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To tell or not - 4/28/2017 2:04:24 AM

BADKITTEN48

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Do I you tell the wife her husband is a lier and cheater h

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RE: To tell or not - 4/28/2017 7:32:53 AM

Greta75

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Why not? But prepare to face backlash.

I have to admit that when one of my good friends, told me my x-husband was cheating on me, I was in denial and got mad at him and accuse him of trying to frame my x-husband. But my x-husband kinda came home and warn me that this friend is spreading lies about him cheating as that friend confronted him first about it and told my x-husband that he was gonna tell me.

So I chose to believe my husband at that time over my friend.

But I don't know how will my reaction be like if a stranger told me.

I definitely owe that friend a gigantic apology after my x-husband confess it was true.

And I am still good friends with that friend.

But yes, the wife should know!

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RE: To tell or not - 4/29/2017 1:21:48 AM

BADKITTEN48

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Yes I think she should know her husband is cheating, he is gonna keep doing it to..

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RE: To tell or not - 4/29/2017 6:37:31 AM

kiwisub22

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What's your pay-off for telling him? What do you get from this revelation?

There is obviously something you want, or would get from telling the wife, so are you honest enough to admit to yourself that you are not purely philanthropic with your decision?

and if you do tell her, are you prepared to be verbally abused, and not see either of these individuals again. Humans are funny animals - sometimes they blame the messenger as well as the bad guy.

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RE: To tell or not - 4/29/2017 6:48:38 AM

LadyPact

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Did you know he was married while you were f^cking him?

Did YOU do your due diligence prior to engaging?

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RE: To tell or not - 5/2/2017 3:52:22 PM

Zvengali

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........Me thinks there is more to this story than we are seeing here.....

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RE: To tell or not - 5/3/2017 5:25:59 AM

ResidentSadist

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Do they have kids?
Are you the one he is cheating with?
Is she or he your very good friend or family?

My general knee jerk response would be no... it is none of your business. Are you gonna' take responsibility for influencing or changing their future? That would cause major life changes for most people. You are probably going to cause damage to their family. You gonna be able to fix what you break? There is a plethora of deception and illusion for most people. Religion, politics, work, love, family etc... you gonna' school her on ALL the lies she is exposed to or just that one lie? You gonna' go tell her kids there is no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny too? Why would you just select that one lie to destroy their family? I cannot fathom your motivation for becoming a homewrecker. Please tell us more about all of this. Wanna' fill in some of the import details?

So that is my opinion. Now here is a fact... you cannot predict the future. People grow and learn emotionally all the time. You can't say for certain he will keep cheating... that is not a fact. That is your speculation, even if it seems correct at this time, it is purely speculation. Speculation and fortune telling should not be part of the determining factor of whether you wreck her family. It seems like you think telling her the truth is going to protect her. It may do just the opposite.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/3/2017 6:52:13 AM

NoirMetal

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if you are doing it for revenge and YOU helped him to cheat-fuck no.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/3/2017 7:11:02 AM

WickedsDesire

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No.

Add more information so people can give a better answer.

1. Once a cheat always a cheat
2. You dated a cheat so how are you any better.

The problem with many cheats is they are shit liars. Problem with many people cheated on is they are gullible/stupid enough to buy into the lies and prince charming codswallop.

More info please.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/3/2017 9:49:44 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BADKITTEN48

Do I you tell the wife her husband is a lier and cheater h

What most folks here think about outing or cheating are not going to help you with your conscience. Spite and revenge seeking are wrinkle inducers for sure. Go get your self a nice beating, gather up a couple of trophy bruises (they may contain vitamins for all we know..someone really should do a study on the benefits of bruising. I already know they have anti-grumping agents (I either read that or wrote that on the Internet so it must be true!)

Enough damage done..for all you know wife could be going through chemo and facing a double mastectomy and that makes for a very full plate of crap to swallow already. Even if you think you know all the repercussions of outing someone, you don't unless you are some sort of mystic with a flawless crystal ball.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/8/2017 9:51:25 PM

UllrsIshtar

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Do you and her have the type of relationship where you would tell her if you knew he had gotten a speeding ticket you know he didn't tell her about? Or tell her he took the day off to go fishing with his buddies without telling her? Or if you knew he got scolded by his boss without mentioning it to her?
Etc, etc, etc.

If you don't have the type of relationship with her where you'd tell her these things, then your motive for telling her about the cheating is petty and malicious, and you should keep your mouth shut.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/11/2017 2:19:27 AM

Greta75

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I don't see how whether she is the party cheating with the husband relevant or not, to whether she should blow the whistle.

I think she should if she can take the backlash from the wife.

The wife deserves to know.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/11/2017 2:29:20 PM

kiwisub22

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The wife may deserve to know, but she isn't doing it for altruistic reasons - as far as I can tell.

And maybe the wife doesn't want to know, or maybe she does. Who can know, but if she does , then the person telling her should have some compassion, which i'm not reading from the OP.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/11/2017 4:01:48 PM

OvrThRainbow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Did you know he was married while you were f^cking him?

Did YOU do your due diligence prior to engaging?

This.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/11/2017 8:19:10 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22

The wife may deserve to know, but she isn't doing it for altruistic reasons - as far as I can tell.

And maybe the wife doesn't want to know, or maybe she does. Who can know, but if she does , then the person telling her should have some compassion, which i'm not reading from the OP.

As in, you feel she may not break the news in a sensitive way?

Such revelations, there is no sensitive way to break it.

When my friend, who is a male friend, first he went to threaten my xhusband to end it with the other woman or he'll tell me about it. After he told me about it, being as gentle as possible, I still flip out at him, accusing him of trying to break my marriage up and making this shit up. And this was a friend of 8 years who cared for me.

Who-ever breaks the news, will have to just prepare to temporarily be like seen as the "bad guy". Until the person cools down, as this is gonna be something very hurting no matter what.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/11/2017 8:21:09 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OvrThRainbow

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Did you know he was married while you were f^cking him?

Did YOU do your due diligence prior to engaging?

This.

Not helpful now. Since that is the past and the deed is already done.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/13/2017 1:29:43 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
As in, you feel she may not break the news in a sensitive way?

Such revelations, there is no sensitive way to break it.

When my friend, who is a male friend, first he went to threaten my xhusband to end it with the other woman or he'll tell me about it. After he told me about it, being as gentle as possible, I still flip out at him, accusing him of trying to break my marriage up and making this shit up. And this was a friend of 8 years who cared for me.

Who-ever breaks the news, will have to just prepare to temporarily be like seen as the "bad guy". Until the person cools down, as this is gonna be something very hurting no matter what.

I don't think it's about sensitivity in the matter. It's about the motivations. There are two (general) motivations that I could see this being reasonable:

* There's been a crime committed. Sexual assault, stalking, harassment, threats of blackmail, etc. On parallel as the same kind of criminal activity that the marital status of the person referenced in the OP wouldn't matter. If it's a situation where the OP could walk into a police station and file a report for something other than stuff like adultery, consensual kink, sodomy, or other laws that are outdated, I could go with that.

* The OP knows for a FACT that the wife's sexual health is at risk because an STI issue comes into play. Example would be that she knows that she has an STI, knows that she and the person referenced have engaged in high-risk, unprotected sex, and it's realistic to tell the wife to go get a panel done.

Other than that, probably not so much.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/13/2017 6:32:30 AM

kiwisub22

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22

The wife may deserve to know, but she isn't doing it for altruistic reasons - as far as I can tell.

And maybe the wife doesn't want to know, or maybe she does. Who can know, but if she does , then the person telling her should have some compassion, which i'm not reading from the OP.

As in, you feel she may not break the news in a sensitive way?

Such revelations, there is no sensitive way to break it.

When my friend, who is a male friend, first he went to threaten my xhusband to end it with the other woman or he'll tell me about it. After he told me about it, being as gentle as possible, I still flip out at him, accusing him of trying to break my marriage up and making this shit up. And this was a friend of 8 years who cared for me.

Who-ever breaks the news, will have to just prepare to temporarily be like seen as the "bad guy". Until the person cools down, as this is gonna be something very hurting no matter what.

No - what I would wish for is someone to tell me that has no other motivation for telling me - such as revenge.
The OP wants to hurt the male by telling his wife that he has cheated on her. By any measure, that's pretty vindictive.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/13/2017 1:31:50 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22
No - what I would wish for is someone to tell me that has no other motivation for telling me - such as revenge.
The OP wants to hurt the male by telling his wife that he has cheated on her. By any measure, that's pretty vindictive.

As I said, doesn't matter that it is for vindictive reasons. Because the man has cheated and the wife should know.
Of course, relationships are complicated. I have plenty of girlfriends who say that, if their husband cheated, they hope they never find out and don't wanna hear about it and wanna stay ignorant.

Those women will be super pissed off when told and will be really angry at the messenger.

Either way, vindictive or not, it's not an easy job to tell a wife that her husband did something disloyal.

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RE: To tell or not - 5/14/2017 9:50:01 AM

ResidentSadist

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...and if the couple is closet poly that would just make the whole thing silly.

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