LadyPact
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I'm going to try not to quote you to death. (Trust me. I'm usually a lot worse.)
OP, I have to tell you that your post (and the subsequent replies) impresses me as coming from somebody who just plain doesn't know enough kinky people and/or personal experience associating with the kink world. While disproportionate to online, there's very little that ever crosses this site that I haven't known (meaning in person) somebody who was into it, engages in it, lives their life that way, or has some basis for enjoying it. Everything from the severe emotional masochist who thrives on being treated as sub-human, to the physical masochists that enjoy being beaten to a pulp, to the people who love to be whored out to strangers, to the bug catchers, to the people who want to be under such control that they aren't permitted to leave the house except under exceptional circumstances... Seriously, somebody out there is doing it.
In my personal opinion, there aren't as many people going to those extremes in kink as there are people who fantasize about it and write up stuff on the net. It's the "safe" way for them to delve into those fantasies that get them hot a little deeper, without actually doing them. Some are people that the fantasy excites them, even though they would never do it. A number of them are male s-types/bottoms that the only way they can get somebody (read anybody) to interact with them about their fantasies is to pretend to be female. Some are people who think the whole thing is weird and want to write something up to see if there is some 'sicko' gullible enough to interact with them.
People on BOTH sides of the slash have preconceived notions of what people on the other side of the slash should be. Get used to it. There's a difference between somebody describing what they feel is a good match for them in a dynamic and the people describing what is best referred to as a character in some type of fairy tale. All Dominants are like this or all submissives behave like that. Even better, 'you don't do this or that so you're not weal and twue'. Very common manipulation tactic that is very easily seen through if you are dealing with someone who supposedly wants to interact with you. Biggest clue of when to get away from someone? A real <fill in the blank here> would do <insert thing the other person wants here> when you're not involved with that person.
(I would like to remind you at this point that you have also created the idea of pseudo Dominant in your head. Several of your comments are about what Dominants do or don't do, should or shouldn't do, as a blanket statement rather than internalizing them for yourself. Keep that in mind.)
I'm firmly in agreement with some of the other women on the thread about *not* listing their kinks and fetishes to see if they "match up" for those looking for relationship based D/s. Doing it the other way tends to bring out more of the people who are interested in the kink, rather than the person. Take my word for it. Most women don't have much difficulty finding people who are willing to engage in their kinks with them if they are willing to go to the club and engage in some casual play. Finding the person that they consider relationship material has a greater scale of difficulty.
I am going to quote one thing. If you don't take anything else away from this thread, I hope the one thing you do will be related to this:
quote:
ORIGINAL: ffffff333
I do not consider this a proper display of domly behavior, that said for me personally discussing kink (which may or may not be linked directly to sex) would actually put pressure off, the reason i never really found myself in vanilla relationships is that there is all this drama, both sides playing a game of hide and seek with their emotions, in fact before i decided to accept myself for what i am i was wholly ready to give up on the whole thing entirely, it was my hope that in a Ds relationship i can find a partner more willing to discuss things openly without playing mind games, since everyone puts so much emphasis on communication, i would definitely not freak out if someone decided we were not compatible, i would wish them all the best and keep looking.
Please, for the love of the stars, get this notion out of your head. Yes, you are going to see a lot of people talk about communication, honesty, trust, and a lot of other wonderful ideals regarding kink and dynamics. That doesn't mean that everybody is good about those things just because they happen to be kinky. It's a fallacy to ever think kinky people as a group are "more" of any given thing than our vanilla counterparts, (i.e., more honest, more trustworthy, better communicators, etc) because we're all still just people. Anytime you talk about people, rather than individuals, that's probably going to be a mistake.
Some people will be great at those things. Others won't. Just because somebody picks a label from a drop down menu, (as in when a person creates a profile) doesn't mean a dang thing about their character. A person saying they are a D or an s doesn't necessarily mean they are good relationship material. Kinky people do the same amount of lying, cheating, manipulating, and abusing as our vanilla counterparts do. I can't stress enough that this can be the case on either side of the slash or anybody that considers themselves any version of in-between. Try to remember to keep this in mind when reading things on the net.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: How many here are really fakes - 
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