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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 12:24:51 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I still think I was right about that part. Some of the stuff I would have done are some of the same tactics your captor used. You didn't want me telling you that before your experience.




I'm not sure it matters much. None of it is very unexpected.

I *have* spent the last 25 years thinking about this ya know.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I was just coming from my aspect of being interested in your thought processes after it was over.


That's the thing though... it's not over.

As it stands Cali has consent in perpetuity to come and kidnap me any time he wants, providing Ullr signed off on it.
He has my address. He has full consent. There would be no discussion about it.

At some point, maybe in a few weeks, maybe a few months, maybe next year, maybe in a few years, he IS going to kidnap me, and we're doing this again. I have no idea when or for how long.

I ain't letting him into my head more than I please, because our game isn't over yet.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

But then, there's Ullr.



Ullr was really good about keeping his mouth shut. We discussed it, and he's a resource for Cali to draw advice from, but he's not necessarily on Cali's side, giving him all the info either. He's more like a referee, trying to remain impartial.

I know Cali talked to Ullr about his headspace and experience to, in a level of detail he hasn't with me, and Ullr isn't sharing that with me either. He's a source for both of us to talk to, but not a communication relay between the two.

Part of the fun of the game is Cali figuring this stuff out... part of it is the challenge in finding ways in when I'm trying to keep him out.

Ullr isn't giving away any cheat codes. He didn't tell Cali, for instance, that I'd be writing my first journal in Flemish, even though he knew about that weeks in advance.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Totally the potential for ammunition because there's always a possibility of next time. That's different than recap, comparing notes, or what I'd be interested in the journals for.



I've given him a lot of that, but it's still at my whim.

For example: I told him that the reason I didn't beg to stop more is because I knew it was pointless (wouldn't change anything) and because it was making his cock hard.
So there's a certain pride and satisfaction in 'holding out' on something I knew would increase his pleasure, while he was torturing me. Something to hold on to, to give *me* satisfaction in that moment. This feeling of: "I won't give in and let him have this." was a source of power and strength for me.

However, now I've told him, and now he knows next time that when he get those feeble little hints of begging, that he's just not only managed to get me to beg which makes his dick hard, but he'll realizes the entire weight of the internal struggle within me that went against not begging. He realizes the full extend of the gap he's breached in my defenses.

It'll certainly increase his enjoyment knowing that. Not only now, looking back, but also in the future, when it happens again.
But in granting him that enjoyment by admitting that that's what was going on in my head, I just diminished my own power in that situation. I took away one of the weapons I had to cope with the situation. I just made it easier for him to hurt me more.

So it's all good and well that you -and every other goddamn Top interested in this sort of stuff- wants to know what's going on in my head cause you'd enjoy it, there's still the fact that I'm not going to give up all my power by letting ya'll know the full extent of things.

Some of it is just mine, and only for me to enjoy... After all, I'm the one who endured it, I should get the full prerogative on those feelings. The Top gets whatever they can extract by themselves, or whatever scraps I graciously decide to toss them because I didn't mind them having it.
If the Top wants more than I gave, it's all the more motivation to get more on their own next time.

The same applies for Cali's side of things. I don't want to know what's in his head, because by telling me, he gives up part of his power to me. If I know what's in his head, I can play it. I can play him with the information.
He's much better off trying to manage what I think is in his head by choosing to project what he wants me to think is in his head... and this last round he's proven he's very good at that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think having that kind of detail of a person's mental processes, as close to raw as it could be, would be fascinating.



Cali is free to share with you any English journals I did for him, if he wants to and is interested. I consider them having been done 'for him' and they're his property. When I did them in English, I gave up control over them, as I didn't have any agreement with him that he wouldn't share them. I've got them transcribed from handwriting to text file, and I'll release them to you -publicly or privately- if he wants me to.

The Flemish ones... those are mine... and even though he's got partial translations, I don't consent to having them shared with anybody. Cali wasn't even supposed to have their translations, and he only got them due to unusual circomstances.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I don't know if I would have especially termed it as 'at your whim.'



At my whim, because the tidbits of what was going on in my head I've granted him, I've given him for my own amusement, not his.
The man has virtually unlimited power of me when he's got me... he's responsible for getting his own enjoyment out of me, without my help.

I'm not aiming to please anybody but myself by doing this. His pleasure and satisfaction are on him.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It seems weird to me that a captive wouldn't want to know the perspective of the captor.



If he tells me his perspective, I'll use it against him next time.
So he's free to do so, and I certainly will be interested in hearing it, but somehow I don't think he's going to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

We are playing cat and mouse here after all. And I've never seen a mouse walk up to a cat to inform it where it was hiding when the cat couldn't find it.

Never watched Tom and Jerry, huh?
[/color]




Touché.

BTW LP, did you miss this? http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=5060965
I can't imagine you having seen it and it not triggering a dozen more of your excellent questions, so I figure I'd point it out in case it was a matter of 'got posted while I was typing and didn't look back'.




< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/10/2017 12:45:46 AM >


_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 241
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 1:58:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
I'm not sure it matters much. None of it is very unexpected.

I *have* spent the last 25 years thinking about this ya know.

LOL. Still..

quote:

That's the thing though... is not over.

As it stands Cali has consent in perpetuity to come and kidnap me any time he wants, providing Ullr signed off on it.
He has my address. He has full consent. There would be no discussion about it.

At some point, maybe in a few weeks, maybe a few months, maybe next year, maybe in a few years, he IS going to kidnap me, and we're doing this again. I have no idea when or for how long.

I ain't letting him into my head more than I please, because our game isn't over yet.

Which is actually different than where I was coming from because I've never done a repeat with the same captive. I know that one of the captives has repeated, but I no longer lived in the area when it was done again, so that was something of my loss.

No offense to you, (not that I enjoy your suffering or anything) but I'm glad you're not done. For you in particular, I think it would be great for you to have the take down part of the capture be a part of the experience. (I can't imagine anyone who enjoys force not wanting to opportunity to resist.) I'm not sure that would have been practical at all in the scenario of you being forcibly taken from the host hotel. I have to say, I'm pretty much in agreement with the 'don't bring the kink into the public areas of the hotel' thing, because it would suck to risk the contract next year with the host hotel, and it puts the host hotel staff in a bad position.

quote:

Ullr was really good about keeping his mouth shut. We discussed it, and he's a resource for Cali to draw advice from, but he's not necessarily on Cali's side, giving him all the info either. He's more like a referee, trying to remain impartial.

I know Cali talked to Ullr about his headspace and experience to, in a level of detail he hasn't with me, and Ullr isn't sharing that with me either. He's a source for both of us to talk to, but not a communication relay between the two.

That's really good to hear. Just from my perspective, to do this kind of thing, there have to be some areas that are kept quiet IF the participants want to maximize the yield of the experience.

quote:

Part of the fun of the game is Cali figuring this stuff out... part of it is the challenge in finding ways in when I'm trying to keep him out.

Agreed.

quote:

Ullr isn't giving away any cheat codes. He didn't tell Cali, for instance, that I'd be writing my first journal in Flemish, even though he knew about that weeks in advance.

That's a trick I wouldn't have looked for and frankly, not one that every person would have had the ability to pull off. (Any second language, really.) Definitely have to give you points on that one.

Even if the journals never get shared, I hope they present an opportunity for you. If nothing else, they'll help you connect with the feelings you were experiencing at the time, rather than allowing time to diminish the feeling of impact. I'm probably not articulating this well, so I'll leave it at that.

quote:

I've given him a lot of that, but it's still at my whim.

For example: I told him that the reason I didn't beg to stop more is because I knew it was pointless (wouldn't change anything) and because it was making his cock hard.
So there's a certain pride and satisfaction in 'holding out' on something I knew would increase his pleasure, while he was torturing me. Something to hold on to, to give *me* satisfaction in that moment. This feeling of: "I won't give in and let him have this." was a source of power and strength for me.

There's something about this that is a little different for me. I might be applying it incorrectly for this particular type of scenario because it's something I've added over the years since the last time I was a participant in this kind of thing.

With the changes in social climate in kink, for me to engage in certain activities, I consider it required that I get certain assurances after the experiences are over. The biggest deals for me on this one would fall into the categories of, yes, it was kink, rather than criminal, that the experience was within consent, and that kind of deal. At minimum, I want my tail covered. Without it, I don't even know if I would consider participating. Even on this thread, people have popped off about how they hope people who engage in this kind of thing will end up in jail and that's the attitude that has to be countered.

quote:

However, now I've told him, and now he knows next time that when he get those feeble little hints of begging, that he's just not only managed to get me to beg which makes his dick hard, but he'll realizes the entire weight of the internal struggle within me that went against not begging. He realizes the full extend of the gap he's breached in my defenses.

It'll certainly increase his enjoyment knowing that. Not only now, looking back, but also in the future, when it happens again.
But in granting him that enjoyment by admitting that that's what was going on in my head, I just diminished my own power in that situation. I took away one of the weapons I had to cope with the situation. I just made it easier for him to hurt me more.

I was quite interested in how the two of you interpreted the begging differently.

(Of course, I can't quite comment about how certain things in S//m would 'make my dick hard,' because then I'd have to listen to morons tell me about how I must be a male for the next month or so.)

quote:

So it's all good and well that you -and every other goddamn Top interested in this sort of stuff- wants to know what's going on in my head cause you'd enjoy it, there's still the fact that I'm not going to give up all my power by letting ya'll know the full extent of things.

I do so because I think I could learn from it. Not from the sadism angle, but from the educational angle. Would seeing the perspective from the other side change my thoughts about engaging in this again? Would I change my tactics, theories, and ideas?

quote:

Some of it is just mine, and only for me to enjoy... After all, I'm the one who endured it, I should get the full prerogative on those feelings. The Top gets whatever they can extract by themselves, or whatever scraps I graciously decide to toss them because I didn't mind them having it.
If the Top wants more than I gave, it's all the more motivation to get more on their own next time.

For somebody with this attitude, I'd be out.

So, you're the one who "endured" it? Such a self-centered, myopic attitude.

Why weren't you both in it together?

quote:

The same applies for Cali's side of things. I don't want to know what's in his head, because by telling me, he gives up part of his power to me. If I know what's in his head, I can play it. I can play him with the information.
He's much better off trying to manage what I think is in his head by choosing to project what he wants me to think is in his head... and this last round he's proven he's very good at that.

Well, that's good.

We're kind of back to repeat, rather than singular occurrence.

A thought occurs to me. You're still kind of holding on to this power concept. Isn't a loss of power kind of the point?


quote:

Cali is free to share with you any English journals I did for him, if he wants to and is interested. I consider them having been done 'for him' and they're his property. When I did them in English, I gave up control over them, as I didn't have any agreement with him that he wouldn't share them. I've got them transcribed from handwriting to text file, and I'll release them to you -publicly or privately- if he wants me to.

I'm interested, but *not* to put the other person in the position of releasing something they are not willing to give. Considering the fact that there will/might be other encounters, and his own perspective of the events, I'd consider that up to him.

quote:

and he only got them due to unusual circomstances.

That's part of my point.

In my opinion, while it is often discussed greatly, the vast majority of encounters don't have to be called off before their duration. If something falls into that (roughly small) percentage, excuse the expression, but it's a 'come to Jesus' moment. If somebody can't respect the fact that the other person has a serious stance about no longer being willing to continue, I'm probably done with them.

(A caveat to this. I take this very seriously. If a person needs to tap out, I'm all cool with that. At the same time, don't treat me like a fool, coming back to me fifteen minutes later, asking if we can continue. I won't sign up for it.)

quote:

At my whim, because the tidbits of what was going on in my head I've granted him, I've given him for my own amusement, not his.
The man has virtually unlimited power of me when he's got me... he's responsible for getting his own enjoyment out of me, without my help.

I see this in two ways.

As you know, I have a certain position about getting my own out of encounters. If I'm not seeing my own potential out of the experience for my own level of satisfaction, I'm probably not doing it. Nothing on my end? I have a huge distaste for being somebody's prop. You said it,yourself. Nobody is doing these kinds of things out of altruism.

quote:

Touché.

BTW LP, did you miss this? http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=5060965
I can't imagine you having seen it and it not triggering a dozen more of your excellent questions, so I figure I'd point it out in case it was a matter of 'got posted while I was typing and didn't look back'.

I saw it just as I replied last night. Haven't had the chance, yet.

In the meantime, I do want to say to you, Cali, and Ullr that I have greatly enjoyed this thread and the thoughts associated with it. I'll explore this further in the future opportunities.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 242
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 3:11:30 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

No offense to you, (not that I enjoy your suffering or anything) but I'm glad you're not done.



The whole point is the enjoyment of my suffering.

If it was about the enjoyment of my enjoyment, CNC wouldn't be a factor, and I'd give Cali a script to follow.

The whole point of this is that I don't enjoy it, and have no choice but to suffer through it when it starts.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

(I can't imagine anyone who enjoys force not wanting to opportunity to resist.)



I have that opportunity the entire experience. I didn't have to obey Cali... he didn't expect me to.
If he wanted to put a gag in and I wanted to keep my mouth closed or attempt to bite him, that's what happened.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

That's a trick I wouldn't have looked for and frankly, not one that every person would have had the ability to pull off. (Any second language, really.) Definitely have to give you points on that one.



If I didn't have several other languages to avail myself off for writing it, I would have written it in code form.
I'm currently talking to a dude from Denver who might have a location that this sort of thing will be happening at together with Ullr and Ullr's best friend. The kicker is that the dude from Denver is originally from Belgium, and speaks both Flemish, French and German... seeing that my Latin isn't good enough for writing journals in, any time Denver dude is involved my private journals will be in code.

There's thing in my head I'm not giving to any Top involved. But these experiences are too intense in order to rely on memory to hold on to them, so private journals are the only way.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

With the changes in social climate in kink, for me to engage in certain activities, I consider it required that I get certain assurances after the experiences are over. The biggest deals for me on this one would fall into the categories of, yes, it was kink, rather than criminal, that the experience was within consent, and that kind of deal. At minimum, I want my tail covered. Without it, I don't even know if I would consider participating.



Affirming consent isn't something I consider confidential information in my head. I would have affirmed consent any time Cali had asked for it.
I'll still affirm consent any time Cali asks for it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I was quite interested in how the two of you interpreted the begging differently.



Yeah I thought so too. But that's the beauty of cnc: it's a scene where you don't have to be on the same page in regards to what either party is getting out of the experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

So it's all good and well that you -and every other goddamn Top interested in this sort of stuff- wants to know what's going on in my head cause you'd enjoy it, there's still the fact that I'm not going to give up all my power by letting ya'll know the full extent of things.

I do so because I think I could learn from it. Not from the sadism angle, but from the educational angle. Would seeing the perspective from the other side change my thoughts about engaging in this again? Would I change my tactics, theories, and ideas?



The fact that you'd change your tactics, theories, and ideas is exactly the point.
If I tell you how I felt, you'd change what you're doing to fit what I felt in order to get into my head better.

I basically would have made it easier for you to get into my head.

Why on Earth would I want to make it easier for you to get into my head and break me?
If you want to get there, I welcome you to try... but I'm not going to tell you how to do it.

If I told Cali how I felt, and how to get into my head. And he would then proceed to do what he needed to do to get into my head based on what I'd told him, how would I then know what I could take?
Of course he can get me to submit and obey if he's got the cheat codes needed to do so... the question is: can he make me submit and obey if he hasn't got the cheat codes?


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

Some of it is just mine, and only for me to enjoy... After all, I'm the one who endured it, I should get the full prerogative on those feelings. The Top gets whatever they can extract by themselves, or whatever scraps I graciously decide to toss them because I didn't mind them having it.
If the Top wants more than I gave, it's all the more motivation to get more on their own next time.


For somebody with this attitude, I'd be out.

So, you're the one who "endured" it? Such a self-centered, myopic attitude.

Why weren't you both in it together?



Of course I'm the one that endured what went on inside my own mind.
Just like Cali is the one who endured what went on inside his own mind.

He wasn't there "with me" we weren't even on the same team.
He was my adversary.

This wasn't a team sport with us both on the same side shooting for the same goal. Cali's goal was opposite of mine.

He has no claim to anything that went on inside my head, because he's done nothing to earn access to it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


A thought occurs to me. You're still kind of holding on to this power concept. Isn't a loss of power kind of the point?



No, loss of power isn't the point at all.

This is about gaining power. This is about winning. This is about being stronger than Cali.

If it was about loss of power, then I'd voluntarily submit to him and give up my power to him by obeying out of my own free will.

This is about refusing to give up my power, no matter the level of force involved.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm interested, but *not* to put the other person in the position of releasing something they are not willing to give. Considering the fact that there will/might be other encounters, and his own perspective of the events, I'd consider that up to him.

If somebody can't respect the fact that the other person has a serious stance about no longer being willing to continue, I'm probably done with them.

(A caveat to this. I take this very seriously. If a person needs to tap out, I'm all cool with that. At the same time, don't treat me like a fool, coming back to me fifteen minutes later, asking if we can continue. I won't sign up for it.)



That's the point of cnc though, isn't it: that there is no way to tap out.

The whole scene with Cali was set up so that there would be no way for me to call it off. No way to tap out. No way to indicate that I was no longer willing to continue.

Heck, Cali and I specifically negotiated ignoring stuff such as: "I want to stop, I'm serious. If you don't stop I'll call the cops as soon as you let me go!".
He was all ready and set to ignore such statements from me.

The one thing he wasn't prepared for was the potential of having done permanent damage, without a means to verify that this actually happened.

It was a 'hack' none of us thought a way of to prevent beforehand. Next time the hack will be gone... and Cali will totally ignore me if I don't want to continue and want to tap out.

That's what CNC IS.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

As you know, I have a certain position about getting my own out of encounters. If I'm not seeing my own potential out of the experience for my own level of satisfaction, I'm probably not doing it. Nothing on my end? I have a huge distaste for being somebody's prop. You said it,yourself. Nobody is doing these kinds of things out of altruism.



Cali getting something out of it was his own responsibility.

It wasn't/isn't my job to make the experience enjoyable for him. If he can't find a way to enjoy me when he can do whatever he wants with me, well then it sucks to be him.



_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 243
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 4:54:04 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
Cali is currently on a business trip, he says he's giving me access to the other vids/pics after he gets back.

Meanwhile I found a picture he mailed to Ullr on the first day of my captivity.

I tried to upload it here several time, but it's not working (what on this site is lately?)... so ya'll will have to look on Fet instead:

https://fetlife.com/users/1692623/pictures/62271218
https://fetlife.com/users/1692623/pictures/62272625




< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/10/2017 5:43:13 PM >


_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 244
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 5:24:22 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
Omg... fuck.... i need to get there...!!!!!!!!

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 245
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 5:26:18 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline
Fuck i'm showing my M aster this. He's going to go to Barcelona, Spain on a business trip without me. He might need to find me a babysitter.

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 246
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 6:50:49 PM   
CaptiveControl


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/22/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

Fuck i'm showing my M aster this. He's going to go to Barcelona, Spain on a business trip without me. He might need to find me a babysitter.


Tell him my kennel rates are very reasonable ;)

(in reply to tamaka)
Profile   Post #: 247
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/10/2017 7:52:07 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Cali is currently on a business trip, he says he's giving me access to the other vids/pics after he gets back.

Meanwhile I found a picture he mailed to Ullr on the first day of my captivity.

I tried to upload it here several time, but it's not working (what on this site is lately?)... so ya'll will have to look on Fet instead:

https://fetlife.com/users/1692623/pictures/62271218
https://fetlife.com/users/1692623/pictures/62272625





More:

https://fetlife.com/users/1692623/pictures/62275634
https://fetlife.com/users/1692623/pictures/62275607


_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 248
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/11/2017 6:52:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
I still want to get back to that other post, too. The one from Cali.
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
The whole point is the enjoyment of my suffering.

If it was about the enjoyment of my enjoyment, CNC wouldn't be a factor, and I'd give Cali a script to follow.

The whole point of this is that I don't enjoy it, and have no choice but to suffer through it when it starts.

I'm willing to consider the term "enjoyment" to be the wrong word. Consider it my poor sense of humor that doesn't translate well to the screen.

quote:

I have that opportunity the entire experience. I didn't have to obey Cali... he didn't expect me to.
If he wanted to put a gag in and I wanted to keep my mouth closed or attempt to bite him, that's what happened.

I was thinking differently.

Once you were there, yeah, it's a given. I was thinking more about the onset. Personally, I like those first few seconds of a take down because I'm using the other person's momentary, unsuspecting disorientation to my advantage.


quote:

If I didn't have several other languages to avail myself off for writing it, I would have written it in code form.
I'm currently talking to a dude from Denver who might have a location that this sort of thing will be happening at together with Ullr and Ullr's best friend. The kicker is that the dude from Denver is originally from Belgium, and speaks both Flemish, French and German... seeing that my Latin isn't good enough for writing journals in, any time Denver dude is involved my private journals will be in code.

There's thing in my head I'm not giving to any Top involved. But these experiences are too intense in order to rely on memory to hold on to them, so private journals are the only way.

That's kind of what I've been trying to say. It's very much why I'm liking the journal idea because it's as close to 'in the moment' as a person can get.

quote:

Affirming consent isn't something I consider confidential information in my head. I would have affirmed consent any time Cali had asked for it.
I'll still affirm consent any time Cali asks for it.

I can tell you now, it's something I would have wanted, or required, would be the better term. I sincerely don't know if **I** would be a participant without it.

quote:

Yeah I thought so too. But that's the beauty of cnc: it's a scene where you don't have to be on the same page in regards to what either party is getting out of the experience.

It would still be cool to know. The contrast.

quote:

The fact that you'd change your tactics, theories, and ideas is exactly the point.
If I tell you how I felt, you'd change what you're doing to fit what I felt in order to get into my head better.

I basically would have made it easier for you to get into my head.

I have to wonder, just a bit, if you are still looking at this from the 'during' or 'next time' idea. Same captor/same captive point of view.

quote:

Why on Earth would I want to make it easier for you to get into my head and break me?
If you want to get there, I welcome you to try... but I'm not going to tell you how to do it.

I'm not into this 'breaking' bullshit.

I've been extremely put off by the white noise, jealous, envious, bullshit that's been displayed on this thread. I enjoy the intellectual discussion, but it's like dealing with a toddler interrupting the grown-ups during conversation.

However...

If a person should choose to pull out all of the stops and threaten the other with imprisonment because of anything that could be described as consensual kink... So not cool.



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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/11/2017 9:18:48 AM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not into this 'breaking' bullshit.



I am. Very much so.

The whole goal for my scene with Cali was to reach my breaking point -which I did. In my book the only thing that went wrong was the fact that when I did, I managed to convince them to stop.

That wasn't the plan. Though I don't blame either one of them considering the circumstances.



quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If a person should choose to pull out all of the stops and threaten the other with imprisonment because of anything that could be described as consensual kink... So not cool.



You don't want to do CNC with me then LP. Because when you push me to the point where I REALLY want to stop. And I've been begging, pleading, hysterically screaming, etc for a while, and you ignore me and merrily carry on with whatever you're doing... I will get to the point of saying anything I can think off to make you stop, including threatening law enforcement. I usually get to this point right before I go catatonic.

And seeing that at that point I'll say anything to make things stop, if I know that a law enforcement comment will work to make you back off, I can pretty much guarantee that it'll be the first thing out of my mouth in that stage.

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/11/2017 9:21:45 AM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not into this 'breaking' bullshit.



I am. Very much so.

The whole goal for my scene with Cali was to reach my breaking point -which I did. In my book the only thing that went wrong was the fact that when I did, I managed to convince them to stop.

That wasn't the plan. Though I don't blame either one of them considering the circumstances.





Why is reaching your breaking point The point for you?


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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/11/2017 9:36:54 AM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ


Why is reaching your breaking point The point for you?



Because I want to explore where the limits are of what I can take. How I react when I reach that point. What happens after. What I can stand -and can't. How I recover, and how fast I recover. And what kind of things make it easier to recover.

One of the reasons enjoy exploring these things, because of the headspace it puts me in afterwards. This time was different (and a first) but usually going over the line puts me in a headspace towards the Top -I won't even call it submissive... meek is probably a better word- I really enjoy being in.

I also draw power from knowing what I can withstand. People are stronger -and weaker in some areas- than they give themselves credit for. I relish pushing my endurance to the max just to prove to myself that I can go there and be alright. It's a source of confidence I draw from in other areas of my life.

For example I got stuck by myself, in the dark, in Oct, in the Rocky mountain wilderness at 10000 ft, 4 hours from camp/roads, storm coming on, with a fever and 50 lbs worth of pack weight, last fall when I was hunting. I was hallucinating by the time I was halfway back to the truck. I could have panicked easily, because the situation I was in was bad, and very dangerous. One of the reasons I didn't was because when I evaluated myself I knew that, no matter how shitty I was feeling in that moment, I wasn't even close to what I was capable of taking before I'd start to break down. That knowledge was directly related to some of the CNC experiences I've had, and helped save me in that circumstance. I knew I could make it, because I knew my body and mind not yet felt like what it would had I not been able to make it.

You don't find where that line is unless you go over it. Any time you stop before crossing it, you're left unsure if it really was where you thought, or just a little bit further.
Generally it's a lot safer to go over it in a kink setting with a trusted partner and a clear goal, than it is to do so by yourself in the wilderness while hallucinating... so finding that line and crossing it is something I very much seek out when engaging in CNC.




< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/11/2017 9:40:47 AM >


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And your whore
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Profile   Post #: 252
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/11/2017 10:00:40 PM   
WickedsDesire


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I told everyone on here not to reply to this thread and I thought I was very clear on that?


was something lost in translation?

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Profile   Post #: 253
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/11/2017 10:19:38 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


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OK babe, I do not like almost all of this, it screams "run away" to me. But you want it, so go for it,I hope you come out the other end as you, because i will really miss you if you do not.

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Profile   Post #: 254
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/12/2017 6:27:00 AM   
angelikaJ


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Thank you for your thoughtful reply and for this thread.

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Profile   Post #: 255
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/12/2017 8:42:35 AM   
tamaka


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

OK babe, I do not like almost all of this, it screams "run away" to me. But you want it, so go for it,I hope you come out the other end as you, because i will really miss you if you do not.



Yes but she'll be permanently meek. And that is what she really wants.

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/12/2017 9:36:57 AM   
DocStrange


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People do enjoy being pushed past their limits. As far as what percentage, I have no idea, but some of use really enjoy going past the threshold both physically and mentally. Reaching the mental limit can take a lot longer than reaching one’s physical limit.

This thread has been a good read. I do find some irony in that a woman can post something like this but no well taken when a man does it. I have posted in the past about doing mummification scenes lasting 24 to 36 hours with the ridicule of why would a Domme want to do that? What does she get out of it? A simplistic answer to that is she enjoys the control and power exchange.

But here is the thing. There are people of both sides of the kneel who enjoy this. Whether or not they are vocal in the forums is something else. But they are out there.

I have done this type of play for many years. Probably more than 20 years at this point. I seek something a little different than UllrsIstar. I tend to enjoy being pushed past my limits both physically and mentally at the same time. I really admire a Domme who can control me mentally and physically and can slow or speed up the mental and physical aspects separately. It is truly a talent I have found to be rare.

Reaching the precipice of my limits and going past them is a feeling that is really hard to describe. Though I may be in pain at that point, I can tell you my mind is not processing it as pain. I know I am in pain but it is sorta of like a marathon runner at the end of the race. You know you are in pain but your mind has blocked it out and you are enduring to finish the race. And the release when you cross the finish line is a wonderful feeling. A flood of emotions, a euphoric high, physical exhaustion. The mind can kind of get scramble having trouble processing all those inputs at the same time.


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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/12/2017 11:21:11 AM   
tamaka


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My Master does that to me all the time. I call it 'white pain' which is way different but right over the edge of red pain.

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Profile   Post #: 258
RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/12/2017 11:36:50 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


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@DocStrange & tamaka
Interesting. I had not thought of things that way. Thanks for that.

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RE: Awesome scene lined up - 8/12/2017 11:41:33 AM   
Daddyplsfindme


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interesting comments.... and I also enjoy being pushed past my limits sometimes, and the mental ones do much more than physical limits. But my Owner has also stopped when He reached my limit, even though He knew there was no real reason to stop, other than what He was afraid may happen. Can't really be upset I guess, but part of me is always like wth....and He's all stoic and like, who's in charge here? and them I'm all *sad face but happy it's OVER* haha
Guess you know a bit what to expect When it happens again :)

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