jlf1961
Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
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So, for all you parents of soon to be teenagers, hell for all you parents with newborns, you might want to jot these tidbits down
And my answers will give some on these boards an idea of the kind of teenager I was.
For male students in a Catholic High school
1) Do not get caught reading a porn magazine in biology class by a nun.
2) Do not tell the mother superior it was for extra research
3) Do not operate any kind of business out of your locker (which actually applies to public schools as well) because nuns do not see the experiment in selective market capitalism as a good idea.
>>>> My mother was asked to enroll me in public school not so much for the Hustler in biology but because I was selling smokes, condoms and liquor out of my locker, as well as renting 8mm stag films (yep, this was pre vhs)
For students in ALL high schools
1) on prank day, do not, regardless of how good it sounds, wax the school floors with petroleum jelly.
>>>>do not lock a calf in the principle's office over a weekend with food and water. Even if the floors are not carpeted, the stains and the smell WILL not soon dissipate.
2) Putting tempera paint powder in the girls shower heads may sound like a great idea, but remember hell hath no fury like a teenage girl painted orange (or any other color for that matter, that shit does not wash off.)
3) IF you have a teacher that drives the old school vw bug, it is a very good idea to rent a cherry picker and place said car on the gym roof, providing you leave enough money to rent another one to get it off said roof.
4) It is never a good idea to bark tires in four gears leaving the school parking lot (unless the alternative parking area is relatively close by.)
5) Your school rival's practice field is NOT for turning donuts with your 4x4's. Their principle complains to your principle who tells your coach and you end up running laps in full pads for a week.
6) IF your new teacher (dont matter what class) fresh from college complains about the lack of decent dating prospects, do not send her a 14' dildo with a years supply of batteries as a solution.
Now, I confess to being guilty of all things that dealt with the Catholic school, and I admit I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to play football and the pacifist ass Monk who was the coach said I played to mean and therefore cut me from the team. So it was all part of a scheme to get kicked out, since my sainted Catholic mom was having no part of my voluntarily transferring to a school that could appreciate my skills as a linebacker.
As for the rest, I either helped plan, commit or aided and abetted the carrying out of such things as a part of the conspiracy.
And I knew that the professional tempera paint would stain the skin and not wash off, I just opted to keep that bit of information to myself.
Oh, and one last thing, if you cannot read the worksheet for a chemistry experiment for whatever reason (in my day, they used a mimeograph machine and sometimes they were about as legible as doctor's hand writing or cuneiform) and the result was all the windows in the chemistry lab going away from the building. Thankfully no one was hurt.
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Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?
You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.
Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI
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I was recently asked what advice I would give kids toda... - 
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