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How would you react, ladies?


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How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:25:28 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Discussion on the other side and a gent wanted to know how to approach a lady...

So from what I gathered he wrote a woman here, though she hasn't logged in for a month nor checked her mails, he somehow tracked her down in the "real world" and thought about sending romantic messages with flowers or showing up. He thought it would be super romantic and she would be flattered.

I mentioned that it would really freak me out, and calling the police would be my most harmless reaction, because I would consider it really creepy and scary. I don't think he gets it, he believes that a woman would see it as super flattering and charming, that her profile inspired somebody to go through such great lengths.

It might work in the movies, but I can't imagine that anybody here would be delighted, I certainly wouldn't and I can imagine a number of other women who would also react pretty strongly. Just wondering if I am really off the mark here? Unless I tell somebody where I am and invite that person specifically, I would see any attempt to make contact outside of CM as an intrusion, one that would really freak me out.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:32:17 AM   
OsideGirl


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I'd react strongly with a police report and restraining order (and possibly pepper spray)

There's a reason why dating site profiles don't have our full names and locations like Facebook, it's because without our permission you are not allowed into our outside lives. I'll also add that if she hasn't logged in during the past month, it's because she's with someone she's interested in.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:34:43 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Glad that I'm not a freak and in that case, I'd also be glad that Dobies are very big dogs who can look very very scary, especially if they'd pick up that I'm upset...

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:42:17 AM   
SweetAnise


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I would be a bit freaked and the police would be called. Some men need to develop skills on rejection and stop this stalking shit.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:47:58 AM   
Killerangel


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Oh hell no, there wouldn't be a positive response here, I'd view it as danger and want to put him as far away from me as I could and take steps that he couldn't get close to me again. I don't care what he'd have to say for himself, someone unknown to me who has tracked me down through an internet profile would seem automatically like danger no matter what he had to say for himself.

Women are sensitive to intruders in their space, they have to be, that's how the world is for them; there isn't any way for this situation to turn out well I think. Women put up walls for a reason, to protect themselves. If someone just jumped over those walls willy nilly then he'd be viewed by me as someone to get rid of, if he ignores boundaries now, what about later?

I have noticed that there are many men who do not understand what it is like to be a woman and worry about safety the way that women do. I'm tired of justifying myself to this type of man, it's exhausting, therefore someone like the man you described would not be someone I would ever consider getting to know. If a man doesn't get that the world is a dangerous place for a woman, than he's not the type of person I want to spend time with. I'm just talking about day to day life for a woman and watching out for one's safety, nothing extreme. Some guys don't understand how women have to scan parking lots to see who is out there and if it's safe to go to your car, or how it would be dangerous to open your door to a meter reader or salesman. Those are the guys who probably think it's flattering to be approached out of the blue and can't fathom how that would be read as dangerous by a woman who doesn't know you.

It would never turn out well for a man to track me down in real life and approach me before contacting me online. If I were absent from a site for a long time and wasn't answering mail anymore….oh well. That doesn't mean I left an open invitation for men to find me in other ways. If I were interested in finding someone, I'd probably attend to my profile. If I'm not attending to it, leave me the hell alone.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:50:05 AM   
sexyred1


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I would be creeped out. Someone once did that to me and it's too long of a story, but it took a long time to get rid of him.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:50:14 AM   
LadyConstanze


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We exchanged messages, I told him that most women would feel very strongly about this, in a very negative way, but apparently I'm very mean and don't understand that he just needed pointers as he sees her as his soulmate (which is even more weird, it's an internet profile, she hasn't read his CMail, hasn't responded, hasn't been on the site for a month).

I don't get the disconnect, I think most guys would freak out even if a good looking woman would do it, it just seems to be such an intrusion and so underhanded, there is nothing remotely romantic about it.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:50:16 AM   
MisterP61


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I know You asked for ladies responses, but good god, WTF is this guy thinking? How can he not see how creepy this sounds? Not to even mention the possible illegality of it. I am one, but dam sometimes it is easier to understand women.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:52:35 AM   
LadyConstanze


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

I know You asked for ladies responses, but good god, WTF is this guy thinking? How can he not see how creepy this sounds? Not to even mention the possible illegality of it. I am one, but dam sometimes it is easier to understand women.



Actually it is great to get the male view of it, the ladies thing was more just, I'd be really really freaked out, because it's simply not how normal people interact, it's not some schmalzy Hollywood movie.

In fact it is great to hear that as a man you would also not understand it.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:53:57 AM   
hlen5


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

Oh hell no, ....................... if he ignores boundaries now, what about later?

...........If I were interested in finding someone, I'd probably attend to my profile. If I'm not attending to it, leave me the hell alone.


LC,

Point out this thread to him. 5 out of 5 women are saying HELL NO.

ETA: Too slow to post. Now even more folks are saying no than 5 out of 5.

< Message edited by hlen5 -- 2/23/2014 11:55:43 AM >


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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:57:04 AM   
LadyConstanze


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He reacted pretty strongly when I repeatedly told him that it is not a great idea and it's damned near stalkerish and certainly underhand, I'm now a meanie, he's playing the victim card and I just think the worst of people, blah blah.

I don't think he's dangerous, just seems to be incapable to understand that while he might see it as a romantic gesture, a woman would not perceive it as such.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:57:40 AM   
Scala


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Discussion on the other side and a gent wanted to know how to approach a lady...

So from what I gathered he wrote a woman here, though she hasn't logged in for a month nor checked her mails, he somehow tracked her down in the "real world" and thought about sending romantic messages with flowers or showing up. He thought it would be super romantic and she would be flattered.

I mentioned that it would really freak me out, and calling the police would be my most harmless reaction, because I would consider it really creepy and scary. I don't think he gets it, he believes that a woman would see it as super flattering and charming, that her profile inspired somebody to go through such great lengths.

It might work in the movies, but I can't imagine that anybody here would be delighted, I certainly wouldn't and I can imagine a number of other women who would also react pretty strongly. Just wondering if I am really off the mark here? Unless I tell somebody where I am and invite that person specifically, I would see any attempt to make contact outside of CM as an intrusion, one that would really freak me out.


Oh ... so its not ok for me to pop around tomorrow for a cup of tea then ...

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:58:49 AM   
MisterP61


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

I know You asked for ladies responses, but good god, WTF is this guy thinking? How can he not see how creepy this sounds? Not to even mention the possible illegality of it. I am one, but dam sometimes it is easier to understand women.



Actually it is great to get the male view of it, the ladies thing was more just, I'd be really really freaked out, because it's simply not how normal people interact, it's not some schmalzy Hollywood movie.

In fact it is great to hear that as a man you would also not understand it.

Don't get Me wrong. On a base level I DO understand it (he is lonely, and I have been at one time in My life), but then there is this thing that kicks in... You know... that voice that says that's frigging insane and wrong. Just saying.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 11:59:19 AM   
searching4mysir


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

Oh hell no, ....................... if he ignores boundaries now, what about later?

...........If I were interested in finding someone, I'd probably attend to my profile. If I'm not attending to it, leave me the hell alone.


LC,

Point out this thread to him. 5 out of 5 women are saying HELL NO.

ETA: Too slow to post. Now even more folks are saying no than 5 out of 5.



Make that 6 out of 6, and he better pray she doesn't have a concealed carry permit.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 12:01:03 PM   
hlen5


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We're now at 8 out of 8 for hell no.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 12:02:41 PM   
SpaceSpank


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There are women out there who get off on such things. I've even seen a few on the other side posting "clues" as to their identity and how people can find them.

But aside from that VERY rare subset of people (let along women), I don't think he's going to get a positive reaction.

Even from those people who have it as a fantasy, I'm pretty sure the majority would find the reality far from how they pictured it.


The fact that he reacted badly when you told him it wasn't a very good idea speaks more to his general lack of good sense than even having this idea in the first place.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 12:07:24 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

He reacted pretty strongly when I repeatedly told him that it is not a great idea and it's damned near stalkerish and certainly underhand, I'm now a meanie, he's playing the victim card and I just think the worst of people, blah blah.

I don't think he's dangerous, just seems to be incapable to understand that while he might see it as a romantic gesture, a woman would not perceive it as such.


Hopefully he's not dangerous, but if he can't understand why this would make a woman uncomfortable or scared, it makes me wonder what else he wouldn't understand. If he goes through with it and gets rejected, for example, will he continue to pursue her because of his inability to comprehend her viewpoint?There's a fine line between clueless and dangerous.

Aside from the stalkerish tones, it sounds like he hasn't considered that she might not be logging on for a good reason, like she's now in a relationship. I imagine the boyfriend wouldn't interpret his actions in a kindly way either.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 12:08:42 PM   
windchymes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

He reacted pretty strongly when I repeatedly told him that it is not a great idea and it's damned near stalkerish and certainly underhand, I'm now a meanie, he's playing the victim card and I just think the worst of people, blah blah.

I don't think he's dangerous, just seems to be incapable to understand that while he might see it as a romantic gesture, a woman would not perceive it as such.



He IS dangerous because of his thought processes, not just because he wanted to do something nice but inappropriate.

He sees a profile on an adult sex site and decides this woman, if it is indeed a woman, who he has never met, is his soulmate. That's not adorable, it means he is out of touch with reality.

The fact that he somehow managed to find her in real life and wanted to make contact with her with gifts suggests that he is obsessive and doesn't think too rationally, and most definitely has a stalker-mentality.

And the fact that he is now angry with you because he didn't get the answer he wanted speaks volumes about how....I can't think of the term for it, but how he's going to react when he doesn't get what he wants. Playing the victim card means he's manipulative.

To me, he sounds like a loose cannon and most definitely dangerous. I hope to God he doesn't find the woman in real life, and I hope he doesn't manage to track you down in real life, too, lol.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 12:13:52 PM   
Killerangel


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quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


Make that 6 out of 6, and he better pray she doesn't have a concealed carry permit.


And then there's this….

So how can someone rationalize away the point that people can and DO carry weapons to guard against unwanted intrusions? How would his plan be construed as anything but an unwanted intrusion? Someone tracks you down from the internet and enters your real life space…yeah, that's pretty much the definition of an intrusion.

It's always going to raise your hackles to have someone get up in your face within your own personal boundaries, that's why there are social conventions that we all follow. If someone doesn't follow those "rules" that we have as a human species, they are automatically called a danger by our instinctual selves. We have no control over that. Why would he want to start off on that foot with a woman rather than have her be receptive to getting to know him over the computer if she's in a place to want to do that?

Plus, did he give any thought to the fact that she may have other men around her that would see his act as an intrusion that needed to be taken care of? Let's consider that those men may have a concealed carry permit or be calling for the police immediately, it might be out of the hands of the woman being approached…

Honestly if he hasn't considered any of this happening and only sees it as being hearts, flowers, and doves, then I say he may possibly be brain damaged.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 12:17:16 PM   
freedomdwarf1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

I know You asked for ladies responses, but good god, WTF is this guy thinking? How can he not see how creepy this sounds? Not to even mention the possible illegality of it. I am one, but dam sometimes it is easier to understand women.



Actually it is great to get the male view of it, the ladies thing was more just, I'd be really really freaked out, because it's simply not how normal people interact, it's not some schmalzy Hollywood movie.

In fact it is great to hear that as a man you would also not understand it.

Don't get Me wrong. On a base level I DO understand it (he is lonely, and I have been at one time in My life), but then there is this thing that kicks in... You know... that voice that says that's frigging insane and wrong. Just saying.

And here is another male that thinks it's just wrong - on all levels.
*IF* I had access to a gun, this would be the one time I'd shoot the fucker. Seriously!
The man (and I use that term very loosely) is a fuckwad and a looney and needs to be locked up - permanently.
The whole idea is just completely fucked up and..... just NO!

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