on collarme before.
They pretend to be doms, set up a scene, and then when you're all bound up, every agreement you had gets thrown out of the window, and then they blackmail you to shut up about it.
Look, evil lurks everywhere, even in vanilla hook up sites.
You just got to be extra careful, and super careful. There will be risks no matter what.
Like this dude I'm talking about, we went on vanilla dates and even had vanilla sex, I mean, I know him for a year and he completely earned my trust, before he did his unconsensual planned thing. But to be fair, he did tell me from the start his a sadist and he does not believe in safe words. That's why I never played bdsm with him and was happy to only stick to vanilla.
There are good guys and bad guys in here, just be careful and screen carefully.



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