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Taramafor -> RE: When the world stops having any meaning! (12/22/2016 8:04:07 PM)
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I can relate to this. Here's how it is for me. I feel like I need my worst side to be accepted. Not just with a dom (which is very much included) but by everyone that gets to know me (which was once very few in number yet now great after time). For I was once a monster and yet had someone there anyway. I refused to get help myself. MY choice, not anyone elses. Choice being a thing I once unintentionally took from others which only made them worse, not better. For me it wasn't even a choice for poly reasons. No matter who else is there or not it doesn't change the fact the others weren't there and there's only one of everyone. And I felt like I had to figure myself out because there was that many details inside details. I was a mess and I was actually ok with that myself, even if I kind of wasn't. But people were there and cared I guess. And it ended ok because people I care about accepted me without having me to go "get help". Do you feel like you might have to get helped before you'll be accepted as you are? I'll say it straight, if a mess like me can get out there and find people to confide in and have them share their own shit back with me in turn then there's a lot of people out there that don't feel like they need to be helped and are willing too even do that themselves unasked for. Even if there's also a high number of people that just don't care (It's hard to look past those ones, I know). You're down, I get that, I honestly do, but people will accept you for it. Perhaps even make you happier for that, to just "be there". It may or may not be the only solution for you as it has been and continues to be for me. If you feel like "professional help" can help then I'd encourage that. If only to help you figure yourself out when you might not be able too. Strange logic, I know. It's a simple case of talking to others and trying to find answers, be it professional or not (I honestly think too many people forget the or not part. Seriously, turn to those your know and trust for those that care are there in times of need). Just keep in mind that only you know yourself what's best even when it might not seem like it. Perhaps even not knowing may be what needs to be... not known? Or that you need to be a monster to be accepted? I dunno. Remain not knowing about things if that's your choice I guess. It's your call in the end. Just know that as you are now that I have been there, have put others there and so shall accept you as you are without telling you to get help. For that might not even be possible and I would not avoid you for not being able to make a choice due to fear (let alone being able to make it). And I hope others can do the same as well. Help can be helpful but it doesn't always have to be professional.
Perhaps you feel like you need someone to love you enough to accept that side of you? To take the bad with the good? There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself. In fact I'll even say it's ok. speaking as someone that feels my "bad" needs to be accepted. The only remotely useful peace of advice I can give here is to be there for someone so they can be there for you in return and to accept their "bad" as well as the good. No one wants bad but it's going to be there of course. We all have flaws and shit. It may or may not end up being worth it. if it's not then keep plodding on. Because even in the face of failure there is hope for a better future at least. And sometimes we all need time to figure ourselves out because fear does that. Give it time. As someone that's once felt like a "harmful presence" I have come to understand that it's the choice of others to be around me or not knowing that. Naturally it's the last thing I wanted to be. Funny thing is that it made me not be one. It took a long time though. But it happened.
I glanced the thread so don't know all the replies. I just want to toss this out there. Please do not act like you know better for someone that's in a bad way. Suggest things, by all means, but please don't try to decide for them. I feel this is important to point out because I was once told by someone in a bad way that not doing that is what helped and actually calmed them down after they tried to off themselves the previous night. And it seems to help with me too. So take that for what it's worth. Maybe instead of shoving this guy off to professionals accept him as he is? Just a thought.
If I knew you better I might have offered to lend a better ear in a message or something. as it stands you are a stranger to me and furthermore I fear you might blame yourself if you latch on and get too clingy (People that care and are closer will accept that). As a result I feel it is in both our interests at this point to simply leave things at that for now. And that I hope some of what I said makes some sort of sense and helps somehow. I don't claim to have all the answers but hope for the best and wish you good luck. And don't worry, there's people out there that will accept latching and clingy (which you do not need to blame yourself for if they choose to have your company. I personally find it wise to check in on that if someone expresses an interest in me. met plenty of strangers I now know that way too). It's just that for me, right now, personally, I got so much on my plate already. Though I have helped others in the past with good results. And may even do so again. I just need to deal with my own things right now, least I become overwhelmed and actually cause more harm then good for others around me. That wouldn't do for either of us I think.
Also, yes, as someone mentioned in the thread bad things happen. I learned from it. Still made mistakes. Learned a little more. It's a slow process. Eventually you can make things work out. Just be aware that it can be a slow process.
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