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Do you know what five years means? - 2/23/2017 3:24:48 PM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline
I have recently moved to England, from Greece.

I have enjoyed a loving D/s relationship with a Master for five years and I felt safe and secure and content. This means everyday communication for five years.

I joined the community here and advertised that I am looking for a Dom. I got many replies, and was at a loss trying to reply to all of them or prioritize.

In the end, I liked one profile the most and decided that he was probably the best match. I met him. He was very nice, everything went well and in fact he came to see me for a second time.

Then he stopped communicating. For about a week. I realized the shit had hit the fan. This means, you have found a man who wants to have a session and be done with it.

Strange people...

< Message edited by doraSalonica -- 2/23/2017 3:26:16 PM >


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RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 8:46:23 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
Obviously you are looking for a committed relationship, not a playmate. It falls on you to point this out up front. If he is just looking for a playmate, you should be able to notice how uncomfortable the word "relationship" seems to make him feel, lol.

Regardless, while many people play on a first date/meet and their relationship becomes long term, that is the exception, not the norm. Even though it seems common for couples of all times to fuck first and get to know each other later, that, to me, is playing with a very unknown commodity.

My suggestion for you would be to make YOUR intentions clear, and yes, just because you identify as an "S" type you still have rights, ESPECIALLY before you have entered a relationship! If you take the time (real time, not just a couple days) to get to know all about a person; i.e. likes, dislikes, favorite food, music movies, how they grew up, what THEY are looking for in a relationship you put yourself in a better position to know if this is someone you can see a future with.

By the way, it sounds like you are still really missing your previous partner, and I get the feeling you talked a LOT about him with this new guy. Really bad idea. Sure, you can say you just came out of a long term relationship, but you don't need to go into a lot of details, and never compare the two.

My advice? Take some time to go to events, get to know people and forget about finding a new partner for a bit. Make friends, network and when you are truly ready, people at the events/munches you attended will have gotten to know you and some of those new friends may have single friends they think you match up with.

Good luck.

(in reply to doraSalonica)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 9:40:54 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline
You made your bad choice or your choice enabled/manipulated you to make a bad choice. That is generally how these places/the lifestyle work in most instances.
Perhaps the problem lies with him or you, or both, or both together.

Why do you care anyhow?

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 10:37:02 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14408
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


Regardless, while many people play on a first date/meet and their relationship becomes long term, that is the exception, not the norm.


My thoughts exactly. If you make it absolutely clear that there will be no sex or play on the first meeting or the first date, you'd be surprised how many players you get rid of.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 11:45:11 AM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Obviously you are looking for a committed relationship, not a playmate. It falls on you to point this out up front. If he is just looking for a playmate, you should be able to notice how uncomfortable the word "relationship" seems to make him feel, lol.

Regardless, while many people play on a first date/meet and their relationship becomes long term, that is the exception, not the norm. Even though it seems common for couples of all times to fuck first and get to know each other later, that, to me, is playing with a very unknown commodity.

My suggestion for you would be to make YOUR intentions clear, and yes, just because you identify as an "S" type you still have rights, ESPECIALLY before you have entered a relationship! If you take the time (real time, not just a couple days) to get to know all about a person; i.e. likes, dislikes, favorite food, music movies, how they grew up, what THEY are looking for in a relationship you put yourself in a better position to know if this is someone you can see a future with.

By the way, it sounds like you are still really missing your previous partner, and I get the feeling you talked a LOT about him with this new guy. Really bad idea. Sure, you can say you just came out of a long term relationship, but you don't need to go into a lot of details, and never compare the two.

My advice? Take some time to go to events, get to know people and forget about finding a new partner for a bit. Make friends, network and when you are truly ready, people at the events/munches you attended will have gotten to know you and some of those new friends may have single friends they think you match up with.

Good luck.


Thank you for your reply. Indeed, what you say makes absolute sense.

The thing is though, HE was the one who insisted on a relationship, not I! I told him I just wanted to find one or two play partners, as I am not really in need of another D/s relationship at the moment. However, he said he is very possessive and if he were to be my Master (his words, not mine) I should belong only to him and stop communicating with others!

So I did. I thought okay, let us give it a try. We seemed to be a good match and I know how to make a commitment and how to stay faithful to one man.

Also, I never really discussed my ex Master with him. There did not seem to be a reason for that. The past belongs to the past.

So, as I said, strange people...

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 11:47:04 AM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

You made your bad choice or your choice enabled/manipulated you to make a bad choice. That is generally how these places/the lifestyle work in most instances.
Perhaps the problem lies with him or you, or both, or both together.

Why do you care anyhow?



Indeed. Bad choice.

I cared yesterday. I do not care today.

Better luck next time, right?

(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 11:48:55 AM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


Regardless, while many people play on a first date/meet and their relationship becomes long term, that is the exception, not the norm.


My thoughts exactly. If you make it absolutely clear that there will be no sex or play on the first meeting or the first date, you'd be surprised how many players you get rid of.


What a great idea! Now, why did I not think of that?

Lol. I might just do that next time... However, I do like play so much... It will be a little like cutting my nose to spite my face!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 12:09:44 PM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline
A long long time ago. I was with someone 20-31 and we were married the last few years of those. That was a benign choice and things rarely get better in any relationship. I've made a few bad choices in my life I am prone to give those fractured and damaged a chance...many could argue those were bad choices I knowingly made. But I tend to accept humanity as flawed, myself is no exception.

But this one seems to bother you and I am wondering why?

(in reply to doraSalonica)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 1:10:40 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
Well dora, you left out some vital information in that initial post didn't you?

You:

"I have enjoyed a loving D/s relationship with a Master for five years and I felt safe and secure and content. This means everyday communication for five years.

I joined the community here and advertised that I am looking for a Dom. I got many replies, and was at a loss trying to reply to all of them or prioritize.'


That indicates YOU are looking for a partner, not a playmate. There are still men in the world that will try to cloak their doggedness in something more chivalrous.

So you wanted a playmate and got one, albeit short term. You write as though he screwed you over, which he didn't. He simply played and moved on. Sorry, but what you did here was dishonest. You didn't want a relationship, yet went along with his talk about what will happen if you are his without the lies and the game you are playing being brought up.

Trust is of vital importance in every relationship, and many say in a lifestyle relationship it is THE most important. You held back, you were dishonest from the start. The advice originally gave you is still valid to the question you presented, however the addition information you provided later just shows that honesty is always the best policy and you got want you wanted


< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 2/24/2017 1:23:33 PM >

(in reply to doraSalonica)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 6:26:06 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: doraSalonica

I have recently moved to England, from Greece.

I have enjoyed a loving D/s relationship with a Master for five years and I felt safe and secure and content. This means everyday communication for five years.

I joined the community here and advertised that I am looking for a Dom. I got many replies, and was at a loss trying to reply to all of them or prioritize.

In the end, I liked one profile the most and decided that he was probably the best match. I met him. He was very nice, everything went well and in fact he came to see me for a second time.

Then he stopped communicating. For about a week. I realized the shit had hit the fan. This means, you have found a man who wants to have a session and be done with it.

Strange people...
You fucked him too soon.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to doraSalonica)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/24/2017 6:49:59 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
You fucked him too soon.

In my life time, I had 3 marriage proposals, only married one, turned down the other two.

All I fucked on first date.

It depends on the man's values.

Of course there will be men who will not see a woman as wife quality, if she fucks him on first date.

But it's about finding a life partner who suits your personal moral compass.

So it's about getting to know where the guy stands on these issues first.

And then act accordingly. Yes there are men I am interested in who I know they are more conservative, and I will hold back to keep their interest.

But eventually, I know I can't work out with men with that mentality as it's seriously two different opposing values.

But you can definitely get the sense of the guy and decide what is best.

There is no one way.

In OP's case. OP, you will learn from experience. You know, it's more about getting the "feel" of the guy, you need to get a good grasp of his personality type first. I mean if you like someone, you need to figure him out first, where his moral compass is and how he really feels about these things.

Because, the way I was with my x-dom, was quite similar to your situation, with him demanding I stop seeing other men, and he prove to me he seriously wanted to marry me and have kids with me, by taking my parents, my grandparents out of dinner to officially signal his intention with me. He met all my friends, and infact also told them he was serious about me, and not to worry, he will take care of me. And he introduced me to all his work colleagues as his fiance, took me out to all his work functions, and even drag me along to his boys nights out with his buddies, and definitely brought me to meet his whole family. His own parents, siblings. Everybody.

But I have to admit, I asked him to prove it that he is serious about me when he asked me for exclusivity. And he did. As commitment needs to come from both sides.

That's a man who is serious. But I also knew him as a man who loves a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality and has alot of sex. That is what he loves. I knew he would love me from everything he told me that he loved about his x-wife ha! He certainly didn't marry a woman who doesn't fuck around either.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/24/2017 7:00:31 PM >

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 1:01:34 AM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

A long long time ago. I was with someone 20-31 and we were married the last few years of those. That was a benign choice and things rarely get better in any relationship. I've made a few bad choices in my life I am prone to give those fractured and damaged a chance...many could argue those were bad choices I knowingly made. But I tend to accept humanity as flawed, myself is no exception.

But this one seems to bother you and I am wondering why?

Because I have spent many years in training, softening inner contradictions and understanding my desires. I learned to accept opposing wants by prioritizing them. I think it a sign of maturity, as well as dominance.

If I, who am but a sub, have mastered that, isn't it important that a Dom has also mastered it?

How dominant is a person who says one thing, thinks another, and does another?

What bothers me is stupidity. I have little tolerance for it and when I see it, I point it out. Someone might benefit from it. It is like the tale "The emperor's new clothes". Someone has to say, "guys and girls, this man is not wearing any clothes!!!"


I hope this has answered your - very sensible - query.:)

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Re-invent yourself

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 1:04:19 AM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline
You have put it admirably. And what a great personal experience!

I cannot agree more... You are right of course.

So, patience. And back to the drawing board...:)

_____________________________

Re-invent yourself

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 1:06:21 AM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline
Story of my life...:)

_____________________________

Re-invent yourself

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 1:13:47 AM   
doraSalonica


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Well dora, you left out some vital information in that initial post didn't you?

You:

"I have enjoyed a loving D/s relationship with a Master for five years and I felt safe and secure and content. This means everyday communication for five years.

I joined the community here and advertised that I am looking for a Dom. I got many replies, and was at a loss trying to reply to all of them or prioritize.'


That indicates YOU are looking for a partner, not a playmate. There are still men in the world that will try to cloak their doggedness in something more chivalrous.

So you wanted a playmate and got one, albeit short term. You write as though he screwed you over, which he didn't. He simply played and moved on. Sorry, but what you did here was dishonest. You didn't want a relationship, yet went along with his talk about what will happen if you are his without the lies and the game you are playing being brought up.

Trust is of vital importance in every relationship, and many say in a lifestyle relationship it is THE most important. You held back, you were dishonest from the start. The advice originally gave you is still valid to the question you presented, however the addition information you provided later just shows that honesty is always the best policy and you got want you wanted



The way I see it, if he wanted to just play, he would have done just that. I was perfectly happy with it, as I told him from the beginning.

There was no need for him to demand exclusivity, to ask me not to play with others, to be the only one who ever fucks my pussy, to call me every day for one month and then suddenly stop, to say he will think about whether he wants to invest in a relationship. He asked me to invest, and then said he would think about investing himself.

I am not monogamous and I made that clear from the beginning. I was honest, as I always am. But the difference is, I know what I want... Some people are a bit muddled in their thinking. And quite stingy, I might add. I do not see how 5 minutes per day for a quick sms or a phone call is a serious investment. But it is a nice touch, and it does show respect, that you care about the person you play with, just a little bit...

Oh well, it does not matter anymore. After all, W/we all get what we deserve in life.
:)


_____________________________

Re-invent yourself

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 2:44:06 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: doraSalonica


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Well dora, you left out some vital information in that initial post didn't you?

You:

"I have enjoyed a loving D/s relationship with a Master for five years and I felt safe and secure and content. This means everyday communication for five years.

I joined the community here and advertised that I am looking for a Dom. I got many replies, and was at a loss trying to reply to all of them or prioritize.'


That indicates YOU are looking for a partner, not a playmate. There are still men in the world that will try to cloak their doggedness in something more chivalrous.

So you wanted a playmate and got one, albeit short term. You write as though he screwed you over, which he didn't. He simply played and moved on. Sorry, but what you did here was dishonest. You didn't want a relationship, yet went along with his talk about what will happen if you are his without the lies and the game you are playing being brought up.

Trust is of vital importance in every relationship, and many say in a lifestyle relationship it is THE most important. You held back, you were dishonest from the start. The advice originally gave you is still valid to the question you presented, however the addition information you provided later just shows that honesty is always the best policy and you got want you wanted



The way I see it, if he wanted to just play, he would have done just that. I was perfectly happy with it, as I told him from the beginning.

There was no need for him to demand exclusivity, to ask me not to play with others, to be the only one who ever fucks my pussy, to call me every day for one month and then suddenly stop, to say he will think about whether he wants to invest in a relationship. He asked me to invest, and then said he would think about investing himself.

I am not monogamous and I made that clear from the beginning. I was honest, as I always am. But the difference is, I know what I want... Some people are a bit muddled in their thinking. And quite stingy, I might add. I do not see how 5 minutes per day for a quick sms or a phone call is a serious investment. But it is a nice touch, and it does show respect, that you care about the person you play with, just a little bit...

Oh well, it does not matter anymore. After all, W/we all get what we deserve in life.
:)



You seem to be living under the deluded idea that A: Dominants are a "more perfect" person than their s-type counter-type, and B: Dominant men are not as shallow as dominant women would be. That would be wrong on both counts. A woman your age should be well aware of the implications meant between "old pictures" and "recent," and yes it has everything to do with how you appear now. We are visual creatures. We like to see if the person we meet will likely be an embarrassment to us. That same assessment is made about you through your pictures. Everyone of your pictures shows your sexual desires. Your profile states that "in your experience" (which must be small) only "vanillas" are interested in looks. You "don't do vanilla." Well most people do at least some vanilla, because that's the way the cookie crumbles. If you simply smile warmly at your partner and offer a kiss when he walks in the door, that's vanilla no matter how many "orders" and "kinky feelings" are attached to it.

I will grant you the guy could have fucked you and walked away. Wait, he did do just that. You want to blame him and not consider what part you might have played in that scene? You come off as VERY demanding in your profile, your profile shows you only as a sexual being, nothing more nothing less, and you basically insult anyone who doesn't agree with your assessment. Certainly would grab my attention. If I were looking for a dominant, which you neither are or are seeing. Even on this post, you want everyone to support your idea that this guy was in the wrong and should be laughed at. Woman, you are 50 years old! It's time to grow up. ESPECIALLY if you want a life in BDSM. Own up to potential mistakes you might have made, own them and move on. You and this guy weren't compatible neither for 1 night or for exclusivity yet (which you did agree to even though you state you are not monogamous. So were YOU being honest with him? I don't think so.

The one thing you are 100% right about is it didn't work, it's over and it's time to move one. I would suggest you try to learn something from others posts, but I doubt you are willing to learn much, so I will simply say Good Luck.

(in reply to doraSalonica)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 4:39:26 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
I seriously cannot comprehend the hostility in LL's post.

To me, dora simply is expressing puzzlement about her experience with one dominant who have told her he wanted exclusivity, made her agreed to it and then disappeared.

I also disagree about the criticism about not wanting vanilla.

I don't even know why her personal sexual preferences are being criticized? There are many dominants out there who are looking for long term relationships who wants zero vanilla in it too. It's not something uncommon.

Also, I didn't get the part where she thinks this guy should be laughed at, at all.

All I see is. The dominant was not honest with her. And she was honest with him.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 7:51:09 AM   
longwayhome


Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


quote:

ORIGINAL: doraSalonica


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Well dora, you left out some vital information in that initial post didn't you?

You:

"I have enjoyed a loving D/s relationship with a Master for five years and I felt safe and secure and content. This means everyday communication for five years.

I joined the community here and advertised that I am looking for a Dom. I got many replies, and was at a loss trying to reply to all of them or prioritize.'


That indicates YOU are looking for a partner, not a playmate. There are still men in the world that will try to cloak their doggedness in something more chivalrous.

So you wanted a playmate and got one, albeit short term. You write as though he screwed you over, which he didn't. He simply played and moved on. Sorry, but what you did here was dishonest. You didn't want a relationship, yet went along with his talk about what will happen if you are his without the lies and the game you are playing being brought up.

Trust is of vital importance in every relationship, and many say in a lifestyle relationship it is THE most important. You held back, you were dishonest from the start. The advice originally gave you is still valid to the question you presented, however the addition information you provided later just shows that honesty is always the best policy and you got want you wanted



The way I see it, if he wanted to just play, he would have done just that. I was perfectly happy with it, as I told him from the beginning.

There was no need for him to demand exclusivity, to ask me not to play with others, to be the only one who ever fucks my pussy, to call me every day for one month and then suddenly stop, to say he will think about whether he wants to invest in a relationship. He asked me to invest, and then said he would think about investing himself.

I am not monogamous and I made that clear from the beginning. I was honest, as I always am. But the difference is, I know what I want... Some people are a bit muddled in their thinking. And quite stingy, I might add. I do not see how 5 minutes per day for a quick sms or a phone call is a serious investment. But it is a nice touch, and it does show respect, that you care about the person you play with, just a little bit...

Oh well, it does not matter anymore. After all, W/we all get what we deserve in life.
:)



You seem to be living under the deluded idea that A: Dominants are a "more perfect" person than their s-type counter-type, and B: Dominant men are not as shallow as dominant women would be. That would be wrong on both counts. A woman your age should be well aware of the implications meant between "old pictures" and "recent," and yes it has everything to do with how you appear now. We are visual creatures. We like to see if the person we meet will likely be an embarrassment to us. That same assessment is made about you through your pictures. Everyone of your pictures shows your sexual desires. Your profile states that "in your experience" (which must be small) only "vanillas" are interested in looks. You "don't do vanilla." Well most people do at least some vanilla, because that's the way the cookie crumbles. If you simply smile warmly at your partner and offer a kiss when he walks in the door, that's vanilla no matter how many "orders" and "kinky feelings" are attached to it.

I will grant you the guy could have fucked you and walked away. Wait, he did do just that. You want to blame him and not consider what part you might have played in that scene? You come off as VERY demanding in your profile, your profile shows you only as a sexual being, nothing more nothing less, and you basically insult anyone who doesn't agree with your assessment. Certainly would grab my attention. If I were looking for a dominant, which you neither are or are seeing. Even on this post, you want everyone to support your idea that this guy was in the wrong and should be laughed at. Woman, you are 50 years old! It's time to grow up. ESPECIALLY if you want a life in BDSM. Own up to potential mistakes you might have made, own them and move on. You and this guy weren't compatible neither for 1 night or for exclusivity yet (which you did agree to even though you state you are not monogamous. So were YOU being honest with him? I don't think so.

The one thing you are 100% right about is it didn't work, it's over and it's time to move one. I would suggest you try to learn something from others posts, but I doubt you are willing to learn much, so I will simply say Good Luck.



Bit harsh perhaps?

I get the impression that the OP is feeling a bit confused or surprised by someone else's reaction, and that she is willing to look to herself for part of the explanation of that.

Not sure that justifies a taking everything she has said here and on her profile to bits.

To a certain extent feeling a bit let down when someone suddenly stops communicating is perfectly natural. I have to admit I like at least some contact whether something is "just" play or whether it is serious. It's nice to think that when you have fun with someone, both of you can be adult to communicate afterwards, at least once, in a polite and courteous way.

I know it doesn't always happen and expecting it is on every occasion is unrealistic but I wouldn't knock someone for feeling a bit deflated.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 8:42:08 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
You fucked him too soon.

In my life time, I had 3 marriage proposals, only married one, turned down the other two.

All I fucked on first date.

Greta, you live in a society where men are desperate. Your experience is irrelevant.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Do you know what five years means? - 2/25/2017 8:46:22 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: doraSalonica

Story of my life...:)
Okay, I just checked your profile. It positively screams "Desperate cum-dumpster with no self-respect".

Pictures of cunt on your profile mark you out as a sexual object, not someone worthy of a relationship. You're advertising a cunt for use, not a woman to be valued.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to doraSalonica)
Profile   Post #: 20
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