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RE: Variances in Income - 12/2/2017 5:22:41 PM

longwayhome

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Self confident people needn't be threatened by someone's earnings. Sadly they often are.

In a perfect world all of this wouldn't matter but then many people have income requirements for potential partners that go beyond wanting their partner to make whatever contribution they are capable of making. In this context it is perhaps not surprising that some males who identify themselves as Doms might want a sub who earns less.

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/2/2017 6:30:22 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

Self confident people needn't be threatened by someone's earnings. Sadly they often are.

In a perfect world all of this wouldn't matter but then many people have income requirements for potential partners that go beyond wanting their partner to make whatever contribution they are capable of making. In this context it is perhaps not surprising that some males who identify themselves as Doms might want a sub who earns less.

I wouldn’t take that stance. That’s akin to saying self-confident men don’t identify as dominants. It negates the realities of free will and the choice it brings. Some people prefer partners from a specific socioeconomic background and it’s their right to select what works best for them. Others are happy if their companion earns less. Their lifestyles don’t require the same monetary spoils as the other. And then there’s some who don’t abhor the earnings but insist that they maintain control of every cent.

Preferences are meant to exclude. Those that don’t align with my values are neither wrong or lessened in my eyes. It’s just not my schtick. The men who prefer submissives who earn less may be operating out of self-awareness of their discomfort at the unbalance. Choosing what he can handle is the better choice.

~porcelaine

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/3/2017 4:08:59 AM

Greta75

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FR

There are two types of dominants out there.

1) Really wants a woman to quit her job and be completely and utterly and totally reliant on him in ALL ways. These type of dominants love to micro-manage every aspect of this woman's life. And just want her to just totally devote her world to him and him only. (My ex-dom was like this, he enjoys micro-managing every single aspect of my life including picking up the clothes I will wear out everyday, and what am I allowed to do with my time. He wanted to micro-manage my drinks and food too, but I told him if he did that, I will leave. Like don't touch my drinks and food. And he utterly enjoys all that work, I mean, seriously, it's ALOT of work to micro-manage especially a person like me who is not exactly co-operative about anything at all and would have a gazillion objections and keep trying to negotiate every single aspect of what he wants. But in a way, he was very devoted to me which I liked. There was no doubt, no insecurity about his feelings for me. He was constantly in touch with me all the time. And the way I see it, he did it like he really enjoyed it. And it brings him joy. And I enjoyed watching him enjoy micro-managing me. But end of the day, I was reluctant to quit my job and be completely at his mercy. I think I was too afraid to take the leap to be financially vulnerable and dependent on a man. Which was why we ended. As this involves constant relocation and he moves countries every 2 or 3 years. It will be hard for me to find employment in those circumstances with the complications of work permits for each country. I think I was not ready to be feeling that vulnerable and being reliant on someone for money for me, is another level of vulnerability that is terrifying to me.)

2) The kind that gets off in persuading a woman with higher or equal income level to kneel to him. (Which will usually be not my type but such guys tend to be less micro-managing too as first of all, because the income level is better or equal, she has alot of power to walk anytime, he has very little to control her but psychologically, he has to be very very good at mental dominance.)

Is there any right or wrong way? I don't think so. End of the day, it's all about compatibility.

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/3/2017 6:03:27 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

He wanted to micro-manage my drinks and food too, but I told him if he did that, I will leave. Like don't touch my drinks and food.

How hilarious! I could handle the food but wine is off limits.

quote:

I think I was not ready to be feeling that vulnerable and being reliant on someone for money for me, is another level of vulnerability that is terrifying to me.

Understandably so. There’s a lot of risks involved and promises do go awry every now and then. I’d need to have legal safeguards in place. I can’t (or won’t) wrap my mind around financial dominance. But for those who enjoy this brand of submission it’s grand I’m told.

~porcelaine

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/3/2017 7:09:57 PM

longwayhome

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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

Self confident people needn't be threatened by someone's earnings. Sadly they often are.

In a perfect world all of this wouldn't matter but then many people have income requirements for potential partners that go beyond wanting their partner to make whatever contribution they are capable of making. In this context it is perhaps not surprising that some males who identify themselves as Doms might want a sub who earns less.

I wouldn’t take that stance. That’s akin to saying self-confident men don’t identify as dominants. It negates the realities of free will and the choice it brings. Some people prefer partners from a specific socioeconomic background and it’s their right to select what works best for them. Others are happy if their companion earns less. Their lifestyles don’t require the same monetary spoils as the other. And then there’s some who don’t abhor the earnings but insist that they maintain control of every cent.

Preferences are meant to exclude. Those that don’t align with my values are neither wrong or lessened in my eyes. It’s just not my schtick. The men who prefer submissives who earn less may be operating out of self-awareness of their discomfort at the unbalance. Choosing what he can handle is the better choice.

~porcelaine

I don't know that I have taken a stance as such and in particular I don't understand the statement that what I said was "akin to saying self-confident men don’t identify as dominants".

I do think that earnings shouldn't matter when choosing a partner but that's a statement of my preference. I stated that "self confident people needn't be threatened by someone's earnings". Some men in particular do feel threatened by being in a relationship with a woman who earns more than them, whether they are a Dom or not. I don't think people who are truly self confident do feel threatened by how much a partner or potential partner earns, but some people are. That is an entirely different thing from making a choice based on earnings.

What works for you or anyone else is fine by me but someone who finds that sort of thing important is not going to be a good fit for me.

As you say "It’s just not my schtick".

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/3/2017 8:45:51 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: longwayhome

I don't think people who are truly self confident do feel threatened by how much a partner or potential partner earns, but some people are. That is an entirely different thing from making a choice based on earnings.

Maybe they aren’t. Perhaps they prefer to be the primary breadwinner and select companions whose income falls within those guidelines. Preferences don’t always mean something is amiss.

In your opinion it’s an omission of self-confidence to feel this way. That’s no different from judging another man for calling himself a dominant and making the same argument. Does his self-identification mean he’s lacking in some way?

You suggested a lack of self-confidence in an area that is probably not a struggle for you. But I am certain there are others not as well-defined where negative associations could be made. The same holds true for everyone. I did not take a similar stance because his behavior may simply be a coping mechanism. I’ve got my share and I’m sure you do as well.

~porcelaine

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/4/2017 3:30:38 PM

NoirMetal

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Women tend to be programmed to equate dominance with social status.

And come across with the idea that you are somehow inferior if you make less money than they do.

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/4/2017 3:35:53 PM

CelticPrince

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Nonsence!

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/4/2017 8:44:06 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal
And come across with the idea that you are somehow inferior if you make less money than they do.

I think it's more to do with traditional female and male strength.
Women is suppose to take care of family. Male being the provider. So he can focus on work and have a woman take care of his needs when he comes home and he doesn't have to worry about all the other stuffs, because her job is to take care of all those areas, taking those loads off him.

If the woman can provide, the dominant is not gonna be the nurturer and take care of the family, you know what I mean?

House husband dominant....., interesting dynamic...., but how many dominants can swallow themselves in that position even?

It's actually quite weird, I met quite a few western foreign house husbands in Singapore. It is very strange. But they are typically married to very high powered wives. In many ways, they feel so emasculated.

I have a male friend who in his youth was a kept boy toy by a famous singer, Asian famous singer back in the 70's.

And imagine that his allowance from her was 100bux per day in the 70's which was alot of money then. And even for today's standards, a 100bux a per day, I don't even know if housewives today get that much from their husbands.

But he said, he thought he could enjoy the easy life, but end of the day, it really hurt his pride and his self-esteem and he felt terrible, he couldn't carry on with it.

Today, he is a multi-millionaire businessman, with business internationally.

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/4/2017 11:01:05 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

Women tend to be programmed to equate dominance with social status. And come across with the idea that you are somehow inferior if you make less money than they do.

Absolutes are never wise. Not all women are seeking to join the 1%. Some don’t honestly care who makes more as long as they’re comfortable.

High wage earners pay a price for their spoil and it’s usually time. Many people will not swallow the cost. They don’t want a work-centered life. I don’t mind. Quality is more important than quantity in these situations. I can live with it but some women can’t. My philosophy is not doing what one loves but rather what you’re darned good at. This often pays significantly more than the norm if you’re shrewd.

~porcelaine

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RE: Variances in Income - 12/15/2017 7:30:50 AM

CodeOfSilence

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Since most people project their fantasies into their real life I think it's not a problem.
But are we talking about any real, deep and intelligent response then it makes little real life sense.

I've said this several times but the leader/mentor/dominant/owner (various degrees?) should have that level of superiority inherent in them.
Fooling around, exploring, learning, growing. That's all fine.
But I could never imagine truly submitting to someone who sub par of me except if there was some weird chemistry and circumstances that pertain to this situation. Not everything is financial or positional, etc. There are personalities to be considered, knowledge, experience, force of character, etc. But the totality needs to preferably be superior to mine. In professional and personal life I have always had a great desire to submit to someone. I find it blissful when a competent, intelligent and creative person takes charge of a project and orders me around let's say. But for me to let go of that control requires an absolute clear sense of the superior, at least in the subject at hand. Otherwise I tend to naturally assume a leadership position...though out of ideological and moral reason I tend to lead in a very horizontal way.

What is the purpose of a fawning devotion if the subject is inferior? At least in a BDSM sense.

But that's why I am really more of switch, I believe in mutual growth, strengthening each others positive characteristics and mending or removing the negative ones. A dynamic where one may start out inferior but where (due to love, chemistry, shared goals and so on) they both push each other to their max potential.

This is the cold truth of reality. But ...and Im gonna get alot of hate for this...most people of a BDSM nature do not live in reality. But forget about most people. Let's talk about what I can only say definitively about myself. I have found that my fantasies become reality over when my insecurities grow (And they grow when I'm not terribly busy. I just simply start to analyze myself and the world in more detail). When I feel I am in a strong position, when I am running my own business or in the midst of a political organization or corporate field then I have no great need for BDSM because the real world is full of all these fetishes anyway. Especially through the corruption of capitalism. Then it turns into just an other hedonistic desire.

I think BDSM is a tool for insane people in a sane world but a fantasy for sane people in an insane world and I guess I am a bit of both. When I am in the insane world of capitalism BDSM and other parts of the dark psyche of mine become a kink or an interest. When my life is simple; either when Im with my family or when I am not working or when I am traveling or possibly working on one single project I feel the need to confront my dark psyche on a more existential level.

I imagine this can flip in real life. If you reach your top echelon you might want to find an alternative to just let go even on an existential level and not just on a fetishistic level.

edit: This is a good profile of what Im talking about in the earlier part of my post: http://www.collarspace.com/personals/o/1/v/96680/default.htm

Now I think that this sort of thing borders on if not crosses the line of morally acceptable adult behaviour but in terms of the dynamic she is spot on. She is in charge and she has the means and what seems to be the capabilities and intellect to handle such a responsibility if we take her profile as some sort of truth of the realities of her life.

< Message edited by CodeOfSilence -- 12/15/2017 8:05:31 AM >

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