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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/26/2014 1:30:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't know about the label but every time this subject has come up, lots of subs say that they would think differently about their dominant if they knew he/she bottomed. To the point of it breaking the relationship. So I think it is important to mention up front.

Yes, I know and it's with both male and female subs, plus everybody has their own definition of what bottoming is to them. I was just exchanging messages with a male sub for a couple weeks when it came up that he would (grudgingly) have intercourse with his Domme if she ordered it. As if.

Scratched him off the list.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/27/2014 4:41:16 AM

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I just love the fact you've got a list, Fiery

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RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/27/2014 5:23:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

I just love the fact you've got a list, Fiery

And you should see all the notations beside my entries, dear chap.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 11/11/2014 9:09:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Just a curiosity... it seems switches are rare.

Is this the case?

Any switch worthy of the name should be at least medium-rare themselves, and capable or rendering that or "well done" to their partner, depending on recent events.

< Message edited by Edwynn -- 11/11/2014 9:15:33 PM >

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 11/12/2014 3:18:41 AM

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Switches are every-freaking-where!

They rarely label themselves, because no one can seem to agree on what the labels mean, and they are used to bludgeon people into roles and a set of rules that may or may not be compatible with who they actually are.

I used to be listed as a switch on FetLife. I changed my role to kinkster. Because it's easier for me to force people to get to know me to find out my tendencies.

That said, I am (and always have been, with one exception that DID NOT WORK, but I tried) dominant in my relationships. Period. I do not do well with others leading there. And I don't want to.

I am MOSTLY likely to top as well, in activities. However, with a good relationship and/or a trusted partner or service top, I enjoy bottoming to various activities and sex.

But here on CS, I am listed as a dominant. Why? Because that is my mental space, and I believe it is misleading to those reading my profile to choose another term.

So, I am a switch, in one way, and yet, it's ot on my profile, because it's not the most important part of me. I do mention it in my journal and such, though. I have no intention of hiding it. Some do.

So, several reasons that switches may seem rarer than they are.

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(in reply to Edwynn)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 11/18/2014 10:41:13 AM

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To me, A dom/me who never switches is like a military commander who has never fought, or a luthier who doesn't play guitar.

As a Dom i find it important to occasionally experience that which I am delivering to my sub, both for the confidence that I am doing it well, and for the satisfaction of knowing exactly what I am delivering.

Learning as much as possible, from as many perspectives as are available, about what you are doing does not diminish a Dom/me. It is part of mastery.

In my opinion.

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pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 11/18/2014 1:43:08 PM

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This is somewhat of a Fast Reply, so I haven't re-read this thread to avoid redundancy.

It's easy(-ier) for me to say since I am not Sado-masochistic.
I have never done to my sub what I myself haven't tested or done.
Do keep in mind, Bhruic, that your responses, sensations, and pain thresholds are not going to be the same as that of your sub.
A Dominant who doesn't S/switch isn't going to undergo the equivalent experience, such as with a caning.
I know of a Dom who did this with empathetic motivation, and neither was he able to go into subspace.

This is what I've heard both male and female subs express:
-- If I ever saw my Master act submissive or behave in a fashion that I deemed to be submissive, then I would lose respect for him (her) and that would be the end of it. Deal breaker.
Granted, they may be speaking of bottoming (receiving) and not submission per se. Now personally, I would never choose this kind of rigid-thinking submissive for myself. But that's besides the point, because it's not an uncommon attitude among s-types.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 11/18/2014 1:44:00 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Bhruic)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 11/18/2014 8:11:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Just a curiosity... it seems switches are rare.

Is this the case?

I view d/s differently than most people but here's my gist. I see it as what is best described as a line graph with submissive on one end and dominant on the other. Some people may consider themselves dominant at a 3 or submissive at an 8 but there will always be some people more or less dominant and more or less submissive.

Now considering that there will also be a lot of people who like to play with both sides, and they may not consider themselves switch.

I for example do not consider myself switch even though I "play"(i hate that term) with both sides, and that's because I don't bounce up and down the line, I'm not dominant around subs and submissive around doms.... I stay the same. That "same" is on the higher end of the spectrum but as my submissive friends know, I don't like submissives as partners. Those that are friends are very alpha in their lives and are mouthy little trouble makers... I like someone who can give as good as they can take.

There are many qualities that seem to be synonymous with submission that I can't stand, so I prefer doms. People assume that one dom can't serve another dom. But on that line I'm slightly more towards the center and respect the way he does things and know that I can benefit from learning from him.

The most common switch I've seen is a girl in a poly situation who decided to try once her dom got new girls. And I think in that sense, they are not so much switches.... their personality did not become more dominant. They simply reacted to a circumstance someone else set up. Same point on the line, placed around someone they are resentful toward, it's not a change... it's definitely not growth, it's a normal emotional response.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 12/8/2014 8:00:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

Now considering that there will also be a lot of people who like to play with both sides, and they may not consider themselves switch.

I feel like this is it. Switch is a very broad term...it means you like aspects or the totality of both dominance and submission. Well honestly anyone who practices D&S right should have a healthy respect for both roles so we are all slightly switches in that sense. It also encompasses someone who one week can be a dominant whip-wielding master and the next week can be a chaste sissy slut. Now obviously such a swing is going to be the rarity but definitely constitutes a switch sexuality, especially if they split their sexuality 50-50. But what about someone who enjoys topping 95% of the time but likes the difference and change of pace brought about by being the bottom that 5%? Vice-versa for subs who occasionally dom?

I wouldn't say switches are rare at all but at the same time I think the label "switch" is a little overused largely because it's just a broad term. I also don't think there is anything wrong with that because at the end of the day a person's "dominance" or "submissiveness" is going to vary person to person as well. And at the end of the days people, not labels, are what matters.

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 12/9/2014 11:04:01 AM

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From: NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Just a curiosity... it seems switches are rare.

Is this the case?

You would think that switches grow on trees.

See what I did here?

:)

_____________________________

"The desire to inflict pain, that is all that is uppermost"-Albert Fish

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 12/10/2014 8:55:14 AM

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Maybe I am a switch in the sense of, outside of bedroom, I dominate, and inside of bedroom, I sub. But no being sexual top for me ever. I am more than happy to dominate someone outside of sexual parameters.

(in reply to MissKatya)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 12/10/2014 12:28:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Just a curiosity... it seems switches are rare.

Is this the case?

Nope...I am medium rare with a health dose of fire!

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(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 12/14/2014 10:54:11 AM

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Your comment was a fantastic way to answer "Are switches Rare".

I'm going to steal your answer for a friend who asked that question.

And, by steal - I'll say I read it on the internet.

Cool?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/6/2015 8:59:51 PM

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Joined: 9/29/2012
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I've been a spanking switch for apprx 25 yrs ,I started as a bottom then found I also enjoyed giving them very much .When I 1st went to spanking parties switches weren't that common but these days its very popular at spanking parties .Many women who usually at home will be sub will switch at the parties .I have found though that in the BDSM lifestyle switching is not accepted by most .I get turned down by many ladies on this site because they think I cant be toppy enough and while I would like to get into a long discussion as to why I bite my tongue and tell them that's their choice and leave it at that .For the past few years i have been giving serious spanking sessions to those needing a firm hand for many reasons and they leave with a sore butt that they feel for a few days .When I switch my limits are not the same as when I give spankings im not a heavy player when I receive .I have had play sessions with ladies who also switched and we spanked each other I've also found that some cant change at anytime which I can .I stay away from BDSM clubs as switches are usually accepted ,if I do go I go as a top ,at a spanking party I go as a switch as I will meet many others and get to play on both sides

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/7/2015 5:23:06 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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I think my approach to it might be rare, without sounding like a special little flower. Switching is what I do as an activity, ie topping or bottoming. I have never considered myself dominant. I'm not comfortable in the dominant role, but I am an awesome Top. That said, I think few people are ever 100% anything, so switches are less rare than one might think.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/7/2015 2:37:27 PM

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From: Western MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I think my approach to it might be rare, without sounding like a special little flower. Switching is what I do as an activity, ie topping or bottoming.

In a sense, I see it that way also as being separate from the D/s aspect, but I do consider myself more Dominant and I don't consider myself submissive because I control how the scene unfolds. (I have a more vivid, detailed imagination than my partners have had, I've found, as well as a greater desire to hold onto the reins at all times.

)

Do you see that part of it differently, in not feeling comfortable filling the Dominant role? Or is it just not relevant to your experiences because you get caught up in the moment while scening, I mean.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

That said, I think few people are ever 100% anything, so switches are less rare than one might think.

I have to admit I haven't reread this thread to refresh my memory, so this will probably sound repetitive.
I haven't seen as many submissives who are willing to own their switch tendencies, except for the ones who identify as an "alpha" submissive. Interestingly, bisexual subs are often less reluctant to explore the switch facets of themselves than the straight subs I have known (as friends or casual acquaintances, not as play partners, so I lack that dimension of information).

I've noticed that there seem to be many Dominants who are more of a BDSM Top, but who see Topping as prima facie evidence of their "dominance," or who have a mental block about bottoming, as if that means that would detract from their persona of Dommliness.

Until a couple days ago, I hadn't heard one actually come out and say he was a Top, not a Dom. They've referred to themselves as a spanking Top or as a sadist, but they still identified as Dominants.

A lot of what I hear some submissives lament about how a Dom wasn't Dominant enough for them to consider being their Master, may be because it's an ego thing (more prestigious, or a bigger draw) for many men to call themselves Dominant rather than a switch or a Top.

DreamLady

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/8/2015 10:03:50 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

dreamlady...

When I scened, I wanted full control as the Top but at the same time I was keenly aware that I was servicing the Bottoms kink. So, while I was topping, I never felt dominant. Just a sadistic Top enjoying a masochistic bottom.

I can understand why some submissives might not want to embrace the label of switch. I've been told by dominants that I'd have to give up my switch nonsense to be of any interest to them. You would think it would open more doors, diversity of choice and all that, but it cpsyes a lot of them too. Especially when people hold on to the idea that because I Top, I must want to dominate them. Meh.

I have met quite a few self-identifying dominants that I would have labeled them Tops, but I just figure they weren't my flavor of dominant and leave them to their own labels. I'm on my phone posting this and going off memory of your questions so if I didn't answer your questions or not remembering them correctly, I apologize.

(in reply to dreamlady)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 4/8/2015 3:13:01 PM

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From: Western MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

When I scened, I wanted full control as the Top but at the same time I was keenly aware that I was servicing the Bottoms kink. So, while I was topping, I never felt dominant. Just a sadistic Top enjoying a masochistic bottom.

I can understand why some submissives might not want to embrace the label of switch. I've been told by dominants that I'd have to give up my switch nonsense to be of any interest to them. You would think it would open more doors, diversity of choice and all that, but it cpsyes a lot of them too. Especially when people hold on to the idea that because I Top, I must want to dominate them. Meh.

I have met quite a few self-identifying dominants that I would have labeled them Tops, but I just figure they weren't my flavor of dominant and leave them to their own labels. I'm on my phone posting this and going off memory of your questions so if I didn't answer your questions or not remembering them correctly, I apologize.

I think that it throws both Dominants and submissives for a loop when somebody calls herself or himself a switch, and they don't really know what to expect. Hey, there's no cookiecutter mold for them either, other than they would get offended at the thought of being a service Top, even though often that's exactly what they are or what they're dealing with.

Many of the same ones calling themselves Dominant, but serving essentially as a Top Impo, have a stick up their backsides that any given bottom isn't a "real" submissive either. Some (other) people need predictability in their lives, or they just can't function outside of the box. It isn't easy finding the right fit, no matter which side of the kneel you're on, or not on.

I had to grapple with this myself for almost a couple of years, coming to the realization that 24/7 TPE wasn't what I wanted, and that I need a more interactive and proactive partner, one who wasn't filled with nonsensical notions that he was supposed to act like a passive lump of milquetoast.

This isn't the place to go into detail about it, but it's interesting to know your perspective and how things work for you. Thanks for the insight, WinD.

DreamLady

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 7/1/2016 12:28:03 PM

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Some would say that you cant be switch, bull. I am a true switch I love to be top and give others what they need. I truly love to give pain and pleasure. On the other hand I truly need to be spanked I need the release it gives me. When I have not had a spanking for a while I feel something is missing in my life. So for me I feel yes I am a switch and other out there are also like me.

(in reply to FightingChains)

RE: Are Switches Rare? - 7/1/2016 12:42:04 PM

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I don't think so. My mother had no trouble finding a switch any time I misbehaved. :D

(in reply to leeholmes813)

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