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counselling.. - 9/20/2006 7:09:48 PM

yaqeta

Posts: 59
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I know I have some unresolved relationship issues from the past that I need to deal with and I'd like to talk to a counsellor about them. Problem is, we aren't going to get very far without mentioning the relationship I'm in at the moment, which is a Master/slave situation. But I can't figure out how to find a counsellor I can talk to who won't be uncomfortable with it, or treat it as a problem in itself.

I've talked to one counsellor before who was good at pretending to be comfortable, but gave herself away by not being able to say particular words - she'd say "this thing" or "doing this" etc. To the point where half the time I wasn't even clear what she was referring to. Another squirmed in her seat at the mention of possibly having sex without being in a "relationship". Another was absolutely uncomprehending when I tried to explain my sexuality to her, and demanded I just tell her if I was gay or straight (I am bi).

So how does one go about finding a counsellor who is familiar enough with "alternative" relationships to accept it as I say it and let the conversation continue with what is really important?

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RE: counselling.. - 9/20/2006 7:14:20 PM

diamonddreamlove

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http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/index.htm also known as Kink aware Professionals Good luck!

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RE: counselling.. - 9/20/2006 7:16:24 PM

Lorelei115

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Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
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If you are a part of a local BDSM community, they can point you in the right direction. Also, you can google it under "kink friendly therapists" in whatever your region of Austrailia is.

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RE: counselling.. - 9/20/2006 7:23:16 PM

siouxie

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From: Southwest UK
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sorry to butt in, but is anyone aware of kink-friendly therapists in the uk, (and are they available on the nhs?!) as i will happily admit that i see a counsellor, but wouldn't dare bring up the lifestyle with her, which surely defeats the object of counselling sessions.

< Message edited by siouxie -- 9/20/2006 7:24:30 PM >

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My therapist says that would not be appropriate just now

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RE: counselling.. - 9/20/2006 7:27:57 PM

Lorelei115

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From: Sin City
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http://www.uk-poly.net/

They have some poly and kink friendly therapists listed on their site.

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RE: counselling.. - 9/20/2006 8:32:05 PM

yaqeta

Posts: 59
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thanks diamonddreamlove, I've seen that site before, but there are none listed for Australia.

Lorelei, I've tried google also, but to no avail. I may try asking someone I know from the local community, but I'm not particularly close to anyone and I want to keep my request private, so it will take time and caution.

At the moment I'm just wondering if there's a way to identify them or request them somehow through a referral service.....

< Message edited by yaqeta -- 9/20/2006 8:38:15 PM >

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RE: counselling.. - 9/21/2006 2:33:10 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yaqeta

thanks diamonddreamlove, I've seen that site before, but there are none listed for Australia.

Lorelei, I've tried google also, but to no avail. I may try asking someone I know from the local community, but I'm not particularly close to anyone and I want to keep my request private, so it will take time and caution.

At the moment I'm just wondering if there's a way to identify them or request them somehow through a referral service.....

Most good munch organizers or group leaders know of resources within their own community in the event of a crisis. You might wish to discreetly drop them a private email and ask.

[

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RE: counselling.. - 9/21/2006 2:44:14 AM

Nikolette

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yaqueta: I am not sure of any real advice on this topic, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you have had such unpleasant experiences with counselors. I have never had an experiance like that, and really really am upset just thinking about how much of a negative impact those "professionals" have on clients in general. It really goes against most modern philosophies in therapy... which lean heavily on self acceptance and rationally modifying behavioral problems.

Somethings you could try is having a bit of a screening process where you try to rule out therapists who might be religiously biased. I would also suggest going for a younger person because they tend to have more up to date information, and more modernized acceptance of differing lifestyles.

Best of luck!

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RE: counselling.. - 9/21/2006 4:20:48 AM

AnAtlantaDom

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Well, diamond, you stole My thunder, good job!! Exactly where I was going to send the OP.

quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove

http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/index.htm also known as Kink aware Professionals Good luck!

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RE: counselling.. - 9/21/2006 5:16:50 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
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Unfortunately, KAP can't help becuase the OP in in Austrailia, and KAP does not reach there. :(

Another thing you can try is to talk to your therapist. Tell them you live an "alternative" lifetsyle (you don't need to go into details if you dont want to) and if they can please refer you to someone who is kink aware. If they are a good therapist, they will understand that you are not comfortable talking to them and will do their best to help you find the right therapist for you.

Good luck!

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RE: counselling.. - 10/11/2006 4:20:21 PM

Celeste43

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I just asked mine how knowledgable she was in alternative sexuality once I started a D/s relationship. She was fine with it, her spin on it is that to have someone else make the decisions is a stress relief for me. Basically she sees that I'm stronger now in this relationship and happier compared to before and she doesn't care about the label as much as the end result.

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