RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are they?

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RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are... - 3/9/2007 6:35:54 AM

MojoRisin

Posts: 178
Joined: 9/27/2005
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Ive seen some profiles where the subs have to get on this site, too, daily.

(in reply to Sinergy)

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RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are... - 6/25/2007 5:04:44 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

1) You make a mess, you clean it up.
2) Dont like what I cooked, the kitchen is over there.
3) Need something, ask for it. I dont do mind reading.
4) Got an argument with somebody, take it outside because I dont want to have to deal with it.
4a) Make me fix your problems, I will, but odds are fairly good you will not like the solution I come up with.

Sinergy

I was thinking about these today while driving down in the harbor. I suppose when I extrapolate out on the concepts, I come up with rules more in keeping with WIITWD.

1) What seems to happen is people screw up. They might get upset and pick a fight. They might run the car into a pole. Whatever. The idea behind this particular "rule" is that I tend to feel when the person comes to me and asks me to fix it, I am faced with a double inconvenience.

a) The person created a mess.
b) The person wants me, in addition to cleaning up the mess, to figure out how to make it all better.

I can do this, but part of me wonders why I would. If I am the one who steps up to fix it, I will probably feel a bit of resentment towards the person who stuck me with fixing their mess. I know I will tend to feel the person is acting rather lazy for not making the effort to fix what they have done.

2) The meaning behind this concept is I make the effort to do something. I come up with the plan. I implement the plan. I get things done. Then people object to what I did. Be this cook dinner. Buy a yellow zebra striped car. Paint the house fuschia with vermillion highlights. Whatever. Rather than add friction to my attempts to do things in my life, simply ask to take over the job so I can wander down to the beach with my surfboard.

3) This is rather self explanatory. I am not going to try to read somebodies mind.

4) In a relationship setting, I suppose this boils down to when a person decides to have issues or pick a fight, and finds me in the cross-hairs of the person to take out their issues on. I am more than willing to make suggestions, actively listen, suggest a good therapist, whatever, but what I refuse to do is be somebody else's emotional punching bag for their venting of their personal issues.
4a) Again, self explantory.

Sinergy

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(in reply to Sinergy)

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RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are... - 6/27/2007 10:40:34 AM

jw46

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2007
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Could it be that he hoped to open a conversation in which you would both learn about each other through talking about house rules?

(in reply to SusanofO)

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RE: "House Rules" in a relationship - do you ... - 6/27/2007 10:52:50 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I didn't intend to make any obnoxious rules such as "If you make a new rule, I don't ever have to agree to it" (after-if he's instituted basic house rules).

- Susan

There are times when something like that could be useful. A supposed monogamous relationship where the dom thinks that now that the sub is collared, she has to start inviting her female friends, coworkers and family members to bed. Okay that's an exaggeration but you see what I mean.

No new rules without talking to me first would seem reasonable. Being told to wear high heels and hose constantly sounds sexy but would be dangerous at horse shows or hiking. Plus if he forgot about your ankle problems, then stilettos wouldn't ever work.

But basically do you like a loose structure where you learn his preferences in time or do you like a heavy structure where any deviances must get his approval ahead of time? And that begs the question of when you can't reach him to explain why you need to break the rule, do you get punished for that or not?

(in reply to SusanofO)

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RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are... - 6/27/2007 11:28:18 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
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95% of the rules in our house are in place for the kids..not me (although I follow them to..but hey). Things like, no leaving the front door open when the A/C is on, no jumping on the couch, no running or throwing balls in the house, put your dishes in the sink when your done, no food in the bedrooms, general things everyone has in their house. But, as a parent, Ive learned that alot of times, the rules that need to be in force..arent around until you realize that they are going to be a problem. I never would have thought to post "dont paint the cat with the fingerpaints" until somone actually did it. And I think the same thing comes up in a D/s relationship. Sometimes, even the best throught out rules dont conver everything, and no one knows it will be an issue until it happens. When this happens in our relationship (and with our kids) it is answered with an appropriate responce to make sure the offender knows what they did was wrong, and that it wont happen again. Now, if it DOES happen again, punishment is definantly in order....so in that way, rules are always changing.

ghita amati

(in reply to Vendaval)

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RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are... - 6/27/2007 4:32:43 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear SusanofO, Ladies and Gentlemen;

"House Rules" are really in my mind's eyes -- those expectations a Dominant has for behavior and or attitude within the privacy of their own home, outside the home and any circumstances that may arise.

It is knowing how to respond--also known as 'protocol' to which training makes it second nature instead of a thoughtful and or delayed response. It really is a -- in case of--do this.

How a slave behaves reflects on me. So, I have rules to which that slave's behavior exhibits polite and gentle compliance to those identifying as Dominant. I am partial to military codes of behavior, so I adopt many of those protocols. I am more excite when I have a former military as a slave; as 'they get it.'

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to SusanofO)

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RE: "House Rules" - do you have any? What are... - 6/27/2007 5:54:37 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I've mentioned on here before that my rules at the start of a relationship are simple and there are three:

1. Use courtesy and civility in conversation with me because I most certainly will with you and I will expect the same.

2. Have patience. I am just as new to you as you are to me. You will expect it from me as we build and I have every right to expect it from you.

3. Communicate. I am not a mind reader and I will never make the assumption you are. I like to converse. When the subject is important, I like to converse even more.

When I had a submissive living with me, I soon found that while it was handy to have some rules in place, it was necessary to be flexible with these and with others that I instituted. I followed my own rule number 3 above and communicated with my submissive about why I was instituting the new rule and her feelings about it. The rule was either then improved through modification or left alone and in a couple of instances, she was able to reasonably and logically explain that such a rule would only set up a course of failure for her AT THAT TIME but might not in the future.

I do agree with Lady Hugs on something: any time we had friends over that were also into D/s, my submissive was expected to treat the other dominant(s) with courtesy, civility and respect unless they behaved in a manner non-deserving of her required behavior. Even then, she was expected to look to me first to handle the problem within our home.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

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Post #: 47