freedomdwarf1
Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1
In most western societies, yes it is.
Not just my opinion but that of many that I know.
Yea but you come from a different generation. Back then. Yes. Today. No, it's no longer the majority men thinking.
This opinion also comes from my daughter (23), her fiance (21), my son (21) and most of their friends of that age group.
It also comes from my friends who are half my age.
So no, it's not an age or generational thing.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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I am anything BUT a misogynist.
It's pure misogyny to think less of a woman who enjoys sex for sex.
I never claimed they were "less" - that's YOUR expression, not mine.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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As has been pointed out to you, Singapore is full of desperate men.
And not just Singapore either.
Many Asian men are desperate to find a partner because the birth rate is dropping and many women don't want to get married.
Did you miss the part that the only Asian I ever been with is my x-husband? And Asian men especially Singaporean men are most sought after among Asian women of other Asian countries. So they aren't struggling.
Birth rate is not dropping because women don't want to get married. Birth rate is dropping because women are busy chasing careers and don't want babies which will interfere with their career goals. And they can't find men who are willing to be house husbands and support their career. Someone has to sacrifice. These days, women who studied so hard and got higher education are unwilling to make the sacrifice. Cost of living is also extremely high in Singapore. It's estimated require a minimum of 500k per child to raise a child in Singapore. Many people can't afford children in Singapore anymore. So why get married?
That goes against the BBC Asian report (presented by Rico Hizon who lives in Singapore) that Asian women are outnumbered by Asian men by a whole magnitude of ten.
The "Click" program even reported a new App for dating couples in Japan too!
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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Ummm.... actually, no it isn't.
And I think I can safely say that I know a shit-ton more British men and women than you do to come to that opinion.
And yes, I can say "we" because I haven't met a single one that holds the opinion you assert to be true.
Birds of the same feathers flock together too. So the people you hang out with are probably specifically the kind that shares your mentality. Just like the people I hang out with are the type that shares my mentality.
My friends are not of my mentality and neither are my associates from work.
My wife's friends are those she grew up with at school and their families that she hasn't lived near for decades and don't share her views either.
It seems you are making excuses in an attempt to backup your claims.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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Oh my. Now it comes down to personal insults.
My wife happen to pay for herself to relocate to me.
We lived together for almost a month before we had sex and even that was after chatting for 10 months online.
Okay, so you paid your wife with free rent before you fucked her. So you feel the need to pay the woman with something before she can have sex with you?
Actually, no. She paid the rent.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
I am not insulting your wife by the way.
You hurled the biggest insult possible against my wife!!
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
I am insulting your mentality of saying that if a woman fucks you on first date, she's giving you sex for free.
Well... unless you paid for it, it was for free, was it not??
Simple logic.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
So in another words. You are saying women should ask for payment of something in return before she gives you sex?
I never said any such thing.
Again, your words, not mine.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
So how is your wife not giving you free sex too? Do explain that point?
She does - and I'm not complaining.
But you are twisting my words and missing the label.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
What have you paid her with that her sex is not free? Please don't dodge this again.
I haven't paid her for anything.
She proposed to me and she paid for the wedding.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
You say a woman who fucks you on first date give you free sex.
That's NOT what I said.
Please try to read what I typed.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
So I question how is your wife's sex with you not Free of Charge for you?? How are you paying her?
I'm not. Next question??
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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Nobody said you should pay - so that's a strawman again.
And I never said you shouldn't enjoy it either.
All I'm saying is that your attitude to sex is not appreciated by your average western man if he's looking for anything more than a fuck.
Your assertion that women with that attitude are admired is plain bullshit.
My assertion is, there is enough men around who does not let whether sex happen on first date or not impact on any decision he has on whether a relationship is possible between both. This has more to do about matching values.
I don't disagree with this.
But... you don't seem to understand that your assertion is just not true for most western men.
It is true for some; but not most.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
If it is a man who feels sexual compatibility is important. He would want to get sex out of the way ASAP, like me, so that we know if we want more. And couldn't hung up on silly things like whether the lady fucks on first date or not.
I'm speaking from a male mindset. You are not.
It is obvious, and documented, that the sexes think about most things in a very different way.
Yes, there are men that want to test sexual compatibility - nobody is denying that.
There are also men that actually don't want sex at all.
But most red-blooded sexual men just want a fuck.
That's the truth of it if they were honest.
Some like to play around and western society doesn't see the harm in that (that's not my personal PoV).
Some prefer to be in a relationship that involves intimacy and some sort of a legal partnership.
However, for some reason, western society still hasn't grown out of the simple fact that men see loose women behaving badly like a lot of men do as something not to be admired because those sort of loose women are historically seen as hoes/prostitutes.
It's simple old pre-modern values that still hasn't really been fixed.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
If it is a man who feels sexual compatibility is the lowest importance on his list, like yourself and maybe Awareness. Then yes, when you are looking for a life mate, you want to see whether other part fits or not first before you go to sex.
Not true for myself nor people that I know.
I can't speak for awareness.
Perhaps you cannot comprehend that many people evaluate a lot of compatibility issues on an equal level rather than having things strictly prioritised like you do.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
And you will be finding women who doesn't have sexual preferences, but just likes sex with emotional intimacy.
Everyone is an individual.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
But I am a woman with very specific and precise sexual preference. So any man who doesn't fit me sexually will be friendzoned. It's as simple as that.
That would be your preference that not everyone shares.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
So sex on first date is more for me to gauge if I want to see this man again on a second date or not. End of the day, I wouldn't want to waste a whole month dating a man and then later hating him in bed. Which happens alot.
Again, not so much in the west.
Yes there are incompatibilities in various aspects of a relationship.
But most will work on them and make compromises to get the advantages in other areas.
There are not many like you who reject someone based purely on sexual compatibility.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
There are plenty of men I like outside the bedroom but hate inside the bedroom. And there are also plenty of men I don't feel any mental connection outside the bedroom, and love inside the bedroom with him as he sexually suits me. They become FwBs. The ones who I like outside the bedroom, become my platonic friends especially after i found out sex was incompatible.
Haven't met one who fit both sides yet.
The fact that you haven't found your match after such a long time would benefit from the advice that many of us give when we see others on here with such an issue: the common denominator in all these encounters is you.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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Care to quote where I said it was immoral??
Because I didn't.
What's the difference between saying "No Morals" and "Immoral"? Same shit!
Actually, no it's not the same shit.
This is where your understanding of the nuances of English escape you.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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I said that most western men do NOT consider that sort of behavour to be an admirable trait unless they were just after a free fuck.
There goes your "free fuck" statement again.
Because it's quite relevant.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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Several of us read OP's post as if she were seeking something more than a fuck buddy - a replacement for her 5-year relationship.
One of my longest running fuck buddy has been with me for 5 years and we talk everyday. Fuck buddies can last 5 years too. My average fuck buddies stick around for 2 years averagely. Usually it ends because of relocation due to change of job.
I don't see the relevance of this here.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
And there are men who has the capability to appreciate women who embrace their sexuality and revel in it.
And those men are usually called gigolo's or taking advantage of women.
How many times have we both seen this sort of bad behaviour on these forums??
And now you are applauding it.
I have nothing against about gigolos or prostitutes ever. I see no problem with them earning a living with sex.
I don't either.
You are missing the label again.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
But if a man is working hard and giving his all to give a woman nirvana sex and unlimited orgasms. I don't see how he is taking advantage of her as long as she had a great time.
Nobody is saying anything to the contrary.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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And I'm willing to bet that most men going to Singapore are businessmen looking for a free fuck or men on the hunt for a cheap bride.
Dowry of Chinese women starts from 40k that the man gotta pay their parents too. So definitely not cheap. If they think they are getting it cheap, good luck to them.
Who said anything about Chinese women??
ETA: not every woman demands a dowry even if they are Chinese.
My work colleague (Patrick Leung) didn't pay any dowry for his wife.
He comes (originally) from Hong Kong and his wife (with her sister) lived in the mountains to the west of Beijing.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
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Nobody is slut-shaming anyone and nobody said so.
Only you are making reference to slut-shaming.
You have been slut shaming all the way about women who have sex on first date. By calling them "loose", "no morals".
Because that's the perception of the average western male.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
That's slut shaming.
Not in my book it isn't.
It is an accurate way to describe them using dictionary definitions.
If you don't like those definitions, take it up with them.
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
You wouldn't say the same things about a male. Thus it's slut shaming when you are applying double standards of the same thing towards a woman.
Actually, I did exactly that by calling men who behave that way as gigolo's.
Perhaps you should look it up.
It seems that you are applying your mindset and experiences in your tiny little insular world and think it fits everywhere else.
I can tell you, as have others, that a lot of what you perceive (and post as facts) doesn't fit in most other places worldwide.
Anyway, this has become a personal war that shouldn't dominate the thread.
So this is where I bow out.
< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 2/26/2017 3:34:59 PM >
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“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” George Orwell, 1903-1950
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