RE: Can't stop crying...

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Can't stop crying...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Can't stop crying...

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:05:31 PM

Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline

OH MY GOD -- whoo hoo, i have a message board stalker who is pathetically going to follow me around the boards just to be a child and post on things i say.

I forget just how pathetic some people are in their lives, until i enter a online discussion board and see it first hand.

I guess i can turn this into an amusing game.

Marco.

_____________________________

A dominant man is not a man who is content to simply receive submission; a dominant man is not so obliging.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:23:11 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
K. Just remember punishments are for when you make mistakes and she's trying to correct you and beatings can be for her and your benefit, pleasure, etc. Shoot, she may beat you torture you with your consent just because she likes it and isn't concerned with your pleasure, but unless she says it's punishment it isn't. So that might help you not feel like crying if you know it's not because you did something incorrectly.

This is why I don't do punishment dynamic. When my dom beats me, it is for his pleasure only. Nothing to do with punishment. I take the pain because it brings my Master joy and happiness doing it.

So I view any pain inflicted on me, as my Master simply taking his pleasure.

I can't do punishment dynamic, because it feels like he is inflicting hate on me. I would probably go into crying fits, and feeling depressed, if I went into punishment dynamics, because I would keep feeling he hates me.

So I prefer to look at it, as bringing him happiness.

So personally OP, IF your mistress wants you to enjoy your punishment. Maybe she needs to stop calling it punishment. But refer to it as HER Pleasure!

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/6/2016 9:25:17 PM >

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:25:35 PM

Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline

Greta, i don't want to presume but are you a masochist or are you simply drawn to sadists who, i understand, use other's pain for their sexual pleasure?

I guess what I mean is do you get your needs fed from being the object of his pleasure or from the pain he inflicts?

< Message edited by ohthat1percent -- 10/6/2016 9:26:03 PM >

_____________________________

A dominant man is not a man who is content to simply receive submission; a dominant man is not so obliging.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:27:46 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
Greta, i don't want to presume but are you a masochist or are you simply drawn to sadists who, i understand, use other's pain for their sexual pleasure?

I am not a masochist. I don't like pain.

But I just think that punishment is violence.

Whereas if they are hitting me because it brings them joy. It's no longer violence. I consent to it, because I want to make my master happy.

But if master hates hitting me and he says that bullshit about he hates doing this to me, but he has to, because I misbehave or something.

I call that bullshit! There are many other ways of punishment without using pain. So don't give me the bullshit. I can't deal with that. It sounds like typical parental bullshit.

And if one don't enjoy inflicting pain, then why are they doing it?

If one enjoys inflicting pain, own up to it, and just be honest about it.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/6/2016 9:28:12 PM >

(in reply to ohthat1percent)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:35:45 PM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
There are many other ways of punishment without using pain.

Such as? I'm genuinely curious since you also seem to have myriad objections to every other punishment actions that has been brought up lately. You keep saying those are not the ways and there are other, presumedly proper, ways of punishment, but I suppose I must have missed your examples.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:36:34 PM

Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline

Interesting. Thanks for explaining.

_____________________________

A dominant man is not a man who is content to simply receive submission; a dominant man is not so obliging.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:38:28 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
Such as? I'm genuinely curious since you also seem to have myriad objections to every other punishment actions that has been brought up lately. You keep saying those are not the ways and there are other, presumedly proper, ways of punishment, but I suppose I must have missed your examples.

I don't do punishment dynamics period. I cannot imagine why would anybody who loves me want to punish me. Punish = Hate to me. Why do they want me to feel bad about anything?

In terms of BDSM, my dynamic has always been, like, this is what Master enjoys, it brings him joy, I let him enjoy what he enjoys. That's it. There has never been any punishment.

But I view when dominants punish, they are like handling a child and they happen to be the type of parents who believe in corporal punishment for discipline. Or even verbal abuse as punishment.

So if you raise a child, you can certainly punish/discipline them without beating the crap out of them right? Or being verbally abusive? For example?

Another reason I don't like the Daddy/babygirl dynamic. That dynamic always involve punishment.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/6/2016 9:40:31 PM >

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 9:43:21 PM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
So if you raise a child, you can certainly punish them without beating the crap out of them right?

To a degree. Some child-raising experts dispute that, but that's neither here nor there.

I asked because you have the same objections towards using other, non-beating methods of punishment, pretty much whenever the subject comes up, so I'm trying to understand what you would consider an acceptable punishment in general for correcting flaws and bad behaviours, not as punishment for yourself.

ETA:
Calling impact play "punishment" is part of the thrill for most subs who're into that sort of thing. They have the whole "I've been bad and need to be punished" thing going, see; but there's also a lot of people who just follow a guidebook, doing the funishment thing while not really getting it and missing the fun and fantasy aspect of a fake punishment dynamic thinking it's a hard and set rule.

And actually, a significant enough number of s-sides have a desire for "being held accountable by someone else (so they don't have to account for themselves)" going that it is a thing; so much so that, discounting the sadists, a lot of Doms end up doing the punishment thing because they think that's what the sub wants and that's how D/s is supposed to go. Indeed, there is a fairly obnoxious segment of s-sides who consider those who do not enjoy willy-nilly beating on them and punishing every little imagined and deliberate flaw to be "fake Doms", so you can't blame it all on the D-types.

< Message edited by Alecta -- 10/6/2016 10:03:48 PM >

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 10:23:45 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

Well, I have no issues with others doing punishment dynamic.
Because, end of the day, it's about doing the things both party mutually enjoy and sync in.

I know how to avoid Daddy Doms, because they definitely love the punishment dynamic ALOT.

I always believe that, when you find your compatible other. Everything is Gold naturally.

Yea, I am uncomfortable with alienation of a sub as a punishment too. Cold treatment to me, is like, just not a healthy punishment.

The problem is, in D/S, many does not need a love dynamic. All these things probably work.

But I can't do D/S without a love dynamic. And I cannot process alot of those type of actions with loving actions.

I was a child that was extensively corporally punished in school and at home. Corporal punishment in school, is standing on stage, infront of the entire school, maybe 500 to 800 students and getting caned infront of everybody.

So I've been publicly caned. I've been slapped, caned, beaten up, hair pulled, head slammed into walls, everything, by teachers, principals, discipline masters and my parents.

And to me, that's all actions of hate.

What did I get public caned for? Catching tadpoles once. And not doing my homework for 6 months.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/6/2016 10:24:13 PM >

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 10:45:17 PM

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

To a degree. Some child-raising experts dispute that, but that's neither here nor there.

I asked because you have the same objections towards using other, non-beating methods of punishment, pretty much whenever the subject comes up, so I'm trying to understand what you would consider an acceptable punishment in general for correcting flaws and bad behaviours, not as punishment for yourself.

ETA:
Calling impact play "punishment" is part of the thrill for most subs who're into that sort of thing. They have the whole "I've been bad and need to be punished" thing going, see; but there's also a lot of people who just follow a guidebook, doing the funishment thing while not really getting it and missing the fun and fantasy aspect of a fake punishment dynamic thinking it's a hard and set rule.

And actually, a significant enough number of s-sides have a desire for "being held accountable by someone else (so they don't have to account for themselves)" going that it is a thing; so much so that, discounting the sadists, a lot of Doms end up doing the punishment thing because they think that's what the sub wants and that's how D/s is supposed to go. Indeed, there is a fairly obnoxious segment of s-sides who consider those who do not enjoy willy-nilly beating on them and punishing every little imagined and deliberate flaw to be "fake Doms", so you can't blame it all on the D-types.

I could not agree with a great portion of this more. You see, because I am not a sadist, there's a portion of submissive ladies who consider me to be a "fake" dominant.

There's a lid for every pot and all of that, but the long and short of it is: there's a reason different pots are different sizes.

I grew up with a step-dad (well ... sort of. as it turns out, I didn't live with them, for very long, really; just in spurts)

For me, the word "step dad" has become synonymous with "abuse". I'm not sure exactly how or why it happened, but I decided that I just couldn't equate any kind of violence to a loving, caring relationship (with the exception of light slaps on my children's hands, when they were very young to teach them the word: "No").

No matter how ideal the lady. if she's a masochist, we're not going very far, together. This has led me to develop some interesting punishments, over the years and I've always tried to make the "punishment fit the crime."

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 11:39:37 PM

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

So personally OP, IF your mistress wants you to enjoy your punishment. Maybe she needs to stop calling it punishment. But refer to it as HER Pleasure!

She hasn't had any problems communicating that she enjoys beating me for any reason. So maybe she just does it to cheer herself up haha.

I think maybe part of the problem is that I just don't know enough about how BDSM works as I sort of threw myself into it headfirst without really researching it. I didn't even know about subdrop, aftercare, etc...

She is also native Chinese, so we have a few language and cultural barriers in addition to the newness of it all, and sometimes it takes a lot to understand her. She's sometimes less direct about things and I don't want to nag her with too many questions that she might not even understand. She also thinks her English is perfect and I don't want to make her feel bad haha... it's really cute but it's probably not completely practical, as I can't tell if she's ignoring me out of distraction, doesn't understand (and doesn't want to let on she doesn't understand) or just thinks I'm not always worth responding to.

BDSM is really quite rare in China so she must have learned about it from Western sources, but I think that she probably has a different style to Western owners. This is a culture where people get married first and ask questions later! I like the ethnic/cultural aspect of it, but even more 'normal' cross-cultural relationships can be tough... my last relationship was supposed to be normal, but ended up being BDSM by accident haha. I would imagine that she would instinctively gravitate to different ways of dealing with different issues. I guess if I had more experience or spoke perfect Chinese I would know for sure...

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/6/2016 11:39:46 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

FR
I like impact play because especially in sub space mode. It's just pure pleasure and ecstasy, and no pain.

I just like to associate pain with pleasure and not punishment.

That's why, if Master gets pleasure from hitting me. That's a good dynamic.

If I get pleasure from Master hitting me, That's a good dynamic.

If it's punishment, I resent him for hitting me, he is angry at me and punishing me.

That is a horrible dynamic.

As someone who suffered physical abuse, sub space mode is a very empowering mode. I remembered I used to reach a stage where when my mom beats me, it doesn't hurt anymore, I used to tremble and cower with so much fear, and when the pain disappears, I feel so powerful like I keep taunting her to do her worst to me. And I felt no pain. Even though she was trying to kill me. I felt so happy that she is beating me and I feel no pain so she can't hurt me!

Because when you are young and helpless against a big bully who you are financially reliant on who is attacking you, this is your only defense.

I love being in that zone.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/6/2016 11:45:20 PM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 12:40:44 AM

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

As someone who suffered physical abuse, sub space mode is a very empowering mode. I remembered I used to reach a stage where when my mom beats me, it doesn't hurt anymore, I used to tremble and cower with so much fear, and when the pain disappears, I feel so powerful like I keep taunting her to do her worst to me. And I felt no pain. Even though she was trying to kill me. I felt so happy that she is beating me and I feel no pain so she can't hurt me!

Because when you are young and helpless against a big bully who you are financially reliant on who is attacking you, this is your only defense.

I love being in that zone.

That's probably the biggest reason I finally decided to get into this.

I read an article online about BDSM people having lower anxiety levels, remembered some stuff from when I was young, and figured it was worth a shot.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 4:25:50 AM

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

she likes to argue with whatever people say.

I was thinking it might be due to subdrop as well and maybe neither of the two know what it is, especially if they are new? But I guess we won't know until the OP comes back and tells us some more.

(in reply to ohthat1percent)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 8:47:56 AM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl
K. Just remember punishments are for when you make mistakes and she's trying to correct you and beatings can be for her and your benefit, pleasure, etc. Shoot, she may beat you torture you with your consent just because she likes it and isn't concerned with your pleasure, but unless she says it's punishment it isn't. So that might help you not feel like crying if you know it's not because you did something incorrectly.

This is why I don't do punishment dynamic. When my dom beats me, it is for his pleasure only. Nothing to do with punishment. I take the pain because it brings my Master joy and happiness doing it.

So I view any pain inflicted on me, as my Master simply taking his pleasure.

I can't do punishment dynamic, because it feels like he is inflicting hate on me. I would probably go into crying fits, and feeling depressed, if I went into punishment dynamics, because I would keep feeling he hates me.

So I prefer to look at it, as bringing him happiness.

So personally OP, IF your mistress wants you to enjoy your punishment. Maybe she needs to stop calling it punishment. But refer to it as HER Pleasure!

He's already admitted that he was confusing punishment with "funishment"

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 9:00:04 AM

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

many newbies do confuse punishment and funishment. I'm still lost on how someone who isn't a Masochist would even agree to hook up with someone that is a sadist and enjoys BDSM sessions. if I wasn't a masochist I wouldn't be hooked up with a sadist, don't care if he enjoys it. That being said I didn't realize I was a BDSM masochist until 10 years ago.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 9:22:59 AM

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

many newbies do confuse punishment and funishment. I'm still lost on how someone who isn't a Masochist would even agree to hook up with someone that is a sadist and enjoys BDSM sessions. if I wasn't a masochist I wouldn't be hooked up with a sadist, don't care if he enjoys it. That being said I didn't realize I was a BDSM masochist until 10 years ago.

It's more about not really knowing the BDSM lingo as opposed to not being able to make a distinction between how mistress feels or why she beats me. I actually enjoy the way she treats me very much... the crying is a really nice release, even if I do feel a little confused. The problem is that she doesn't seem to like it and I want to make her happy.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 9:28:49 AM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

many newbies do confuse punishment and funishment. I'm still lost on how someone who isn't a Masochist would even agree to hook up with someone that is a sadist and enjoys BDSM sessions. if I wasn't a masochist I wouldn't be hooked up with a sadist, don't care if he enjoys it. That being said I didn't realize I was a BDSM masochist until 10 years ago.

Some view it as being submissive. They don't enjoy it, but do it because their Dominant does. I feel the same way about baseball.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 9:34:31 AM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heavyblinker

It's more about not really knowing the BDSM lingo as opposed to not being able to make a distinction between how mistress feels or why she beats me. I actually enjoy the way she treats me very much... the crying is a really nice release, even if I do feel a little confused. The problem is that she doesn't seem to like it and I want to make her happy.

I'm going to be honest here. First, you need to do some research figure out what you want, like, need. Second, communication is essential to having a successful relationship....and you can't/won't. Third, IMO opinion a good Dominant sets their submissive up to succeed. I don't see that happening here. My impression is that she learned to be a "Dominant" by watching porn and has fallen into the the "Are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about!" bad parenting routine.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to heavyblinker)

RE: Can't stop crying... - 10/7/2016 9:44:09 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent

You make no sense, you say its as individual as fingerprints but claim it can't possibly be subdrop because you don't do something during yours??

Whatever, my post wasn't for your approval as to my assessment, it was a suggestion the OP as something else to consider if nothing else works.

Huh? I didn't say that. I said I didn't think it was, not that it couldn't possibly be subdrop. You get offended easily.

(in reply to ohthat1percent)

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Can't stop crying...

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.203