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Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 5:06:03 PM

Knewitallalong

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Can I get a little feedback on this?

Been reading, voraciously, for two weeks now- during which time I signed up here. I have stated in other posts that there are only 4 ads for subs in my, very general area (ones who are actually looking to find a dom). Good news is that there are two who I find quite intriguing and attractive, bad news is there ads are very general and give me no clue as to whether an overture from me would be welcome. No real info about who or what they are looking for.

My other dilemma is really what to say. I can be quite good with words but I have never approached a person coming from this angle before (the fact that we are both desirous of the lifestyle being out in the open etc.) I have read alot of complaints of Doms sending first messages that are very rude, or basically telling the sub "you will be mine, oh yes, you WILL be mine" or words to that effect. Which is number one just stupid IMO, and number two, definetly not me. To me this lifestyle is about respect, both my respect and admiration for ones gift of submission, and their respect for me as Master/Dom. ( just waiting to be told I have it all wrong now) But thats how I see it. And I am not going to make an intial contact with someone with whom I may find I want to share this lifestyle with be a rude, arrogant come on.

Also, intially I was saying that I was almost completely inexperienced as a Dom, but in the last few days I have been thinking about past relationships and rememered things that I have done with some that have made me redefine myself as more of moderately experienced Dom. It's amazing the things you forget until something else triggers the memory again.

So any tips from you would be appreciated.

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 5:14:45 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Be yourself, do what feels right, be polite and act like you just met this person (which you did) and talk with them like you know them (which you do.)

I like to ask "So what's your story?" and get more details on their history. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so just ask some questions and let them go.

IMO competent independent adults should be able to meet eachother within a month of deciding they are interested in a relationship with eachother. If you can't likely that's a bad sign.

(in reply to Knewitallalong)

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 5:38:52 PM

bumblebee

Posts: 29
Joined: 12/1/2004
Status: offline

I think you've got a lot going for you already. You're obviously literate and polite and you've got a thoughtful profile. So I'd trust your instincts.

As for tips, try to prove that you've actually read the profile of the subs you're writing to. It will differentiate you from many many others. Ask questions. Some more specific than just 'what's your story?' but that's good too. If you ask some simple questions about say the local scene or whatever you're more likely to get a responce. At least in my opinion. A bit of flattery never hurts. Maybe mention that you're looking forward to hearing back from them. It's worked on me but I can only offer my own experience.

Good luck. If you've put this much thought into it you are already ahead of the game.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 6:06:11 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

My thoughts are that I figure gals mailboxes are flooded with notes by bozos, so I try to stand out by writing something short yet respectful that shows why I'm interested in her from what caught my eye in her profile. My objective is to get her to read my profile and see if there is enough mutual interest to talk some more. Some don't reply but others do.

Something else you might consider is trying to be clear and getting to the point. After reading your post I had no idea what the question was until I spotted it in the subject; your profile looks to me to have pointless babbling as well. But that may just be my preference -- that sort of writing may be just perfect for a gal near you.

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 7:15:33 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

There is some more advice in this recent thread

http://www.collarme.com/forum/help_sending_messages/m_70087/tm.htm

(in reply to Knewitallalong)

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 7:33:58 PM

liltxsubby

Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

The best advice i can give is this: Don't send something that looks like a form letter. Personalize, make it obvious you read their profile. Don't call someone a pet name until you've been conversing for a while. I can not tell you how many i have gotten (and still get) where i'm adressed as "little one" or "baby". Always makes me just think to myself i'm not that guys little one or baby and he has no right calling me that.

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 11:25:48 PM

MzBerlin

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline

knewitallalong-
Hey! Welcome to the boards and to collarme!!
When writing someone for initial contact just be yourself!! Pulling out the "little one" and "sub" and using 'crazy caps' (I/i, W/we, Y/you) are all things that are a bit much. Just act naturally, talk a little bit about yourself and non-kinky interests, as well as giving some information on the relationship structure you're looking for.
When you agree to meet with a potential sub, make sure to have the meeting in a public place and be a gentleman! (at least at the first meeting...

)
Good Luck!!
B

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/20/2005 11:36:17 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

This thread might help you:

help sending messages

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/21/2005 9:14:02 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

i have adopted some thoughts....
1. profiles are frameworks, tidbits and general catch alls.
2. words are powerful and the way they are used says something about a person.
3. many times people have NO idea of what they look for, desire or their expectations
4. inititial email is like walking up to a person in a parking lot, totally unware and speaking to them.
5. generally, first impressions set the whole tone

Be real, be honest with your truth, have fun and let your instincts guide you.

Good luck
shy

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/25/2005 12:40:14 PM

handsofpleasure

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

Treat the first contact as you would treat anyone that you just met to whom you were attracted too. Smile, be polite, show an interest in them, treat them with respect, share a part of yourself and try to learn more about them. I dont know much about the approach "Hey slut, your mine". I dont think it would work at a party so i dont think it works here. it just identifies you as a jerk.
Also remember women here get overwhelmed by messages, long short rude, you name it. you really have to clearly identify why you think you should be considered different than every other bozo sending out form letters. Take the time to read a profile and think about what it means, then introduce yourself with your best foot forward.

(in reply to slavedesires)

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RE: Your thoughts on first contact - 2/25/2005 3:35:05 PM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

Knewitallalong,

i am a big believer in things that are meant to be happening at the right time. i agree with what has already been said here. Just be Yourself, be natural. If there aren't many ads for people in Your area, then You gotta figure they are seeking someone who is a well-rounded person, not just a "Dom". Tell them about what makes You tick as a person, a bit about Your passions and such, but don't write an essay.

At the end of the day, if You are 'meant' to be with one of these women, it will happen. But don't rule out someone from a little further away. Long distance r/ships take a little more work, but they can still work.

(in reply to handsofpleasure)

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Post #: 11