Ashaia
Posts: 239
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline
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Tal and good afternoon,
I have attended group meetings in both Florida and in North Carolina, group meetings that are foundationally BDSM groups and groups that have Special Interest Group (SIG) subsets that include Gorean subsets as well as only submissive female subsets, and only Dominant Male subsets, etc. In the large group meetings, different topics are taught, from what I consider kinks, to what I consider theosophy (my own word creation blending theology and philosophy). In group settings, it is often easier to distinguish between those who are playing a weekend fun role and those who are living it as part of life, and in those subsets, the same is true. Some Goreans showed up who were obviously playing a role taken out of the books while others were simply being Gorean.
I have participated on Gorean boards, and on BDSM boards, and learned a great deal from both parties. I have seen many examples of bashing that goes on, where Goreans might say "They (BDSM-ers) are just playing, but I'm serious." And BDSM-ers might say, "They (Goreans) are just playing, but I'm serious." It is amusing that both sides have some who believe the other side is just a game, while their mindset is very serious.
I distinguish between people who are living in identifyably real 24/7 established roles and choices whether Gorean by nature or BDSM by nature. Looking at those who really embody either, on a full time, conscious choice basis, I really have a hard time sometimes differentiating the two. It is also obvious to me, sometimes not right away, but usually it reveals itself relatively soon after meeting those who are playing at Gor or playing at BDSM. Those people tend to spend their days doing yaddah yaddah, but then one or the other takes lead in bedroom activities, or kinks such as food fetish or toe fetish, and when the kink and/or scene is complete, they revert back to some modicum of demonstrating no Mastery or submission at all in day to day living.
I believe that rather than over generalizing All Goreans think/do this, and All BDSM-ers think/do this, it is really apt and worth my time to look and see what each individual has chosen to believe and live. A submissive who submits to her Master 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in big things and little things, at the grocery store choosing his favorite foods, at the laundry making sure he gets the starch just as he likes it in his suits, and in the bedroom, is a submissive of value to me and someone I would enjoy spending time with. If I had to choose between those who are playing at Gor or those who are living BDSM as a lifestyle and non-kink choice, I'd choose the latter.
Being Gor or calling yourself Gorean doesn't automatically make you of value to me. And by the same token, being BDSM doesn't make you automatically "players" to me either. I wonder what others think on this. It's very clear in online venues that both Gorean rooms and BDSM rooms end up being slut-fest-sexcapades, with little depth to them. That doesn't do much for me at all. Offline, slut-fest-sexcapades also occur in some circles that call themselves Gorean or BDSM as well. They aren't particularly interesting to me.
Do you consider your lifestyle choices based on a blend of information gathered from Gorean novels and true M/s in the mainstream definition of BDSM or specificly set against BDSM because they're the players and not the real thing?
I'm curious at responses. I set it as a poll with several options to choose from, but whether you vote or not, I'd love to hear personal responses.
Thanks!
Ash
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Do you agree that some mainstream BDSM practices overla... - 
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