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RE: submission - 2/7/2004 7:16:54 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/2/2004
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I remember a long time ago, being told i had to fill out a questionaire on what i wanted/needed as a submissive...

i remember asking said Top/Dom/me/Master/Mistress if they were going to be filling out the same questionaire....

in my opinion, both parties are applying for either possition in the relationship, both are trying to find out what is write for them, both are trying to decide if the person on the other end of the computer/telephone/table are worthy of receiving a part of themselves held dear in their hearts...

both domination and submission are gifts, as they are a part of ourselves, and when starting any relationship we give of ourselves what we have feel safe to give

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

RE: submission - 2/8/2004 7:52:20 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

hey some doms think diferently about alot of things.I myself will get familiar
in the beginning with a sub/slave.we become comfortable and develop a
level of trust together.In the course of speaking,maybe light playing the topic
will get around to,master,daddy,dom,sub/slave.We both decide our feelings
on ownership,serving and waht we are seeking.Once it is agreed upon by us both we join.There is no application at all.A person may say "I want to get to know you.........;but the formal application of a sub/slave is not something I would consider

Master George

(in reply to crystalslave)

RE: submission - 2/9/2004 6:35:08 AM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
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walks in and reads this threads title ........ mmmmmmmm yes yes My ADVO would fit perfectly in this subject matter:
CHOOSES TO POST MY OWN ADVO, WELL JUST BECAUSE....
(looks up at MODII with My Most inocent wicked smile)

MISTRESS SEEKS SLAVES!!BLACK HAIR, BLACK EYES,
6'-290LBS BBBW SADIST POLY DOMME NEEDS SLAVES.WILL
BE 24/7 IN REAL LIFE LONGTERM BUT IF OVER THE INTERNET
IS ALL YOU SEEK WELL I SUPPOSE I COULD FINANCIALLY,
SEXUALLY,MENTALLY,SPIRITUALLY,PHYSICALLY DOMINANT
YOUR EVERY MOMENT. SLAVES WILL WITHOUT A WORD
DO ANYTHING AND EVERY THING I SAY AT ALL TIMES TO
BE GIVEN THE PRIVILEGE OF MY PRESANCE ON LINE OR
BE GIVEN THE CHANCE IN REAL LIFE 2 SERVE. CONTACTS WILL BE
THRU HERE ON COLLARME.COM AND EXPECT TO GIVE UP
EVERYTHING IN YOUR CURRENT LIFE BE IT SOCIALLY OR
MATERIALLY TO BECOME MY POSESSION AND EARN THE RIGHT
TO SERVE ME. MY NEGOTIATION FORMS(CONTRACTS) ARE
EXTENSIVE AND THROUGH AND MOST WILL BE A BINDING
CONTRACT FOR VOLUNTARY SERVITUDE (DOMESTIC EXTREAMIST)
IM NOT LOOKIN FOR LOVE OR MY *ONE SO DONT THINK IT WILL
BE YOU BECAUSE IT WONT. I HAD A LOVE OF MY LIFE ALLREADY
IN A MASTER OF 27 YEARS AND BELIEVE ME YOU WILL NOT BE
FILLING HIS SHOES EVER AS A sa ms. IF YOUR YOUNG,DUMB,
AND FULL OF CUM WITH A NEED TO BE BROW BEAT AND SUMONE TO
SPEND ALL OF YOUR PAYCHECK WITH OUT SEEING ME,IM YOUR GAL,
AND I KNOW THAT ALL OF YOU worthless peon slaves are out
there looking for ME male and female, SO GET YOUR ASSES
ON HERE AND WRITE,MT HAIR AND NAILS NEED TO GET DONE TODAY.
P.S. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN
A COURT OF LAW......................HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEEN
THERE DONE THAT!!Here is My question to this Board....
NOW WHAT slave OR sub WOULDENT JUST ADORE ME OWNING THEM??
(drops this here while sticking My tongue out at ShadowHwk
whom seems to be playing in the same schoolyard I do alltho
at oppisite ends of the playground and goes in running down the
collarme.com hall to General posts to find where else Im
suppose to drop this as well...scrolls up to read saphires
directions again so I make sure that I am in the least A
consistant Sadist.)

(in reply to anon52)

RE: submission - 2/9/2004 8:43:01 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

SherriA, what can I say but thank you for voicing something in terms even the most dense should be able to understand. I agree with you totally.. I have been around for quite a few years and it amazed me that someone would think they are giving me a gift and could take it away if I didn't do what they thought I should.. That is not a gift in any terms I know of.

I figure I am going to get a bit of the flame you have been getting SherriA but hey I am used to it. If anyone wants to flame me go ahead I am used to it. But before you hit that send button think about this statement.. "If you are giving a gift aka a present when are you going to take it back"
Laz

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: submission - 2/9/2004 10:24:35 AM

Toya

Posts: 14
Joined: 2/1/2004
Status: offline

I know I am late coming into this thread but thought it worth while sharing my thoughts on the gift issue.

The following is an excerpt from my last book "Bound" and is from the chapter titled "Is it a gift?"

Is it a gift?

I have been asking myself this recently after listening to other submissives tell me how they give their ‘gift of submission’ to their dominants. How this gift was such a precious and valued thing. The talk about how it is an honour for the Dominant to receive this ‘gift of submission’ yet nothing is said about the dominant giving anything in return.

I could never quite get my head around the idea of my submission being a gift. It just doesn’t sit well. A gift is a one off, one-way thing. A gift is usually given with no expectation of receiving anything in return. If this were the case then a Dominant could take the gift from the submissive and then quite happily go off with his mates for the weekend leaving her at home alone. He has no obligation to the ‘gift’, it is set aside along with all the other gifts he has been given over the years and not known what to do with.

Submission on the other hand comes with a whole lot of expectations. Firstly it is expected that to submit to someone you will receive in return, his or her dominance. The power exchange between the couple is a two-way thing. Both give and both receive. I give my Master my submission and in return he takes ownership and control. Each fulfilling the needs of the other.

Master and I were discussing this topic and he offered the suggestion that perhaps the reason people try to see their submission as a ‘gift’, is because they want it to be seen as something of value. A gift is something that is cherished and valued, loved and protected. So if they offer their submission as a gift then perhaps they will also be seen as something of value.

The more I think about this idea, the more I begin to think that perhaps this is just another way for the submissive to hide his or her feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection. A gift is usually something that is accepted without question; therefore the chance of being rejected is lessened.

I have never really been one to delve deeply into why I am a submissive or why I choose to submit to my Master. I am more interested in the doing than the thinking. It is only when I hear things that just don’t fit me that I start to really think about their meanings. Am I wrong in my beliefs? Should I be going along with this ‘gift’ idea? I don’t think so. I don’t have a problem if the rest of the world wishes to see their submission as the most precious gift in the world. It’s not to me. My submission to Master is a very precious thing; I give it freely in exchange for his control, his ownership and his dominance. I will save the gifts for Christmas and birthdays.

(c) Toya

(in reply to LazSwann)

RE: submission - 2/6/2006 12:38:15 AM

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Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Hi everyone. i am new to this forum but not new to submission. i am a slave, owned by a wonderful Master, coming up on two years.

i do not subscribe to "submission is a gift." i must first own something to give it away. i do not own me - my Master owns me. It is a privalege to serve him.

If i were to discuss gifts, i would consider His ownership of me the biggest gift i have ever received. He gives me a place to express my submission. He gave me the gift of developing me into a better person and slave, and by teaching me how to find internal happiness. He has put so much work into me, i should be saying Dominance is a gift!!

As to your eloquant eye-roll about submission being service - you betcha it is service. i serve him lovingly. i serve him with love, with passion, with sex, with chores. i serve because that is my need, and he allows that need to be met.

Anyway, it is nice to meet all of you and i look forward to future posts.

(in reply to crystalslave)

RE: submission - 2/6/2006 12:45:18 AM

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Joined: 1/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crystalslave

I have a MSN group and someone recently said that a sub has to "apply" to a Dom/me. Has always been my understanding that submission is a gift and no one should have to "apply" to give a gift.
I would like other view points on this. Should a sub/slave apply to serve someone or is it a gift?

It's a relationship, much like any other, no matter how much we may want to pretend that somehow it isn't. We don't apply to be someone's girlfriend or boyfriend; we express interest in one way or another and see how the other person responds. It's definitely not a gift. Normal gifts can be kept or donated or discarded, but accepting the "gift" of submission requires a lot of attention from the recipient.

(in reply to crystalslave)

RE: submission - 2/6/2006 1:03:06 AM

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Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline

This thread is very different from the one I put out in the Ask a master. I have a problem with submitting to anyone who asserts himself on me and have been hurt multiple times this week after signing up. Most of the post is people telling me I should not be a floormat and submission is a gift and a dominant needs to earn your trust and respect. I dont know if the difference is I was talking to Masters and there are different rules for dom/me.

< Message edited by ShivaTS -- 2/6/2006 1:10:57 AM >

(in reply to crystalslave)

RE: submission - 2/6/2006 2:28:52 AM

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

This thread is very different from the one I put out in the Ask a master. I have a problem with submitting to anyone who asserts himself on me and have been hurt multiple times this week after signing up. Most of the post is people telling me I should not be a floormat and submission is a gift and a dominant needs to earn your trust and respect. I dont know if the difference is I was talking to Masters and there are different rules for dom/me.

If you read most of these posts you will see that wether the person see's submission as a gift or not, they are in control of who they give that gift to. If they don't see it as a gift but something that is a need.... that goes hand in hand with finding someone they can TRUST to fullfill that need safely. In both cases you can bet that the reaction would be quite the same to some random idiot who contantacted them and started making demands of them right away. With various degrees of politeness the message would be "f*ck off buster"

(in reply to ShivaTS)

RE: submission - 2/6/2006 8:13:38 AM

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Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

quote:

ORIGINAL: crystalslave

I have a MSN group and someone recently said that a sub has to "apply" to a Dom/me. Has always been my understanding that submission is a gift and no one should have to "apply" to give a gift.
I would like other view points on this. Should a sub/slave apply to serve someone or is it a gift?

I do NOT buy into the submission is a gift smegma. A gift is something given without expectation of anything in return, in my reality. If someone is submitting and not being dominated in return, s/he's gonna pretty quickly take that submission back and find someone who appreciates it. You don't take gifts back, at least not in my world. And I certainly don't give them with the expectation that i'm going to receive something in return.

Submission isn't a gift. D/s is an equal exchange, with both people giving something of equal value. A trade, of sorts, but not a gift.

As far as the application process, I can totally understand that. I live with a dominant woman. I see the number of "requests" she receives. I also see the quality (or general lack thereof) of most of them.

I see submissive individuals approaching desirable dominant folks all the time, with a laundry list of what they want/need/expect. Um...ok, but what are you offering in return? What do you bring to the table to enhance the other person's life? Why is it so wrong to make the process a little more formalized in order to separate the wheat from the chaff? And since many submissive people are at least SAYING that they're offering "service" of some sort, what's wrong with determining just what they think that service is, and how it might fit into the person's life?

An application is simply a way of selling yourself - showing yourself in the best light possible with regards to the needs of the situation. People do it to get into a great school or to work for a great company. Why would they feel so differently about it in this regard? Femdoms in particular, I think, have a huge pool of candidates to choose from, and an application process of sorts makes finding the *right* one much more effecient.

-- Sherri

==================

i cannot make this any better...word for word...

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: submission - 2/6/2006 9:37:22 AM

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

I've recently been taking the whole "submission is a gift" to mean something completely different. To me, it is more that having the submissive personality is a gift in itself- it isn't something just anyone can do. I take it to mean that the ability to submit is a gift that few people have, so those who do should be proud of it. Of course, dominance is a gift too

Just my thoughts

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

RE: submission - 2/6/2006 12:15:10 PM

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

This thread is very different from the one I put out in the Ask a master. I have a problem with submitting to anyone who asserts himself on me and have been hurt multiple times this week after signing up. Most of the post is people telling me I should not be a floormat and submission is a gift and a dominant needs to earn your trust and respect. I dont know if the difference is I was talking to Masters and there are different rules for dom/me.

Submission is not about being a doormat (unless of course, Master would like to wipe his feet!). Why would any Dominant want a doormat of a submissive anyway? i do not see the challenge or reward in dominating someone who would cower to just anyone.

Trust is earned both ways. my Master needs to trust in me as much as i need to trust in Him. He needs to be able to count on my submission, behavior and honesty. How can he rule me otherwise, if he can't count on that?

Complete trust, in both directions, is crucial.

As for rules....the rules are whatever the Master says they are.

i found the posts on this thread very interesting, and appreciate reading the different perspectives.
~o.g.

(in reply to ShivaTS)

RE: submission - 7/27/2006 5:13:21 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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As an experienced Dom I come across many,salves,subs who are clueless of their responsibilities .Of course I mentor,train and get them to give things more thought.Problem is people read sooooooooooo much and believe eveything thye read.Often it is better to ask questions in person that way you cansee things in real life

(in reply to anon52)

RE: submission - 7/27/2006 6:10:01 PM

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Joined: 5/10/2006
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its courting, its open communication, its like dating in many ways...you see what clicks where and if slot A can even think about entering into slot B, and if it doesn't, then you chalk it up to experience and go with it...

cheshire

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

RE: submission - 7/27/2006 6:22:52 PM

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Joined: 11/22/2004
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I feel that submission is NOT a gift any more than Dominance is a gift...

They are expressions of who you are and how you work best within a relationship dynamic.

A gift does not have strings attached, and while a sub/slave may yield, in 99% of all D/s relationships, the sub/slave is yielding because that is their nature.

As for applying to serve... I can see reason behind it simply as a means to discover what qualifications and specific requirements a Dominant is looking for.

I cannot be served successfully by just any sub/slave... I'd expect that is true of other Dominants as well...

(in reply to crystalslave)

RE: submission - 7/27/2006 6:39:22 PM

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Joined: 11/22/2004
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ShadowHwk,

I read your post about applications, and I see why it would seem as if someone who used applications were looking for a sub/slave who was worthy... but that is far from the truth with My experience...

An application for me usually consists of a list of specific questions about things that I am seeking/NOT seeking in a sub/slave and a BDSM activities checklist.

The questions are usually about various relationship issues such as smoking, drinking, drug usage, medical history, children (have them/want them?), goals about career and education, political affiliations, volunteer work, hobbies, etc. etc... This is only a TOOL that will help me to discover whether someone is a good prospect for a relationship with me and my poly family. It's NEVER about worthiness, and benefits both sub and Dom/me since it helps both people to isolate any possible mismatches in their lifestyles and goals. To be honest, I have at times also filled out my own application and exchanged it with a prospective sub... I expect that they deserve the ability to make informed decisions about the person they are considering serving.

I find that there are good reasons for this application:
1.) Wankers won't even take the time to apply, preferring to seek easy prey elsewhere.
2.) The communications skills of an individual are easily gauged.
3.) The practical skills of an individual are now more easily discussed.
4.) Obvious mismatches can be isolated and discussed early, saving both people time and emotion.
5.) Oftentimes (if both people fill out the same information) undesireable/unrealistic attitudes and/or expectations can be discovered (such as a Dom/me who is into micromanagement and a sub who needs macromanagement - neither is wrong, simply wrong for each other)

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

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