Are "slaves" control freaks?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Are "slaves" control freaks?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are "slaves" control freaks?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/24/2017 9:56:51 PM

NoirMetal

Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline

I tend to run away from women who tell me they are.

I can't be "on" as A Dom all the time, it's exhausting. And seriously-I do have other things that need my attention.

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/24/2017 10:32:59 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

I think the whole idea of "being a slave" is to find someone you can trust to let go control of.

Personally, if I had to manage my dominant. We wouldn't be a good fit. And I would be the first one to walk away.

All the great dominants in my life are dominants, I never had to say "No" to them or "protest" anything or even ever utter my safe word, even though I have them.

Because I trusted them to do everything in my best interest. And their "kinks" fit my "kinks". Their sexuality fit my sexuality.

I would advise any slave if they find that they are actually having to "manage" their dominant. They should probably realise that, it's a doom D/S relationship. Dominants like to feel like they have control over you. And a submissive will never be happy if they are leading.

Even in my vanilla marriage, I leave all decisions to my x-husband. He is not into bdsm. But it's important to be with a man who leads fairly, justly and reasonably.

(in reply to NoirMetal)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 5:10:51 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

I tend to run away from women who tell me they are.

I can't be "on" as A Dom all the time, it's exhausting. And seriously-I do have other things that need my attention.

"On all the time"

I don't have an off switch, it's my nature to the core. I also don't fuck with people that need micromanaged. I watch train wrecks from afar, I don't get into them.

If you have a "D" on switch then you need to make it abundantly clear that you are NOT a 24/7 type and establish relationship parameters and goals up front.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to NoirMetal)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 5:40:16 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to NoirMetal)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 6:50:13 AM

NoirMetal

Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant.

You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better.

She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top?

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 8:07:58 AM

ThatDizzyChick

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better.

You sure you aren't dating a guy?

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to NoirMetal)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 8:29:43 AM

NoirMetal

Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline

The behavior has a certain similarity.

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 11:37:42 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant.

You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better.

She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top?

When I need to "unwind" and she's feeling clingy I use her as a footstool. If she keeps running her yam-yam I duct tape it shut and enjoy the quiet.

YMMV but my mileage doesn't because they know what they're signing up for before they walk in the door.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to NoirMetal)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 12:03:03 PM

NoirMetal

Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant.

You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better.

She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top?

When I need to "unwind" and she's feeling clingy I use her as a footstool. If she keeps running her yam-yam I duct tape it shut and enjoy the quiet.

YMMV but my mileage doesn't because they know what they're signing up for before they walk in the door.

"My way, or the highway" sure filters out a lot of bullshit.

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 12:13:57 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

I don't have an off switch, it's my nature to the core. I also don't fuck with people that need micromanaged.

M is the same way. It's his nature to be the leader. Micromanaging drives him crazy. He tells me what he wants done, doesn't really care how as long at gets done and expects me to be smart enough to get it done.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 10:05:46 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better.

She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top?

You have lost control of her. Period. Blame yourself for your lack of leadership and learn from it. It never looks good on you as a dominant to complain about being disrespected by his sub. Because you are suppose to the one in control. Not her controlling you. It just made you look like you lost control.

The other thing that struck me is why are you talking about "expectations being too high"? Shouldn't expectations be properly pre-discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to engagement?

You just sound like somebody who don't know what you are doing. Part of your job as a dominant is to set the expectations straight right from the beginning clearly and precisely, and make sure she is clear about what she is walking into and this was mutually consensual and what she wanted as well and if she agrees to how it's gonna go, then you run it your way. This means that you dictate the "time outs". And she would have expected it and respected your will, because she has pre-agreed to it to go along with your rhythm.

What you have is communication problems and have not communicated your expectations well prior to engagement.

I can tell you, I have lead a team of over 100 people and 100 people with different needs and expectations and complains of me. I am not into dominance, but I think when you want things in your world to go smoothly and get people's co-operation to work with you smoothly and go along with what you want. There are certain things you need to control and take responsibility for and address accordingly as needed. I never blame the employee. I always ask myself, what can I do to motivate this employee to do what I need them to do.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/25/2017 10:13:01 PM >

(in reply to NoirMetal)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/25/2017 10:44:11 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

I tend to run away from women who tell me they are.

I can't be "on" as A Dom all the time, it's exhausting. And seriously-I do have other things that need my attention.

"On all the time"

I don't have an off switch, it's my nature to the core. I also don't fuck with people that need micromanaged. I watch train wrecks from afar, I don't get into them.

If you have a "D" on switch then you need to make it abundantly clear that you are NOT a 24/7 type and establish relationship parameters and goals up front.

Of course you don't have an "off" switch you Dear Silly Troll Dude! You then wouldn't be, well, YOU!! Lawdy Lawd love a Rubber Ducky, why you think I'm still sooooooo caaaaaa-razy boutchu?
From your number # 1 never stahp lovin' ya fan,
A PoohBear

Psssst....... Iz gotz a hot date on Wednesday night...WOOOOHOOOO & YIPPEE KAI YAY! !!!!!!!!!! 😉😆

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 4:13:40 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear

Psssst....... Iz gotz a hot date on Wednesday night...WOOOOHOOOO & YIPPEE KAI YAY! !!!!!!!!!! 😉😆

Oh hell yes!!!!!

I hope it goes amazing and he doesn't turn out to be an asshat wearing twat waffle riding in a douche canoe.

Xoxoxoxox

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 12:47:38 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Someone has to be in control. If she can't trust you to be that person, then don't bitch when she fills the power vacuum that you left.

Or, in Harry Truman's phrase, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

When problems occur, I can trust him to rise to the occasion. He doesn't claim that his switch is off so he can't fix this. He's always the dominant, even if he's taking a nap. If you just want to top on occasion, don't lie to people about being dominant. The two are not the same.

It's like being a good parent. Doesn't matter that you were enjoying some down time, when you get a call about a sick kid, you go get them to the doctor.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 5:53:39 PM

tamaka

Posts: 5079
Status: offline

FR
They can be until you break them.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 6:18:19 PM

NoirMetal

Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline

I agree-"needy ineptitude" never flies very long.

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

(in reply to tamaka)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 6:18:33 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

FR
They can be until you break them.

Nope, they cannot "break them" unless they were given consent to go to the that extent.

(in reply to tamaka)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 6:29:01 PM

NoirMetal

Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

FR
They can be until you break them.

Nope, they cannot "break them" unless they were given consent to go to the that extent.

Tamika understands things about this dynamic that seem to elude your limited grasp. It's part of the initial negotiations-not everyone wants a bossy bottom in the house.

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 6:31:00 PM

tamaka

Posts: 5079
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka

FR
They can be until you break them.

Nope, they cannot "break them" unless they were given consent to go to the that extent.

Sure

(in reply to Greta75)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? - 9/26/2017 7:04:21 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal
Tamika understands things about this dynamic that seem to elude your limited grasp. It's part of the initial negotiations-not everyone wants a bossy bottom in the house.

Dude you are the one complaining here about being unable to control your submissive.

So I am just making sure that you don't take tameka suggestion to attempt to "break her" because you don't seem to know what you are doing.

If you did, your bottom wouldn't be bossy towards you, you'd have her under control and you wouldn't be crying about your submissive trying to "dom" you over here.

And I bet you don't even realise how undominant you are sounding. I've never met someone who was naturally dominant crying about being unable to get their submissive under control. Even if they aren't BDSM dominants, but just natural domineering men, they got things under control big time as they know what they are doing and what they want to achieve.

There are quite a few dominant regulars on this forum alone, and you'd never see any of them complaining about being unable to control their sub. And blaming their sub for it.

(in reply to NoirMetal)

Profile

Post #: 20