RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable

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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:11:22 AM

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
Right. And I'm going to ask him to stop asking me to give her a chance. She is nothing to me. He didn't ask me about her before taking her on, so I have no reason to try to get along with her.

She even told me when we met she didn't want to think about or hear about him with other women. Yet she sleeps with several married men. I need to take a sheet out of her play book and learn how to not give a fuck about the other women my partner is with.

Plus Saturday night showed me I'm desirable to others and can get topped by others no problem. I don't need Daddy for that if we end. I don't need Daddy for anything. But I do love him, so I am staying around for now.

OK, we're supposed to be getting better here. Not getting worse.

But, if you want to roll in the mud, I can do that, too.

So, you've got a 'don't ask don't tell husband,' but you're SURPRISED because 'new gal' doesn't want to hear about Daddy's other sexual exploits? You don't see anything wrong with that?

You get the husband, the Daddy, the play partners... What does Daddy get but your part-time attention? Why shouldn't he have a person in his life that fills the gaps, just like you do?

How come it's ok for disliking her for sleeping with married men, but you don't dislike Daddy for sleeping with married women? And, yeah, I mean YOU. Oh, but it's ok when you do it.

Maybe, that's something you should think about.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:22:20 AM

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Joined: 8/27/2016
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Just think it's funny he wants me to get along with her when it's clear she doesn't do that. I can't judge her for that, but I'm not going to be her friend and she's not going to be mine. Daddy chose her, Daddy chose a girl who doesn't like women, doesn't want anything to do with me non sexually , then he expects us to get along. He's dreaming.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:24:03 AM

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Joined: 8/27/2016
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I just read a journal entry I wrote 4 months ago. I want this girl back. She was strong and independent. She's the girl Daddy fell for. I don't know why she left. :(

"When fun times aren't fun anymore
Journal Entry | 2 Love It | 4 months ago
Doesn't that suck? But as an adult you learn nothing is meant to last forever, and even those relationships that do only do so because they evolve and change as the people in them change. Sometimes a relationship or play partnership won't weather the storms of change, and that's ok. It's part of life. It's a part I've struggled to come to terms with, because I never want to lose anybody and I never want to give up my fun, but dealing with disappointment is part of growing up. Sometimes the end of one thing is the beginning of something even more amazing, and other times what seemed to end was just paused for a while. :)"

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:25:07 AM

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Just think it's funny he wants me to get along with her when it's clear she doesn't do that. I can't judge her for that, but I'm not going to be her friend and she's not going to be mine. Daddy chose her, Daddy chose a girl who doesn't like women, doesn't want anything to do with me non sexually , then he expects us to get along. He's dreaming.

Has he been poly before? I mean the two submissives situation.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:26:12 AM

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I'm the only married woman he's ever been with. I don't think he expected to get this attached to me. We're both dumb

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:27:47 AM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Just think it's funny he wants me to get along with her when it's clear she doesn't do that. I can't judge her for that, but I'm not going to be her friend and she's not going to be mine. Daddy chose her, Daddy chose a girl who doesn't like women, doesn't want anything to do with me non sexually , then he expects us to get along. He's dreaming.

Has he been poly before? I mean the two submissives situation.

Sort of. He had a sub of 6 months before we met, they both played with others separately. She broke up with him while we were together because she felt he was getting too serious. So I guess no, he hasn't ever done this before. He's always been poly curious though

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:28:23 AM

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Joined: 3/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

please help me. I’m desperately miserable right now. My Dom took on a second sub. We’ve been together almost 5 months, the past couple months he’s been actively seeking a second sub. I encouraged this. I grew to welcome it, but it hasn’t been easy. I know there are things he needs I can’t give him, so accepting him looking for those things elsewhere was a way for me to show how committed I was in my submission. However, he meets this new girl on Sunday, by Monday night he is calling her his sub and they’ve been intimate and played. What was once theoretical has become reality and I can’t stop crying. I’m happy for him then I’m horribly jealous then I’m sad and can’t eat. I want these bad feelings to go away. I want to be ok. Please help.

It's no surprise that a relationship only 5 months old isn't stable.

It's also not uncommon for a girl to say she's ok with something and then get there and find she isn't. So you've all learned something.

So options are --

* move on to a better situation
* remain and get control of yourself
* remain and be miserable
* remain and make everyone else miserable.

If you don't want to live in a miserable relationship, then the first two are your only options. If you can't get control of yourself here, then moving on is the only option. If you can't get yourself to do either, then understand you've chosen to live in misery and know it will never get better until you decide that's no longer what you want.

There are a lot of men in the world. And girls.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 8/29/2016 11:29:52 AM >

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:32:08 AM

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Just think it's funny he wants me to get along with her when it's clear she doesn't do that. I can't judge her for that, but I'm not going to be her friend and she's not going to be mine. Daddy chose her, Daddy chose a girl who doesn't like women, doesn't want anything to do with me non sexually , then he expects us to get along. He's dreaming.

Has he been poly before? I mean the two submissives situation.

Sort of. He had a sub of 6 months before we met, they both played with others separately. She broke up with him while we were together because she felt he was getting too serious. So I guess no, he hasn't ever done this before. He's always been poly curious though

So, the reality is that he doesn't know how to handle the relationship either.

I'm going to recommend that you both read "The Ethical Slut". It's a book about ways to have an ethical and emotionally stable poly relationship.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 11:32:42 AM

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Lots of girls, hehe

But yes, my first goal is to stay and get control of myself. I can't quit without giving it my best most sincere effort. If that doesn't work I'll leave.

< Message edited by Aquanerd1983 -- 8/29/2016 11:34:24 AM >

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 12:09:24 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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Daddy just sent me this video
https://youtu.be/HSjYICPwQGg
He doesn't want me to give up

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 12:46:48 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The post about how she says "you can only be MY Daddy," (and I could almost hear the foot stomp that went with it)

To be honest: M and I had that rule in place. We each had our own term for him and it was done that way so that each felt like we had something special to ourselves. The difference being that I'm married to M, was on board from the beginning, involved with the second and had veto power (learned that one the hard way).

Do you know why??
Because you ARE the wife! YOU really are the PRIMARY partner.

Having that position means you get to lay ground rules.

The OP is trying to have that, but she doesn't. She's NOT the wife. She doesn't get to lay down terms.

And that, is exactly, why she is struggling.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 8/29/2016 12:48:06 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 1:04:06 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The post about how she says "you can only be MY Daddy," (and I could almost hear the foot stomp that went with it)

To be honest: M and I had that rule in place. We each had our own term for him and it was done that way so that each felt like we had something special to ourselves. The difference being that I'm married to M, was on board from the beginning, involved with the second and had veto power (learned that one the hard way).

Do you know why??
Because you ARE the wife! YOU really are the PRIMARY partner.

Having that position means you get to lay ground rules.

The OP is trying to have that, but she doesn't. She's NOT the wife. She doesn't get to lay down terms.

And that, is exactly, why she is struggling.

I agree with that. But, I also think part of it is that he (IMO) didn't handle the transition very well.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 1:23:46 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I agree with that. But, I also think part of it is that he (IMO) didn't handle the transition very well.

That may well have been because he didn't have the full picture from OP.
She kept one of the most critical emotions from him because she didn't want to upset him.

The poor sod was obviously thinking everything was fine until she finaly told him just the other day during the discussion in this thread.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 1:29:08 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Daddy just sent me this video
https://youtu.be/HSjYICPwQGg
He doesn't want me to give up

That video is how to deal with failure.
It is actually titled: How To Deal With Failure (Best Motivational Video 2016)

I dunno how you managed to make the leap from "dealing with failure" to "he doesn't want me to give up".
You are still digging your heels in.
Given what he sent you, I'd take that as a subtle hint that it's time to hit the road.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 1:34:28 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I agree with that. But, I also think part of it is that he (IMO) didn't handle the transition very well.

That may well have been because he didn't have the full picture from OP.

She kept one of the most critical emotions from him because she didn't want to upset him.

The poor sod was obviously thinking everything was fine until she finaly told him just the other day during the discussion in this thread.

M still would have known I wasn't okay, even if I said the opposite. (and then he would have been mad that I didn't give him critical information)

I think his lack of any experience with having more than one submissive or dealing with the transition added to the issue.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/29/2016 2:05:49 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 1:43:53 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I agree with that. But, I also think part of it is that he (IMO) didn't handle the transition very well.

That may well have been because he didn't have the full picture from OP.

She kept one of the most critical emotions from him because she didn't want to upset him.

The poor sod was obviously thinking everything was fine until she finaly told him just the other day during the discussion in this thread.

M still would have known I wasn't okay, even if I said the opposite. (and then he would have been mad that I did give him critical information)

I think his lack of any experience with having more than one submissive or dealing with the transition added to the issue.

Yep. That too.

They both seem to be extremely naive about the whole setup and how these things usually work.
He: Clueless and thinking with his little head.
She: Very immature, Also clueless, and selfishly very stubborn.
And she is still adamant that she's staying... regardless.

I think MM's post was quite succinct.
Similar to something I posted quite a while back in this thread.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 8/29/2016 1:45:02 PM >

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 2:20:13 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Daddy just sent me this video
https://youtu.be/HSjYICPwQGg
He doesn't want me to give up

That video is how to deal with failure.
It is actually titled: How To Deal With Failure (Best Motivational Video 2016)

I dunno how you managed to make the leap from "dealing with failure" to "he doesn't want me to give up".
You are still digging your heels in.
Given what he sent you, I'd take that as a subtle hint that it's time to hit the road.

No, lol. You goof. He sends me motivational videos all the time. I told him I felt like a failure and he sent me that video and told me to give things a chance and not give up.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 2:23:08 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I agree with that. But, I also think part of it is that he (IMO) didn't handle the transition very well.

That may well have been because he didn't have the full picture from OP.
She kept one of the most critical emotions from him because she didn't want to upset him.

The poor sod was obviously thinking everything was fine until she finaly told him just the other day during the discussion in this thread.

He's known from the get go I was jealous. I never kept that from him. I met with her and afterwards thought about some of the things she said, and didn't like her. That's the part I didn't immediately tell him because he had already made his choice and I didn't see the point since he obviously likes her. But I told him per y'all's advice.

I'm seeing him tomorrow.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 2:43:22 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2012
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You never kept that from him??

Then why soo many posts saying you couldn't tell him that fact??
It started back at post#8.

You're either lying now or previously. Which is it?

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/29/2016 3:02:30 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

You never kept that from him??

Then why soo many posts saying you couldn't tell him that fact??
It started back at post#8.

You're either lying now or previously. Which is it?

I told him from the beginning I was jealous. I did not tell him I di8dnt like her and was still jealous after i met with her until you all suggested it. He was under the impression everything was ok after we met because I told him i liked talking with her and she seemed like a cool person. But the more I thought about them together and what she told me about herself the more I disliked her. That's what I kept from him.

I don't think I said anything different in this thread but if I did can you quote it so I can clear up your confusion?

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

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