RE: Variances in Income

RE: Variances in Income (Full Version)

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thorneyone -> RE: Variances in Income (10/24/2017 1:17:25 AM)
I know very little of the Master Slave Dynamic. What I do know is that money equals personal power. It is just inconceivable to have a slave with a bigger wedge than its Master. You can argue till your blue in the face, but I wouldn't be convinced.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Variances in Income (10/24/2017 4:15:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thorneyone I know very little of the Master Slave Dynamic. What I do know is that money equals personal power. It is just inconceivable to have a slave with a bigger wedge than its Master. You can argue till your blue in the face, but I wouldn't be convinced. As you said, you know very little, and if for you money equals personal power, you also seem to have some really screwed up values. In a healthy relationship, no matter which leaning, money is only an issue if there is so little that it does create a lot of problems, like paying the rent. If somebody is so insecure as a D type, that he or she need to justify themselves by their pay check, then they're possibly pretty poor dominants anyway. Btw I'm doing quite well financially, however I never asked anybody I engaged in any kind of BDSM activity with how much they earn, however I do know that the "slave" I had for the past 3 years seems to be doing considerably well, as Bentleys don't come cheap, nor do horses. Should I start feeling really insecure now that he has a bigger "wedge" (and house, I live in a 4 bedroom house, he lives on a country estate). You know we engage in a bit of S/M because we both like it, but I don't think you can understand that. No worries, I won't argue until I'm blue in the face, I'm too busy laughing at your naive approach.

ShaharThorne -> RE: Variances in Income (10/24/2017 4:43:45 AM)
I am a switch so I am on both sides of the kneel. When I was with Bo, we considered ourselves equals even when I was going to school and he was self employed. We did not 'lord' it over each other about our financial status. I did submit to him in sticking to a budget and doing his bookkeeping. My training as a tax preparer came in handy. It allowed us to have a decent lifestyle and he was not jealous when I did go to work and got paid more than him. As long as the bills were paid, we were happy. It was kinda hard having 3 D types in the household though (him, me and our daughter). Now I am disabled and residing with my mother, another D type. Also this time, I contribute to the household even though I am below poverty level. The land, house and car is paid for so no worries there. I have government healthcare so those don't worry me...but I have a hard time really sticking to a budget because as mental illness therapy I crochet and shop...a lot. I have put myself on a moratorium of yarn buying so I can save up funds for July's Anime Austin and I need to stay in a hotel, not my daughter's place (she's living with her hubby and a best friend). I do tease my mom that the local MHMR needs to have budgeting classes for patients who want some degree of independence, especially if SS has them under a payee's thumb. If a D type is upset because a s type makes more money then s/he is in fact having self esteem issues and will not make a good D type and should not be in the lifestyle.

cloudboy -> RE: Variances in Income (11/15/2017 6:08:57 PM)
Others things besides money could also pose a challenge: intelligence, talent, success, accomplishment, etc. Pissdoll once looked back on a relationship with a DOM who held her back, and she regretted the time lost with him. You have to play the cards you are dealt -- and if you can't play them -- what does it say about your own mastery? Wanting your own partner to be less -- is a regressive view of relationships.

needlesandpins -> RE: Variances in Income (11/16/2017 8:36:18 AM)
Like ShaharThorne, I'm a switch, so I see things from both sides. I also have an ex who is totally crap with money. I also went through a very messy break up with him that left me with nothing because he destroyed everything I'd worked for. That will never happen again for anyone. I don't give a flying hoo-har what any D type wants to think about that. That fact is is that I am a woman and mother first. He should be a man FIRST. That means caring about us as a couple, and our future, and for me it means making sure that without him I have a future. I've had to rebuild my whole life for my son and I because my ex is an absolute cunt. Now if a D is so insecure as to worry that his woman is earning more money than he is, I'd say he doesn't deserve her in the first place. Needles

WhoreMods -> RE: Variances in Income (11/16/2017 10:01:32 AM)
Sadly, there's a lot of tops of both sexes who feel that their sub has to be inferior rather than ignoring an advantage (financial or otherwise) and choosing to submit to them. As you say, it's all about insecurity.

kiwisub22 -> RE: Variances in Income (11/16/2017 5:14:06 PM)
My Sir must have been VERY secure. [:D] Actually, he made less than me, but we had a roof and food and money for "fun". I have no idea how much he made. My Sweetie makes a butt load more than me.(and I had no idea how much he made for a couple of years) And I was very submissive with my Sir - money wasn't raised after the initial discussion. In fact, it wasn't ever a thought for me. While money may be a power factor for some, for me personality is much more of an issue.

Milesnmiles -> RE: Variances in Income (11/24/2017 4:46:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I was just told that a female "s" type should not have a significantly higher income than the male "D" type because it givers her too much power. Thoughts? Thanx for the interesting topic. I guess my two cents worth would be, what in the world does a sub want with power? It's been said that it would give the sub the power to leave but why would the sub want to leave if the Dom is doing his job? Personally, no matter how much the sub made, even if they didn't have a "job", I would make sure they had access to the money to leave if they felt that necessity. I would want them to be my sub because they had come to trust me to do what's best and not because they felt they had no way out. Of course, feeling that they had “no way out” could be arranged if that made the sub feel better but only if that was best for the sub. Now can also understand that money has other power than just the ability to leave. Money can have power over the emotions of the people in the relationship when it becomes "MY" money, instead of just being a tool for the benefit of those in the relationship. All that being said, I would say that a “Dom” that can’t handle a situation where a sub has more “money power” than him should reassess whether he is a Dom or not.

Greta75 -> RE: Variances in Income (11/24/2017 9:10:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thorneyone I know very little of the Master Slave Dynamic. What I do know is that money equals personal power. It is just inconceivable to have a slave with a bigger wedge than its Master. You can argue till your blue in the face, but I wouldn't be convinced. We had local incidences where a woman's salary was 10 times of her husband. She made 300k per annum, while her husband only made a basic 30k per annum. Yet she endured his constant physical and mental and emotional abuse. He beats her till she bruise. You are talking about black eye, swollen eye and face bruises. When she goes to work, her colleagues were just dumbfounded why she won't leave him! It happens. Although I am not citing a bdsm relationship but a real abuse case. But this abuser has some kind of control over her to keep her staying with him. Despite she being the one with the money. It happens. It's sooo unexplainable because obviously she is in an upper management position in an MNC. So she is not some weak woman.

Milesnmiles -> RE: Variances in Income (11/25/2017 9:29:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: thorneyone I know very little of the Master Slave Dynamic. What I do know is that money equals personal power. It is just inconceivable to have a slave with a bigger wedge than its Master. You can argue till your blue in the face, but I wouldn't be convinced. We had local incidences where a woman's salary was 10 times of her husband. She made 300k per annum, while her husband only made a basic 30k per annum. Yet she endured his constant physical and mental and emotional abuse. He beats her till she bruise. You are talking about black eye, swollen eye and face bruises. When she goes to work, her colleagues were just dumbfounded why she won't leave him! It happens. Although I am not citing a bdsm relationship but a real abuse case. But this abuser has some kind of control over her to keep her staying with him. Despite she being the one with the money. It happens. It's sooo unexplainable because obviously she is in an upper management position in an MNC. So she is not some weak woman. Just going by what you have said, I would say the "Dom" is just an abuser and not a "Dom" at all but I'm reminded of an old cartoon where a caveman is carrying an obviously battered woman over his shoulder and another women asks her why she stays with him and she replies with a smile; "Beats Me". We may not understand why such things exist but there is the possibility that he loves her and is just giving her what she wants and that is why she stays.

WhoreMods -> RE: Variances in Income (11/25/2017 12:14:47 PM)
Do you have to work at being this oblivious to things you don't wish to recognise, or does it come to you naturally?

Milesnmiles -> RE: Variances in Income (11/25/2017 2:59:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhoreMods Do you have to work at being this oblivious to things you don't wish to recognise, or does it come to you naturally? Hi Froggy, You know that with this post, you officially show yourself to be a troll. This post has no other object than to be rude and insulting and I can say that because if one removes everything that is rude and insulting your post disappears. Now if you had the least of intention of being anything other than a rude and insulting troll, you could have helpfully added some “thoughts” on why you consider my comment to be “oblivious to things (I) don't wish to recognize” and perhaps even some mention of what the things are you feel that I don’t recognize but you didn’t and that makes you just a troll.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Variances in Income (11/25/2017 3:31:16 PM)
WhoreMods, you are engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

Milesnmiles -> RE: Variances in Income (11/25/2017 6:13:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 WhoreMods, you are engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. Will you look at this, another troll heard from. ;-)

Milesnmiles -> RE: Variances in Income (11/25/2017 6:21:35 PM)
Hello OsideGirl, I guess I should apologize to you, I thought could make some comments in your thread without incident but it seems I have troll groupies that follow me and high-jack threads with attempts to insult me and can't understand the concept that they should be commenting on the OP instead.

Greta75 -> RE: Variances in Income (11/26/2017 1:32:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles Just going by what you have said, I would say the "Dom" is just an abuser and not a "Dom" at all but I'm reminded of an old cartoon where a caveman is carrying an obviously battered woman over his shoulder and another women asks her why she stays with him and she replies with a smile; "Beats Me". We may not understand why such things exist but there is the possibility that he loves her and is just giving her what she wants and that is why she stays. She is not in a BDSM relationship. I made this part very clear. The reason her case came to light, it was a social counselor sharing some of her cases of female abuse, it gets more puzzling and complicated when a woman is not financially dependent on the man in any way and cannot leave. This woman wants to leave her husband but could not leave and seek help to leave. This is how her case came to light. She is very unhappy about the situation but stuck emotionally and can't take concrete physical action to get out. Relationships are very complicated and emotional. She feels that she loves this man alot. And as with many abusers, the temper and the beatings might be the bad part. But usually follows up with apologies and excuses and asking for forgiveness for his weakness tugging at her heart, and she married this man, she loves this man and keeps forgiving him. It's not black and white. But what is clear is that, she is unhappy and does not feel good about what is going on. But can't seem to take action to permanently leave this situation as she feels love for her husband. And this wasn't the only case. They don't even have kids. She is perhaps a very successful woman who is confident in her career but very low confidence in her ability to have romantic relationships. So I think she stays because maybe she feels like this the best she can get for a man for someone like herself. Sometimes, people trapped themselves in their own prison in their perception of things.

Milesnmiles -> RE: Variances in Income (11/26/2017 3:49:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles Just going by what you have said, I would say the "Dom" is just an abuser and not a "Dom" at all but I'm reminded of an old cartoon where a caveman is carrying an obviously battered woman over his shoulder and another woman asks her why she stays with him and she replies with a smile; "Beats Me". We may not understand why such things exist but there is the possibility that he loves her and is just giving her what she wants and that is why she stays. She is not in a BDSM relationship. I made this part very clear. Yes you did and have once again, thanx. When I said; "going by what you said", I wasn't indicating that I thought you said it was a BDSM relationship but that being said, “ordinary” people can ofttimes enter into “BDSM” relationships without knowledge that such relationships even exist and I sometimes find it easier to describe such “vanilla” relationships in BDSM terms. quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 The reason her case came to light, it was a social counselor sharing some of her cases of female abuse, it gets more puzzling and complicated when a woman is not financially dependent on the man in any way and cannot leave. This woman wants to leave her husband but could not leave and seek help to leave. This is how her case came to light. She is very unhappy about the situation but stuck emotionally and can't take concrete physical action to get out. Relationships are very complicated and emotional. She feels that she loves this man alot. And as with many abusers, the temper and the beatings might be the bad part. But usually follows up with apologies and excuses and asking for forgiveness for his weakness tugging at her heart, and she married this man, she loves this man and keeps forgiving him. It's not black and white. But what is clear is that, she is unhappy and does not feel good about what is going on. But can't seem to take action to permanently leave this situation as she feels love for her husband. And this wasn't the only case. They don't even have kids. She is perhaps a very successful woman who is confident in her career but very low confidence in her ability to have romantic relationships. So I think she stays because maybe she feels like this the best she can get for a man for someone like herself. Sometimes, people trapped themselves in their own prison in their perception of things. Yes, relationships can be very complicated and emotional. Things like Stockholm syndrome and Battered person syndrome can also enter in to the equation and can in some cases explain why people do not leave abusive relationships they do not “want”. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battered_person_syndrome

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Variances in Income (11/27/2017 12:31:42 AM)
My thought is.... This has the musty scent of insecurity and stereotype belief thinking all over it.

CaptR -> RE: Variances in Income (11/29/2017 9:35:26 AM)
quote: All my female slaves are card carrying tree hugging democrats. I have written about that over the years. It adds a bit more zing to a scene when you are torturing a female democrat in collar and cuffs. Ok this made me chuckle. It actually IS more fun to torture a Democrat! They can be so self-righteously indignant and so deliciously aware their treatment is justified, lol. As for money causing an imbalance of power, I'm in agreement with the notion if you're allowing income to play into the relationship you've missed the definition of ”Total Power Exchange." A slave or submissives success is cause for celebration and support. If you allow it to be a threat, it is only reflecting a chink in your armour/ character as head of household. Should I ever begin to lose myself and forget my role I would want her to have a comfortable transition out by her own means if she chooses. Besides, isn't it all the more sweeter when you know she's not bound to you by necessity but from love, respect, dedication or just plain awe of your mastery? ;) In reading through some of the later posts I see this thread has taken a more challenging social tack. I won't pretend to be qualified to answer on those more negative aspects. However, I have found some people thrive on being a perpetual "victim." Probably no more than the vanilla world but it seems this lifestyle sows it's share of fractured psyche.

porcelaine -> RE: Variances in Income (12/2/2017 10:36:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I was just told that a female "s" type should not have a significantly higher income than the male "D" type because it givers her too much power. Thoughts? I suspect the comment may derive from the challenges some have experienced when the woman is the primary breadwinner. Especially in situations when her earning power may negate his need to work. The house husband phenomenon falls in this category. While some men are comfortable in these situations others are not. Its impact upon dynamics involving dominance is in direct proportion to the attitude he has attached to its worth. For some, money is power as it provides opportunities and increased decisionmaking that its omission averts. In certain instances the dominant may prefer to foster financial dependency—not solely due to his dominance—but to create a reality its availability would diminish. There’s a big difference from one who will not leave by choice and those who are not in a position to vacate due to lack of resources. Others seek its control to bring everything under their jurisdiction and reinforce her position. The issue is not money in itself but the assignment each party affixes. If the dominant equates money with significance of the sort that could thwart or usurp his own; he may undertake methods to prevent its occurrence. For those who relate differently to money its presence (in whatever amount) serves as a beneficial aid to the union and nothing more. ~porcelaine

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