Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do?

Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 8:32:17 AM)
This thread is not to argue the merits of doing or not doing Rituals and Protocals or expressing ones preferences. I do believe everyone can appreciate that some do them and some do not. I would like this thread to be for those that do or want to have Rituals and Protocals in their relationship dynamic. So are some of the ones that you do or would like to do? Is there a specific reason for them? I do enjoy a level of Rituals and Protocals within my relationships and these are some of them... - my girls say "my Pleasure" instead of "your welcome" - my girls eat with their primary hand while the other rests on their lap when it is idle. - my girls kneel at the bed for bedtime and ask permission to sleep in my bed and give thanks when it is granted. In the case of kyra when she is in florida she expresses a devotion and gives thanks. - they always walk a step behind me unless told otherwise - they never enter a room ahead of me unless told otherwise. As I said this some... and generally I do them because they cause me a gratification or pleasure. I also do them because they reinforce the dynamics of the relationship that we have established. Not only do they reinforce it but I find they also lead to growth in the dynamics as well.

onestandingstill -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 8:49:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists This thread is not to argue the merits of doing or not doing Rituals and Protocols or expressing ones preferences. I do believe everyone can appreciate that some do them and some do not. I would like this thread to be for those that do or want to have Rituals and Protocols in their relationship dynamic. So are some of the ones that you do or would like to do? Is there a specific reason for them? I do enjoy a level of Rituals and Protocols within my relationships and these are some of them... - my girls say "my Pleasure" instead of "your welcome" - my girls eat with their primary hand while the other rests on their lap when it is idle. - my girls kneel at the bed for bedtime and ask permission to sleep in my bed and give thanks when it is granted. In the case of kyra when she is in Florida she expresses a devotion and gives thanks. - they always walk a step behind me unless told otherwise - they never enter a room ahead of me unless told otherwise. As I said this some... and generally I do them because they cause me a gratification or pleasure. I also do them because they reinforce the dynamics of the relationship that we have established. Not only do they reinforce it but I find they also lead to growth in the dynamics as well. Hello KnightofMists, As I have no Dom I have limited protocol I follow right now. LOL it's more of a protect the property position for me right now and that's about it. I would like to express from my submissions point of view these little subtle and strong things you mention you require of your subs are what a 24/7 D/s relationship is about to me. This dynamic is what I aspire to have with my one some day. It's these things that bring my submission to someone to full operational capacity. I think many Doms confuse these submissive traits and responses with someones personality in submission. I can be a very strong person in the world and at the same time need to submit in my actions, words and heart to one. I crave the ritualistic dance of control a Dom's protocol would allow me to be in. I like having to watch my P's and cues to prove my devotion as well. For me to participate in my one's orders of conduct is much like being a trained tiger for him. I am strong and could bite someones head off in a second, but want with all my heart go totally belly up neck exposed to a man I submit to. Protocol not only shows devotion, but teaches real submission in my opinion. The constant reminders of my submission only make it deeper and more habitual in all aspects of a relationship. Suzanne .

Nosathro -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 9:03:30 AM)
Tal and greetings One thing I really like about Gor, it is full of protocals and rituals. I wish you well Nosathro

thetammyjo -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 9:16:47 AM)
Here are some of mine. --- Fox always calls me "Mistress" never anything else unless he's having a problem that would qualify as "needing to talk", my name has become a safeword in this sense --- Fox always carrys anything other than my purse, be it a single book or a backpack or 20 bags of groceries --- Fox must ask permission to go visit his friends or do things outside of his scheduled work time and any errands he could run between home and work --- we have a bedtime ritual we do every night --- Fox has to find me and say "goodbye, Mistress" to me and give me a hug before he leaves for work regardless of what I am doing or how late he might be running --- Fox must not use the word "no" in relationship to any order I give him; he is free to ask for more time or to voice questions or concerns but he is not allowed to use the word "no"; the only exception is some of our rougher play where I want to hear a "no" and then smash it down --- Fox even must inquire into my needs for his time and our family plans before he can make arrangements to see his parents; I value his family of origin even if I don't think they are the most healthy thing for him so I never purposely plan things to interfere with his time with them --- Fox bows and backs out of rooms when he leaves me; he came up with this ritual himself and I liked it so much we continue it --- Fox kneels down and greets me when he gets home from work unless he's picked me up from work too --- I have a set of positions he practices and I expect him to use when I order them; in general I'm more laid back so we don't use them often but he still practices because he knows I could say "Position four now" at any time --- When I hold up my glass or hold it out where Fox can see, he needs to take it and fetch me more water; This one helps me a lot because of kidney problems that run in my family and my need for more water (not soda, not milk, not juice, not other liquids) and the small thrill I get from him fetching I'm sure helps me drink more That's it for now, can't think of more. Need to go get ready to run my Werewolf RPG this afternoon.

MistressMelissa -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 9:19:07 AM)
Greetings, So much of what we do on a daily basis is just habit now that I had to stop and think for a moment. There are rituals and/or protocols throughout my day. As you say they exist to reinforce the dynamic of my relationship. Where ritual and service split I'm not exactly sure. There are so many little things that she does I can't keep track. It is not until she misses one that I will notice the absence. Most of these involve Phoenix asking for permission, like to eat, be excused, etc... She walks to my left but always where I can see her. In a crowd she will walk in front of me so I know where she is. There are health issues and she has short legs. I also have given her a cell phone that I restrict the use of with other people. That way she can call to let me know when she is leaving the house, that she got home safely or if at anytime she has a question she can seek clarification. I travel for work and this helps maintain our connection. When I awake, my clothes are set out for me on my night stand. When I get down stairs my computer is on and waiting for me with a cup of coffee and a glass of water. When my breakfast is ready, she will inform me that breakfast is ready and she will sit at the table quietly until I get there. My meal will already be plated and ready for me. She will then ask to serve herself and then ask or look for permission to eat. At night she uses a c-pap machine, so when I'm done with the pillow talk I tell her to snorkel (left over Navy joke) and she dons her mask and goes to sleep. She'll have placed a bottle of Gatorade on my night stand in case I have a leg cramp during the night. Service or ritual, it just is. Don't know if its a ritual or a service. Might might just be our dynamic. The other day the dish washer broke. She informed me and yep, this time it was dead. I gave her a price range and the store I wanted to use since I was happy with their prior service. She went and found the unit needed, had the salesman write it all down on his card and when I got home this weekend all I had to do was stop buy the store. I handed the man the card, he showed me the unit, Phoenix arranged a delivery time and I paid for it. I hate shopping, this minimized my time in the store to about 15 minutes. No fuss, not muss. The salesman commented that most couples stand there and argue about price and features and spend a bunch of time. My transaction was simple and too the point. I think it's the clarity of roles and what we expect of each other that I enjoy most. In this case it was my responsibility to provide her with the tool she needs to do her job. It's Phoenix's job to utilize the tools I provide to maintain my house. What do I care about which dishwasher she uses? It's a dependable machine, energy efficient and it's one she can use with her health limitations, that's all I needed to know. I never turned the last one on and I'll probably never turn this one on either. Next weekend I'll ask her if she's happy with the new dishwasher and that will be the conclusion of this appliance episode. Other issues of how I'm addressed and how slaves interact with guests in my home and other lifestyle people in public are all addressed in my house manual.

HollyS -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 9:37:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists I would like this thread to be for those that do or want to have Rituals and Protocals in their relationship dynamic. So are some of the ones that you do or would like to do? Is there a specific reason for them? We don't live together and see each other about once a week, so we're working on some rituals/protocols to help keep us connected in the times when we're apart. Right now it's things like speaking on the phone every day, then again at night in IM before bed, etc. Less specifics about "how" but more in terms of "what," especially since our time together is limited. I look forward to seeing what others come up with here, as I agree that ritual can help create a "fence" around the dynamic and help remind everyone involved that the relationship isn't like other vanilla relationships. I did want to add though... quote: - my girls say "my Pleasure" instead of "your welcome" Personally I make it a point to say "with pleasure" rather than "my pleasure." It's a way of being clear that while I am pleased to be doing whatever it is, that I would still do it even were I not so. My pleasure does not dictate my compliance. Some are trained to respond "As it pleases you" within the same mindset -- all being that the act being taken is done in the spirit of service and joy of pleasing one's Dom. My pleasure is a bonus, his is the reason for doing. As always, purely my perspective. ~Holly

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 9:55:05 AM)
This is from my Manual. Basic Protocols Speaking to/of me When speaking to me, I prefer Ma’am. As a minimum: “Yes, Ma’am” or “No, Ma’am” in answer to a question. “Yes, Ma’am” or “No, Ma’am” in acknowledgement of an order or request. “Ma’am” at the beginning of a question or a request. “Thank you, Ma’am” as appropriate. When speaking of me, in the community, Master Fire. When speaking to me, outside the community, I still prefer Ma’am. When speaking of me, outside the community, Fire will suffice, but my given name is perfectly fine as well. Speaking to others. If you are unsure what title and/or pronoun a person uses, ask them. Unless you truly, truly have a problem with a particular person, refer to them by title. Be polite to everyone, whenever possible. Writing to me Pronouns referring to you are lowercase. Pronouns referring to me are uppercase (I will not use this). Don’t use the O/our style; it annoys me. your name and title are lowercase. My name and title are uppercase. Public conduct Be aware of your actions as all time. you represent me in all kinds of public, not just Leather. Act accordingly. When we’re together, be polite. Take my coat, open doors, etc. The door protocol is at the end of the list. Daily contact. I expect daily contact in person, by email, by IM or by phone. you must contact me. I should, at no time, be excessively wondering how you are or what you’re doing. The only exception is if you have limited access to a computer or a phone. As much as possible, I want to know about this in advance. We will set up a schedule. Daily presents – How to present is found in Appendix B. A formal present is to be used when we are in appropriate company, a standing present when in a more vanilla setting. If you are unsure, ask if I want you to present. Present at these times: A morning greeting. This is when you first see me for the day and I seem somewhat together. Saying goodnight. This is when you last see me for the day or before we get into bed, if I’ve asked you to join me. Before you leave the house/building to go about your day or a major errand where you have to leave the property. When we come home at the end of the work day. If you are home first, I like it especially if you’re already kneeling when I walk in the door, with a basket for all the “stuff” I wear on a daily basis. I will do my best to call on my way home to let you know when I should be expected. Family Dinner Everyone will be seated at the table. Assume you have permission to speak, but do so respectfully. you may begin to eat when I have begun. you may be excused before me, with permission. you are excused at any time after I have left the table. Formal Dinner (the absolute basics) Masters are seated at the table and slaves are directed where to stand, in service. you will be naked unless otherwise directed. you will eat in the kitchen as time allows or when the meal has been completed. Learn to set a formal table. Figure out how to modify it as my china allows. you will seat me first, then each guest individually. When the meal is ready to be served, place each napkin in the respective lap. A new course is served once everyone is finished with the previous course. Serve food from the left. Remove dishes from the right as people are finished with them. Pour drinks beside the table. This means remove the glass from the table, pour the drink, then return the glass to where it was on the table. Never reach across a person or plate, especially with liquid. If a guest has temporarily left the table, place their napkin on the back of their chair. Event Protocols you will be given a position in which to walk, such as ahead and to the left. When attending me Walk in your position. If in front, don’t leave me in the dust. If behind, don’t step on my skirt. Walk with your hands behind your back, unless carrying something bulky. If approached for a hug or a touch by someone, direct them to ask me for permission. you are to ask permission to socialize. When socializing, you are free to hug, casually touch and casually kiss friends and family. you are to remain within my sight or within earshot at all times. you are to never leave my vicinity without permission. I should never, at any time, find myself wondering where you are. Formal Protocols you will be naked, if we are in a private setting. you will do a kneeling present (if you can) when another Master enters the room. you will do a kneeling present (if you can) when another Master is taking his/her leave. you will speak when spoken to or ask permission to speak should you wish to add to the conversation. Door Protocols – I enjoy this protocol but I’ve been doing it for myself for decades, so that is the default program. you may remind me by asking if you can open the door for me the next time. Maybe with a few decades of you doing this for me, it will become the new default. I will stand out of the way of the swing of the door. This means, I will step away from the door’s hinges. If there’s a double door, this will be the indication of the door I choose to use. I will try to be consistent in my choice, but no guarantees. If you attend to the front, you will cross in front of me to get to the door, if needed. If you attend behind, you will cross behind me. If the door opens towards us, I will walk through first. If the door opens away from us, you will go through first, then hold the door. Car doors will be opened for me. If you’re female, I will most likely need to be reminded of my own damned protocol. We’ll make it a point of humor. smirk Master Fire

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 10:06:37 AM)
I like a hug and a kiss and a "How was your day?" when I get home after work. I like going to the gym/sauna/hot tub every Mon/Wed/Fri. I like going bowling at least every other Tuesday. Otherwise...nada. And all of those have arisen only since moving to Austin. I'm not even sure they could be considered rituals vs routines. http://www.collarchat.com/m_512995/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#513015 Daily Routines http://www.collarchat.com/m_307839/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#307839 Structure http://www.collarchat.com/m_99518/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#99518 day to day in the lifestyle http://www.collarchat.com/m_83995/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#83995 Need help...consistency problems http://www.collarchat.com/m_45593/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#45593 routine http://www.collarchat.com/m_504581/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#504854 Rituals... http://www.collarchat.com/m_229409/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#229409 Purpose of ritual and types http://www.collarchat.com/m_234894/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#234894 Ritual in anticipation of time together http://www.collarchat.com/m_242681/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#242681 rituals, your favorite and why? http://www.collarchat.com/m_110/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#110 rituals http://www.collarchat.com/m_7380/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#7380 protocols http://www.collarchat.com/m_48910/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#48910 special rituals please?! http://www.collarchat.com/m_97744/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#97744 rituals (2) http://www.collarchat.com/m_296210/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#296210 favorite rituals

KnightofMists -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 11:26:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HollyS quote: - my girls say "my Pleasure" instead of "your welcome" Personally I make it a point to say "with pleasure" rather than "my pleasure." It's a way of being clear that while I am pleased to be doing whatever it is, that I would still do it even were I not so. My pleasure does not dictate my compliance. It maybe clear to you... but frankly... "with pleasure" doesn't clearly indicate to me any sort of compliance. In only indicates clearly what you did was given "with pleasure". It is the actual act that indicates compliance not words after the fact! secondly... many don't need to compare and make negative evaluations and comparisons of what others do in expressing what they themselves do. But, some need to do it to feel better about themselves.

Kirei -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 11:52:47 AM)
I do have rules and protocols to follow, and have them written down so the person can look over them anytime they wish. I do not make them memorize a whole huge set of rules and rituals. My two most important rules are: 1)What goes on in the house stays within the house, and among those individuals to whom it was privy. This is the most important rule of the house of the Tiger Cat. 2)No member of the house will make promises they cannot keep. Making a promise is a point of honor, a vow, and should mean a great deal to both individuals. Therefore all members should be careful as to the promises they make to one another. I think making and keeping it simple promotes the best harmony with the girl I have. I only have 7 things which can be both a rule and ritual, yet what they become is the foundation for everything we live for and by. Kneeling, what to say to whom, and other such things to me are all what you build upon that foundation. These these rules I live by as well, so in a way the 7 rules become a simple core to the philosophy of the whole house and the life we share. If problems come up the first thing we look at is the foundation to make sure its still ok, because weakening that will weaken everything built on top of it. Koneko

SirLordTrainer -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 12:08:49 PM)
Good thread Knight, This is a fine post to reply on as its been quite some time since Ive posted on the forum here, so, I'll share a few of Mine as I feel protocol & ritual coincide with building a strong foundation in our power exchange dynamic. Each morning My submissive is to take care of her bathroom necessities, then present kneel, asking if theres anything I need. Afterwards, she is to empty waste baskets, ashtrays and move forward with cleaning the house, if need be. While at a fetish event or munch she is to be in My presence at all times, with exception to restroom which she politely will request permission, she is not permitted to speak to anyone until returning back to Me and again with permission only may she do so, unless of course we know them very well. Further, she will address all known Dom/me's as Sir or Ma'am. If I see she is distracted while Im speaking or her concentration flagging for some odd reason at home, I will have her stand, legs apart, hands clasped behind her head, eyes cast down until Im finished. I refer to this as a 'standing kneel'. I do have a few more I enjoy and will point out I do reward for exemplory servitude.

AbstractSavant -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 12:22:00 PM)
My Master and I only have one protocol that we follow on a daily basis. I serve him tea nightly before bedtime. Everything else is up to his discretion when he would want something done. This is done specifically to keep me on my toes in learning his desires.

Vendaval -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 2:18:45 PM)
I enjoy the intimacy of daily bathing rituals and grooming. This is usually done in the morning and also before going out in the evening to an event.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 3:09:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists This thread is not to argue the merits of doing or not doing Rituals and Protocals or expressing ones preferences. I do believe everyone can appreciate that some do them and some do not. I would like this thread to be for those that do or want to have Rituals and Protocals in their relationship dynamic. So are some of the ones that you do or would like to do? Is there a specific reason for them? I don't live with her, so we don't have that many because of that constraint alone. I do tend to have more protocols early in a relationship as I find it necessary to reinforce my control during that time. I have let many rituals wither as my control has been firmly established. The one I leave her with is always drinking with her left hand. Since she is right handed, this requires thought. She has a career and this is the reminder to her throughout the day that she is my slave even if it is slightly awkward when she has lunch or whatever.

KnightofMists -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 3:16:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain I don't live with her, so we don't have that many because of that constraint alone. I do tend to have more protocols early in a relationship as I find it necessary to reinforce my control during that time. I have let many rituals wither as my control has been firmly established. The one I leave her with is always drinking with her left hand. Since she is right handed, this requires thought. She has a career and this is the reminder to her throughout the day that she is my slave even if it is slightly awkward when she has lunch or whatever. with kyra being across the continent... I can relate to the constraint that you deal with. However, let me say that I found your idea of her drinking with her opposite hand rather unique and intriguing.... it has me thinking now of other such rituals/protocals. thanks

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 3:31:36 PM)
KOM, since I'm still around, I'll follow-up a bit. I considered extensive protocols about telling her what to wear daily and so on, but that gets to be too tiresome for both, I think. If I'm planning on having a relationship that lasts for a good while, I am careful with things like that. The drinking with the left hand is something I thought of that is enough of a thought process to calm her during the day by making her feel my control over her when she drinks. She always has lunch with others and the stress of being with others then is a good time to give her a means of feeling secure in my control. I'm sure many other things would work as well.

HollyS -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 3:32:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: HollyS quote: - my girls say "my Pleasure" instead of "your welcome" Personally I make it a point to say "with pleasure" rather than "my pleasure." It's a way of being clear that while I am pleased to be doing whatever it is, that I would still do it even were I not so. My pleasure does not dictate my compliance. It maybe clear to you... but frankly... "with pleasure" doesn't clearly indicate to me any sort of compliance. In only indicates clearly what you did was given "with pleasure". It is the actual act that indicates compliance not words after the fact! Point taken, though I still see a difference between the two. This is why I said "personally" and "to me" rather than "it should be clear to everyone." quote: secondly... many don't need to compare and make negative evaluations and comparisons of what others do in expressing what they themselves do. But, some need to do it to feel better about themselves. I'm not sure where this is coming from. Your rituals are yours and I've got nothing negative to say about any of them. I spoke solely for myself and wasn't comparing anything in a good/bad or better/worse sense. My only point was that I do something different than you have your girls do and I thought to explain why. Some need to see attack and accusation in the words of others where none truly exists. Some find that this makes them feel better rather than sending a private email to check in or publicly asking for clarification from the original speaker first. What's that famous phrase about assuming... sigh Sheesh. ~Holly

KnightofMists -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 3:41:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain KOM, since I'm still around, I'll follow-up a bit. I considered extensive protocols about telling her what to wear daily and so on, but that gets to be too tiresome for both, I think. If I'm planning on having a relationship that lasts for a good while, I am careful with things like that. I share this thought as well. I don't want rituals or protocals that become a chore but an enhance to my relationship. For me extensive protocals are not overly attractive. However, ironcially, I do enjoy watching them in others. It might be I admire the self-discpline it takes to live with them. Of course, when one is having fun they are really not that extensive is it, none the less I admire them for the effort.

twicehappy -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 4:35:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists I share this thought as well. I don't want rituals or protocals that become a chore but an enhance to my relationship. KOM, i think this reflects our house as well. I do always call Scooter and Jewel Master and Mistress, and i do mean always, i lost them in a flea market and when through the aisles calling "Master". I always kneel to undress them or put on their shoes etc. When i do Jewels hair i am always dressed in a towel when i dry it and comb it out. These are only a few examples of course and none of these except calling them Master or Mistress is a hard rule but it does make our lives (i did say ours, not only theirs) more pleasant.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Rituals and Protocals... which ones do you do? (9/10/2006 4:44:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirLordTrainer While at a fetish event or munch she is to be in My presence at all times, with exception to restroom which she politely will request permission, she is not permitted to speak to anyone until returning back to Me and again with permission only may she do so, unless of course we know them very well. Further, she will address all known Dom/me's as Sir or Ma'am. Are your rules flexible enough that, at a convention, you could go to one class and she could go to another? I've seen so many couples that stick together like glue even when they want to go to separate classes that happen to be at the same time. I think it really limits the exposure and experience of the event. There's so much to be crammed into a short period already. Does she wear a sign around her neck so that people will not think she is rude when they ask her a polite question and she does not respond? How does she refer to switches? And what if the dominant requests NOT to be called sir or maam?

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