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picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 12:40:07 PM

slavetoobeyYou

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/28/2005
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My Domme ended our relationship on good terms for personal reasons.

In the vacuum of control, I feel lost and still crave my submission. I am debating with myself whether to maintain her protocols until I have a new Domme. Or do I drop them to let go. Do I continue to eat breakfast out of a dog bowl on the floor?

Sex is more problematic. I reach my highest excitement and orgasm when I realize the reality of her control. Now I find myself reluctant to have an orgasm without permission. Thoughts that she might have intended me not to touch myself make me go soft.

I thought of asking her to give me blanket permission. I'm hesitant since she may perceive that as dragging her back into a D/s interchange with me. If she said I couldn't touch myself, that would be worse.

Of course my other strategy is to find a new Domme, or just see if I can get permission from any Domme. I don't know if the latter would work yet if she wasn't actually taking control of me.

Has anyone had similar experiences following losing their Domme or Master, having their fantasies and sexuality still bound by a Dominate who is no longer there? What did you do? Do you have recommendations?

slavetoobeyYou

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RE: picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 12:54:10 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Well, if the relationship ended on good terms, you may want to concentrate on that. I doubt if she would never want you to touch yourself again. I understand your hesitation in contacting her; however, if, as you said, it ended on good terms, I would think you could simply write her an email and explain how you are feeling. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she would be happy to help you.

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RE: picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 1:06:50 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
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A good Mistress will always willingly admit weakness when it is due and your post made me weak. This is a fear that I feel many caring Dominates must have- what happenes when you must break with your slave? I know there are tears and sleepless night, but to see the level of 'lost' a true sub/slave reaches is heartbreaking...

I would HIGHLY discourage seeking a new Domme just yet. you will waste both of your time: you b/c she will not be Her and you will always end up showing it (angerying the new Mistress- I had this situation w/ someone who had been out of service for 7 yrs

) and for the new Mistress b/c you will still be mouring the old.

you are in mouring, expect a slow and gradual release from you current unhappiness. Don't force things. Maybe take your protocals and stop a few of them a week until you get more comfertable with your independance. I will assume that when she released you, she also relesed you from such obligations- but that doesn't mean cold turkey if it makes you unhappy. I am most sure she would NOT have wanted that...

Best of luck, keep us posted as to your progress...

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RE: picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 1:24:17 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoobeyYou

My Domme ended our relationship on good terms for personal reasons.

In the vacuum of control, I feel lost and still crave my submission. I am debating with myself whether to maintain her protocols until I have a new Domme. Or do I drop them to let go. Do I continue to eat breakfast out of a dog bowl on the floor?

Sex is more problematic. I reach my highest excitement and orgasm when I realize the reality of her control. Now I find myself reluctant to have an orgasm without permission. Thoughts that she might have intended me not to touch myself make me go soft.

I thought of asking her to give me blanket permission. I'm hesitant since she may perceive that as dragging her back into a D/s interchange with me. If she said I couldn't touch myself, that would be worse.

Of course my other strategy is to find a new Domme, or just see if I can get permission from any Domme. I don't know if the latter would work yet if she wasn't actually taking control of me.

Has anyone had similar experiences following losing their Domme or Master, having their fantasies and sexuality still bound by a Dominate who is no longer there? What did you do? Do you have recommendations?

slavetoobeyYou

Sometimes a dom/me will hand you over to another.. I know I would. The ties are not easily broken when you are so attached.

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RE: picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 1:30:36 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

This is true and it is how I was gifted with my slave reborn after the whole..."now what exactly is the issue you have with him...?" question was answered. his Mistress, who had only been with him a very short period of time realzied that they didn't 'click'. She had been following my blogs on, of all places, myspace and wrote me this impassioned long email about how wonderful she found me and how good he was etc. I had already chatted with him a few times before so 'knew' him...all and all we are all very happy with the situation (even if we are forced to deal with long distance for now...) and his former Mistress and I often discuss his training togeather...

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RE: picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 2:04:05 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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You may be able to take a break from some of these protocols and pick them up later. When they can mean something to you, over time they will lose their meaning as something that was given to you by someone else. I used to blog every day, now I do it only when I feel that I need to process. I have taken something that came out of a relationship and I've made it my own. I took a break from it, because I did not want to give my ex-Dom any power/control in my life. Now I'm able to do it for me.

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RE: picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 3:28:46 PM

slavetoobeyYou

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/28/2005
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I am touched by your heartfelt posts. They have me feel bigger and that it is ok to take care of myself. That you responded and the tone of your response helps besides the content of your response.

I'm seeing first hand in myself the on-the-rebound phenomenon--feeling desperate, wanting the experience of D/s relationship not to go away. Though the relationship ended with a declaration, my submissive state is slower to change. Just as the reality of control is impressed upon me gradually, the reality of non-control is not yet here and wants to look about saying ok, so who is in control--find someone quick. I'll do my protocols if I feel like it and won't if I don't. I see I have more to go before I've really faced the loss.

I have asked for Her to refer me, but I don't expect it will happen. I wonder what a hand-off would have been like.

The training seems to become a part of me though. It seems the next Domme instinctively takes up where the last one left off. I'll still have to see what happens over time with needing control and permission to get fully excited and orgasm. I'll probably write Her asking for permission. Part of it may be that even though She's not here, I still feel like her sub/slave.

Thank you for your encouraging words.

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RE: picking up after Domme leaves - 1/7/2007 5:40:01 PM

slavebrandyj

Posts: 35
Joined: 12/31/2006
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Being one that is suffering the same lose of being released on good terms, I can relate to your plight.
I am stuggling with protocals too. Some I elect to follow just for myself. Others just do not seem right.
She had me doing daily journals witten for myself to reflect on my day, growth or current issues. They were not intended to be written by me for Her, but I was instructed to mail them to Her each day. I see no need for mailing them to Her and it seems it would be out of line to do so. But I continue to write them for me. No, not everyday. I just can't right now. But it seems important to me to journal my emotions and pain thaty I am going through so that I might be able to sort things out in my head as to where I'm going in life without Her. It's the "without" Her that pains me. I know deep down that She is perfect for me and I for Her. Just wish She saw it that way.
God luck in your dealing with your lose. I have found some help in coming here and reading.

The worst thing I did was start a thread on Collarme that She totally mis-interpreted my meaning. Also feared that others woudl know who I am even with my new ID. She is a private person and does not like Her life out there for the world to see. I think only Her closest friends might know that thread was about Her and I. Who else would even care? I never exposed Her name or my old ID that She was mentioned in earlier this year when we forst met.

You did not say You were in love with Your Mistress. I was. No, I am, so maybe some difference in the way you are dealing with things from the way I made mistakes early on in my pain.
I wish you well. Listen to the advice from some of the Ladies here. Some are very wise and really do try to help us subs in out time of trouble.

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