I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this!

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I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this!

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I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 8:39:40 PM

timorous

Posts: 60
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline

I never expected to feel so worthless.

She is with him all the time and entertains him without even trying to. Whereas I am the housemaid/chattel and now I've started to make mistake after mistake after mistake.

I've done everything I can to welcome her and support her being here and there is no arguement that I've done a good job in this. But what was the cost?

Well for a start I've given up my place in my own bedroom so that she can sleep with him everynight. I'm thoroughly demoted. He promised me I'd be number 1 and remain number 1 but there is none of that at all. I've dedicated my life to him and I cannot get out of this commitment but.... I did that thinking my life was worth something. But now I'm chasing my tail around constantly, trying to do something right and not getting anywhere.

I can't talk to him about it without him blaming me entirely for not being more cheerful and happy about the house. I wonder how long my life will actually be .... to live in this misery of pretending I'm happy when I'm feeling like shit.

This isn't about being jealous of her.... Its the shock of being so callously demoted and no longer feeling I'm of any value to him at all.

Post #: 1

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 8:42:24 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
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Gosha girl, that looks really bad. Is he a member of the site?

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The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to timorous)

Post #: 2

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 8:57:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Is this a gradual change or a big one? YOu guys need a big group meeting to discuss this. YOu need to explain what specific needs you have, what specific expectations you have/had and allow them to respond. Everyone needs to say what they feel without blaming. And then everyone needs to decide on a set of expectations and behaviors which will make a fresh start.

Whether it's a weekly date night with you both, alternate nights sleeping together, sharing chores, or being able to express and have your feelings listened to.

Yes, it's hard, and no, you should not be denied your fulfilling relationship just because they are caught up in their new relationship energy. But try and work it out together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to timorous)

Post #: 3

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 9:24:12 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Is this a gradual change or a big one? YOu guys need a big group meeting to discuss this. YOu need to explain what specific needs you have, what specific expectations you have/had and allow them to respond. Everyone needs to say what they feel without blaming. And then everyone needs to decide on a set of expectations and behaviors which will make a fresh start.

Whether it's a weekly date night with you both, alternate nights sleeping together, sharing chores, or being able to express and have your feelings listened to.

Yes, it's hard, and no, you should not be denied your fulfilling relationship just because they are caught up in their new relationship energy. But try and work it out together.

Since you put it so nicely, I'll just second your post.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 9:55:31 PM

timorous

Posts: 60
Joined: 4/7/2005
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Thank you LA,
for your answer and also for not criticising me for complaining.
I feel quite wretched about that too.

I should say, I feel that the difficulty for me in talking quietly with her about it.... which I feel I have already tried to do, is that she is a vanilla. She really hasn't seen what submission or slavery is before and I get the impression that she sympathises with me but then she selfishly continues to go for whatever she wants without any further regard for me. I think she feels that ... well, I'm a slave so I must just have to toe the line and be damn well happy about it.
I think she feels no responsibility should fall on her to help me be happy with the situation. I concentrate on her... not because I'm blaming her or want to paint her as the villian but because it is my natural inclination and disposition to get on well with another woman and for us to quietly sort out our stuff without needing to bother my Master with any of it.
He would REALLY like this too and directs my to do this... But she's not a sub and I haven't been charged with teaching her how to be and I cannot impose my own wishes on her behaviour/contributions without feeling like I'm topping from the bottom.
This morning I had a hissy fit and did my equivalent of slamming a door. I guess that's me trying to get attention and top from the bottom to solve my problems. However this was picked up on immediately and I was told calmly but unequivicably that that is unacceptable.

Because they are together all the time I feel unable to break into that to ask for a discussion about how I'm feeling.

Which is pretty much upset the whole time.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 9:57:28 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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What about dinner time?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to timorous)

Post #: 6

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 10:13:33 PM

timorous

Posts: 60
Joined: 4/7/2005
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Well
a) they've been together all day and will be so much more bonded now that I would feel like a total bitch to appear to want to break that up.

b) I don't want her to feel hurt and uncomfortable because she is new to this house and I just don't want to do that to her.

and c) They've been working all day and I don't want to spoil what should be a relaxed and happy end of the day with what he WILL definitely say are my problems. Dinner time shouldn't be a time for sorting them out. It is my duty to create a very happy and condusive eating ambience. I feel that bringing it up then would be unfair on him when he's tired and deserves my total and dignified respect for him to be shown.

I will need to wait until another opportunity presents itself.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/23/2007 10:24:30 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I suppose, but you do need to bring it up- the sooner the better. Tomorrow would be best. Otherwise all you're doing is digging your hold deeper and not doing anything to make it change.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to timorous)

Post #: 8

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 12:18:06 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10836
Joined: 6/22/2004
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Whoa, I really don't agree with this, and it's rare that I don't agree with LA. Ain't no big group meetings in Lam's harem. That reminds me of that show on HBO about the poly Mormon wackos.

The life of a slave is bittersweet. All the OP needs to do is find out, in a suitable way, of course, whether her owner is aware of the way he is treating her. You know, sometimes an infatuated male can forget what he's doing. But if he is aware of what he is doing, then...that's your life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

YOu guys need a big group meeting to discuss this.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 4:18:28 AM

NWDomDommeCpl

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/29/2005
Status: offline

I tend to agree in part with Lordandmaster.

you are a slave/sub and she is vanilla and thats where the differences are between you.It is up to you to go and discuss what your reservations are with your Master.Explain to him why your feeling the way you are. A group discussion isnt the solution as she is not a slave or sub to your Master,you are.

you havent said why she was brought into the family and how long ago,you also havent explained what her role is within the home.
I also noticed in your post that you said you couldn't leave the home.......why?

Mistress Trish

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 10

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 5:03:50 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i feel so badly for you that you are feeling this way. You say you cannot leave but really, why? i cannot imagine how anything could be more necessary than a feeling of self-worth. That you feel worthless probably doesn't mean you ARE worthless but you really do need to put all your cards on the table about how you feel to HIM and be strong enough to get out of the situation.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to timorous)

Post #: 11

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 5:34:35 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Hiya timorous,

i hope you keep a diary , you need to write down your feelings.

you need to really think about what you are going to present to your Master about your feelings.

think about the conversation, you know him well and can probably guess what he will say to you

an example: if i said to Master PO 'i don't feel like i am worth any thing anymore"

he would reply "is it your place to judge your worth"

then i would say 'no'

and he would say 'I still own you , that should tell you something"

this was just an example but i hope you see what i mean, i think you are better off begging for something specific such as

"Master, this girl begs two hours of alone time with you, she has been feeling so alone lately and this will greatly help relieve those feelings so she can continue to do her best to serve you and welcome .xxx into your home'

choose what you say wisely, otherwise instead of getting what you really want, (some time with your Master) , you might just come off as a big whiner to him, which would suck

good luck to you and from what you write i think you are alot more valuable to him than you realize :)

(in reply to timorous)

Post #: 12

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 6:01:33 AM

hunter3967

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

Hiya timorous,

i hope you keep a diary , you need to write down your feelings.

you need to really think about what you are going to present to your Master about your feelings.

think about the conversation, you know him well and can probably guess what he will say to you

an example: if i said to Master PO 'i don't feel like i am worth any thing anymore"

he would reply "is it your place to judge your worth"

then i would say 'no'

and he would say 'I still own you , that should tell you something"

this was just an example but i hope you see what i mean, i think you are better off begging for something specific such as

"Master, this girl begs two hours of alone time with you, she has been feeling so alone lately and this will greatly help relieve those feelings so she can continue to do her best to serve you and welcome .xxx into your home'

choose what you say wisely, otherwise instead of getting what you really want, (some time with your Master) , you might just come off as a big whiner to him, which would suck

good luck to you and from what you write i think you are alot more valuable to him than you realize :)

From a Master's point of view, I believe this would be the correct way to go about it. Good Luck!!!

< Message edited by hunter3967 -- 2/24/2007 6:11:23 AM >

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 13

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 7:07:18 AM

Solinear

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

I do have to ask a few questions and none of these are accusatory against you or your master, they are simply questions.

1) Are they still in the 'New Relationship Euphoria' stage?

2) Was your master a master before you and he got together?

3) Why did he engage in a relationship with a vanilla person?

4) Did you envision a poly 'V' situation or a Triad?

If they're still in NRE, you can maybe let it go for a while, but should express to him (your relationship isn't with her, it's with him) that you're needing attention and to feel like you're still important. It's also possible that the relationship with you (a M/s relationship) is very stressful and being able to just let that go and be a person is very comfortable. This would be something that you need to address, because it would probably continue to some extent for a long period of time. Why aren't you engaging in a relationship? While I agree with LA that there really needs to be communication, if you're not in a relationship with her beyond that she eats the food you cook, enjoys the house you clean and sleeps in the bed that you made, then there is no reason to talk to her, your relationship is with him and he's the one who needs to be sensitive to your needs. Remember, if you're not in a relationship with her, then she has made no promises to you and has no obligations to you. It would be nice if she was respectful, but she's following her boyfriend's lead and it doesn't sound like he's being very respectul to you. He might spout some nonsense about how you're 'just a slave', but reality is that you still have the right to say "Fuck off, wanker" (or whatever the phrase you use where you're at) and if he doesn't like it, well he can just cook his own food, make his own bed and clean his own house... if it is his. If it's not, then he can go find himself another house after you boot his sorry butt out of the door.

(in reply to hunter3967)

Post #: 14

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 7:43:29 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
The life of a slave is bittersweet. All the OP needs to do is find out, in a suitable way, of course, whether her owner is aware of the way he is treating her. You know, sometimes an infatuated male can forget what he's doing. But if he is aware of what he is doing, then...that's your life.

It was the fact that they live together and thus all should be made aware of exactly what's going on and changes in expectations, and the fact that she did say she tried to let him know and got the brush off which pushed me towards that answer.

In general I'm also fine with the slave and master doing it on their own, though the other girl should still be informed of what's going on at the very least. But as someone who has been on both ends- as the "new infatuated girl who has no clue why everyone's getting pissed at her when the MASTER is the one who decides what happens" and the "girl in place who has no idea how all those great ideas suddenly fall apart every time the master gets within 20 paces of the new girl"- I tend to think it's best to get everyone together and hash it out.

But I certainly agree, without other information, it's almost always the master not keeping any sort of perspective on the situation which is the cause of the problem.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 15

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 8:54:01 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

I would be concerned that you might also have other issues going on. I don't understand how you could be expected to maintain a Master/slave relationship with a vanilla partner put into the situation. As. the head of this house if I moved a vanilla partner into our relationship I would expect a disaster. I personally have no idea how one could maintain a "normal" relationship and a M/s one under the same roof with two different people.

K

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 9:03:51 AM

mnottertail

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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Never, ever bring up horrid shit at dinner.

Ron

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For in the final analysis, our most basic common link, is that we all inhabit this small planet, we all breathe the same air, we all cherish our children's futures, and we are all mortal. JFK

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 9:25:21 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne
I would be concerned that you might also have other issues going on. I don't understand how you could be expected to maintain a Master/slave relationship with a vanilla partner put into the situation. As. the head of this house if I moved a vanilla partner into our relationship I would expect a disaster. I personally have no idea how one could maintain a "normal" relationship and a M/s one under the same roof with two different people.

K

Oh it's easy enough if it works for you- everyone just has to be clear on how the dynamics work, what the expectations are and be fulfilled in what relationship they are in.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 18

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 9:48:49 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9257
Joined: 2/5/2004
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Well girl you do have a problem,If he isn't willing to listen to you ,Then I believe the door is closing fast to where you may become "locked" out.I have a few friends that when the time to add another one to the house the slaves/subs are involved in the choice.Would I ever take this step NO ..I never show one more attention then the other except maybe we would take one out on a special occasion IE birthday...Keep trying to open lines of communcation,IF he still doesn't listen to you then write him a letter.Some times reading complaints is better then having a nervous slave standing in front of you stammering trying to get her views heard..OF course just the views of this ol" MASTER....BH

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I AM TRYING TO WIN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BACK, WHY IS IT SO MUCH HARDER THE SECOND TIME AROUND...ONE CHANCE, SMALL STEPS...I LOVE YOU BABY..

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Post #: 19

RE: I so wanted poly but I'm fucking hating this! - 2/24/2007 9:56:53 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 37481
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Ever seen the movie Toy Story? Is this the case that it's a new toy and it will come to center, this pendulum swinging? Have you been co-opted?

You had better consider you and you alone, there is no place for listening to us out here----

You will come, and die alone---

So, it is in you what shall take place. I am for a come to Jesus, set it up....

Not mealtime, not drunk, not when any other thing is going on---in the world. The world stops, and the question is decided-- not alluded to, decisively, and then your path is clear.

Widdy,The best laid plans of mice and men;
gang aft aglae---

Robt. Bursn

_____________________________

Kam Fong as Chin Ho

For in the final analysis, our most basic common link, is that we all inhabit this small planet, we all breathe the same air, we all cherish our children's futures, and we are all mortal. JFK

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

Post #: 20

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