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?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/29/2006 9:23:54 PM

Ceru

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

hello... i'm lost on this one. how do i find a dom? i don't know anyone in person who's into the lifestyle, & i don't know where to find people who are, either. this is my 2nd time starting up a profile on this site [i got nervous & deleted the 1st one]... i love talking to people online, but so far it hasn't turned up anything that might materialize for me, & i'm feeling a little impatient. i currently am in oakland ~ are there any clubs/bars/whatever that anyone really likes or recommends? someplace a girl won't feel too awkward showing up alone to?

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/29/2006 9:33:00 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

A good starting place for you would be http://www.soj.org

Welcome to collarme, the forums and BDSM.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Ceru)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/29/2006 9:54:35 PM

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ceru

hello... i'm lost on this one. how do i find a dom? i don't know anyone in person who's into the lifestyle, & i don't know where to find people who are, either. this is my 2nd time starting up a profile on this site [i got nervous & deleted the 1st one]... i love talking to people online, but so far it hasn't turned up anything that might materialize for me, & i'm feeling a little impatient. i currently am in oakland ~ are there any clubs/bars/whatever that anyone really likes or recommends? someplace a girl won't feel too awkward showing up alone to?

Well I am sure if you hang around this time you will get to meet many contacts etc If you are nervous etc then take it slowly, although I can understand your impatience

I'm not sure a BDSM club or bar would be the right way to go if you are new, alone and nervous, though there may be someone here who is in your area who might be able to help out there. If you love chatting online then I'd stick with what I love and know. Make sure your profile here is complete and write about yourself in your journal section etc You are bound to catch the eye of people and they hopefully will initiate which will help, especially if you are still harbouring any nerves etc Building a relationship online may or may not be your cuppa tea, but it can be a good way to meet people whom you might then wish to meet face to face.
Whatever you choose to do, good luck with it and I hope you stick around this time

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to Ceru)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/29/2006 10:57:28 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

On line is a good way to meet. When i joined cc i put in my profile that i was only interested in meeting those that were close enough to meet in person. As a general rule that worked out well. We chatted on line then met in person. As a result i have a wonderful Dom that plans to collar me in the Spring. I also have a best friend in another Dom that i met here. I believe that being able to communicate online with these 2 Doms has made our relationship much more steady. My vanilla husband died the last of July of this year and both my Dom and my Dom friend have made sure that i have been able to take care of myself and child. They and my local bdsm community have been wonderful through this terrible experience. Having been shunned by the vanilla community (the fate of widows worldwide) i have been enbraced by my wonderful bdsm friends. Write your profile, identify what is important to you in a Dom and don't settle for less in the One you pledge yourself too. As for all others make friends online meet in person and get introduced to the local community. It is a wonderful experience!!!!

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/30/2006 8:17:32 AM

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

Try to avoid letting your impatience cloud your judgement and influence you to rush into anything.

good luck

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/30/2006 1:40:34 PM

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

Try to avoid letting your impatience cloud your judgement and influence you to rush into anything.

good luck

This is my worry for you. I know you want it, and you want it now. The problem with that is it can make our judgement very clouded and make us rush into something with the first one that seems "Dom" enough for us.

Just take your time, get to know other sub/slaves, and don't cut out any options without getting to know someone very well.

I wish you luck and hope things work out for you.

Drea

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to spankmepink11)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/30/2006 3:59:07 PM

Ceru

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

Try to avoid letting your impatience cloud your judgement and influence you to rush into anything.

good luck

This is my worry for you. I know you want it, and you want it now. The problem with that is it can make our judgement very clouded and make us rush into something with the first one that seems "Dom" enough for us.

Just take your time, get to know other sub/slaves, and don't cut out any options without getting to know someone very well.

I wish you luck and hope things work out for you.

Drea

thank you ~ i know you're right... & i have been known throughout my life for being boneheadedly impulsive. meeting other subs would be nice, as well; i think that will probably help me more than anything else right now, since i'm just beginning to learn.

< Message edited by Ceru -- 11/30/2006 4:02:47 PM >

_____________________________

i created a new group for subs in yahoo groups [amazingly enough, it appears to currently be the only one!]:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/subgirlsandguys/

hoping to create one more way to help people meet! ;)

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 11/30/2006 5:56:04 PM

DreamWizardNJoy

Posts: 234
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

The advice i'm reading is all very good, especially remembering to take your time. Get to know people not just for their kinks or skills, but as people. Go to munches. Fight the urge to jump right in with both feet. Just like the 'real world' there are a lot of fakes out there. Take the time to wait for the 'good' ones. Listen, learn, read, ask lots of questions. And find groups ... not just individuals...

Best regards on your search...
David Dream Wizard and His dreamgirl joy

_____________________________

Newcomer to the Lifestyle? Wanna learn more?
Experienced? Willing to share?
Visit our Discussion Group (Global Ds Newcomers)

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GDsN

(in reply to Ceru)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 1:28:20 AM

Ceru

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

A good starting place for you would be http://www.soj.org

Welcome to collarme, the forums and BDSM.

Celeste

thank you so much for the tip! through that site, i found out about a get together this sunday that is aimed at helping people meet...

_____________________________

i created a new group for subs in yahoo groups [amazingly enough, it appears to currently be the only one!]:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/subgirlsandguys/

hoping to create one more way to help people meet! ;)

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 2:34:20 AM

Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline

A picture wouldent hurt.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to Ceru)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 4:23:11 AM

Ceru

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger

A picture wouldent hurt.

i'm still waiting for collarme to approve them :)

_____________________________

i created a new group for subs in yahoo groups [amazingly enough, it appears to currently be the only one!]:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/subgirlsandguys/

hoping to create one more way to help people meet! ;)

(in reply to Rumtiger)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 4:56:20 AM

Posts: 229
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

I'd just like to re iterate, take your time. Your emotions are likely to be very strong

http://www.submissiveloving.com/subfrenzy.html

This article helped me so much. Anything when it is set free wants to fly and soar straight away, submission can be wonderful, intense, beyond words but it can also be consuming, you can't think for your need sometimes. There are alot a predators out there who have excellent radar skills. Don't make yourself an easy target for these people.

I've never seen sub frenzy discussed on here, but I am new and it helped me understand why my emotions and needs were spiralling out of control.

Best wishes, hope you find your way :)

angharad

(in reply to Ceru)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 5:16:59 AM

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

<off topic just a tad>

ceru,

I looked at your profile and had to chuckle..

Dancing is your hard limit??????? Too funny :)

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to angharad)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 11:33:29 AM

Ceru

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

<off topic just a tad>

ceru,

I looked at your profile and had to chuckle..

Dancing is your hard limit??????? Too funny :)

i'm glad you got that ;)
it was half meant as a joke, but also half serious... i truly cannot dance! it's pathetic to see me try...

_____________________________

i created a new group for subs in yahoo groups [amazingly enough, it appears to currently be the only one!]:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/subgirlsandguys/

hoping to create one more way to help people meet! ;)

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 11:46:09 AM

Ceru

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angharad

I'd just like to re iterate, take your time. Your emotions are likely to be very strong

http://www.submissiveloving.com/subfrenzy.html

This article helped me so much. Anything when it is set free wants to fly and soar straight away, submission can be wonderful, intense, beyond words but it can also be consuming, you can't think for your need sometimes. There are alot a predators out there who have excellent radar skills. Don't make yourself an easy target for these people.

I've never seen sub frenzy discussed on here, but I am new and it helped me understand why my emotions and needs were spiralling out of control.

Best wishes, hope you find your way :)

angharad

that article is great... thank you. it really is some of the best advice i've come across so far, & i haven't seen anything like that yet [in all my frenzied reading :) ]

_____________________________

i created a new group for subs in yahoo groups [amazingly enough, it appears to currently be the only one!]:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/subgirlsandguys/

hoping to create one more way to help people meet! ;)

(in reply to angharad)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 3:16:44 PM

Posts: 229
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

your welcome. It really helped me, so I'm glad it has some value to you too.

(in reply to Ceru)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 3:20:19 PM

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Another great place to start would be http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/34547/default.htm

JUST joking, people...sheesh.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

A good starting place for you would be http://www.soj.org

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 12/1/2006 3:21:01 PM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 3:22:18 PM

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

OMG LaM I went to your profile and saw that you were BORAT..

High 5...

I love that guy..but where did you learn how to speak badly translated russian?

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 3:23:25 PM

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I am multi-talented, sweetheart.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

RE: ?? for female subs: tips for finding a dom? - 12/1/2006 3:25:27 PM

Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline

LaM, ehhh....I like you, do you like me? High five!

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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