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RE: Herpes - 9/7/2016 4:52:40 AM

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I'm sorry Rush, you are making the same mistake yet again.
You are making light of, and trivialising, herpes rather than seeing it for what it is.

People have all sorts of reasons for not having or not wanting sex.
Someone not being D&D free is a massive thing for most people.
Whether you agree with that or not is immaterial and irrelevant.

How simple can I explain people's attitude that you are not grasping??
You can spout all the odds you like - people just don't want to know.
That's what it boils down to. That's the bottom line.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/7/2016 5:05:54 AM

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I never said I was only looking for only sex on my profile.
Sex can mean different things to different people.
I would be just as satisfied with a non sexual relationship as well. Sex would happen ONLY with the right person after trust and respect have been built.
I'm not looking for a hookup!!

(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/7/2016 6:17:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30
I never said I was only looking for only sex on my profile.

Nobody said you were.
So bringing that up is irrelevant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30
Sex can mean different things to different people.

It usually does.
However, 'sex' for most people usualy involves intimate contact.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30
I would be just as satisfied with a non sexual relationship as well.

Aaaand.... most people don't want a non-sexual relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30
Sex would happen ONLY with the right person after trust and respect have been built.

I sincerely hope it is with another herpes-stricken person because spreading that around is not nice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30
I'm not looking for a hookup!!

I sincerely hope not.
But... in another breath, you say you are.

You really need to understand...
You might just as well say Bubonic Plague, Aids, Hepititus, Malaria etc etc.
People in general just don't want to know those with a highly contagious disease; regardless of what it is.

People play, yes.
People have sexual fun, yes.
People like fucking, yes.
Some like long term, some like short term or scenes.
Some are happy with a quickie behind the bike sheds.
But just about everyone wants D&D free.

It doesn't matter if you only have a 0.00000000000000000001% chance in 100 years of catching it.
Just the sheer fact you have it is a red line for most active people.
Arguing the toss about it is completely irrelevant.
Spouting statistics about the low catch rate is irrelevant.
You have it. That's all people want to know so they can avoid you.
They do not want to risk even the teeny-tiniest amount that they might pass it on to their other partner(s).

As I said in my post#41 -
You can spout all the odds you like - people just don't want to know.
That's what it boils down to. That's the bottom line.

I find your counter-arguments and reasoning to be utterly reckless and irresponsible.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/7/2016 8:52:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

It doesn't matter if you only have a 0.00000000000000000001% chance in 100 years of catching it.
Just the sheer fact you have it is a red line for most active people.
Arguing the toss about it is completely irrelevant.
Spouting statistics about the low catch rate is irrelevant.

They do not want to risk even the teeny-tiniest amount that they might pass it on to their other partner(s).

This is it exactly. If there's a chance that I can catch it, I'm going to make a different choice. Continuously downplaying the situation or trying to guilt trip isn't going to change that.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Herpes - 9/7/2016 7:50:42 PM

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http://www.herpes.org.nz/files/9213/9960/3983/Herpes_-_The_Facts.pdf
Here are some facts that I want share.
People are afraid of the things they don't understand. Some of the comments made are just not true.
It seems that some have way too much time on their hands.
Maybe they should be informed instead of just being opinionated.

This comment is proof to show how uninformed some people really are!
(You might just as well say Bubonic Plague, Aids, Hepititus, Malaria etc etc.)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Herpes - 9/7/2016 7:57:29 PM

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Joined: 8/26/2016
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You know what?
If I get just one person to do some research and educate themselves about STIs, and get people talking about STIs more often. I believe it will help people make informed decisions about safe sex. In the end, with more knowledge, it can be a safer community for everyone.

(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/7/2016 8:09:47 PM

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What exactly do you think herpes is?
Do you know what it is?
I posted a fact sheet you should read. If anything you can say at least you're a little more informed today than you were yesterday.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Herpes - 9/8/2016 2:37:40 AM

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Rush, what you have to accept is, a lot of people will choose not to make contact with you because of herpes. Regardless of them being ill informed or highly knowledgeable about the virus, if they decide that you are not for them because of herpes, there’s no point worrying about that… just accept it and move on.

What has surprised me on this thread is the sort of language used. Words like ‘diseased’ and ‘herpes stricken’ and ‘unclean’ are not only cruel but ignorant too.

I have had three recent tests for HPV and each one has come back showing a negative result. The reason for three tests is because I had skin cancer. A skin cancer that is often but not always caused from a particular strain of HPV. Those tests showed up negative so I could say, I don’t have HPV.

Me and mine had one test run for genital herpes which came back negative, so because I’ve been with the same partner since that test and because the other two people we were involved with also showed up negative for herpes, I could say I’m herpes free. The trouble with that is, both HPV and herpes can and often does throw out false negatives, I can and never will take it for granted that I don’t have either.

A lot of people are not aware that herpes is the one STI that isn’t tested for when you go and ask for a full STI screening. Nor are they aware that 90 percent of individuals with genital herpes are unaware they have it because they are asymptomatic (never had an outbreak). They also suggest that many who suspect they have it will choose not to get tested or to disclose their suspicions with their sexual partner and so anyone who has never been tested, or been tested only the once like me, could well have it.

Anyway Rush, because herpes is so common, there’s a good chance of a woman with herpes coming forward. Not all women want a serious relationship. I know two women in open marriages that certainly aren’t looking for a ‘love of their life’, they just like having a play partner. Like I said earlier, there’s someone for everyone and I’m sure there’s someone out there who is looking for someone like you. Just spread your wings, keep being honest and upfront and accept that some people will show shock and horror towards you.

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(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/8/2016 3:15:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30

What exactly do you think herpes is?
Do you know what it is?
I posted a fact sheet you should read. If anything you can say at least you're a little more informed today than you were yesterday.

Information is irrelevant.
I don't need any fact sheet to know it's something I do not want to risk catching.
Even if there is one in a gazillion chance of giving it to my OH, I won't take that risk.

This is the point that you are trivialising and making light of.
Most people know what herpes is even if they don't know all the in's and out's of it.
I know what herpes is and like most others, I know I don't want it.

And like most people out there, I don't know everything about Aids, Malaria, and various other diseases; all I need to know is that it is a contagious disease that I do not wish to pass on.
That's the simple crux of it that you are failing to grasp.

You are still continuing to trivialise it and showing how insignificant it is and how hard it is to catch.
You are missing the most important thing about human behaviour: people don't want to risk catching a contagious disease.
It doesn't matter what disease it is or how hard it is to catch; people don't want that risk.
It's as simple as that. It really is.

Herpes is just another STI among the many out there.
And like I've been saying all along, you don't need to know everything about all the STI's or any one in particular.
All people need to know is that a specific condition is an STI and is catchable, no matter how remote.
To keep pushing how insignificant herpes is just shows how irrespensible you are.
People don't want or need a know-it-all trivialising a contagious disease that they don't want to catch.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/8/2016 5:55:56 AM

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Joined: 11/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30

What exactly do you think herpes is?
Do you know what it is?
I posted a fact sheet you should read. If anything you can say at least you're a little more informed today than you were yesterday.

Information is irrelevant.
I don't need any fact sheet to know it's something I do not want to risk catching.
Even if there is one in a gazillion chance of giving it to my OH, I won't take that risk.

This is the point that you are trivialising and making light of.
Most people know what herpes is even if they don't know all the in's and out's of it.
I know what herpes is and like most others, I know I don't want it.

And like most people out there, I don't know everything about Aids, Malaria, and various other diseases; all I need to know is that it is a contagious disease that I do not wish to pass on.
That's the simple crux of it that you are failing to grasp.

You are still continuing to trivialise it and showing how insignificant it is and how hard it is to catch.
You are missing the most important thing about human behaviour: people don't want to risk catching a contagious disease.
It doesn't matter what disease it is or how hard it is to catch; people don't want that risk.
It's as simple as that. It really is.

Herpes is just another STI among the many out there.
And like I've been saying all along, you don't need to know everything about all the STI's or any one in particular.
All people need to know is that a specific condition is an STI and is catchable, no matter how remote.
To keep pushing how insignificant herpes is just shows how irrespensible you are.
People don't want or need a know-it-all trivialising a contagious disease that they don't want to catch.

Rush30, this is true.

I will defend you against people calling you names or judging your character because you have herpes.

I will also defend their right to not have anything to do with you just because you have it. They can choose not to interact with you because:

1. You're married.
2. You have herpes.
3. They don't like grey hair.
4. They are busy.
5. Your name reminds them of a band they don't like.

EVERYONE has a right to choose their level of interaction, and ANY reason is right, for them.

Move on. Find your tribe. Don't try to abduct people into it.

_____________________________

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(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Herpes - 9/8/2016 9:32:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

EVERYONE has a right to choose their level of interaction, and ANY reason is right, for them.

Move on. Find your tribe. Don't try to abduct people into it.

Thank you. That is exactly what I was trying to get across.

I'm going to add another point: I'm a cancer survivor. My immune system never came back fully after the second round. Therefore, I'm extremely careful about who I interact with because of that. So, what the OP fails to understand is that regardless of how many statistics he spouts or how he thinks he's wrongly refused....the reality is that you never know what is going on in someone else's life or why they make decisions.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NookieNotes)

RE: Herpes - 9/9/2016 8:10:43 AM

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I completely understand people's concern. My intent was not to convince you of anything. Reading the replies, What has surprised me on this thread is the sort of language used. Words like ‘diseased’ and ‘herpes stricken’ and ‘unclean’ . This just showed me that either people are just being rude, or they don't know a thing about HSV.
Of course it's always been about what YOURE COMFORTABLE with.
But in the end, I'm glad that I wrote the post and received so many replies. It started a conversation about something that everyone has concerns about. It a subject that everyone should educate themselves about as well. Knowledge is power!
I hope everyone learned something from this post, I know I have

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Herpes - 9/10/2016 5:02:21 AM

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OP, if I mistook your intention about why you started this thread, I have no problem owning up to it.

Like you, I am built in poly. I'm married and any additional person who enters my life comes into it with the knowledge of my marital status. Right off of the bat, that removes me from some people's dating pool.

I do not share your STI status, but I do have a secondary reason that removes me from some people's dating pool. That being, I have a pack(+) a day habit (cigarettes) that is a no-go for some people. I absolutely have encountered people who are fine with the poly thing, but they aren't ok with the secondary thing. And, yes, I certainly have heard the same terminology that some people didn't like on this thread. Dirty, unhealthy, etc, etc, etc.

However, it is my personal belief that everybody has the right to decide for themselves whether I am 'dating' material or not. I really don't care what they base it on. Dating, relationships, casual play... Any of that stuff. They get to discount me for any reason that might be on their list.

And, I'm ok with that.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/10/2016 8:46:59 AM

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If you re-read his initial post, he poses the question: "...I wanted to hopefully start a discussion about what people think about STIs, especially herpes.".

That was after lecturing everyone on how he was on anti-viral's and how hard it was to catch and he was a tad perplexed as to why people have such a prejudice against herpes.

The rest of the thread seems dedicated to him expounding the minimal effect herpes has while the rest of us were telling him that people want D&D free, not an STI of whatever variety, including herpes.

To the OP: what we have learned is that there are people like you who want other people to accept STI's in BDSM play because you feel that knowledge about them makes it safer.
What you have failed to grasp is the simple fact that people usually play D&D free and are not interested in people with an STI no matter how much you know about it.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Herpes - 9/10/2016 1:48:57 PM

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I sincerely doubt that opie started this because he feels people are ignorant about herpes. If he wanted to educate people there are better places than a kink site.

I think he's hoping people will suddenly say " Eureka, the op is right and I shouldn't care about whether or not I want to take this risk, however small it is. And because I misjudged him I will now be willing to fuck him.".

It ain't happening.
Every woman here can get sex whenever she wants it. Won't be good sex but that's another topic. We have so many people importuning us that we are like HR directors. We look for reasons to disqualify you just to reduce the flood of offers. So you are going to be disqualified because you're married, because you have herpes, because of your age, attitude, etc.

And because guys who cannot take rejection are not nice guys and we avoid them. Simply because you refuse to accept that women have every right to turn you down no matter why, you've put yourself on a list of 'not even if you were the last guy on earth'.

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(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Herpes - 9/12/2016 12:09:55 PM

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Every one is entitled to their opinion and comfort level.

unless you've been tested for Herpes you might just have it. How many of you have had unprotected sex especially when you were young?
I'm just saying you could have herpes and never have symptoms and still spread it. Someone your playing with could have it and not know it. That's all I'm saying! It's possible!

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Herpes - 9/12/2016 12:38:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rush30

Every one is entitled to their opinion and comfort level.

unless you've been tested for Herpes you might just have it. How many of you have had unprotected sex especially when you were young?
I'm just saying you could have herpes and never have symptoms and still spread it. Someone your playing with could have it and not know it. That's all I'm saying! It's possible!

There you go again... trivialising the fact that many may have it and not know it.
That can be said for quite a few diseases.
But you pick on herpes because you have it and want people to accept it as a minor thing.

Many have unprotected sex - both young and old.
And a good majority of people DON'T have herpes.

Douchecanoe of the highest order.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Rush30)

RE: Herpes - 9/12/2016 1:02:55 PM

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~FRing it~

Thats a pretty weak argument, OP. A person *could* have been exposed to HSV2, so they should...what...be perfectly okay with having sex with a known carrier like yourself?

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(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Herpes - 9/12/2016 1:57:44 PM

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HSV and HPV are the two STIs you can have and never know it.
If you had ANY other STD you would definitely know it!!
So, throughout your life, did you alway practice safe sex? I highly doubt it.

Have ever been tested for herpes? You know for a fact you're " clean "?
Do you know for a fact that every person you had sexual contact in your entire life is "clean "?

The thing with herpes, like so many other things that you can catch or develop in your life.
It's a scary thing to think about what if I catch this or that.
From my perspective, living with herpes it IS such a MINOR thing that doesn't even come close to the stigma of having it.

You may say I'm downplaying it, you're right! I am because it is a minor thing!

Would it make a difference if I had Gonorrhea? It's curable right?

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Herpes - 9/12/2016 2:04:05 PM

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No, it's not a minor thing.

Its an incurable STI that doesn't ever go away. Hell, man...you have to take antiviral medication daily to manage yours.

To you, it might not be a big deal. But then again, what other choice do you have? To someone who doesnt have it, it's a big fucking deal. Quit minimizing it. Quit making it sound like it's nothing more than catching a cold or getting a splinter

< Message edited by Danemora -- 9/12/2016 2:08:41 PM >

_____________________________

~The artist formerly known as SeekingTrinity on tour as a solo act~

(in reply to Rush30)

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