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Advice Help Something - 1/10/2007 12:52:24 PM   
GothicDomm


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline
I am a 'new' Dom, in that I have met a submissive who introduced me to the lifestyle, and helped me uncover the feelings and the "Dom" inside me,technicaly she is not my sub(yet) things were going great,and we care very much for each other but I feel like my inexperiance is turning her away,and it is hard /very conflicting for her to "train" me how to be a Dom because of her posistion as a sub, unfourtantly in the area I live in there are no other Dom's I can work with(I am moveing to the city she lives in next month) to be closer to her and to start my life over, we have met face to face several times in the last 7 months  but I feel I am 'loseing" her     any advice? suggestions, comments
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RE: Advice Help Something - 1/10/2007 1:03:19 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
Get out into your local community. Watch other people and how they interact with each other. When you see something you like, ask the Dominant about it. Most are happy to share.

Sit down and really THINK about what you want in the relationship. You're allowed to be self-centered and selfish, but temper that against reality.

Talk to her and ask her to list what SHE wants...then do your own research into how to make that happen (lots of things on the net and in non-fiction books)...but make it clear that you will make it happen YOUR way.

And, stick around and ask more specific questions. We're better at specifics. ;-)

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to GothicDomm)
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RE: Advice Help Something - 1/10/2007 3:10:24 PM   
subsnow


Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline
Do some research. i have done LOTS of research and it definately helped me figure out what my place is as a submissive. i would recommend the site http://submissiveloving.com/. It has lots of helpful information. i would also suggest talking to other Doms on here. Take the things that You like from what You learn and forget the rest. Good luck and have fun.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Advice Help Something - 1/10/2007 3:14:47 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline
I remember one thing that made a big difference for me when I was starting out was to ask her for her opinion/ideas etc, but don't implement them right away. Yes, you're learning and she knows more than you do, so that puts her in the position of feeling like she's telling you what to do. Make sure that everything you do is done from the standpoint of you CHOOSING to do it, regardless of where the idea came from. It's a subtle distinction, but one that makes a lot of psychological difference. Just waiting a little bit before doing something makes clear that you'll do it when YOU want to do it, not when she tells you.

And of course try to get as many ideas from her at once, forcing her to be explicit. Remember those ideas and draw from them in the future, which will still allow you the element of surprise and control despite doing exactly what she asked for. I'd never do EXACTLY what she asked for, either -- always change something up, having her get confident that she thinks she knows what you're doing and then going in a different direction is another good use of control and surprise.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Advice Help Something - 1/11/2007 4:20:12 PM   
goodlittlegirl28


Posts: 2108
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline
Might i suggest a reflective blog or journal? She can express what works, doesn't work, hopes, fears, topics assigned by you, etc. Gives her a medium to say what she's thinking without directly threatening your dominance, as it's all about her and not about you. Plus, the added benefit of knowing exactly what's on her mind, how she thinks and reacts. i agree with obis, get lots of ideas and store them for a rainy day.... maybe it'll pour once in awhile.

(in reply to obis)
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RE: Advice Help Something - 1/11/2007 4:26:08 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
talk to her!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to goodlittlegirl28)
Profile   Post #: 6
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