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After care~ - 4/25/2004 5:39:06 PM

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Dommes and Mistresses and Ma`ams~
How much after care do You usually give after play? What do You feel is long enough or not long enough care for Your submissive~

Sincerely, knees2You

quote:

If a snake bites after it is charmed there is no profit,
for the charmer~

RE: After care~ - 4/25/2004 6:47:25 PM

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There was a similiar thread on this type of topic, but I'll be darned if I can remember where. I think it was in Ask a Master. One of the things that came out is it often depends on the people involved. I personal neither require or even like *after care*. I find it annoying as all hell. Snuggling at night, or after sex though is something I love. Just a case of personal preferences.

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RE: After care~ - 4/25/2004 7:59:21 PM

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The amount of aftercare required, and the type required, depends on the submissive. I once watched a scene between a very well-respected and experienced dominant in which he, in a public dungeon, caned a woman, who was completely naked. It was poetry to watch. They literally danced together...nothing else describes it accurately. He used other implements also but had several types of canes which were his primary tools. She was in space most of the scene. Once it was over, she was in tears for a good two hours. Not a raging cry, but a gentle crying, and throughout the entire time, the dominant sat next to her, holding her and speaking softly into her ear from time to time. Nothing else had his attention. Once she was finished, they didn't talk much the rest of the night. I was amazed by this and have never forgotten it. You take as much time as the submissive needs, and only by knowing your submissive or by good pre-scene communication can you know...and even then, the dominant can misjudge and not take enough time. Since submissives react so differently to different things, and may have an "abnormal" (meaning, different from normal) reaction just on the spur of the moment, be careful, pay attention, read the body language and go from there. Never hurts to ask the submissive if she's "back", too.

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RE: After care~ - 4/25/2004 9:30:20 PM

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It depends on the person and how intense the play is. For my clients it's short. As far as my personal life goes it could be any amount of time depending on how he is feeling. Actually there were a few times that I had to take some extra time for my clients.

< Message edited by GoddessMarissa -- 4/25/2004 10:16:02 PM >

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RE: After care~ - 4/27/2004 10:15:53 AM

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Speaking for myself, I take time before the session starts (especially with new clients) for discussion about limits, health, interests, safety... etc etc. Each and every sub/slave is an individual and I don't believe that there is a dom/domme in existence who knows it all.
During the talk at the beginning of a meeting, I take time to get into the subs' head (as much as possible under the circumstances), it's then that I make a decision about whether after care is needed, how much and what the nature of the aftercare should be.
At the very least, I think it's wise to have a short "debriefing" in order to get to know not only my subs, but myself also.

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RE: After care~ - 4/27/2004 11:48:23 AM

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I was taklking about after care, But I do agree with you always interview your clients.

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RE: After care~ - 4/27/2004 8:21:23 PM

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I can see how I didn't make myself very clear, my apology.
What I'm trying to say is that during the initial talk pre session and to some extent during the session, I try to assess how much and what type of aftercare the sub may need. (As opposed to having a 'one size fits all' aftercare plan which I use for all subs/slaves.)

(in reply to GoddessMarissa)

RE: After care~ - 5/3/2004 1:48:39 PM

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I give whats needed to a positive end to any scene where
all partisapants are leval and at ease and safe including Myself.
This is only with slaves and other Dominants as I do not personally
scene nor tend to or have relations with submissives. I am a Lady n Mistress not a Pro Domme all tho I am a Alpha Dominant to answer
your question knees2you.

(in reply to knees2you)

RE: After care~ - 5/15/2004 9:05:48 PM

MistressBaddAzz1

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hi knees, about how much after care I give My slave after a play session , it depends on how much into sub-space he is in , and I will give him as much after care as he is needed to have, I want My slave safe, thats the KEY word here SAFETY boy , and as a R/T Mistress , My slaves Health and safety and well being comes FIRST and Formost ...

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RE: After care~ - 5/16/2004 12:47:04 AM

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Well, to add a slightly dissenting opinion, I am of the opinion that aftercare is for me as well as my submissive.

I have just beaten and caused to climax repeatedly my partner (often in a public venue) and my rat brain likes a physical connection to my partner when it is all over.

I personally absolutely love my submissive shivering in my lap with her head buried in my chest. So I can hug and snuggle with my partner for hours after a play session.

As usual, this is just me and I could be wrong.

Be well,

Sinergy

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RE: After care~ - 5/16/2004 10:03:45 PM

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One woman stroked my hair during aftercare and all it did was drop me like a stone. Luckily we talked about it (after I could once again talk), and it got cleared up without a problem.. but.. WHOA. Just not a way to bring me back up!

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: After care~ - 5/17/2004 2:17:24 AM

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After care is for the Domme to. She just tied you up and did horrible things to you. Any person will think they are a horrble person in those circumstances. Telling her you still love her, you really enjoyed the horrible things, etc., (or if you are into it denying your humaity by using the third person) are the right thing for the sub to do as soon as he can. Lift her even though his arms ar too weary, etc.

(Sorry, Dulcinea, but I had to add that.

)

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RE: After care~ - 5/17/2004 6:19:20 AM

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Lets not forget, aftercare also give the Dom time to decompress and come down from "Domspace" as much as pulling a sub back from 'subspace' - its a time for both parties to kind of return to 'normal' - and, IMNTBHO, is just as important, if not more so, than the time spent in play/scene

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RE: After care~ - 5/17/2004 9:13:32 AM

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You know I have never thought about aftercare for myself, it does make sense

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RE: After care~ - 5/18/2004 8:14:56 AM

Monts

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After care is often forgetten, especially in a public venue when there is a need to hussle yourself away from a piece of equipment as the next 'Top" is taking his/her toys out of their bags. I give this one piece of advice from my 17+ years in the lilfestyle. TOO BAD, MAKE THEM WAIT! There is nothing more precious than the gift of true submission and that should not go unrewarded with crappy aftercare and lack of attention because of any reason. Just as it is important for me to come off my high, it is so much much more important to bring your gift up from that space that they acheived for you, channeled all their energy into, for you, and need to find that way back into the world slowly. I dont care of it takes me two hours sitting on the floor holding her shivering and sobbing. I will rock that woman back and forth and comfort her because she deserves that. And you will find no DM, that knows what they are doing, that will pull you away from a piece of quipment and disturb those moments. Now it is true that there are people I play with that need minimal aftercare, but that is only because the play is not as intense, or there energy is not there. There are people that dont need any. I have seen many jump off the cross and run out for a smoke. Thats ok too. But my point is, when its needed, dont ever sacrifice a second of it for anyone or anything else. Thats your position, thats your reponsibility.

Thank you for letting me ramble.

Im new to this page
Mistress Monts

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RE: After care~ - 5/18/2004 10:05:29 AM

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Very well stated Monts - and welcome to the forum

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RE: After care~ - 5/18/2004 10:31:31 AM

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If it is a Dom or a Domme the situation may be wildly different. (it is something that a Domme [or Dom] should tell their sub upfront if they perfer cuddling or being left the hell alone.)

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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

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RE: After care~ - 5/19/2004 4:20:58 PM

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Generally up to an hour I'll give aftercare.

Grand Mistress Lioness

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RE: After care~ - 5/19/2004 8:33:06 PM

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I agree and after a public scene
will go with My scener and sit in
a place I have secured befor the
scene for the both of Us to *come
down and discuss the scene and
feelings and issues if any and Im
like You Monts I tell the next one
to wait till Im done and have moved
as well alltho iin Our Dungeon it is a
given and most understand.
Hmmmm a Grand Mistress well
welcome to Collarme Lioness

(in reply to GMLioness)

RE: After care~ - 6/10/2004 8:19:46 AM

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I watch body language of the male I am playing with, from how he reacts to touch (basically vanilla), the first swing from a cane, to what he does or doesn't verbalize during. After care maybe something as simple as leaving him alone to rest after release, to providing liquids, to holding him. But if he has a real dislike of physical after care, I want to hear it from his sweet slave lips BEFORE we begin. As the euphoria of after play is very enjoyable for me. Sundew

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