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RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 6:14:15 PM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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If I may sissyslave71...

You seem like a boy in a lot of pain, and not good pain. It comes out in your posts here and in your profile (the reference to being burned).

I can only speak for myself but when I sense negativity in a message or profile, I tend to move on. I tend to be attracted to people who put their best foot forward.

Also, your long list of kinks would be a turn off to Dommes looking to make an real connection rather then just "play".

Just my 2¢

Anyhow, I recently added this to my journal:
A great deal many of you are still sending me the most awful introduction letters.
1. Be clear about what you are seeking.
2. State what attracted you particularly about my profile.
3. Be truthful about your current status and obligations.
4. Be truthful about your former experience.
5. State what it is you are willing to offer.
6. List your skills.
7. List your interests.
8. Avoid negativity.
9. Revise for grammar & spelling.
10. Keep your first messages relatively short. I don't need to know your life story.

For more details on this, you may want to consult the following post:
http://www.collarme.com/forum/10_Steps_For_Making_A_Good_First_Impression/m_30125/tm.htm

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 6:31:53 PM

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline

Don't judge and assume to know me.

I wouldnt do the same to you..or pretend to know that I do.

Thanks for the advice...but I think there is nothing wrong with me..or my profile.

Hurt? Who hasn't been hurt?

Shoooot...Ive got better things to worry about than baggage.

Nothing wrong with warning others not to get ripped off.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 6:36:02 PM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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Umm... alrighty then. As you were.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 6:45:03 PM

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/20/2005
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Rock and Roll

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 7:14:03 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

Every one of your posts to this thread has been whiny, judgemental or pissy in one way or another. Perhaps all those female doms aren't the ones with the problems.

Food for thought. Eat up! Have seconds.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 7:27:36 PM

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for your input. I just flat out disagree with you.

We all cant be the same....how boring life would be.

You say I'm whining......yet "Dominants" calling people you NEVER met in REAL LIFE..."Wankers", "fakers", "whiners"..ad nauseum is stunningly arrogant and misguided.

My 2 cents.

Sorry to upset you.

(in reply to stef)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 7:37:30 PM

Posts: 115
Status: offline

No Offense to anyone, but for Christ sake can people be civil and get back onto subject. I beleive the board is how to get a dominates attention, and so far I have not seen much to help poor 7t7tnsub, more people lecturing back and forth. I'm not trying to chastise nor be an ass just attempting to bring order. Probably not my place but what the hell it's worth a shot.

To 7t7tnsub,
In my personal experience, the online thing really didn't work out for me, I got great advice online to be honest, from this site esspecially. But probably the best way to get the attention of a dominate is attempt to befriend them first, be casual, mature, and honest at all times. BUT ALWAYS BE YOURSELF!!!! It isn't worth being someone you're not, you have to find someone that'll fit you, be respectful of course at all times. But just relax and have fun with it who knows you may get lucky. This is just my opinion, I may be wrong, if so well trail and error my friend you never will figure things out if you don't try.

< Message edited by WulfMan -- 2/21/2005 7:39:02 PM >

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 8:03:40 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sissyslave71

We all cant be the same....how boring life would be.

Good thing. Who said we should all be the same?

quote:

You say I'm whining......yet "Dominants" calling people you NEVER met in REAL LIFE..."Wankers", "fakers", "whiners"..ad nauseum is stunningly arrogant and misguided.

My 2 cents.

Keep the change. You don't need to meet someone in the flesh to learn that they are wankers, fakers or whiners. It certainly makes it easier, but some people's behavior here makes their classification in those categories amazingly easy, even without a face to face meeting.

quote:

Sorry to upset you.

You didn't, but thanks just the same.

BTW, I seem to recall your photo in a different profile a while back. What happenned to that 'identity?'

~stef

< Message edited by sfgrrl -- 2/21/2005 8:04:01 PM >

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 8:26:16 PM

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/20/2005
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Oh really...WOW..you can judge the entire character of a HUMAN BEING by simply looking at an online profile?
What are you doing here???...you should be working for the CIA or something! Judge not lest YE be in danger of the judgement.
Who said that?

If you dont like my opinion...well..sorry..I make no apologies. The truth can be disquieting sometimes.

Its TRUE and it is what goes on in many of the "dominants" profiles...to clarify.

No need to beat a dead horse any further.

(in reply to stef)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 9:04:35 PM

Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sissyslave71

Oh really...WOW..you can judge the entire character of a HUMAN BEING by simply looking at an online profile?

Did someone actually say that? Because I sure missed it, if they did. While I may not be able to tell you every detail of someone's character based on an online profile, I can pretty much rule out a lot of folks that I have no interest in pursuing anything with. I suspect most people can do that. That's why there are profiles, hmmmm? And not just contact info. Let me get someone talking, or see how they write, and it's a window into their head. There is no obligation to keep looking when I already can see that I have no interest.

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 9:06:41 PM

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Joined: 2/20/2005
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Uh huh....

(in reply to MsSilvie)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 9:28:08 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sissyslave71

Oh really...WOW..you can judge the entire character of a HUMAN BEING by simply looking at an online profile?

I'm not sure where you came up with that, since I never said anything of the sort.

So what happened to your old profile again?

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/21/2005 9:37:11 PM

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline

No idea what youre talking about. I might of had a profile elsewhere you may have seen.
Like Alt or bondage.com.

I was simply stating to NO ONE IN PARTICULAR don't judge someone you don't even know by a few sentances.

You want to make this an issue or get personal with me about my opinions
and attack me fine, I can take it.

I think I made my point..I dont know why you want to draaaaaaaag this on (pardon the pun).

I have to go to work in 6 hours....time to go to bed....enough squabbling.

< Message edited by Sissyslave71 -- 2/21/2005 9:54:01 PM >

(in reply to stef)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/22/2005 12:26:58 AM

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/15/2004
From: Chicago,Illinois
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GddssBella

In this narcissistic, self centered, self serving culture we unfortunately reside in; subs have forgotton what service means & seek only the gratification of their own desires to the exclusion of the dominants' happiness, it is no wonder that disillusion abounds & dissatisfaction rears it's ugly head, making fools of all.

Beautifully stated Bella! And I agree. The subs that approach me today tend to be out for themselves, and what I can do for them. True service seems to have vanished like the dinosaurs.

Ms Simone

_____________________________

www.chicago-mistress.com

(in reply to GddssBella)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/22/2005 12:43:45 AM

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Joined: 2/2/2004
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They are out there, they are just few and far between. I have found a few that I just keep as good friends and they are very near and dear to my heart and I do wish them the very best.

(in reply to MsSimone)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/22/2005 5:05:05 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie
Did someone actually say that? Because I sure missed it, if they did. While I may not be able to tell you every detail of someone's character based on an online profile, I can pretty much rule out a lot of folks that I have no interest in pursuing anything with. I suspect most people can do that. That's why there are profiles, hmmmm? And not just contact info. Let me get someone talking, or see how they write, and it's a window into their head. There is no obligation to keep looking when I already can see that I have no interest.

I agree. Call it an astute sense of perception. Call it strong intuition. Call it what you like. In my experience, the impression I get from the first few bars of someone's tune is always reflective of the whole melody.

When someone comes to me with a whining, desperate tone, I just walk away as I know this is going to be a needy one. When someone comes to me with an overly sexual tone, I know they are in it to get their rocks off. When I find that they aren't speaking "my language", I know the likelyhood of us not connecting is great.

What people have to realise is that each individual is compatible with only a minute percentage of the population.

That said, there is no need for rudeness. I think in the hundreds (maybe thousands by now) of applications that I've had, I've lashed out at a very small percentage, and that was because their tone was really out of line.

Usually, even if they say something that really ticks me off, I will respond by "After reading your letter and your profile, I have deemed that we are not compatible. Good luck in your search." Simple as that. No need to be mean, no need to be a bitch, no need to sugar coat it, no need to start telling them all the things they need to change. In fact, the only time I will suggest changes is if I sense a certain potential and that has had mixed results.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MsSilvie)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/22/2005 5:06:38 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

True service seems to have vanished like the dinosaurs.

They are rare, but they are definitely out there.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MsSimone)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/22/2005 5:18:25 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

No Offense to anyone, but for Christ sake can people be civil and get back onto subject.

No offense taken.

But to be quite honest, I don't believe we have gotten of the subject at all. I think this thread is a testament to why there is so much tension and negative feelings between a great deal of Dominant women and submissive men.

When a question is posted in "Ask a Mistress" about how to attract Dominant women, there seems to be a consensus here about the approach. Be civil, be service-oriented, put your best foot forward, etc.

There seems to be a backlash from male subs that states that it's hard to be all that when so many Dommes are down right jaded and mean to them.

There is a gap to be bridged.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GddssBella
In this narcissistic, self centered, self serving culture we unfortunately reside in; subs have forgotton what service means & seek only the gratification of their own desires to the exclusion of the dominants' happiness, it is no wonder that disillusion abounds & dissatisfaction rears it's ugly head, making fools of all.

See what I mean? I'm going to go on a limb here and say that as a Domme, I believe I have an obligation to do my part to stop the feud and try to get some resolve. I do my best to show male subs and everyone else on this planet respect, consideration and empathy.

I was hoping to do with sissyslave71. He posted his hurt and dissapointment on the boards and I saw it as a cry for help. It seems my attempt was unsuccessful and that's really alright. You can only help those who want to be helped. I sincerely hope he finds inner peace and the dynamic he is seeking.

In fact, I wish that for everyone here.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to WulfMan)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/22/2005 5:21:45 AM

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: 7t7tnsub

i was wanting hooping to get some pointers on how to approach a Mistress online?
thanks in advance!

SARCASM ALERT!

First off, don't waste your time actually reading her profile. If she wants to be called Supreme Goddes Rawana, just call her Toots. If she insists on a picture, send an attached doc file that says "Hah, made you look!" (She'll laugh and laugh. Show her your sense of humor early. Chicks dig a sense of humor. {Hell, chech out all the groupies commedians get!} Dominas are chicks.

Do not waste your time writing individual replies. Those will not be responded to anyway. Since nothing will get even a polite "not interested" back save time by writing a generic response and using copy and paste to send it shotgun style to every Domina in your state.

That leads us to our third point. Local Dominas are all unavailable. Try e-mailing only those far away. I don't know where you are, but try Europe if you are an American and the US if you're European.

Did I mention I'm a male sub and your competition?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to 7t7tnsub)

RE: approaching a Mistress? - 2/22/2005 5:44:22 AM

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WulfMan

No Offense to anyone, but for Christ sake can people be civil and get back onto subject. I beleive the board is how to get a dominates attention, and so far I have not seen much to help poor 7t7tnsub, more people lecturing back and forth. I'm not trying to chastise nor be an ass just attempting to bring order. Probably not my place but what the hell it's worth a shot.

To 7t7tnsub,
In my personal experience, the online thing really didn't work out for me, I got great advice online to be honest, from this site esspecially. But probably the best way to get the attention of a dominate is attempt to befriend them first, be casual, mature, and honest at all times. BUT ALWAYS BE YOURSELF!!!! It isn't worth being someone you're not, you have to find someone that'll fit you, be respectful of course at all times. But just relax and have fun with it who knows you may get lucky. This is just my opinion, I may be wrong, if so well trail and error my friend you never will figure things out if you don't try.

Good point. This board has topic drift. I've noticed this type of board usually has topic drift. Something about the subject.

Seriously, 7t7tnsub, Dominas are women. All the crap that entails. Women won't tell you. A guy can't tell you. (If a guy can and does, you bet the women would change in a hurry

)

I hate to tell you you are on your own.

One bit advice, this is hardly the place. Go to google and search for "munches" in your area. "Munch" is the term. Those are VANILLA-ish gatherings. Don't go in leather gear.

The first few your watching the dynamic. Answer any questions honestly, but do not go up to a woman, kneel, and offer your services. Good chance she is a sub anyway. (Male D/ female s seems to out number Female D/ male s by about ten to one, although no hard numbers exist [that I know of] to back that up.)

What eventually works? Who knows?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to WulfMan)

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