longwayhome
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Joined: 1/9/2008 Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: Greta75 Yea, he told me, he was gonna groom her to be his star saleswoman. He basically thinks the world of her at the moment. In many ways, since he is gonna be her mentor to groom her, they will be working closely together. I also thought he was impressed with silly stuffs that I felt her skills were normal for women in my region and it's almost like something most women have. Multiple Chinese languages for example which is not unique and quite common, she's Chinese after all and most Chinese women can speak 3 different Chinese languages including me. And Engineering degree? Like seriously, if he goes into Engineering over here, it's basically filled with women, and technically over here, it's a walk of shame to get into Engineering, because they couldn't get into Business school/Medical/Law which requires higher grades. I don't know if where he comes from, an Engineering degree is a big deal or something. And I am not dissing Engineering, but there is alot pressure here to be on a certain level over here in terms of grades, and which major is popular and sought after would require the highest grades to get in and engineering is not one of the majors that requires the highest grades to get in, and also because it's not popular, so most people who goes into it only go in because they had no choice and couldn't get into their first choice. It was a decent second choice. Of course there is worst than engineering in hierarchy of majors. Like in context, he was impressed with alot of things which made me rolled my eyes. I don't even want to mention what her current occupation prior to this job is. As it's completely unrelated to her new job he is offering her. She does not have the experience, from the correct field, not even the correct degree. Which is why, he is training her from scratch too. But she is definitely paid at least twice the salary of what is normal. And yea, I don't know what's going on. It just irks me when someone cannot be honest that he has romantic interest in her and keeps denying it. Especially when we been good friends forever. And I always tell him about my romantic interests and developments as it comes. He was browsing her LinkedIn when he first showed me her profile and mention to me that he was thinking of employing her. Basically in his logic, he genuinely think she is gonna make him loads of money, and on top of that, she needs help with a job that pays better than what she is stuck with now due to her sick mom. Win-Win. I think on my end, my main gripe is, this is a close friend who I trust, and at the moment, I cannot understand why he cannot simply be honest about his romantic interest in her and instead claiming it's work and well thought out practical decision everything he is doing. I personally do not think he will ever initiate anything sexual with her or say sexually inappropriate things ever. Unless she initiates it, I know he won't refuse, and that's not just her, I think pretty much he won't turn down any woman who initiates, knowing him, he likes it when women initiates and would think it's his lucky day. But I am just trying to figure if he is really interested in her for more, or just truly just work. I think it's very hard when a long time friend who has been around for you and many other people. I've known him for a long time, and he always helped people, it's not gender specific and because he has more male friends, he has helped more male friends. Like if a male friend needs a kidney, he is first in line, no hesitation. It's like so fucking weird why can't he just be open about it and straight out tell me, he has romantic interest in her. But of course the other reason could be, he believes it is totally true it's just business, and I am the one drawing all the wrong conclusions due to the way he is doing it which could be misconstrue as romantic interest. As unlike porcelaine boss, he is friendly and personable with all employees. And not an aloof guy, working with him, would feel more like working with a cool friend. Not very authoritarian type of character. And doesn't like being stuffy. Like the bromance with him and his business partner is amazing. So it's hard to say. I personally cannot imagine him making a woman feel uncomfortable with his niceness. But yea, I guess in terms of boss to female employee relationship, she might feel she have less of a choice in responses. But I know he would never ever touch a woman who didn't initiate, as he is not even a physically affectionate guy to start with. So in terms of physical harassment, she is 100% safe. And I don't see ever saying anything sexually inappropriate to her, because in terms of PR, he is one of the most diplomatic person I know who never says anything wrong ever. Like he is not one of those guys who would outrage women with inappropriate things. He keeps that behind locker room very purposely. He has ALOT of filters intentively. Having read this post, I still think that your friend should be very careful about how his actions are interpreted by others, at the very least because he seems to be showing this woman great favouritism which, as porcelaine suggests, will alienate other members of the team. My instinct still says that he consciously or sub-consciously wants something romantic or sexual to happen, and that he may be making this woman feel harassed by his attention. Other things you say however lead me to think that you yourself may be wondering about whether you are reading this situation the right way. In particular you sound a bit pissed that he has such a high opinion of her professionally when you do not. Her chosen degree has nothing to do with her ability. There is an expectation everywhere that people will do the degree with the highest grade requirement they can get into. I could easily have done a medical or law degree because I had the grades. The fact is I wasn't interested in those subjects so I did the degree I wanted to do. He clearly thought she was impressive even before he hired her. That might be because he thinks she is attractive but it might just be that he sees something in her that you don't. I can understand that you are disappointed that he has such a high opinion of her, and that you are concerned because as your friend you think he should be able to admit to you if he has romantic designs on her. Certainly taking a female member of your team out to dinner regularly doesn't seem like a good move for a boss unless it is completely without coercion or expectation on both sides. Even then there are ethical issues about how two people should deal with an emerging romantic/sexual relationship within a work team. You do say yourself however that he would never make a move on her. If you have no evidence that she is feeling pressured, are you more concerned about her welfare or his reputation? Or is it perhaps that, as a friend, he wont openly admit to you that he has romantic or sexual intentions when you think that he does? Is the fact that your friend is putting so much time and energy into someone you don't think merits it, the thing that makes you feel the way you do. Is that the reason why you are so concerned about his motivations, especially when you seem to think he is such a nice guy? On the other hand, he could just be a major sleaze, who wanted to get into her pants from the moment he saw her and has been sexually grooming and harassing her ever since, without any thought about the inappropriateness of doing that in his senior position. I'm not sure if I'm reading it right but you don't seem to think that is what is really happening.
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