been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years.

been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (Full Version)

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sirfox31 -> been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/14/2017 9:58:41 PM)
In the ten years that I have been the Scene. I have met of submissives and dominants. Been to a lot of parties, events, and also volunteered in the scene. I have made friends both dominant and submissive. Sometimes it feel like I am standing in the calm middle of a hurricane with all the action of the Scene. Going on around me. I am a gentleman, nice guy, that is finishing last. It seems to me like in high school. With the jocks of the scene getting the submissives and online it just as bad. All the advice that I have gotten over the years,get to know them as a person, don't jump in to playing with them,do's and dont's. I have been to the friends zone more time then I can count. How did it get to the point where I am thinking about just about walking away from kink and life in general. I am finally at the point where other dominants sending submissive for me to play with. It because of all my friends have partners and I don't. I find a someone that is possible and we talk then poof suddenly they are off the market/scene/etc. This Scene is the only place I feel like I have a found home. Where have I gone wrong with finding a submissive partner. Should I be like the jocks of the scene because being a good guy seems to get me no where. Help any one there.... Hello

markyugen -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/16/2017 9:14:58 AM)
Do you have any special talents, gifts or attributes that set you apart from everybody else? Are you particularly good at rope, whips, etc.? If not, then expect the haul to be long and slow, and get immediately to work on making a name for yourself that attracts positive attention and word of mouth.

kiwisub22 -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/16/2017 1:58:37 PM)
Perhaps you should talk to your friends in real life about your issues and feelings. Obviously they think you are a good guy if they are sending people to you for scening, so maybe they would be able to offer advice. Its very hard to be specific online, since we know nothing about you other than what you offer - and no-one really sees themselves as they are. Maybe it could be something so simple as brushing your teeth every day (you think I jest, but I knew a doctor - A DOCTOR - who had green fuzzy teeth), or brushing up on grammar. You just never know how others see you.

stef -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/16/2017 2:13:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirfox31 I have been to the friends zone more time then I can count. You poor dear. You make more friends than you can count and this is a bad thing? How tragic your life is.

peppermint -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/16/2017 5:18:20 PM)
OP's perfect relationship is to meet up at a club once or twice a month, talk on the phone once a week. The main way he'll communicate with his sub is through daily texts. Sorry, it doesn't sound as if he really wants a relationship. Seems what he wants is more like a regular play partner.

LadyPact -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/19/2017 12:17:50 PM)
Tried to access your profile for a better understanding. It didn't quite work out. With this in mind, I'm going on my best guess. quote: ORIGINAL: sirfox31 In the ten years that I have been the Scene. I have met of submissives and dominants. Been to a lot of parties, events, and also volunteered in the scene. I have made friends both dominant and submissive. OK. Cool. You've met lots of people. Me, too. quote: Sometimes it feel like I am standing in the calm middle of a hurricane with all the action of the Scene. Going on around me. Could you clarify this? Is it that you feel forgotten and left behind while everybody else is getting their kink on? Is it something else? quote: I am a gentleman, nice guy, that is finishing last. OK. Stop right there. This, right here, is why "nice guy syndrome" became a trademark. Being "nice" isn't a bartering chip. There's no entitlement about it. Being "nice" doesn't equate putting in so much in dues that, in the end, you get the girl, or the play, or the sex. It's not supposed to come with expectations attached to it. quote: It seems to me like in high school. With the jocks of the scene getting the submissives and online it just as bad. Ask yourself a question. Why did the jocks in high school get the girls? As frivilous as it might have been back in the day, the jocks had something the girls wanted. quote: All the advice that I have gotten over the years,get to know them as a person, don't jump in to playing with them,do's and dont's. I don't understand why this is an issue. If we were talking about somebody attempting to establish a vanilla relationship, rather than a D/s dynamic with an emotional component, how is this different? If you're really trying to do kink dating, rather than an O/p or Authority/service based dynamic, isn't getting to know the other person a part of that? quote: I have been to the friends zone more time then I can count. I still don't get it. Unless you are envious of your 'friends' when they find something that works for them, but are pissy because they didn't choose you, instead, that's a contradiction. That's called you being too focused on you, rather than being happy for other people. That's not Dominance. That's called being a self-absorbed little twat. quote: How did it get to the point where I am thinking about just about walking away from kink and life in general. I hate to inform you. Probably, nobody cares if you choose to hang up the floggers and walk away. If you choose to never kink again, it's probably not going to effect the other seven billion plus people on the planet who have never met you. quote: I am finally at the point where other dominants sending submissive for me to play with. Ummm... Yeah. No offense, but this means jack sh^t. Here's just some stuff off of the top of my head for why that might be: * The other male Dominants feel sorry for you. If you really show up time and time again, and you just aren't having luck, the other guys are 'loaning' you their girl so you don't get discouraged. * You have a more extensive toy collection than the other top. * You have a skill that the other Dominant does not have. * You happen to be more sadistic than the person's partner. * You funnel funds or time into the venue, so people are (kind of) paying you back. quote: It because of all my friends have partners and I don't. I find a someone that is possible and we talk then poof suddenly they are off the market/scene/etc. How does this compare to your vanilla dating world? The reason that I ask is because people tend to think that kink dating and vanilla dating are extremely different, but they really aren't. If vanilla women don't find you to be a good potential partner, kinky women won't, either. quote: This Scene is the only place I feel like I have a found home. This is good, but your so-called "home" is not an obligation for a partner. Why can't you be at home with others, regardless of whether you have an S/O or not? There are HUNDREDS of laid back events in your area. (Check out an event called "Pizza and Beer".) quote: Where have I gone wrong with finding a submissive partner. If this post is an indication, you are screwing up because you're TOO FOCUSED on finding a submissive partner. It might be what's holding you up. quote: Should I be like the jocks of the scene because being a good guy seems to get me no where. Help any one there.... Hello I'm not going to throw you a pity party. If you want to wallow, have at it. Personally, I do ok. A part of that has to do with the fact that I have decent topping skills, I do well socially, etc. If you've been doing "The Scene" in LA for ten years, and something isn't working for you, I would suggest that you apply yourself in the areas that you lack.

DesFIP -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/19/2017 2:38:25 PM)
The only common denominator in all your relationships (or lack thereof) is you. Get some professional help becoming the kind of person the people you are attracted to find attractive.

sirfox31 -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/20/2017 12:25:35 PM)
thank you for your time.

OsideGirl -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/21/2017 3:55:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP The only common denominator in all your relationships (or lack thereof) is you. Get some professional help becoming the kind of person the people you are attracted to find attractive. While I don't think you need professional help, I do think that Des has it right when she says the common denominator is you. You need to figure out the choices you're making that puts you back into the same situation over and over. Make a list of what you offer, be specific and realistic. Make a list of what you want in a partner, be specific and realistic. Then have a friend read it. As for the rest, I agree with LP....if you're looking for someone to attempt to prevent you from leaving it won't happen. Honestly, if you've been in the LA community for 10 years and haven't managed to find someone, the issue is you....not the community.

DarkSteven -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/23/2017 3:22:42 PM)
I'm stuck on the other Doms sending their subs to you. After Michael Masterson, I am the #2 spanker in Colorado. I have had some subs come to me of their own volition, but never had a Dom send me their sub. I know the #1 people for suspension rigging and whips, and they would report the same. I do know of a case where a Dom sent his sub to a local Master for a fleshhook suspension, but that's it. It sounds like you have one helluva specialized skill.

DesFIP -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/23/2017 5:26:08 PM)
The reason I recommend professional help is that he hasn't bothered to do jackshit in the last ten years. He could have gone to ACOA meetings, could have read Dale Carnegie, could have read John Bradshaw or books on making a good first impression, on becoming more likable. People only seem to value what they pay for.

LadyPact -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/23/2017 9:25:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven I'm stuck on the other Doms sending their subs to you. After Michael Masterson, I am the #2 spanker in Colorado. I have had some subs come to me of their own volition, but never had a Dom send me their sub. I know the #1 people for suspension rigging and whips, and they would report the same. I do know of a case where a Dom sent his sub to a local Master for a fleshhook suspension, but that's it. It sounds like you have one helluva specialized skill. Really? How odd that we have such a different view of that. I'm not the greatest top that ever walked or anything like that, but I'm decent, and all it takes is having something the other top/Dominant doesn't have. I don't even have to be THE best at it. (Whatever "it" is.) I just have to be good/better than average. Wax is probably the biggest one. That's a combination of supply and skill. Needle play probably comes in second. That's supplies, skill, and just plain the other T/D isn't into it. Fire is a distant third. (Fire is flashy, so people are drawn to it.) Protocol, the fact that I hit harder than some, specific arrangements for the bottom to reach catharsis, etc, etc. Some I get just because I'm a presenter and/or tasting top for certain events. That kind of thing.

peppermint -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/24/2017 12:36:25 AM)
I was going to ask if anyone besides myself had read the OP's profile. That doesn't matter as it's been deleted. I still say that a weekly phone call and meeting at a public dungeon once or twice a month is not much of a relationship. I would guess that most of the subs who met the OP would agree with me.

OsideGirl -> RE: been in the Los Angeles Scene for ten years. (8/24/2017 2:36:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint I still say that a weekly phone call and meeting at a public dungeon once or twice a month is not much of a relationship. His profile was gone by the time I replied. I agree. It's a fuck buddy set up and the majority of women are looking for a relationship. In general, it's pretty easy for most women to get laid or have a play session, so if I'm going to have a fuck buddy, it's going to be on my terms.

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