My decision

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zenfull2 -> My decision (10/9/2006 1:58:35 AM)
So it is something that has been coming to pass a lot recently. I have when I first came here let everyone know that I am a switch and that I have been both free and slave, and that currently I (role play) a slave. Though in rt I am more a sub then anything else though I make a good Domme for females. Anyways, thats beside the point. Slowly but surely my gorean rp has been declining, what from being given to so many others, I feel like its been one velcro collar after another. And with each collar and each change of home and Owner a part of my slave fire as some would refer to it has faded.. extinguished. So two nights ago I begged for release, I begged to either be released or freed.. of course the Ubar is considering this and he said he would speak to me about it soon. So... I dont know.. was I in the wrong? I mean so many on line just game and run without even doing what I did.. but am I in the wrong to desire to be a Free Woman again? A chance to heal? Mabey find myself once more by watching the beauty of slaves around me.. and or getting envious with them because I think they should be doing more than what they are? Am I in the wrong to desire to be Free? To beg it? What is to be done when as a slave you start to loose any desire to be a slave? I mean one can only Master themselves for so long before they simply need to be free I suppose. Or at least that is how I feel. Id love to hear your opinions on this matter. .the zenfull one.

starshineowned -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 6:05:12 AM)
Greetings..~smiles~ Please understand that anything written here is not intended to reflect negatively upon you or the situation inwhich you find yourself zenfull. In any pass time activity that persons engage in..usually at some point there is a loss of interest to a degree. How quickly that happens and to what degree's is alot dependent on how deeply the person really connects with what it is they are engaging in. It would be very hard for this girl to continue to roleplay a slave online for very long if did not have a deep connection to make that happen in real life. With out that wanting desire to see it fulfilled and brought to real time.. the online aspect would be just some activity to enjoy or loose oneself in for entertainment value at best, and eventually interest would wain. It can be a good learning tool and again a enjoyment factor..but if being a slave in real time to someone instead of just submissive towards someone isn't what you seek..then eventually the fun factor will subside. Probably a good deal of reasons why, and it may even be due to a internal conflict of really wanting to go deeper from a real life standpoint but not in the position to do so..so one trys to quell and obtain that portion that isn't possible..but still yet the 2 worlds don't match up and eventually collide, and in the end..real life will when out. Seeking release from a online world in order to re-focus on yourself and what it is you seek is just fine but would think that if your having issue's with being a online slave..that seeking release and backing away completely would be the best course of action rather than seeking release and then remaining in the same environment and portraying a Free with a Dominant persona. Can only see that as causing more issues of conflict in the long run. Hopes this isn't to confusing..and best of luck in what ever path you end up on. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 8:46:31 AM)
Oh I do seek to be a slave, but to me.. in order to give myself as a slave there must be a great amount of trust there. I am not one to simply throw myself into something, it can only cause problems. To me, once a slave, and once collared.. I do not intend there to be any changes. Yes I seek slavery.. but that does not change and will never change that I am a switch, that is a part of me that cant fade. [Edited to add below comentary] Oh and as to backing away completely and such, I could never leave Gor.. the philosophies of Gor are very much a part of me, what I portray online is simply that.. what I portray online. What I am in real life is simple.. I am a woman, single.. who is a switch, who is more submissive then Dominant.. I only find myself Dominant with women. More of a first girl type quality then a Mistress. I ache to find the man I can give myself over to completely, fully, with no questions, as his slave. Am I wrong to be who I am and to hold back till I find the right one?

starshineowned -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 10:13:53 AM)
Greetings..~smiles~ Then am somewhat truely confused as to what your idea of Gor is? There are no switches on Gor or even supported by Gorean philosophies that are brought forth in the books or discussed on any groups or forums that this girl has been apart of. Either your a slave or your not a slave but they don't dance in both rings as it suits them. Understands that you harbor the "1st girl" strength..however, that for a slave is not a choice nor a given nor even a constant once Owned. It is pretty doubtful that a strong Master would entertain being "beholding" to any sort of request or demand to always be the "1st girl" no matter what scenerio. Your not wrong for holding out though on what it is you feel you need. Think we all try to do that, and wishes you much success in doing so. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

Malkinius -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 12:19:42 PM)
greetings zenfull.... quote: ORIGINAL: zenfull2 Oh I do seek to be a slave, but to me.. in order to give myself as a slave there must be a great amount of trust there. I am not one to simply throw myself into something, it can only cause problems. To me, once a slave, and once collared.. I do not intend there to be any changes. Yes I seek slavery.. but that does not change and will never change that I am a switch, that is a part of me that cant fade. [Edited to add below comentary] Oh and as to backing away completely and such, I could never leave Gor.. the philosophies of Gor are very much a part of me, what I portray online is simply that.. what I portray online. What I am in real life is simple.. I am a woman, single.. who is a switch, who is more submissive then Dominant.. I only find myself Dominant with women. More of a first girl type quality then a Mistress. I ache to find the man I can give myself over to completely, fully, with no questions, as his slave. Am I wrong to be who I am and to hold back till I find the right one? starshine pretty well nailed it in the post above. You can be a BDSM slave and be what you currently claim to be. You can not be a Gorean's slave of a real Gorean as opposed to someone playing at it and hold things back or set limits. We don't let slaves do that as a matter of principle. From the looks of things, you don't know enough yet, especially from your online play, to really decide if you should do this or not. I believe that you show some of what is needed by begging out of even an online collar instead of just running and changing your nick as so many do. That shows some hope for you. From your profile you are still looking at the BDSM side of submission as well as the romantic side. Neither of those apply or apply in the same way to Gorean style consensual slavery. I am going to make an observation here to you and the rest of the people reading this. Of all the slaves I have known, talked to or read the writings of, both Gorean and BDSM, the ones who can submit the most to their owners are the ones who do not start out serving out of love for the man who owns them. The slaves who serve out of love for the ONE who owns them have the shallowest of slaveries. Yes, there are exceptions. But it is the man who makes the exception out of the situation, not the slave. It may not seem that shallow to the people involved, but that, I believe, is only because they do not know what it can be. It is those slaves whose wish and need to serve is more important than who they serve are the ones who go the furthest the quickest. Online serving is at best a shadow of what is felt when you are physically at the feet of a man whose will you must obey. This is not for everyone. This is not for almost anyone. Gorean slavery, the real kind, is only for the very few who can give up who and what they are to their Master's will. Too many never really experience what it can be and so drop out or drift away. For years there has been fewer men who can honestly be called Gorean who can and want to master a slave than the women who want to be mastered by them. There are many Goreans who either do not wish to own a slave or who did and no longer wish to do so. Yes, telling the real ones from the players is not always easy. There have been a number of threads here with comments on that. Pay attention to them and you may get lucky and find one and even luckier if you find one interested in having you as a slave. be well.... Malkinius

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 3:46:16 PM)
Perhaps then I should just dissapear. I cannot help the fact that I am a human being. This is not Gor.. this is the real world. Yet I do believe that a lot of parts of the Gorean Philosophies may be had, just because I am a switch does not make it so that it can never happen. I never once STATED I needed to love the man, but that there had to be trust.. trust to sign my life away for eternity. Though perhaps I am wrong perhaps there is a place where Counter-Urth has been created, where three moons stand instead of our one, where women do not have the initial rights.. Guess I was. I understand you both mean well, but neither of you have live my life. Perhaps the reason that I am not a slave yet is because I have not had the chance to be one. Have I met anyone Gorean in real life? No... Have I ever had the chance to be a slave instead of a submissive? No... So does this make me a bad person to be what I have been allowed? What I have been surrounded by? I wouldn't think so... but then again mabey the people here versus the lifestylers where I chat at and whom are my very wonderous friends and Ive known for nearly a lifetime (in comparison to my age) are not like the Goreans who have spoken on the this thread. Currently I am unowned and by that terminology in Gor I am a free woman.. not because it is my choice but because it is my circumstance. -sighs, decides to say nothing more not wanting to piss everyone off especially since this is the section she remains in MORE so then anywhere else- I will leave here if that is what is desired.

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 3:56:01 PM)
~decides to post one more thing here~ You know, it is funny. I came here with the hopes to perhaps find someone, in real life, who was Gorean, who can lead me away from all that I know which is BDSM. Mabey as it seems I've only offended people with the facts of what I am "currently" and what I've done in "roleplay", this isn't a place that is meant for me. I guess I had hoped that people would be a little more welcoming to people who truly wanted, desired, to be a part of their lifestyle. Perhaps I was wrong, perhaps I was not. I guess I will see.

kisshou -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 3:58:07 PM)
greetings zen, no one wants you to leave and I hope you will stay. My heart really goes out to you because you are in the most painful of circumstances to have a slave heart and desire to serve but no one to serve. There are lots of Goreans in California so maybe you can email a few and meet people in your area. Also when you place a label on yourself that can make things more difficult. I personally would call you an alpha female because you only feel dominant in a group of females. That is cool , a really awesome girl I know is like that. I think switch is a more BDSM term , for me it conjures up images of S&M play and stuff. Life is short , we all strive for happiness, love and fulfillment. It can take a long time of looking to find the One. In the meantime if you would like I could give some suggestions of ways to serve that will help fill that need within you. Instead of labelling yourself a FW , why not call yourself a girl with a slave heart searching for an Owner. well wishes kisshou

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 4:03:40 PM)
kisshou, I am so greatful to read your words honestly, it was that kind of reception I had hoped to garner by my post here. Ive never been told what to properly addess myself as, nor have I ever known the term "alpha female" I mean... I came here to learn, to grow and to possibly meet someone. Thank you for your words, I would love to speak with you further, to hear those suggestions because I really am in a confused state right now, pained, emotional. I was crying so hard when I originally wrote this.. When I speak to the men who I consider as Gorean that are my friends from my world of online Gor I cry.. hard.. because I am in a situation right now and in a place right now that hurts... more so then I could ever imagine it! Thank you again... .zenfull.

starshineowned -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 4:44:13 PM)
Greetings..~smiles~ Doesn't believe anyone to include this girl that has responded to your posting here has given any indication of being pissed off. Nor has anyone eluded that they do not fully understand that this is Earth, and no such physical world of Gor exists. There are however, things that are done and acceptable and things that are not done nor acceptable which does seperate. Being a switch is acceptable in BDSM..in Gorean area's it is not. It's pretty black and white. Living by a or attempting to mold your daily living by a set of philosophies can be done but that is more a subjective atmosphere inwhich other things are manifested as a result. Not having a Owner does make you a Free woman..but again..how you present yourself based on what you believe and are ultimately searching or longing for is the meat of the pie. If your desire is to be Owned and a slave...then the type of Free woman you are eluding to does not exist..i.e. on the lines of a Mistress with a Dominant persona who has No desire what so ever to be a slave at any time to anyone. If you read through some of the threads here..you will find just such woman as yourself..who are not currently owned but have the drive and desires of being a slave, and some of them have experienced before real time..while others have not yet had the priveledge. Being a Free woman because you have no Owner is not the same as saying: oh well I'm a Free Woman so guess that makes me Dominant and well in the chat rooms I'll be Mistress and above the slaves. Completely different mentality going on there, and again as said..your either one or your the other when it comes to Gor..but going back and forth to suit you is not Gor. Feels a great bonding with many who identify as Gorean especially in the philosophical area's regarding relations of Men and women, and their intended purposes over all..but is just a slave, and could not ever be kajira because the Owner see's no need to affix the Gorean Free Man lable to Himself as it will do nothing to change who and what He already is and believes..aside from the moderate drive in Him creating a sadistic side which is enough on it's own to not be called Gorean..lol. Think what it is boiling down to here zenfull..is that if it is your wish to someday be Owned by a Gorean..then your idea's of being a "switch" will be come to a halt because Gorean Free don't do switches. It is your choice as to what you do or seek..it is also those whom you are around or are trying to be around as to what they will accept or not. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 4:50:22 PM)
starshine, Ive never had the privillage of knowing Gor in real life. Ive never till this point been given the idea of an alpha slave or anything along those lines. I came here to learn, while what I have known of myself has been from the BDSM community that is simply because it is all that I have had a chance to interact with in real life. That does not mean I do not have a slave heart or the ability to submit and give myself over so completely as a slave because trust me that is my desire. Simply, .zen.

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 4:53:00 PM)
Anyways I am off to work, I'll be back this evening. Err early tomorow morning more likely.

Bosn -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 5:53:34 PM)
zennful, You are going through a learning period. I would drop the BDSM term "switch" if you are in fact firm in your conversion to the patriarchal community they call Gorean. They tend to freak out over the use of words not in keeping with their "realism". You sound like a strong girl and that also probably scares "Goreans". Don't let it deter you. A truly strong man does not fear a strong girl. Rather, he finds it an asset. The description you gave of yourself just shows me that for the right man, you would serve with fire and he would be able to trust you to care for his House when he is gone, be you alone or as alpha (they call it first-girl, but you know that). As for the online thing... you don't really take them seriously, do you? That's like begging for permission to quit playing checkers... So many people take that crap seriously. Girls consider themselves trained because they have role-played online for many years. When they go IRL (yeah I know the pc lingo), they find it isn't so easy to serve when they wake up feeling a little lousy or to be pleasing to their Master's friend who has green teeth. The life you say you desire is not easy, as others have said but no one knows the freedom a slave knows. They care for nothing because all of the cares of this world disappear when the collar goes on. I wish you well in your search. Bosn

starshineowned -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 6:27:59 PM)
quote: I have when I first came here let everyone know that I am a switch and that I have been both free and slave, and that currently I (role play) a slave. Though in rt I am more a sub then anything else though I make a good Domme for females. Simply responding to the initial information that you provided zenfull, and to this point thought was being quite polite about doing so. Straight answers to the differences that do exist as well as trying to be supportive of you choosing to do what ever it was that you felt needed in order to re-group and perhaps learn things from different paths but at the same time provide insight that some of things that you felt strongly to relay to this forum were not readily accepted by those that do call themselves Gorean and live it real time. Am sorry that for whatever reason it has seemed to get your dandur up and will post no more upon this but still again hopes you find what you seek. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

KajiraResources -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 9:36:16 PM)
zen, Be sure that you come back. Consider that your lack of Gorean knowledge will cause you to make the same mistakes as those here have made in the past. Your mistaken use of the term switch to relate your position relative to women being different than your position when with men was just a poor example, not a wrong one. In the books when a girl was sent to the pens for the evening first girl or not there was a pecking order. What the others here are overlooking is, even the Omega wolf of pack "A" may become the Alpha wolf of pack "B". The position of dominance in the species is relative. Will the lone wolf ever be dominant over the bear? As for those who feel to be a slave you must be absolutely submissive to all, this is just the bullshit. In the books the slaves have heart and spirit, some ran, some played tricks on their masters, most had mindful conversations. In my opinion the man who wants less in a girl simply knows he is incapable of mastering a girl who isn't mindless. Why not just get a sock puppet and leave the girl in tact? Jarl Torvald

Ariston -> RE: My decision (10/9/2006 10:47:33 PM)
the zenfull one, Girl, I don't know you - at least not that I know of, so nothing said here is personal. To many Goreans - vocabulary is everything. For some Goreans tell them you have a collar of consideration - and they will tell you - that is BDSM, but tell them that you are in a house collar being considered for a personal collar and they will say "way to go!" (I could list other examples but you can get the picture.) So tell some of those Goreans that you feel/act like a switch - they will tell you that you are BDSM - but tell them that you believe you would have difficulty being the beta on a chain but that you believe that your personality traits could make you a decent First Girl -- and they will tell you "way to go!" Semantics. I commend you for the respect you are showing to your current collar - many another would have simply stated :it is nothing more than a virtual collar and when I hit the "x" it ends. It appears you are not doing that - rather you have begged release, and are abiding the decision of the free. That is commendable. Certainly for those of us that have been involved living Gor and debating over minor points of the philosophy and striving to live by it -- often times chat roleplay means nothing -- some forget that they first come to Gor through the chat venues. But!!!! at the same time -- chat is a far cry from seeking to live it 24/7 365 days a year. But for some it is the place of beginnings - - that it is wearing thin for you -- speaks well. It shows you are ready for the next step -- that of moving beyond chat --- chat itself, though may remain a portion of your interaction with others, or it may fade into the memory banks. The important thing is growing in the daily life. The most important questions and ones that will be important for any true Gorean looking at you are 1. Who are you in all your various intricacies? 2. What are you in all your various intricacies? 3. Are you reading the writings of Norman -- and ensure that you are not reading the bootlegged, stolen e-versions - many of which have been bastardized to say what someone wants them to say -- but rather are you obtaining "legal" copies of them.? 4. What are you looking for in a Gorean relationship as slave? 5. How much work do you put into learning who the man is that you are considering begging the collar from? These are not questions for you to answer here - but rather for you to ensure you know the answers to -- in yourself. Now ---- you can feel free to discuss and question and strive in these things on the boards -- but ..... you need to know in your deepest inmost self some of these and let a man see that you do know them. Finally -- if you are not on some of the other lifestyle discussion boards -- such as TheDagger (to mention only one) you should be. Expand your knowledge base <s>. Jon

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/10/2006 2:08:35 AM)
This is a huge reply... I used each persons name from the reply right above the reply hopes the forum posts it Bosn, First and foremost I would like to humbly thank you for all that you have written. It was such a pleasure to return home from work this early morning to read your words, and you have given me that glimpse of hope that I had initally sought by my post. So again, thank you. I am sincere and I do wish to learn, to grow, and to step fully into the community, and I would do so with my complete being as that is all I have to truly offer... all of myself. I am so happy that you do not see my strength, because yes I pride myself in being not only beautiful and brazen but strong as well. It takes a lot of strength to serve, just because I have not had the honor of serving in a Gorean situation in real life does not mean that I do not understand its meaning. Sure I have never had real life Gorean training, only that which I have gained from my time in the BDSM community which here are the only thing even close to what I desire in life so I enjoy my time with them for I do learn many a things from them as well as make some wonderous friends from a lifestyle that I respect. I know that there has to be a Master out there, somewhere, that would find me very suitable to his needs.. and this is what keeps me with my head high. The understanding that while it may not be now, or even tomorow... it will happen, some day, some where, and when it does I will truly be free.. more free than I have ever felt. Again I am very greatful to your words, I wish you the best and hope to speak further with you, .respectfully zen. -------- starshine, I wish you well. And I understand you meant no harm, and I wish you the best. .zen. -------- Jarl Torvald, Thank you for your words, and for making it known that I was not wrong in calling myself a switch but perhaps simply uneducated in the way that some would take it. Your words as usual are very warming and welcoming and for that I thank you immensly. I have found myself delighted to share with you and read your words here on the forum. Your words about spirit and the various types of women on Gor in the manner of slaves truly brings a smile to my face. It is something I have always known, it is in the books, no one woman is the same.. plus, who wants a door matt or a carbon copy of their friends slave? chuckles softly Thank you again for your words. .respectfully zen. -------- Ariston/Jon, It seems that I have much to learn of the semantics of this lifestyle and with time I am sure that I will learn much of it, but as a huge philosphy on my part, there is never a point in any of our lives where we know everything- there is always room to learn and to grow and that is something I cherish and keep with me always. I am simply happy that some can see that my while my semantics may not be what they should be, my heart is in the right place.. or at least I hope it is. As to the respect that I am showing my collar, it is incredibly difficult.. especially when so many are telling me, just game just do this just do that... yet they are not the ones who Own me in a virtual sense. My virtual time currently is Owned by the Ubar of my Home and as such I will show him the respect that he deserves, for he and everyone else in that home are very much people just like myself. Smiles, considers your words about the role play world wearing thin for me, thinking that really does seem to pluck the right string within and sounds as though it very well may be what is taking place I do very much wish to take that next step, it has been something Ive desired for a while but it is something that I am now actively seeking and coming here to this lifestyle forum was my first step. As to your questions, I would gladly answer them here for I already know the answers.. for the most part. The reason I say for the most part is some I am still discovering while being here. 1. Who are you in all your various intricacies? I am myself, no matter which place or thing that I am. There is always a part of me, that cannot change. I am a woman, who seeks to be Owned, seeks to be Mastered and cherished as the animal that I ache to be. 2. What are you in all your various intricacies? I wish I could say that I am a slave and as it seems the proper semantics may very well be to say that I am an unowned slave who seeks to be Owned.. yet that will be something that will mabey take me some time to garner. I am a woman with a slaves heart who has yet to be shown in life and in reality what it is to be truely a slave. 3. Are you reading the writings of Norman -- and ensure that you are not reading the bootlegged, stolen e-versions - many of which have been bastardized to say what someone wants them to say -- but rather are you obtaining "legal" copies of them.? Slowly but surely along with all my other readings and activities in my life, yes I am reading the actual writings with the soft back copies that I aquire here and there whenever my pocket change can affoard it. 4. What are you looking for in a Gorean relationship as slave? This is something I am still discovering, of course there are numerous quotes that seem to resemble that which I seek in a Gorean relationship as a slave. It is difficult to answer this question as I know the answer to it in numerous degrees but it is hard to word on my own. I am looking to be Owned, to be Mastered, I am looking to please and bring honor,respect and loyalty to my Master, His collar and Home. It is so hard to describe something that one has never felt I think that is why this question is difficult for me and something I am still learning. 5. How much work do you put into learning who the man is that you are considering begging the collar from? Ive not found a man that I am considering to beg a collar from but I would do what I have been taught in the BDSM world, in the Vanilla world too. Do some resarch, check online for criminal records, all sorts of things. There are so many fakes out there, I wish to play it safe.. I just hope that some dont find me foolish for playing it safe. After all this is my life that I am speaking about. I do not wish to put myself into a dangerous situation, for giving up all rights certianly does leave one vulnerable.. and vulnerability in the wrong hands can be devistating. As to the expansion of my knowledge I will have to start checking out some of the other lifestyle forums like TheDagger as you spoke of and I will throughout my time sitting here, I enjoy forum conversations, topics, debates. They are invigerating(sp?) and they fuel a part of my intellectual fire if not the fire of my slavery within. I thank you for your words and your questions you truly did make me think and I love to be made to think. .respectfully zen.

kisshou -> RE: My decision (10/10/2006 5:00:35 AM)
greetings zen, Does the ubar who owns you online and your virtual time know that you are seeking to be owned offline and that the virtual collar is interfering with that? All the Gorean Free I know have firmly stated that offline always comes first so I would think he would be honor bound to release you due to that fact. It can be really difficult being unowned not only because of the sadness and longing to serve that is not being fulfilled but it is hard to wade through all the offers. It is great alot of the Free here have responded and usually if you beg politely many will help you by mentoring or training. When you think about vanilla dating , you know that you would date many before finding the one you would marry. So a good mentor who has lots of ties to the offline communities would really help. You could serve on weekends and at gatherings. I am actually really excited for you because while I know that being a Gorean's slave is very demanding and a long learning process, the incredible joy you will feel will be overwhelming. The first time a Free man has you display and you feel his eyes upon you. The first time you are praised for service and you feel his deep rumbly voice and feel his fingers stroking your hair. The safety and security you feel being held in his arms. the incredibly hot sex!! I could go on and on smiles Even while in a house collar before being personally collared you will feel the joy from being in service. So instead of being sad of what you are missing try to be happy knowing you have such wonderful experiences ahead of you. well wishes kisshou

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/10/2006 5:18:11 AM)
kisshou, You are an amazing woman that is the first thing I have to say. You really do brighten up my day.. so thank you. I am waiting to see if I get this new job in rt and if I do then I will begin looking for a mentor or trainer here locally and if I dont then I may be moving so that is one thing holding me back from begging such right now. Hmm and well the Ubar, he will let me know later tonight his decision, to me the online world.. is a method of perhaps even meeting someone who I connect with. I know many who have beautiful M/s relationships that formed from the realm of online role play sooooo who knows. However I am sure if I told him it was keeping me from something in rt he would step back but I am allowing him what he commanded, he told me it is my task to wait till hes had a couple days to think and that he would let me know at the end of the alloted time.. IE tonight. I am nervous, the night before my birthday and it can make or break me. Grrr I hate being so emotionally involved, and yet at the same time I love it! I am both nervous and excited for myself, it is a huge step to fully begin making my way into this lifestyle, to try and take the steps that are needed to begin on my journey of becoming a true to life Gorean Slave. breathes deeply And I am happy to have lovely friends (id like to consider you that) like yourself here to help me through this with even the most simple of comments to the deepest conversations. So thank you for that. And wow, the description you give... I ache for that.. to feel alllll of that. mews .thankfully zen.

zenfull2 -> RE: My decision (10/10/2006 5:19:45 AM)
Okay anyways I should get some sleep! Goodnight, sleep tight to those about. Ill be back later probably after my medical insurance meeting toady.

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