LadyPact
Posts: 32566
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sirmaxx88
I see men ask this a lot 95% of so called Domme/Mistress women are into BDSM for 3 reasons could be just one or all three.
Number 1. Money
Number 2. Keep Her Man Happy because he is into this and she goes along to keep him from finding some other woman to do this with. Which I can respect
Number 3. They are not getting enough attention so they say they are Dommes. (Usually fat women that have a hard time getting male attention or crazy women that need attention.
It's kind of funny because when I see comments like the above, my first curiosity is 'where does this guy live for his perception to be so far different than mine'? I've lived in five different states since I've been involved in kink. I've been to events in twice that number again more. Everything from podunk towns to major cities. I don't have the same reflection on this that you do. Number two, I do see some of sometimes. Number one, I have *always* met more lifestyle people than professionals, though I've met my share of the latter, too. In a state like yours that not only has multiple public kink clubs, and hosts SPLF, not to mention how many munches and smaller events across the state, ClubFem and 'Hitchin Bitches' alive and well in several of your cities there, please tell me how anybody who is going to brag about their 20 years in kink and have the observations that you do. The only way the possibility strikes me is that you've spent a lot of that 20 years on the net, which is different and has always been different. There are just as many men who think kink is the easy way to getting their cock sucked as their are women who think they are going to get paid, so I don't see it as a major difference.
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Very Very few women get into this because they are into it.
Women period want something for any type of sex or sex play that is just how they are.
Oh, I'm the first person to admit that not all of my BDSM encounters are going to be sexual. A very high percentage of the time, just my engaging in BDSM with someone or getting endorphins flowing isn't going to necessarily make me sexually attracted to a person or make me want to engage with them sexually. If I didn't want to have sex with someone before I started swinging a flogger at them, a little kink isn't going to change that.
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And they keep tring to tell you they are not. But look at their motives and see what all they are getting. If she is not getting something she is not going to keep doing this.
Would you like to know what I get out of it? At the top of the list is my ability to engage in the sadism that I enjoy. So, yes, if the words get twisted in the right way, I am getting something out of it. If you took away the sexual aspect from (some of) my male counterparts, (sadists) what are they getting out of it? The same, exact things that I am. Not every top is going for sex during their scenes and not all clubs are even considered 'sex positive' so why are all of those other people playing there?
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They are not like men that are into this for BDSM play they have to be getting something other than just play.
This part is laughable. This statement alone tells me that you haven't met enough female sadists. If you had, you'd see that there are a lot of us who do this for fun.
When I go to the club to play, (pick up/casual) there is not a thing I get out of it other than the fun I get from engaging in BDSM. I'm not getting paid, nobody is doing me favors, no tributes, no gifts, no bullsh^t. I pay my door fee like everybody else. If (when) I negotiate scenes with people, we're doing it because we enjoy the activity.
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I have been around BDSM scene for 20 plus years. I know a lot of ProDoms and most that I know do not even play with their so called sub man. She would rather do anything but her work in her relationship.
I know some pros who are like this, too. I know some s-types who do pro work that wouldn't be doing it at home because it's not their relationship style. I know some pros that you won't see playing casually (non fee) at events because they have run into the issue that people think they'll do "free sessions" with anybody who comes along because, oh, she did it for that one guy at an event, so people think it's not a business transaction, anymore. I know people who burn out on the fun part because some of their clients are such a drag that they lose some of their enjoyment. Pros burn out for a number of reasons.
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All the privete parties I have gone to over the years the women that are Domme's are either married and do this for their husband, They are seeking to learn more about it and try to get paid doing it. Or they want attention.
None are in it for the reasons the men are. And they will never admit their motives to you just like most women never tell any guy there true motives.
Well, I just told you my motives and it's so far from the negativity of your post that I find some of what you said rather ridiculous. Over the years, when I was out learning topping skills, it was because I wanted to do things that looked like fun and hopefully do them in a manner that would reduce risk. Fire, electric, sharps, etc, etc, etc. I do them because they are fun and I enjoy inflicting pain on people within a kink context.
If you really say "all of the private parties that you've gone to" tells me that you need to broaden your horizons a bit more. Especially if the parties are rather small or always involve the same people. Most private parties just don't tend to involve hundreds of attendees like you'd find at a public kink club or a con. Maybe just something to consider.
Actually, I was surprised to look at your profile and see "actively seeking Dominant women". Your screen name is going to make most people think that you are seeking only submissive women because a lot of Dominant women on the net who see "sir" anything as a screen name are probably going to blow you off if they don't know you. Might be ok for switch women or Dominant women who enjoy bottoming once in a while. On the other side, most Dominant women just aren't that interested in Dominant men as play partners. Just something to think about that may be influencing your experience.
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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Women claiming to be into BDSM, who seek a Sugar Daddy - 
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