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Why are so few women interested in cuckolds?


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Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 1/31/2007 8:20:53 PM   
NYCCuckold


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline 		In my life I've been lucky enough to be in one true cuckold relationship. Since then I've been looking for another woman I could be compatible with on a vanilla and cuckolding level. To my surprise, I've found exceedingly few--even on collarme. 

So, why is that? It seems like a great situation for a woman. Of course, I know there are men who claim to be cuckolds, but can't live the lifestyle.  Even accounting for that, I'm surprised that this isn't a more popular lifestyle.  Any thoughts?
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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 1/31/2007 9:35:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Because most cuckolds are actually very needy and demanding. 

And maintaining relationships with two people, specially when one of them seeks to fill some "hole" rather than be an integral part of the relationship in which their cuckoldry is just one aspect of that relationship, is really not that glamorous or beneficial.

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(in reply to NYCCuckold)
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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 5:23:42 AM   
NYCCuckold


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Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline 		Do you think that's necessarily true of cuckolds? That is, do you think being a cuckold precludes you from being an integral part of a relationship?

Alternatively, if you're saying that that is, as a factual matter, the case for some/most cuckolds, then I do see your point.  Even so, can't imagine that the percentage of "good" ones is much smaller than the percentage of "good" male subs--after all, there are plenty of male subs just looking to fill some hole or top from the bottom or any of a number of another problems.

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 5:28:32 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It just would not work here. No jealousy, no envy, no watch what i am doing that you cannot.
 
Personally i cannot even wrap my head around it.
 
The question of being a cuckold has cropped up during our discussions with many a male subbie and for all of us that is a red flag as to there suitability for this house.
 
To be honest the whole humiliation thing just does not work here either.

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 7:43:38 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Twice-

Ahhhh humiliation is the spice of life for myself :)  My partner IS into cuckolding, but it's not for the jealousy at all (I wouldn't get into that either).

It's more the denial, the tease, the feeling the energy and being like a fish in a fishbowl.

But again, he isn't a "cuckold"- he's a partner who has a cuckoldry kink.

_____________________________

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 7:49:39 AM   
NYCCuckold


Posts: 9
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Status: offline 		Lucky-

So is the distinction, for lack of a better phrase, between being a one-trick pony and someone who enjoys cuckolding are part of a more general D/s relationship?

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 7:53:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		NYC did you read my first response fully?

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 8:29:18 AM   
NYCCuckold


Posts: 9
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Status: offline 		Lucky-

I did read your first response fully.  My confusion stems from the fact that we're apparently using the term "cuckold" in two very different ways.

I use "cuckold" to mean any situation when a male encourages/supports his partner in having other lovers.  To me, that cuckold status exists independently of any other D/s interests.  I do not understand a man who says "I am a cuckold" to be excluding the possibility of a full and rewarding relationship.  That is, I'd still consider myself a "cuckold" even if I were also submissive to my partner in other ways.

In contrast, you seem to be using "cuckold" as, by definition, signifying a sub with no other D/s or relationship interests. Your use of the phrase "partner with a cuckoldry kink" is not one I had heard of before. It sounds to me rather like saying, "He's not a masochist" when referring to a sub who enjoys being beaten AND other D/s activities (in which case, I imagine you'd call him a "partner with a masochim kink"). 

When I asked, "why are so few women interested in cuckolds?" I intended my use of "cuckold" rather than your definition of "cuckold" as contrasted with a "partner with a cuckoldry kink." So, given that clarification, why are so few women interested in cuckolds? (by which I mean what you term "partner with a cuckoldry kink.") 

Sorry--that was a little wordy. 




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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 10:38:03 AM   
MistressTaboo


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It's a hard thing for most women to get their mind around. Society has ingrained in women that to sleep around makes them a slut. And that they can't possibly love to men at the same time. Plus there is the added bonus of the men that their husband wants them to sleep with they have no interest in. I had a hell of a time convincing my husband that I didn't want to sleep with another Dom. We finally settled on a nice switch for our bull. He's macho enough to make hubby feel insignificant but not macho enough to repulse me.

The biggest issue I had was not so much the slut or who aspect. But I felt like he was pimping out MY body. It's one thing for him to have his kink that involves HIS body, like trying forced bi...but it's another thing to fulfill his fantasy with MY body.
I prefer to look at it as Yes it’s HIS kink…but I don’t go out of my way to fulfill it…if I decide I want to sleep with one of my subs than it’s my choice…I don’t do it to make him happy…it’s just an added bonus. My two cents.   Ms.Taboo


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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 11:59:36 AM   
NYCCuckold


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Status: offline 		Ms. Taboo:

I think the concern you raise (feeling like your husband is pimping out your body) is a very legitimate one, and likely factors into why cuckolding is not a more popular lifestyle choice.

In a sense, it's similar to any male submissive trying to dictate the actions of his partner, and it's equally unacceptable. In a perfect relationship, you'd have two people whose cuckolding interests compliment each other.  When one party is pushing the other into something he/she really doesn't want, you're bound to cause serious friction. 

I think that it's not a good idea to try to convince a woman who doesn't already have cuckolding interests to try the lifestyle.  It has to be there first, or else she very likely just won't be into it, or will feel like she's doing it for you.  Rather, she should feel like she's predominantly/exclusively doing it for herself, and gets an added bonus out of her boyfriend/husband's service. 





< Message edited by NYCCuckold -- 2/1/2007 12:00:15 PM >

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 12:54:57 PM   
MistressTaboo


Posts: 147
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline 		NYC

I find that a lot of cucks focus only on that...what does it mean to them if she kisses another man? What does it mean to them if she sleeps with them. They get so focused on them and what it is to them that they forget that their wife is an active part in this fantasy.

I counsel a lot of men who want this from their wife. And the single most important thing they have to realize is it's not all about them. Even my husband thinks this way on occasion. We came into this marriage completely on the same page about cuckolding. But a man thinks with his dick a hard dick at that and they get obsessed with it.  I find the blackbull white wife, and take my slut wife sites offensive…and so many of these men think this is their fantasy.  But ya know…if you want that you probably shouldn’t be with a FemDom…because they aren’t going to think the same way.  They are thinking if they sleep with someone it’s their right as the Domme.


  I say yes be upfront about it, but don’t have that as your only kink or thing to offer a woman.  Don’t be “I’m looking for a woman to cuckold me” Try I’m looking for a woman who is secure in our relationship and knows that physical sex isn’t going to take away from our relationship.  The thing is if you push it most women are going to push back and away. If you approach with this is all I want from our relationship than you are going to get the whole ‘pimping my body situation’ even from the most open minded of women. 




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"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed" Meredith Brooks

(in reply to NYCCuckold)
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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 12:55:36 PM   
AAkasha


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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NYCCuckold

In my life I've been lucky enough to be in one true cuckold relationship. Since then I've been looking for another woman I could be compatible with on a vanilla and cuckolding level. To my surprise, I've found exceedingly few--even on collarme. 

So, why is that? It seems like a great situation for a woman. Of course, I know there are men who claim to be cuckolds, but can't live the lifestyle.  Even accounting for that, I'm surprised that this isn't a more popular lifestyle.  Any thoughts?


Would you be interested in a cuckold relationship where your dominant partner did not  include you, tell you about, or have you have anything to do with her other male lovers?  What if it was a don't ask, don't tell situation where you knew if she went out and said she was busy, it could be with girlfriends, or with male friends for kink?

Akasha


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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 1:16:47 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 4785
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I know why I don't care for them.  I actually love fu*king the man I am living with.  I enjoy sex.  For me having a guy around who was there, but not "there" for me, would be like having a 6th toe.  Makes for an interesting oddity, but its really hard to find a shoe that fits.
Kyst

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 1:27:53 PM   
NYCCuckold


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline 		Akasha:

I have never really thought about the situation you describe.  I would like to be more involved (eg: hearing about her nights out, watching her with another man, or waiting on them, etc). That said, I would be very excited about the situation you describe--she would be able to enjoy her lovers and I would still have the satisfaction of being a cuckold and knowing that she is being pleased by her lovers. 

Your question sounds like it's aiming at some larger point. Is there something I'm missing?

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 1:30:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's that, for a lot of people who call themselves "cuckolds" what they really want is to set two other people into action for THEIR personal fantasy.

As well, merely having your partner have sex with others doesn't make you automatically a cuckold. 

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 1:40:05 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 3865
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NYCCuckold

Akasha:

I have never really thought about the situation you describe.  I would like to be more involved (eg: hearing about her nights out, watching her with another man, or waiting on them, etc). That said, I would be very excited about the situation you describe--she would be able to enjoy her lovers and I would still have the satisfaction of being a cuckold and knowing that she is being pleased by her lovers. 

Your question sounds like it's aiming at some larger point. Is there something I'm missing?



I guess my point is that while many women may be interested in a cuckold type relationship at the surface, it's the "strings attached" part that is a buzzkill.  A submissive who wants to be a cuckold is not a man who sincerely wants his wife/girlfriend to enjoy enriched sexual pleasure by having more male suitors available at her leisure; that's just the surface.  What he really wants is to be privy to the details in a manner that excites him sexually -- for some it's as intimate as licking the cum out of the woman's pussy or sucking the guy's dick before he fucks her.  For others it's being humiliated in the same room while the two have sex.  For others it's something else.  The point is, it's never just the cuckold part -- it can be very demanding and needy for the woman to have to cater to the submissives desires so the scenario is played out in a way that meets his needs.

That doesn't do anything for my femdom energy.  It makes me feel objectified.  If I want to fuck multiple men, it should be for my pleasure, not his.

Akasha


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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 1:56:27 PM   
NYCCuckold


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline 		Akasha:

I see your point and I think it's a valid one as it relates to many women.  My only observation is that there are women who enjoy those very "strings" you describe.  You (and  many other women) may not derive pleasure from seeing your cuck suck your lover's cock or making him watch you have sex, but I can reasonably see how that is appealing to other women.  In fact, those "strings" can appeal to the cuckoldress just as much as the cuckold. 

That said, for women who don't enjoy those strings, of course they add nothing to the relationship.  I hate to use the analogy of sadism/masochism again, but for a Domme who isn't a sadist, whipping her sub is just "strings attached." But, for some, they get as much out of the scene as their subs. 

  

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 2:07:41 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2587
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: Illinois
Status: offline 		NYCCuckold,

I think that both you and Mistress Taboo (you as well LA) all have different definitions. Just as I'm sure mine differs from each of yours as well. There's nothing wrong with that. I think that most cuckold relationships are defined by the 2 parties involved built upon a similar basis. Ask a hundred different cuckold couples and you'll get a hundred different responses because it revolves around each individuals kinks and interests for the most part. The premise may be the same but the variations will differ by degrees.

I also find that there is a difference between HotWife relationships ( they tend to be more male led relationships IMO) and Cuckolding (which to me is more female led relationship based). This is just my opinion of course, but over the years I've noticed a distinctive difference between the two when discussing this interesting part of the lifestyle with others.

As for why there aren't many women seemingly interested in it...I don't really know. However, it seems with each year it becomes a bigger and bigger interest. 10 years ago I didn't really hear much about cuckolding within the community even though I actively practiced it. Now just google cuckold and there are pages and pages of websites and blogs devoted to it on all types of levels. My opinion is that it's a win win situation. A wonderful loving relationship, a best friend, a companion as well as the addition of great passion and pleasure from others. What's not to love about it????

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 2/1/2007 2:08:37 PM >

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 2:08:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		NYC absolutely- there are many people who can enjoy cuckolding as a great aspect of the relationships.  There's always a match for your kink.

We're explaining the answer to the question you asked- why it's hard to find women very into it.  And we're showing you how it's not always as great an experience as the person might think.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Why are so few women interested in cuckolds? - 2/1/2007 2:09:28 PM   
TheBlackThought


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		The couples that I have met where cuckoldry was involved had issues that I will not assume are the same for all cuckolding couples. As a black man, I have seen a very specific type of cuckold more than any other- the one that obsesses over the black penis and its domination of his wife. However, these situations have appear to be more of 'topping from the bottom' relationships. The cuckolded husband controls as much of the situation as he can in one manner or another.

Don't get me wrong- I am a fan of the lifestyle and have benefitted from it, but it sometimes bothers me in the situations that I have encountered.

(in reply to NYCCuckold)
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