Ashaia
Posts: 239
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline
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Tal and good morning everyone,
I had so many different thoughts when I read this, that I'm not sure where to begin. The most recent threads about ADD and ADHD are of interest to me because of our own experiences with the Ritalin magic answer. I believe the drug was created and developed for use in the late 1980s and was widely distributed to an almost mass population of parents and teachers who complained about rowdy behavior, and to my understanding, to the specific rowdy behavior of boys. My younger son has a free spirit. He's been like that since he was born. Part of his maturing over the years has been learning when to randomly share that free spirit, and when it is appropriate to reign it. At 5, he entered the public school system in Florida, and was immediately placed into that batch of kids that created disturbances in school and were recommended for the magic pill. My husband was adamantly against such meds. He's adamantly against 99% of medications on the market, but that's a different thread too, and felt that the magic pill was a cop out for teachers who didn't want to handle issues, and for parents who didn't want to discipline. Instead of accepting the teacher's suggestion, and the doctor's recommendation, we did some research and approached it homeopathically. All of us went on a no sugar except for very special occassions (like a birthday might have cake) diet, a management of fibers, carbohydrates, and a mixture of vitamins in the right vegetables and vitamin supplements for our respective ages. Our doctor had 6 children. They were all boys. The last two were born 11 days after my youngest son, and instead of one, she had two that age. I think she took the school's recommendation seriously, but when she saw that we were going another route, she was supportive. She said, "Get that kid in soccer. You'll see a big difference." We did! We all played. My husband coached, I learned to referee, and the boys both played. We had a blast. We did it for 9 seasons. Diet and organized run time made a huge difference. It didn't solve all the problems. Nothing ever solves all the problems, but it did make a difference. If you have children or are given the opportunity to help teach or discipline others' children, make time to do research. Information is out there, and support groups are there too. It helped us. And the biggest support group we found ended up being our Soccer Org.
Now, fast forward to my youngest child's 14 (almost 15) year. He's visiting with young ladies. At Christmas he had a very cute little girlfriend. This is the age where the girls are calling him all the time, and he's loving the attention. He's not permitted to go out with girls one on one, but pack dating is fine. If a group meet up to bowl, that's great. Otherwise, if he wants one on one time, he has to have us or the girls' parents with him. It's actually a little different from our first dates when I was a teen. I like this new way of doing things a lot, and wish I'd had that stepping stone into the dating scene. The first few girls he hung around with were like female buds. They'd punch each other in the arm, play video games together at our house, watch movies, not particularly chick flick in nature, and just play together like they were genderless. We're currently on his fifth girlfriend, and suddenly he's copying his father's behavior. There isn't any punching. There is a little petting. He's opened the door for her before they leave to take her home. He's still the same energetic person with a free spirit that he was when he was five. Ten years have given him time to emulate others, good role models, and primarily his father.
I do not think courtesy is dead. I think it resides in the hands of those we call Master or Mate, and our sons, and our daughters. We may only be a remnant of society. Some people would not understand our way, natural order, a more primal approach to reality. There are those who'd instantly clump us into some sort of kink and not take us seriously because of it. I think, however, that it is this group of thinkers, and others out there in pockets meeting in person, meeting online, learning and discussing, this group of people are part of the group that is making a difference and keeping old school values alive.
Ashaia
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RE: Does Courtesy Still Count? - 
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