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Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/23/2017 3:17:57 PM

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How does sub/dom flirting work? Do you feel that you're good at it, or bloody awful?

Most particularly, have you seen a person you find really attractive in a vanilla setting, subtly flirted with that person in a way that shows that you'd like to do sub/dom-type things with him/her ... and has it worked out? If so, what was the 'electric moment', if any, that got both you and the target person clicking together?

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RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/23/2017 3:28:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
How does sub/dom flirting work? Do you feel that you're good at it, or bloody awful?

If I was good at it, you'd have visited this side of the pond years ago.

quote:

Most particularly, have you seen a person you find really attractive in a vanilla setting, subtly flirted with that person in a way that shows that you'd like to do sub/dom-type things with him/her ... and has it worked out? If so, what was the 'electric moment', if any, that got both you and the target person clicking together?

This part, I'll answer when I get back. It's a bit more detailed.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/23/2017 3:44:33 PM

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Absolutely you can.

You can work out often whether the whole D/s thing intrigues someone as you get to know them in a vanilla setting. Not the same thing as knowing that they would be serious about a D/s relationship, but you can certainly work out some people's basic dynamics over time by subtly flirting and introducing certain subjects in a playful way.

It's never worked for me on a night out however. I think that is because it is all to staged and I need to know someone for weeks to be able to plant the seeds in a way that a completely vanilla person would miss or ignore but someone who is more sexually dominant would not.

I don't however have any experience of using magic line or tell that works on a first meeting in vanilla setting, any more than I have found love at first sight across a crowded bar.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/23/2017 3:57:30 PM

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To be specific, meeting someone I really liked in a vanilla setting and working out by flirting that they were into has worked out twice for me. Both times there was an increasing electricity as the flirting progressed which I could feel physically and it led to relationships that lasted over years.

Unfortunately I have also spent lots of time flogging a dead horse when I was looking for something I probably knew instinctively was not there, but I liked the person and thought if I just got to know them a bit better it would come out. Looking back I really knew very early on and persevered when I should really have dropped it. On reflection I'm just really bad at saying no to someone I like if I think it will hurt their feelings.

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RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/23/2017 3:57:44 PM

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I wish I knew how to flirt - I wasn't good at it as vanilla, and not any better as submissive. *sigh*
I think parents should give flirting lessons, because how else are we supposed to learn?

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RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/23/2017 4:05:24 PM

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Parents, kiwi?

Aaarrgghh!

My parents were great and associated sex, love and affection for me from a young age but I would have died if either of them had given me flirting lessons.

Not sure that I learned anything about it until I was much older and even then I wouldn't say I was a great flirter. I just try to be polite and charming and then go with the flow if they laugh. So I really only do it with people I already know.

Hardly pearls of wisdom from the pick up book then.

(in reply to kiwisub22)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/24/2017 1:49:42 AM

CaptR

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You don't need lessons to flirt. It's instinctive. It's a look, a smile, conversation, shyness and a recognition of interest. It's a shared laugh, a touch, closeness. Flirting is fun! Just don't get creepy about it 😀!

(in reply to kiwisub22)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/24/2017 5:19:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If I was good at it, you'd have visited this side of the pond years ago.

Aww, LP, you make me blush!

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RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/24/2017 5:24:23 AM

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quote:

Just don't get creepy about it 😀!

Fuck. Nothing in life comes easy, does it?

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RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/24/2017 5:50:10 AM

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I'm a flirt, but then I'm also often accused of flirting when I'm not too, simply because I have been told more times than I care to remember that I have come to bed and fuck me eyes. I like flirting with someone that is also good at it. I had a female friend, we're both straight, but we used to flirt outrageously with each other just for fun, and because the men in our lives at the time were damn useless at it.

I'm not sure it makes any difference to a D/s situation, or vanilla, flirting is flirting, and you're either good, or not. I love being flirted with, just the same as I love a really good kisser, but as CaptR said, there is a line to be crossed where it becomes creepy.

Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/24/2017 8:59:42 AM

CaptR

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Lol, sure it does. Say hello and keep an antenna up. Just don't follow her/ him around the event. If they're interested you'll know. One very wonderful thing about flirting is it's spontaneity. It can be done with intent or harmless fun. Either way it beats a stubbed toe!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/25/2017 5:51:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Aww, LP, you make me blush!

I know. That's why I did it. I get a kick out of it.

As promised...

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Most particularly, have you seen a person you find really attractive in a vanilla setting, subtly flirted with that person in a way that shows that you'd like to do sub/dom-type things with him/her ... and has it worked out? If so, what was the 'electric moment', if any, that got both you and the target person clicking together?

Vanilla setting, no. This is going to sound outdated to a lot of people but I've been married to MP for fifteen years and we've lived in military towns (aka locations with a significant percentage of military personnel) for pretty much all of that. Contrary to what some people might think, military people and their spouses aren't exactly known for fidelity. If I flirt in vanilla settings, people don't think poly and kinky. They think cheating wife. Something that isn't my comfort zone at all.

Kink settings are a totally different thing. I don't have the same concerns.

Some might not agree with me, but I happen to think that those of us who are pick up players/engage in casual play have to be at least semi-good at the art of flirting. If you suck at it, well, you're going home with your toy bag in the same state in which you brought it if you didn't already have your play for the evening prearranged.

Flirting is about the art of seduction. Doesn't matter what you are seducing them into. It's about enticing them in just the right way. If you do it right, some folks will even think it was their idea.

My type of flirting is usually about subtle nuances. I'm generally not a bull in the china shop type of pick up player. Frankly, while some submissives/s-types/bottoms go for that kind of thing, I see it fail more than I see it succeed. A lot of chest thumping male tops go that route and they just can't figure out why it isn't working for them. In the meantime, the people they wanted to play with are playing with me.

I want to put this in here, too. I consider kink flirting to come in two different types. There's S/m flirting and then there's control flirting. (I'm not a rope person, so I'm leaving that part out. No offense to the bondage types.)

S/m flirting is easier. Some of this should be about topping skills, sure. However, at any given time, there are fifty other people in the club with an equal or greater skill set than my own. So, why play with me? "Cause it's going to be fun. It's not *just* the topping skills. It's the inter-personal skills.

Control flirting. This is different. I like power and control. I'm going to take that little hint that you've shown me that I can control you, and I'm going to utilize it. Even if it's just 'I want you to do this, so you respond with that' kind of thing. Usually, it will be something small, at first. However, I'm going to see if I can capitalize on it.

I hope this answered your question.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/25/2017 10:23:08 AM

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Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Aww, LP, you make me blush!

I know. That's why I did it. I get a kick out of it.

As promised...

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Most particularly, have you seen a person you find really attractive in a vanilla setting, subtly flirted with that person in a way that shows that you'd like to do sub/dom-type things with him/her ... and has it worked out? If so, what was the 'electric moment', if any, that got both you and the target person clicking together?

Vanilla setting, no. This is going to sound outdated to a lot of people but I've been married to MP for fifteen years and we've lived in military towns (aka locations with a significant percentage of military personnel) for pretty much all of that. Contrary to what some people might think, military people and their spouses aren't exactly known for fidelity. If I flirt in vanilla settings, people don't think poly and kinky. They think cheating wife. Something that isn't my comfort zone at all.

Kink settings are a totally different thing. I don't have the same concerns.

Some might not agree with me, but I happen to think that those of us who are pick up players/engage in casual play have to be at least semi-good at the art of flirting. If you suck at it, well, you're going home with your toy bag in the same state in which you brought it if you didn't already have your play for the evening prearranged.

Flirting is about the art of seduction. Doesn't matter what you are seducing them into. It's about enticing them in just the right way. If you do it right, some folks will even think it was their idea.

My type of flirting is usually about subtle nuances. I'm generally not a bull in the china shop type of pick up player. Frankly, while some submissives/s-types/bottoms go for that kind of thing, I see it fail more than I see it succeed. A lot of chest thumping male tops go that route and they just can't figure out why it isn't working for them. In the meantime, the people they wanted to play with are playing with me.

I want to put this in here, too. I consider kink flirting to come in two different types. There's S/m flirting and then there's control flirting. (I'm not a rope person, so I'm leaving that part out. No offense to the bondage types.)

S/m flirting is easier. Some of this should be about topping skills, sure. However, at any given time, there are fifty other people in the club with an equal or greater skill set than my own. So, why play with me? "Cause it's going to be fun. It's not *just* the topping skills. It's the inter-personal skills.

Control flirting. This is different. I like power and control. I'm going to take that little hint that you've shown me that I can control you, and I'm going to utilize it. Even if it's just 'I want you to do this, so you respond with that' kind of thing. Usually, it will be something small, at first. However, I'm going to see if I can capitalize on it.

I hope this answered your question.

I agree with this. I think this is also where the creepy line comes in to play too. Flirting has context, just like any other form of conversation, so when we get the guys barging straight in to our inboxes on the other side with a cock shot, and the 'On your knees bitch!', I guess this is their idea of 'I bought you a drink and told you you're pretty, that means you have to pay out' when you're in a bar.

In a kink club I'd expect the flirting to be different, more forward, than if I were meeting a guy on a date for a potential relationship. We've seen loads of guys come sweeping into these forums on their faithful donkeys, wearing their tinfoil armour, to warn us all about the scammers out there. Then it turns out that actually they are also really socially inept. If they can't even grasp basic levels of communication then they will fail miserably at flirting, or even spotting that someone else is doing this with them. We had a prime example very recently where someone was using the bull in the china shop method, I mean it was virtually the piece of 2x2 to use as a stamp on the forehead job, and he still didn't get it

Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/25/2017 11:07:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Control flirting. This is different. I like power and control. I'm going to take that little hint that you've shown me that I can control you, and I'm going to utilize it. Even if it's just 'I want you to do this, so you respond with that' kind of thing. Usually, it will be something small, at first. However, I'm going to see if I can capitalize on it.

Edited

Control flirting, oh yes.

Toned down slightly, that's exactly the kind of fun that can get really interesting in a vanilla setting, and can tell you so much about someone without asking directly. As a sub, it doesn't guarantee that anyone is dominant with a capital D but it does give you an idea if they could be.

Tells you so much more about someone than asking about what they do for a living. Takes a bit of care and effort but you can quite often get people at least one person to play on a night out. I have always found it useful though women who are more s types, even sub-consciously, whether interested in BDSM or not, show no interest in it whatsoever and often don't even realise you are doing it. On the other hand D types usually pick up on it pretty quickly.

Not fool-proof but it's useful in terms of ensuring that you are interesting to each other. We all know that good looks doesn't cut it when you have a minority interest like BDSM.

Anyway it's the type of fun you can have in a completely vanilla setting if someone lets their guard down a little, even if goes nowhere.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/25/2017 4:52:44 PM

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

Flirting is about the art of seduction. Doesn't matter what you are seducing them into. It's about enticing them in just the right way. If you do it right, some folks will even think it was their idea.

This I've heard a few times before. In fact, I remember some discussion a while ago in which things went slightly skew-whiff and people who subscribed to the wonders of seducing were labelled 'manipulators'. But I didn't think of it as that. Or if I did, I didn't care about either manipulating or being manipulated.

quote:

Control flirting. This is different. I like power and control. I'm going to take that little hint that you've shown me that I can control you, and I'm going to utilize it. Even if it's just 'I want you to do this, so you respond with that' kind of thing. Usually, it will be something small, at first. However, I'm going to see if I can capitalize on it.

Ahhh. OK. See, now that sounds like fun. I jump at that kind of flirting from femdoms. Hoh yes. :)

quote:

I hope this answered your question.

Yes, it did. Thank 'ee very much! :)

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/25/2017 9:42:21 PM

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Flirting is about the art of seduction. Doesn't matter what you are seducing them into. It's about enticing them in just the right way. If you do it right, some folks will even think it was their idea.

This I've heard a few times before. In fact, I remember some discussion a while ago in which things went slightly skew-whiff and people who subscribed to the wonders of seducing were labelled 'manipulators'. But I didn't think of it as that. Or if I did, I didn't care about either manipulating or being manipulated.

quote:

Control flirting. This is different. I like power and control. I'm going to take that little hint that you've shown me that I can control you, and I'm going to utilize it. Even if it's just 'I want you to do this, so you respond with that' kind of thing. Usually, it will be something small, at first. However, I'm going to see if I can capitalize on it.

Ahhh. OK. See, now that sounds like fun. I jump at that kind of flirting from femdoms. Hoh yes. :)

quote:

I hope this answered your question.

Yes, it did. Thank 'ee very much! :)

The problem with this subject is that I know you too well. It's not like going in blind, like I would at a club, or something.

I don't think, I KNOW certain things that trip your trigger.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/26/2017 4:56:17 AM

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I remember being at this Club over a decade ago with my then bitch/object/bint/witch – equal partner (look I prefer to use the word bitch/bint/witch i am not going to explain my word choice all the time and all you regulars should be used to that by now, and my reasons for doing so. she was a lovely enough lass in her ways.

So, I was at the bar and by a happy happenstance someone I met/knew before her and had met up for a game of pool and blether...and my what a transformation she was all kitted out in finest rubber with a set of gravity defying orbs (think that’s an implant thing)...So I did what any prick like me would do I wooed her via the medium of phone text...but for ever the gent I did not lay my paws on that one till I finished with the first one...before I shagged that one clear across the living room floor – we became entwined, then entangle under the coffee table for a fair bit – one does not let some triviality called furniture stop you trying to hump someone into the next dimension, and came to a bit of a stop at the living-room wall on the other side of the room...

Can I woo – yes. Do I ever find someone I want to- almost never (violin music at the end). Women 1 was submissive...Women 2 pro-Dominant – Peon – so I still get puzzled as to why people break it down to D must be with s Peon - And please never forget some souls are also fragile.

Is there an etiquette or are two souls destined to woo each other, flirt even. I always favour the latter.

Lestat's Violin in HD https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgg_JM9BDCE

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Sub/Dom Flirting - 2/26/2017 7:56:40 AM

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Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

How does sub/dom flirting work? Do you feel that you're good at it, or bloody awful?

If I had to say I would go with so so, depends on my mood at the time.

quote:

Most particularly, have you seen a person you find really attractive in a vanilla setting, subtly flirted with that person in a way that shows that you'd like to do sub/dom-type things with him/her ... and has it worked out? If so, what was the 'electric moment', if any, that got both you and the target person clicking together?

I have but by the time she started to show interest back she had said some really stupid things and I had lost interest.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to PeonForHer)

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