RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 12:20:10 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Here is my take on the whole thing, granted I am a bit of a bitch about it.

If someone wants to meet me they are going to have to come here and be willing to stay in a local hotel. Or, they will have to wait until I have the time and money to travel to their area for vacation. I value my family and home too much to open it up to potential scariness.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to littleone35)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 1:24:36 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

When we met it was in his area but I picked the place. Had my own car so I could have walked out immediately. All I agreed to was to have brunch as he felt 20 minute coffee dates make people feel rushed and they don't show themselves to best advantage under that speed dating type thing.

There was no expectation of anything but brunch. He just asked for what I would be wearing so he could identify me. We met at a Border's Bookstore and walked around the mall for a little looking for a cordless phone I needed before going about a mile to the diner. Then we decided to go to the public beach, we had discussed this so I knew to bring shorts and sneakers to change into. We got sandwiches, drove to the beach and talked for hours. At no time was there any pressure to do anything.

He never pressured me, just tried to make me feel comfortable and safe. Still does want me to feel safe with him and I am.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/9/2007 1:30:18 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I completely agree with LaTigresse
If someone wants to meet me, they have to be willing to come to me, and stay in a hotel. More likely than not, aside form my hometown, they will not get any information about where I actualy live until I am comfortable with them. We meet in public, arriving and leavig separately for the first time or two. Eventually, if you make it past those few initial meetings with a good feeling, then they are probably safer.
I met Angel off line. We met at the airport the first time, and he drove me to my hotel. After that, everywhere we went aside fomr being in the car together was in public. I have met others at restaurants and such, after they had settled into their hotels. If its done inteligently, meeting online people is just as safe as meeting face to face people.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Celeste43)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/10/2007 10:36:29 PM

cyberdude611

Posts: 2596
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline

Everyone needs to keep in mind that there is two sides of this. The person you are wanting to meet could be just as nervous as you are. And it is repeated over and over again in the media and throughout the internet not to give out personal information to ANYBODY on the internet.

Also remember that your chances of being attacked or raped by someone you meet on line isn't any higher than if you met the person the old fashioned way. In fact, the highest chance of being attacked is not from meeting someone from the internet....but when meeting someone at a nightclub or a bar.
Think about it, you meet a guy at a club. Do you know anything about that guy? He could tell you a fake name, fake address, fake employment, etc, etc, etc... And slip a little something in your drink. Before you know it you wake up 3 hours later and have no idea what went on and you never see the guy again.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/11/2007 8:09:23 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourobject

i have now found the most beautiful Man, which i would love to go and meet. He has asked me to go there. i am trying to be safe and am wondering what to look for? i do feel safe in my heart, just want to make sure i am not blinded by love.

Hi,
I find your question a little puzzling as your subject line is "Is meeting online safe?", but your thread talks about meeting in person. As for the latter, you have been given a great deal of good advice already, but no-one has really answered your first question.

So, is it safe to meet someone online? Well sure, since both parties are usually annonymous, and you can always block him if you decide you don't like him. The important thing though (and I know I'm a broken record about this) is that you really know nothing about someone if you have only had an online relationship. You can communicate for an hour, or four months, and you still essentially know nothing. The only way to know the real person is through a physical meeting.

I'm not trying to scare you off. If you think you are still interested, go for it, but abide by all the safety rules the others have suggested.

Best of luck, Sir Dominic

(in reply to yourobject)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/11/2007 7:08:26 PM

HatesParisHilton

Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline

if I repeat anything, well, it'll reinforce, so no worries. anyway, as a male who has had a female "rabbit boiler", it only makes me MORE concerned for women meeting men offline, so here's my take:

remember you DON'T owe ANYONE ANYTHING until you meet them. you don't even owe courtesy; they might be polite in e-mail but a male slag in r/l, so be polite at first but "gauge them" within the first THREE minutes, not five or ten. Listen to any warning bells that go off in your gut; you will not be harmed by being overly cautious or what others might deem "paranoid"; you COULD be harmed by having lovey dovey stars in your eyes.

I would NEVER endorse a woman going back to a hotel with a guy on a first blind date, EVER. Please do not do that. Have I had a woman I met that night (at a normal party) demand to have personal time with me, then say "okay"? Yes, but mutual friends and witnesses were around and saw us meet and hang out, so if anything hapened to either of us, there's be trouble for the person doing any wrong. Thus why not meet at a playparty or vaguely alternative party with him and his pals and you and your pals first? he can have a hotel room lined up if he wants and then he knows he can;t get away with anything. neither can you.

If meeting in a public place, Starbucks or somesuch, because "dinner or drinks" sends a message, as do hotels, etc.

After your meet, have HIM leave first, watch him leave. Why? you don;t want someone you don't know seeing the liscense plate of your car (or a friend's car; even better if a friend drives you) or even the bus # or taxi you might get into. These can be followed, thus you can be followed.

Have some "deal breakers" discussed and agreed to before the meet, both for you AND him. That can be sexual, employment, whatever. It's a cull, and as a woman you MUST enforce the culls, subbie or not. You won;t be a subbie for anyone if you are attacked or things go horribly wrong.

Tell him upfront if his pic does not match his appearance by at least 80% then that's a dissemblage and a red flag, because people whom do that are not being hinest anyway, thus risk increases. If after that he admits whatever pic he sent is inaccurate, give him a chance to send an accurate one. Tell him that if a pic is less than 80% accurate "no naughtiness shall transpire". That is your RIGHT, and frankly any lad whom would balk at that is a poseur, a liar, or WORSE. Thi also means any potential predator will be possibly warned off since you'll have a "mug shot".

No if that means you have to send a pic back, so be it, fair is fair.

Landline? Yes, sorry, but fuvck the mobile addicted generation. meeting someone sans landline i like giving your savings as investment to an "entrepreneur" who only gives you a PO box to send the check or money order. FUCK THAT NOISE.

You and he can both have a friend accompany you to the meet then move to another table where you are both in sight but not in earshot (for privacy).

with that I'm done. best of luck.

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/11/2007 7:36:27 PM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

Quick response to no one in particular.

Sheesh. Maybe I'm stupid, but the submissive risks more than the dom. The dom is not the one who will likely be bound or struck. Since I'm taking the risk ... I feel entitled to info - name, address, phone number, etc. Anyone who doesn't want to disclose that has an instant solution. Don't disclose it, but he is not going to meet me, in a public place or otherwise - and I will not disclose first.

This ain't brain surgery. If I do not feel safe, it's a no go, and there have been a lot of no go's. I don't regret one of them ...

MaryT

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/11/2007 8:16:43 PM

aSlavesLife

Posts: 347
Joined: 12/1/2006
Status: offline

1. Consider meeting at a local police station and request seperate but ajoining cells.
2. Hire a private investigator to perform background checks on the person.
3. Bring along armed security such as Brinks.
4. Consider traveling by submarine so he can't follow you home.
5. Implant a subdermal GPS system in you so that your location can be monitered by 50 friends and family.
6. Have yourself wired so that the friends and family can listen to all conversation, disposing with safecalls.
7. Obtain a raised seal copy of his birth certificate prior to meeting to assure he is actually male.
8. Ask him to provide DNA samples, bank statements, and other proof of ID.
9. Have your attorney and his arrange the meeting, set topic terms and duration.
10. Make sure that he provides live video feed to anyone he has ever played with so you can interview them.
11. Have your attorney request from him a 5 paqe resume and reference list.
12. Wear a biohazard suit to prevent any chance of infection.
13. Have him secured ala Hannibal Lecter in the movie Silence of the Lambs.
14. Have him psychoanalyzed by at least 3 psychiatrists prior to meeting.
15. A team of well trained snipers positioned on rooftop can prevent any other problems.

Or you may just want to use a little common sense, meet in public, and have a nice dinner. Do you really think that your parents would have gotten together if they exercised all the paranoia suggested from time to time on threads like these?

(in reply to MaryT)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/11/2007 8:24:26 PM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife
Or you may just want to use a little common sense, meet in public, and have a nice dinner. Do you really think that your parents would have gotten together if they exercised all the paranoia suggested from time to time on threads like these?

I really don't think they would have had they not known each others names, phone numbers and addresses ... and met the parents first to boot! It's not paranoia to insist on basic info. People in the vanilla world don't think twice about it. I would not pursue a Dom who squacked at the idea. What a strange thread this is ... what advice would give to your daughter who was pursuing such a relationship? That's probably good advice for you too.

MaryT

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/11/2007 8:38:34 PM

aSlavesLife

Posts: 347
Joined: 12/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife
Or you may just want to use a little common sense, meet in public, and have a nice dinner. Do you really think that your parents would have gotten together if they exercised all the paranoia suggested from time to time on threads like these?

I really don't think they would have had they not known each others names, phone numbers and addresses ... and met the parents first to boot! It's not paranoia to insist on basic info. People in the vanilla world don't think twice about it. I would not pursue a Dom who squacked at the idea. What a strange thread this is ... what advice would give to your daughter who was pursuing such a relationship? That's probably good advice for you too.

MaryT

MaryT,

I was making a general parody of the paranoia, and not targeting anything in specific. The world is a dangerous place, this is true. But this goes for vanilla relationships as well as BDSM ones. The longer threads of this nature run, the more paranoid the safety suggestions become. And when someone finally draws the line between safety and paranoia, they tend to get flamed by the safety nazis. Seriously, ask yourself when was the last time you ever saw a person being drug out of a restaurant kicking and screaming by anyone other than the police? The odds are better that you will be struck by a moving vehicle walking to the parking lot than that you will be abducted and killed from a friendly meeting in a public place. I urge people to use their minds instead of relying overmuch on the paranoid speculations of others as to what might hypothetically happen. I certainly think that a degree of safety should be exercised, but also think that such safety deserves a little chiding from time to time in order to make people see how ridiculous some of the supposed safety nets really are.

Nothing wrong with asking to know someones name and phone number in my opinion, but when people start suggesting lengthy resumes and intricate safety protocol that would be at home in a cold war espionage novel, someone needs to apply the brakes to it.

(in reply to MaryT)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/11/2007 8:50:44 PM

innatedesire

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Exactly.........common sense goes a long way

Thank you for the twist, i needed a good laugh

< Message edited by innatedesire -- 1/11/2007 8:53:43 PM >

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Is meeting online safe? What should i know? - 1/12/2007 4:29:53 AM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife
Nothing wrong with asking to know someones name and phone number in my opinion, but when people start suggesting lengthy resumes and intricate safety protocol that would be at home in a cold war espionage novel, someone needs to apply the brakes to it.

I understand that. I also understand how spooky it is to communicate at length with someone and then find a lot of secrecy in play when it comes time to meet. Here's an example: One man I was talking to went into full reverse when I suggested meeting. I learned: 1) That he is not in the state (or claims not to be); 2) he has internet access but not access to long-distance calls by phone; 3) that he has no address. Possibilities: He's in prison; he is homeless and posts from a library; he's married and too much of a wuss to just say so ... He's certainly hiding something, and I'd be smart to assume the worst.

It's actually much easier just to meet as soon as possible, but if you are dealing long-distance with someone, it's more complicated. I've pretty much abandoned the idea of pursuing anyone who isn't local and can't meet for coffee this weekend. Master Right would be nice, but Master Flesh&Blood is preferable to Master CyberMystery.