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Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/24/2006 2:41:11 PM

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There are so many threads about "do me" subs, bad submissive behavior, etc. There are also many threads by femdoms telling subs how they may change their approach to improve their chances of making a good impression.

Subs, do you have any "transformation" stories to share that demonstrate things you changed and how they made your interactions with femdoms better? Did you used to have a bad profile, then you changed it, and now you have some ongoing discussions that sound promising? Did you have a bad approach at munches or parties, someone gave you advice, and now you are respected and get favorable attention from femdoms?

How about some success stories, and some advice from subs who used to be a certain way (based on fantasy), made some adjustments, and now see things in a better light?

Akasha

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RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/24/2006 9:38:39 PM

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I started out as big believer in the Penis Shot. You know, the bigger the better. I was insecure however, so I would photo shop "big hombre's" manhood onto myself, and then send this picture out to the FEMDOMs whose profiles stirred me into a masturbatory frenzy.

I had mixed results with this tack, as it only seemed successful with the CBT femdoms, who were anxious for a first date but then rejecting of me when I didn't measure up.

After that I set out to meet FEMDOMs at munches figuring footsey under the table would be sexually alluring, but instead of seeing me as adventuresome and daring, I was accused of being rude and presumptuous.

After these two failures, I decided to reinvent myself. I went to beauty school and became certified in giving pedicures and nail treatments. I ditched my middle level managment job, took a course in real estate flipping, and cashed in on the housing bubble here on the East Coast. I also hired a personal trainer and nutritritionist to buff out.

Once I retooled, I signed up on Collar me, but lurked in the background to get advice how to construct a profile, write thoughtful sensitive letters to FEMDOMs, and find out what interests most FEMDOMs truly valued. While sensitizing my mind, I hired some pro FEMDOMS to break me in to impact play, obedience training, and orgasm control.

Then, a couple months after that, I thoughtfully approached FEMDOMs with email letters, witty munch talk, and volunteer work at local leather events. Thus far, one woman spit in my eye, another kicked me in the shin, and beyond that I have experienced being ignored and rejected.

Then it dawned on me, just today, that urhumantoilet was probably a poor choice of screenames.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/24/2006 11:52:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Then it dawned on me, just today, that urhumantoilet was probably a poor choice of screenames.

(Probably not as bad as "AtUrCervix")

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 11/24/2006 11:54:30 PM >

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RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/24/2006 11:59:53 PM

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From: Stockton, California
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I've learned enough I could probably write a book about, but I've decided I'm just going to let all the other submissives learn on their own. I never used to feel this before, but it almost seems like all of these wannabe subs with their do me attitudes are NOW competition for the rest of us, rather than something we'd laugh at along with the dominant women. Where I used to just shake my head at these stated desires for laundry lists of "things" they wanted done to them, I find that when I even dare approach a dominant woman, she already assumes I'm one of these guys that I might have originally shook my head at.

But for sake of the thread, if I've learned anything I'd be willing to share (something I'd like to see more of): Being honest is more important than ever. It may mean a larger number of women might not be interested in me, but perhaps that's a better thing and not something I should have feared as much as I used to fear. I figure if there's a right woman for me, then I'm going to be the right guy for her. Jumping through hoops is great if you want to live in a circus and want to play with clowns.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/25/2006 3:03:26 AM

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ive have learned alot from the diffrent postings at all the fourms form the ask a Master thur ask a Mistress and the switch and submissve too...but i and unowned or collared sub whos been seeking and ive wrtten to a few Mistreses and others Masters and subhere at collar me and sadly not one has ever returned a message even to say thanks but no thanks and many times i ve wonder if its just me or do the persons here realy not care much about haveing private messaeg sent ? but ever posting ive read i do feel ive understood alot more then i didnt know on that subject before i read it

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/25/2006 6:13:50 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: iwearpanties

ive have learned alot from the diffrent postings at all the fourms form the ask a Master thur ask a Mistress and the switch and submissve too...but i and unowned or collared sub whos been seeking and ive wrtten to a few Mistreses and others Masters and subhere at collar me and sadly not one has ever returned a message even to say thanks but no thanks and many times i ve wonder if its just me or do the persons here realy not care much about haveing private messaeg sent ? but ever posting ive read i do feel ive understood alot more then i didnt know on that subject before i read it

And how many posts have you read about having a profile being important, as is spelling/grammar when you contact folks?

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 11/25/2006 6:14:45 AM >

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RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/26/2006 12:00:59 PM

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've learned enough I could probably write a book about, but I've decided I'm just going to let all the other submissives learn on their own. I never used to feel this before, but it almost seems like all of these wannabe subs with their do me attitudes are NOW competition for the rest of us, rather than something we'd laugh at along with the dominant women. Where I used to just shake my head at these stated desires for laundry lists of "things" they wanted done to them, I find that when I even dare approach a dominant woman, she already assumes I'm one of these guys that I might have originally shook my head at.

But for sake of the thread, if I've learned anything I'd be willing to share (something I'd like to see more of): Being honest is more important than ever. It may mean a larger number of women might not be interested in me, but perhaps that's a better thing and not something I should have feared as much as I used to fear. I figure if there's a right woman for me, then I'm going to be the right guy for her. Jumping through hoops is great if you want to live in a circus and want to play with clowns.

I have some bad news -- you WILL have to jump through some hoops and perhaps even behave like a clown, even after a woman has shown interest. There are other men competing for her attention, and the one that sits back with a fatalist attitude will be left behind. There were a few guys that I dated and I was interested in, but they never showed enough initiative to get any further than that with me. Submissive men that believe it is their right/position to be "pursued" by the femdom will never get past a certain point -- even if she IS interested, you do have to do a certain amount of fighting for her attention. This doesn't mean fighting head to head with other submissives only, it means competing with other priorities in her life - a night out with the girls, etc.

She may very well be interested and intrigued, but if the submissive does not court her, she forgets about him or figures he's not that into her.

I am heavily into the role of the pursuer, but even I don't expect to be the one calling all the shots and showing the initiative by myself. Even a shy, reserved guy has to show me he is WILLING to compete and that I am worth it. That means he might have to show 5% of the initiative while I show the rest, but if he fails at that, he will be out of the picture. This was one of the single most reason subs never got to the third or fourth date with me. I can't think of any femdom friends who want to be 100% in charge of the pursuit, either.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/26/2006 2:46:32 PM

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You've got some weird conception of me as some kind of doormat. I am quite agile and quite capable of pursuing if I find the person worthy of the pursuit. My whole post was about being honest. The circus atmosphere is the one caused by the laundry list approach to achieving what one sets out to achieve. As a West Point graduate, a former officer in the Army, a director of a speech and debate team, and someone who teaches interpersonal communication, I think I have a few cards in my deck when it comes to holding my own in an interaction with another person. My concern lately is finding the "right" person, not in how to deal with her when I find her.

And that's the rub. I'm surrounded by young, attractive women every day, but as I have gotten older I've become much more selective, looking for the right person, not just a person. That doesn't mean I don't have wonderful interactions with the women in my life now; I just don't lead women on because that's something I learned wasn't the moral thing for me (which took me some years to learn when I was younger).

I think you have a tendency of reading into posts more information than is really there and then bring up conversations from years ago, as if they're relevant today. I'm glad you've found what works for you. We all come to what we are seeking through different avenues; I realized we weren't traveling the same road some years ago when I realized the disposition of how most conversations tended to go.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/26/2006 11:39:57 PM

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I have learned to just enjoy the moment. Enjoy the time being with the other person. At first I did not really know what to do and just obeyed and said nothing which the domme's i was with were not too happy about, then i learned to just act normal.

No need to call the domme by a spefic name or anything like that. Admit if I do not like something or am bored of doing something. Ofcourse the domme had the final words but all the domme's I was with wanted me to enjoy what we were doing.

It is why I do not care if I upset some dommes or subs or dom's on these boards. I learnt to just be honest not be 'fake honest'.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/26/2006 11:53:58 PM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've learned enough I could probably write a book about, but I've decided I'm just going to let all the other submissives learn on their own.

I for one think that this should be one of your next book projects. But please, take it beyond Greenery Press if you're going to go full bore and publish your wonderful articles from the male slave perspective.....

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/26/2006 11:57:09 PM

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From: Stockton, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've learned enough I could probably write a book about, but I've decided I'm just going to let all the other submissives learn on their own.

I for one think that this should be one of your next book projects. But please, take it beyond Greenery Press if you're going to go full bore and publish your wonderful articles from the male slave perspective.....

People are already trying to capture that market. I read in the SF Chronicle today about a book that is just being released from a male submissive's perspective that essentially makes the usual argument of someone with personal problems who is a submissive. I guess I've gotten so tired of those types of books that "expose" our lifestyle that I've pretty much just figured out that I'm not going to contribute to that marketplace of ideas. Besides, I have enough trouble getting my own non-bdsm fiction published these days. That's frustrating enough without having to try to find a speciality publisher that only does kink.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/27/2006 12:54:49 AM

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From: Austin
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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Subs, do you have any "transformation" stories to share that demonstrate things you changed and how they made your interactions with femdoms better?

When i first entered the FemDomme community i did a lot of things to transform my life. But that was about two years ago. Seems like forever. i guess that the biggest thing was developing an understanding for the Dommes. i spent lots of hours on various boards and online groups and got lots of advice from the Dommes that had taken me under their wing. Even got some relationship advice when i was first starting out with my Mistress.

How about some success stories, and some advice from subs who used to be a certain way (based on fantasy), made some adjustments, and now see things in a better light?

Not really a success story but i have had some fun as a subie. Living the fantasy life of a 24/7 servant in a FemDomme house was a lot of fun. Serving beautiful Dommes everyday was really something. Photoshoots, parties, being on camera make for a wonderful fantasy. Now things are a bit more tame. i am starting a new life with my Mistress and her boytoy in a place called Austin Texas. It is great that we are back together again. She is really a great influence on me. Although there is still the fantasy of producing FemDomme movies and the such. But all in all life is much more vanilla.

But i have also had the opportunity to build long term relationships, with FemDommes, which have been really fulfilling. My Mistress lets me have relationships with other Dommes in the community. We feel that it makes for a stronger M/s type relationship. Personally i have an thing for strong women, so i have a built in attraction for Dommes.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/29/2006 8:41:42 AM

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From: Illinois
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I don't know if this is what you are looking for, but one thing about my own life came to mind reading the first post to this forum.

It was the very first D/s relationship I had, at least one where it was clear who was the top and who was the bottom. I was maybe twenty or twenty-one years of age, and I was very docile and shy in all aspects of my life. I looked up to him (yes, my first D/s relationship was with a guy, I'm bisexual) and admired the power that he seemed to have over me and others. There was this air of confidence in everything that he did. This rubbed off on me and improved my relationships with others, in the context of employment. He was also very protective of me in social situations, usually by speaking or defending me. I think that this relationship taught me a lot about who I am and what I want in an SO.

(in reply to littlespike)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/29/2006 9:20:45 AM

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From: Bristol, UK
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To be horrible corny about it..

I don't interact with Dommes and subs and Doms and switches etc. I interact with people. I have been changed by my interactions, sometimes for the good, sometimes for the crappy.

My life is at least half a dream-construct anyway

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RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/29/2006 9:25:27 AM

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From: Illinois
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ScienceBoy

To be horrible corny about it..

I don't interact with Dommes and subs and Doms and switches etc. I interact with people. I have been changed by my interactions, sometimes for the good, sometimes for the crappy.

My life is at least half a dream-construct anyway

I can agree with you that I learn and grow from everyone regardless how they might label themselves. I was just trying to talk about how I learned and grew from a specific type of relationship. :)

(in reply to ScienceBoy)

RE: Male subs, how have you grown and improved? - 11/29/2006 10:33:42 PM

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From: Austin
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith
There was this air of confidence in everything that he did. This rubbed off on me and improved my relationships with others, in the context of employment. He was also very protective of me in social situations, usually by speaking or defending me. I think that this relationship taught me a lot about who I am and what I want in an SO.

i think that is really cool. He was kind of a mentor in the social stuff. A guiding light from the top....

_____________________________

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http://www.homepage.bannerzzz.com/ - My homepage

(in reply to pinkkeith)

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