LadyPact
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ORIGINAL: Alecta
Sigh.
Yeah, I get exasperated, too. However, I share a different opinion than you.
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It's about extremes and taking responsibility for your own bad decisions, you know, both of you.
Not exactly. Sure, you might say it's a bad decision to meet up with person X, wear that short skirt, walk in the bad part of town, etc. This isn't a civil matter where we say there is a percentage split. She's not X amount at fault because she was (if the case is proven) sexually assaulted. That's on the alleged perpetrator.
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You're right to an extent, if I said no anal and you do it anyway, that's rape. You are missing my points however that
1. if you go meeting a guy for anal sex and he does anal sex, you can't turn around afterwards and say it's rape.
This is a part of the problem with this whole situation. People are *assuming* that she met with him for anything specific at all. We're talking about a guy who has a reputation for NOT negotiating. From where I sit, that's kind of an issue.
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2.t some point the whole "right to rescind consent" becomes... ridiculous. Like the women who call rape after they get the sex they signed up for, citing poor performance, or change their minds after it's in progress and proceed to call what's already happened rape.
I'd like to state for the record that I'm not big on "retroactive" consent violations, either. If I negotiate with you that we are going to do X, Y, Z on Saturday, and come Tuesday, you 'changed your mind,' we have a whole different issue, here. However, there just aren't that many folks who can stand up to the scrutiny of a fourteen month long investigation that are willing to plow through. I'm not saying impossible. I'm looking at improbable.
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I cannot support that blatant abuse of reason and protection. (As in, abuse of protection).
I think we're seeing this in different ways. (Hang with me. It gets better.)
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3. When you go meet a guy known for doing stuff beyond the script for sex, who has a public history of being disturbingly pushy in bed, and get naked for him and let him fuck you, you cannot actually be surprised when he does what he usually does and goes off script, can you?
You're jumping to conclusions. No knowledge of what happened on the night in question, no idea if she stripped for him, or if this person had any idea of his 'reputation' of what he wrote on a website. You are making leaps of assumptions.
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You cannot reasonably expect him to treat you as a special snowflake and not do what he usually does just because he said so. The scorpion and the frog. They are both to blame for the scorpion stinging the frog. The frog should not have believed the scorpion just on his word and should have taken steps to prevent the scorpion from harming him even if he wanted to believe in the good of the scorpion.
Incorrect. Call it a "special snowflake" all you like. EVERY negotiation is individual. If he engaged in rape play with a thousand women, and the 1000th and first woman had a different agreement, where she didn't say <yes> to whatever... That's on him: not her.
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To further elaborate, if the girl had met the guy under a fake profile (of the guy) rather than his usual one with all the disturbing stuff he publicly espouses and all the public rape drama per his previous partners and people in the public online community (I will concede that his reputation in "rt" community may be privileged information the girl was not privy to if she did not know the same people),
Stop, right there. I've got three.
First, this was a guy who had a habit of turning his profile on and off, usually when the heat got too close. His writings were not always accessible. Yeah, the guy made K&P regularly for quite some time. By coincidence, several of his writings were pulled from public view at various points.
Second, we must look at the 'just on the internet' factor. Without first person knowledge, a person wouldn't know if his stuff was fact or fiction.
Third, nobody knows if this gal had any exposure to the "rt" community. We have no idea of who she is or what she might have known.
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...and did not reasonably know of his reputation, then there is no expectation for her to have been able to know that the risks.
This, I can relate to.
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On the other hand, if she went into a room with him got naked and let him near her knowing his reputation as above, there's no reasonable and responsible way she can say she didn't know that's the kind of encounter she's most likely in for. It further needs to be questioned whether she'd actually decided to met him because of the reputation, being attracted to the idea.
I have problems with this. Take a look at any kind of 'survey' folks have out there. Rape play is an exceptionally common fantasy, on both sides of the slash. Many of us know that it isn't something many folks would like to play out, even if their fantasies are very intriguing.
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It's funny we can't go to a restaurant to order something we thought we were interested in and decide not to pay for it when we change our minds about wanting it after it has been served, but expect exactly that in this argument.
That's the thing. Yes, you can! If you go to a restaurant and order calamari, because everybody says it's will be the most fantastic thing you have ever tasted, and you take a bite and decide it's not for you, YOU GET TO STOP EATING IT. You don't have to 'finish' your plate just because you ordered it.
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On this case in the given coverage it is unclear which of these cases is what'd happened since the papers are more interested in making a sensation of his Fet, and it doesn't matter because it's not about her at this point in this (this forum) discussion. It isn't about victim shaming or blaming so much as it is about not letting victim protection absolve people of personal responsibility in bad choices. The abuse of victim culture.
No. No, it's not.
The folks who are so myopic, thinking it's about turning the attention toward Fet haven't bothered themselves to THINK about other potentials.
Do you know what I saw???
I saw a sh^t ton of people that I've met over the years who met me as "Lady Pact". Thousands of people.
If there ever had to be a legal investigation of me, how many people would know me by my "legal name"? If my 'real name' hit the papers, how many people would recognize it?
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Major BDSM practitioner arrested for Rape - 
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