NoTellinWho
Posts: 2
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline
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Poly is as poly does.
-heh- Sorry, that's not meant to come across as mean spirited or cruel. Rather, it's meant to point out that every poly situation is different.
Currently, I'm a confirmed bachelor. I have, however, juggled multiple simultaneous relationships with three different women. Yes, they all knew about each other. Yes, there were occasional differences of opinions. However, these simultaneous relationships lasted several years and were successful at the time.
Regardless of what type of relationship(s) one has, I've found the following to be true.
1} Communicate
2} Communicate
3} Communicate
And, at the risk of repeating myself,
4} Communicate.
This is just as true with friends and colleagues as it is with lovers, partners and spouses.
The posts I've read here suggest a serious lack of meaningful communication in a number of different ways. While I'm not in your shoes nor am I there to meet each of you, my impression is that perhaps all of you don't really know what it means to communicate effectively.
This is not a knock on any of you. The fact is that none of us grows up taking classes on open communication. Worse, nearly all of our most important role models as we grow up don't know how to effectively communicate either. So open communication is something of an ideal we pay lip service to but rarely accomplish.
If your dominant and significant other are at all serious about salvaging your relationship, all three of you will have to get together with someone who can teach all of you how to communicate. This is something which is virtually impossible to work out on one's own.
Problem areas I believe I see:
A} Communication includes listening. It doesn't matter if your Dom or sub. If the relationship matters, you have to be willing to listen. I mean _really_ listen. Lip service listening will not cut it.
B} In addition to saying "I want to do this" or "Let's do that", communication includes revealing one's expectations. It's the old story of the same word(s) meaning different things to different people. For example: my telling someone "Let's go to a swinger's club." communicates absolutely nothing if there isn't a full discussion of expectations too.
C} Finally, you have to mean what you say. Telling someone they will always be "number 1" simply to make them feel better about what you're about to do together is asking for nothing but trouble. You have to mean it and show it.
It looks to me from what's been posted that there are serious issues in all three of these areas. Issues in any one of these areas is more than enough cause to make the relationship(s) fail.
Success in any relationship, poly or otherwise depends on communication and trust. It just doesn't seem like any of that is there in your situation.
Personally, if I were you, and I'm not so don't consider this as a suggestion for you, I'd walk out and start over elsewhere.
I won't comment on whom I perceive to be most at fault here as that kind of commentary is pointless. I'm not there, and depending on POV, there are enough things wrong to lay 'fault' on everyone. Though I'd also say regardless of POV, some more than others.
What you need to do is decide what will make you most happy. That could range from simply venting to trying to salvage the situation to leaving. For me, when the trust is gone, so am I.
_____________________________
I normally don't believe in injuring my submissive/slave, but for Bush or Gates, I'd make an exception. The Constitution is NOT "just a Goddamn piece of paper." Digital Restrictions Management does NOT benefit users nor society in general.
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RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 
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